Its 3 in the morning. The streets are empty. Its before the sun is coming out. I walk into an empty alley. Its disguisting and smelly, but the only place I can go to now. I know I can't return back to my family. They probably won't even take me back. Because I disappointed all of them. Especially Carisle and Esme. I hurt them.

Its now 5:08 AM. The sun will come up soon. I sneak up into the unused basement of the building that border the alley. I enconsed myself in between boxes, and close my eyes. Its times like this when I wish I could sleep, have time moving without me reckonising it. At times like this I close my eyes and see wide, deep, brown eyes that I drown in. They are always behind my eyelids but when I open my eyes they disappear. Of course this is the best choice for her -at least I keep telling myself that. I won't be able to hurt her or worry that with a flick of my finger I could crush her. I ponder over what her life is like right now, what's she doing at this moment. I can see her happy and human. Maybe another man has taking my place -hopefully this time she doesn't use her bad luck and find another mystical creature. I can see her hudled in another man's are, of course this is for the best, I just still can't stop from getting jealous. That she is able to be happy with someone else. She'll get over me, I know it.

As an immortal time passes faster for us. Considering we have eternity. But now it travels slowly. At first when I became a vampire, eternity sounded sort of fun. But after I've left Bella, it sounds like a burden. A punishment. Living forever without my love, my life or my heart. I left my heart with her.

At times I had convinced myself to just visit once. It won't hurt anybody. Just to check in with her. I sometimes ran half way to Forks until I had to stop myself. I had to tell myself that I couldn't go back, I needed Bella to get over me. I'm sure Alice is keeping tabs on me. I bet she can see me wallow in misery, my attempts to go back to Bella and beg for forgivness. Or that I wander the South American streets trying to take my mind off of my love. She probably told them all of the visions she sees of me, they are all probably disappointed in what I am now. I can't face myself to go back. Let them see the real monster in me. Because thats what I am...a monster. Thats why I left.

Its finally twilight. I walk back outside to the alley. I watch the sky and memories float back to me. All those times with Bella. Where we would just talk about anything and everything. Then when Charlie was close to coming home, I would let her go inside the house. Just to sneak back in. I just couldn't keep myself away from her. The sky is a watercolor painting, with purples, blues, orange, yellow and red tints. I can see what I saw a year ago. Before I met Bella twilight seemed like the most beautiful sight mother nature has given us. Once I met Bella that all changed. Everything changed for me. Changes to vampires stay forever. In good and bad ways I will always love Bella.

Now after leaving her twilight seems empty. Yes the colors are the same from years ago, but I need her soft, warm body next to me. Without her it will never be the same. I will never feel as happy again.

I watch the sun settle down.

The moon and stars take its place.

I can see lights on.

I get up to walk around. I stay in a deserted place with very few people. I need to because I don't feed often. I don't deserve it. I walk past a shop window. The store is closed but I see my reflection in the glass. I look lifeless (no pun intented). My eyes are pitch black, darker than ever before. If possible my skin looks paler, my hair is still the same bronze color. Though my hair doesn't shine and its tangled up. Parts of it are sticking up, and dirt is combined with it. I wonder what Bella and my family would say if they say me now. A mess...

Its 3 in the morning again...