((A.N.: By the way, school has started again for me and in three or four months I'll be taking my exams - so I'm really sorry if I'm not able to update as regularly as I was hoping too. In other news, Cwam is awesome. Love, Chika. xox.))

"Chapter 3," Ron declared, "AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK!"

"Ron!" Hermione chided him.

"Sorry, love, but that's what it says. All capital letters and everyone. odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws!"

"Because only 'goffs' can give good reviews," Malfoy said, mockingly.

"FANGS AGEN RAVEN!"

"RON!"

"I said sorry, right? oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte."

"You said that was a band, didn't you?" Harry inquired. Chika nodded, grinning despite herself. She was greatly looking forward to Chapter Four."Load of Xs…On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels."

"So the high heels weren't attached to the boots then?" asked Hermione, innocently.

"Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky."

"Booooooooooooooooring…" complained Chika.

"They why are you making us read it?" Malfoy replied snippily.

"Because it gets better. Or worse, depending on your view."

"I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists."

"Because that's what you do!" Harry exclaimed, trying to sound serious but not quite managing.

"I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert."

"Blood doesn't actually taste as bad as everyone makes out. Bit metallic but not as gross as prawns or anything. Still pretty horrible, though."

The assembled company stared at the Muggle girl and she shifted uncomfortably.

"Look, I bite my lip a lot and sometimes it bleeds. It's not like I go around drinking other people's blood. That'd just be plain rude."

"Right…" Ron gave her a very weird look, "are you absolutely certain you're a Muggle."

"Pretty certain. I mean, it's not like I have an obsession for it or anything. I just don't think it's as bad as people make out. Besides, if my blood spills all over the floor then it's a waste right? Not to mention it ruins the carpet. You have no idea how hard it is to get bloodstains out of fabric. It's worse than ketchup, it really is."

There was an awkward silence and Chika sighed. "Let's just get back to My Immortal, ok?"

"I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car."

"Since when did you have a flying car?" Ron asked, slightly flummoxed.

"Since this Muggle was a complete and utter…" Malfoy trailed off, staring at the end of Hermione's wand which was pointed directly between his eyes.

"Don't swear in front of her," she jerked her head towards Chika, "and normally I'd say not to insult Muggles but in this case I'll make an exception.""I'm not a kid!" Chika called out indignantly, "I'll be sixteen in June!"

"He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too),"

"I can't remember if I told you that they were a Muggle band so I'm just going to say it now."

"baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!)."

There was massed laughter by all but Malfoy at this last sentence.""Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice."

"You didn't say that in a depressed way, Ron," Harry mentioned, chuckling.

"Well, there was an exclamation mark at the end. It didn't look depressed to me." ""Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert."

"Why?" Hermione asked exasperatedly, "There are carriages that take you to Hogsmeade!"

"She was probably sneaking out to go there. She doesn't seem to have any back-story at all so maybe she couldn't get anyone to sign her permission form," Ron said, knowledgeably.

Hermione looked surprised, "That's actually not a bad theory."

"It's happened before." said Ron, seeming a little affronted,

"On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs."

"Because everyone I know does that all the time!" Chika laughed.

"More than likely," muttered Malfoy. Chika's vicious glare at him seemed rather out of character for her.

"When we got there, we both hopped out of the car."

"We fell to our death and everyone celebrated." Chika mumbled to herself.

"We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte."

Chika indicated for Ron to stop reading. "You have to sing the next few lines!" she announced, "you just have to!"

Ron looked confused. "What's the tune?"

She shrugged, "Damned if I know. I usually just listen to Voltaire, Weird Al and Paramore."

"Ok…" Ron came across as rather uncomfortable with that but continued anyway, "

"You come in cold, you're covered in bloodThey're all so happy you've arrivedThe doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your momShe sets you free into this life."" His voice was a sing-song tone, much like a Muggle child chanting a nursery rhyme.

Chika giggled with delight while Hermione and Harry smiled, amused. Malfoy, on the other hand, was not so impressed.

"Well done, Weasley. Now if you could just afford a Beater's Bat then next time you might just manage to hit a note."

The resident wizards and witch reached for their wands but were interrupted by Chika motioning for Ron to read on.

"sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song)."Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing Draco looked sad."What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on."

"She has all the emotional range of a teaspoon…" Chika murmured, too low for the others to hear.""Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said."Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective."

"See?" the fifteen-year-old was bouncing in her seat, "You don't have to jinx him in order to humiliate him! You just have to read on!"""Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face."

"Nothing wrong with blondes…. Present company excluded," sniggered Ron. "The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco."

"No, I flipping well didn't!"

"After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest!"

"Dun, dun, DUN!" Chika shrieked, "your turn, Drakey-diddums-darling!"

"Shut it, you stupid little freak."

"Freak? In what way, darling-dear, am I a freak?"

"Oh, I think you know extremely well! I wouldn't have thought it possible but you somehow managed to become lower than filth. You don't even have the guts to say what you are out loud."

"Fine! I'm a bloody lesbian, ok? Happy?"

"Of course I'm not! I'm in the presence of Muggle scum!"

"Excuse me, raged Chika, "what was that?"

"I think you heard me."

"Why, you little…" she ran up to him, clearly intending to follow Hermione's example from Chapter Fifteen of 'Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban' - but unfortunately forgot that she was a undersized fifteen-year-old Muggle girl and that Malfoy was much taller than her and also a wizard (even if he wasn't the most talented one around). Consequently, Malfoy had drawn his wand and hexed her before she even got within five feet of him.

Chika flew backwards, colliding with the curved wall behind her, and her head made a ghastly cracking sound as it was hit with a terrible blow from one of the cupboard handles. Hermione ran over to where the girl, seemingly even smaller now as she lay like a broken doll on the floor, while Harry and Ron drew their wands, pointing them at Malfoy.

Twenty minutes and several of Hermione's spells later and Chika was waking up again. She groaned pitifully and clutched at the egg-sized lump on her skull.

"Oh, bleedin' heck," she whimpered, "Why couldn't this have taken place in fanon…"

"Ermmm…" Ron looked distinctly ill at ease now that Chika had come straight out with her supposed 'secret' rather than just assuming alluding to it but not say anything more, "Fanon?"

Chika struggled into a sitting position, "Things that happen in the books are called canon. If it's made up by the fans then it's fanon," she fixed Malfoy with a brutal stare, "In fanon, Malfoy's quite a nice bloke."

She continued to glower at him before speaking again, "it's still your turn to read, you know. And the only reason I haven't exacted someway of getting a horribly gruesome revenge on you is because of the coming chapters."

"Ooh, I'm scared," Malfoy retorted sarcastically.

Chika smiled in satisfaction, "you should be."Malfoy momentarily looked a tad bamboozled then shrugged and took up the book, "Chapter 4." he delivered to the others' willing ears,"AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY nut mary su OK!"

"A Mary Sue is an unbelievably perfect character. Just so you know."

"DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!" he glanced up at Chika (who was smirking smugly), "I hate you."

"I assure you, the feeling is entirely mutual."

"Xs… then "DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?""

"I totally should have yelled that at him during the fight," Chika whispered to the trio of Gryffindors."Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously."What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily."Ebony?" he asked."What?" I leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness"

"Evilness is right…" Chika said in an undertone,

"and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore."

"Because everyone wants an evil depressed guy!" Ron chortled. "And then… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time."

Now everyone was laughing - except Malfoy who was speaking extremely fast, as if too get it over with, with a very ugly look on his face.""Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then…."WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!""

There was a sudden silence.

"…what?" asked Harry, suddenly looked rather relieved about the interruption, "It was…."

"Please place your bets!" cried Chika, who was almost back to her normal hyperactive self.

"Voldemort," declared Harry, "he's got to show up sooner or later.

Hermione frowned, "I don't know … I'll go with one of Ebony's ex-boyfriends."

"Snape," said Ron decidedly, "it'd be too much to hope that he isn't in here."

"Dumbledore!"

"What?"