"So are we set to go?" Chika chirped cheerfully. Alliteration had never been so absolutely affectionate.
"If we must," sneered Malfoy, sitting down on one of the two large couches that had mysteriously just appeared in the middle of the room.
"Oh, but you must!" she grinned mischievously, "I'm not letting you out of here until we've read all forty-five chapters!"
Ron choked on air, "FORTY-FIVE?"
"Yup! So we'd better get started, shouldn't we? Hermione, you can read first!" Chika looked positively thrilled at the prospect of spending so much time with her idols.
"Ermm…ok…" Hermione mumbled as the Muggle girl pulled a rather battered book out of her pocket and tossed it over.
The Gryffindor girl cleared her throat. "Chapter One," she announced, "AN:"
"That means Author's Note," Chika put in helpfully.
Hermione glared at her but the tiny teenager just fluttered her eyelashes innocently, "Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik),"
"I'm splitting my sides here…" drawled Malfoy.
"2 my gf (ew not in that way)"
Chika frowned, "I hate that bit, she's implying there's something wrong with homosexuality. It's horrible."
"Are you…" Ron's voice trailed off delicately.
"Yup, got a problem with that?" Evidently Chika's hero-worship of the supposedly fictional characters didn't extend to not defending her choice of sexuality.
"Not at all," he gulped and it occurred to him that - despite the fact that she was 3 years younger than him, of incredibly short stature for her age and had seemingly no magical talent - Chika could be exceedingly threatening when she wanted to be.
"raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling."
"She desperately needs to find a better editor," commented Hermione before continuing.
"U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!"
"MCR?" Harry frowned.
"Muggle band from the future. Very popular with wannabe-Goth teenage girls. A couple of their songs are alright, I guess."
"Then there's a load of Xs…" Hermione sighed, "that's a really poor way to separate the Author's Notes from the story."
Chika shrugged, "she's a really poor writer," she replied lightly.
"Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way,"
"I guess Jessamine Lily isn't so bad after all…" Chika muttered.
"Could you just shut up for two seconds?" Malfoy hissed menacingly.
"Ugh! Fine." Chika hadn't expected him to be like this. Maybe she really had been reading too much fanfic.
"and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name)"
"What? Were her parents Seers or something?" Ron sniggered.
"with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!)"
"Can we go then?" whined Malfoy.
"No. She's a Muggle singer, by the way."
"I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie."
"Because incest is just such a turn on," Harry rolled his eyes, "and who's Gerard Way?"
"Muggle singer."
"I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen)."
"Oh, great, here we go." mumbled Ron.
"I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic"
"American Muggle shop."
"and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots."
"Muggle fashion disaster." Chika snickered. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow.
"Cough. Way too much make-up. Cough." Chika's voice was dripping with sarcasm as she actually said the word 'cough' rather than performing the action. The others noticed that she wasn't wearing even the slightest hint of make-up.
"I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them."
"Charming," Ron said, sarcastically, "she sounds like a really nice girl."
""Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…."
Chika put her hand up to stop Hermione from going on, "Bets, anyone?"
"Dumbledore?" volunteered Ron.
"Voldemort," Harry said vindictively, "maybe he could get rid of her for us."
"I reckon it's one of us," Hermione mused, thoughtfully.
"Who cares?" Malfoy scoffed.
"Draco Malfoy!"
"What? It's the truth, Granger."
"No, that's what it says. It's you."
"Oh no…" Malfoy's face drained off the little colour it and Harry grinned maliciously.
""What's up Draco?" I asked."
"I would never be on first-name terms with her!"
""Nothing." he said shyly."
"She really is an awful writer," chuckled Ron, "Malfoy is never shy."
Malfoy looked torn on whether to agree with Ron or insult him. He settled for smirking disdainfully.
"But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away."
"Plot twist!" Chika giggled.
"Then there's more Xs," Hermione groaned, "AN: IS it good?"
"NO!" All were united in this cry of denial.
"PLZ tell me fangz!. And that's the end of the chapter."
"Do we really have to sit through another forty or so chapters?" moaned Ron pitifully.
"'Fraid so!" Chika actually clapped her hands in her enthusiasm, "Harry, your turn to read!"