Sorry I've taken so long to update! This chapter continues on from the end of Chapter 3.

Several pairs of eyes had swivelled around at the sound of the glass shattering on the wooden floor. Cal stared at Syed, his face a picture of realisation. Steve glared at Syed, his eyes still conveying hatred and loathing. Syed, however, was oblivious to the both of them and couldn't take his eyes off of Christian. This wasn't how he'd wanted Christian to find out; in fact he'd have been quite happy if he had never found out about it at all. There was so much that he wanted to say but his mouth seemed incapable of forming words. He suddenly felt claustrophobic in the pub, Steve was too close, there were too many people staring at them, the noise of other people's conversations was overwhelming.

"I'm sorry," his voice broke as he got up to leave. Christian's hand reached out to his but he couldn't bear to be touched by anyone, not right now.

"Sorry." Not quite sure who he was directing his apology at, he walked away from the three men, leaving so many unanswered questions in his wake.

Out on the street the bright sunshine blinded him and the heat bore into his skin. It was too much, everything was just too much. All of the repressed guilt resurfaced and he was transported back to that gut-wrenching moment when he'd found out what had happened to Steve.

xxxx

Syed had remained seated in his boss's office, a tissue in his hand and the feeling of drying tears on his face. He was oblivious to everything going on around him, the phone call, the conversations about him and Steve; he only took notice when he heard his parents mentioned.

"No! Don't call my parents, you can't!" 'Why am I still here?' he thought to himself.

"Can I just go home now please?" His voice was clogged from crying.

"We're just waiting for a police officer to arrive and take a statement from you, and then you'll be free to go." His boss's voice was caring and compassionate, a stiff smile on his face.

"The police? Why?" Syed was confused, why would the police need to talk to him? He hadn't done anything wrong had he?

"Listen to me Syed, I know it will be incredibly difficult for you to talk about, but the sooner you give your statement, the sooner you can move on from all of this. We can maybe arrange a counsellor for you too if you like? You'd been through a very traumatic ordeal, it's important you get the help that you need." The words were confusingly sympathetic.

"I really don't understand what you're talking about!" His boss took a step back at his hysterical reaction. Calming his voice slightly, Syed continued. "Sorry, I just don't understand."

"You told me that Steve forced you into having sex with him, Syed. Therefore, the police have been called and Steve has been arrested on suspicion of rape. They just need to take a statement from you now." He was being spoken to as if he was a child, but suddenly he realised what he'd done, what it all must look like.

"Rape? Steve raped me?" That wasn't what he'd said. He hadn't even said anything about Steve. All he'd tried to do was deny that he'd slept with him. This wasn't meant to happen. He tried to recall the earlier conversation that he'd has with his boss but his thoughts were fuzzy. He really needed to get out, go and tell the police that they'd got it wrong. He was silently praying that he was in the middle of a nightmare and that any minute now he'd wake up in a cold sweat in the comfort of his bed. He desperately wanted to tell his boss that Steve hadn't raped him and that their encounter had been entirely consensual, but his tongue was tied and, hard as he tried, he just couldn't get the words out. There was a mental block. A battle going on inside his mind. A moral dilemma. If he told the truth now then the one secret that he'd tried so hard to keep, for years now, would be revealed and his façade would be utterly destroyed. But if he kept his mouth shut then he was condemning an innocent man to god only knew what.

"Do you mind if I just go to the toilet before the police arrive? Please."

"Oh yeah, of course. Will you be okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I'll be fine." He took a deep breath to steady his nerves and stop himself from tumbling over. He proceeded to walk out of the office, straight past the toilets and out onto the busy high street, not looking back once.

xxxx

Syed heard his name being called and the familiar sound of jogging footsteps behind him as he sat in the park. The footsteps halted and Christian sat beside him, seemingly still keeping some distance between them.

"I've been looking for you everywhere!" Christian's breaths were coming in pants, "Why did you run off like that?"

"I just had to get out, it was all too much. I… I didn't."

"Come on, let's get you home." Christian extended a hand out to Syed and he gratefully took it, feeling a surge of comfort go through him at Christian's touch. They walked in silence, although both had so much that they wanted to say, until they reached the flat. Syed threw himself down on the sofa and Christian headed in the kitchen, reaching for the kettle. It was going to be a very long afternoon.

Syed was lost in his thoughts as Christian placed two cups of coffee down on the table in front of them.

"You going to talk to me then, Sy?" Christian didn't want to push him but he was baffled by what Steve had said, he seriously needed answers.

"I'm scared." Syed looked at Christian, his eyes glossy with tears. "Scared of what you'll think of me."

Christian stroked a thumb over Syed's cheek, gently wiping away a tear.

"Please Sy, I need to know what happened. All I heard was the word 'rape', I'm worried you know!" Christian's voice was shaking now; he was scared that Syed would confirm his worst fears. "Steve didn't… you know?"

"No! Of course not."

Christian could see that Syed was trying to compose himself and tenderly encouraged him to talk.

"It's alright, babe. You can tell me anything, remember?"

Syed looked deep into his eyes and flashed a watery smile, and then the words began to pour out.

"I was just so low, I just really needed to be with someone, you know? I just wanted to feel different, even if it was only for a few minutes, to feel something other than longing and despair. Just let down all of my barriers and be the man that I knew I wasn't allowed to be. I didn't even find him that attractive but he was the first bloke who paid me more than a couple of seconds of attention so I left the club with him."

Relief coursed through Syed, he'd done it. He'd finally managed to start talking to Christian about everything, but he knew the hardest part was yet to come.

"And then you…?"

"We went back to his and, you know…"

"But he didn't force you in any way?" Christian was still worried that Syed wasn't being completely honest with him.

"No," his tone firm, Syed took Christian's hands in his. "We both wanted it, me more than him probably. It was quick, rushed; as soon as it was over I got out. A bit like I did after our first time." The two men exchanged a tender smile as they thought back to that wonderful evening. Syed took another deep breath and continued.

"Then he turned up where I was working and I just didn't know what to do. I was so shocked. I felt so stupid; stupid that I'd slept with him without even thinking about it. I felt like I was being punished for being weak, disgusting, selfish. Like I deserved to be ousted."

"Sy…" Christian was shocked that even after he'd come to terms with who he was, Syed could still talk about himself, and his past actions, with such hatred.

"Then Steve cornered me one day, in the office, and eventually we ended up arguing about it all. I was relieved; he didn't want anyone to know either so I felt like I didn't have to worry so much anymore. Nobody knew that he was gay, or bisexual, I don't think he's even sure what he is… But then someone overheard us and told the boss and then before I knew it he was being arrested on suspicion of rape."

Christian gripped Syed's hands tighter, why hadn't Syed told him about this before?

"I just don't understand how they'd jump to that conclusion…"

This was what Syed was dreading, having to admit to Christian how much of a coward he'd been.

"Because I didn't deny it! Because when I was given the chance to tell them that I wanted it just as much as he did then I burst into tears. I was so scared Christian, so scared. I thought that was it, like my whole life was over. Then they mentioned calling my parents and I almost had a panic attack. I mean, think of the questions they would have asked…" Syed was almost crying again as he recounted the events of that terrible afternoon.

"So then Steve was arrested?"

"Yeah, I left, said I needed to go to the toilet and then I ran. Ran as fast as I could. I didn't want to go home; I just wanted to get as far away from everything as possible. I was so selfish…"

"You were not selfish."

Syed continued despite Christian's interruption, "I didn't even think of Steve. Then Cal text me, first time we'd spoken properly since…"

"Since what?"

"I… I tried to kiss him. I thought he liked me but he didn't. That was why I slept with Steve, to try and forget Cal, to feel wanted by someone."

"But you told me that nothing happened between you and Cal." Christian's forehead wrinkled as he spoke, a look of questioning in his eyes, "Why would you lie to me?"

"Because I'm ashamed alright? Ashamed of my sordid past. Grubby fumbles with blokes I didn't know, I felt disgusting afterwards… Anyway, Cal text me, said the police had arrived and Steve had been arrested. He didn't have a clue what was going on. Apparently Steve kept telling the police officer to talk to me, get me to tell the truth. That was it. I realised what a mess I'd made and I knew I had to go and get the charges dropped."

xxxx

The two men were now lying on the sofa, Syed's head on Christian's chest, Christian's arms draped over his shoulders, squeezing him in a tight embrace. Syed felt calmer now, far more relaxed than he'd felt over the past couple of days. Everything was out in the open now; he'd been so worried about how Christian would react, thinking he might be angry with him for not preventing Steve's arrest. All he wanted to do was go to bed, they'd been talking for what felt like hours, but he needed to finish his story.

"It was the real reason I left Leeds." A simple statement, but one which changed Christian's belief of Syed's past even more.

"But you told me it was because the market crashed and there wasn't enough property available?"

"No… I couldn't go back to work after that. Everyone would know what I was; I couldn't bear the thought of it. So as soon as I left the police station I packed my bags, got the first train available and came back to London. The night at R&R was the first time I'd seen Steve or Cal since the whole thing."

"Why have you never told me any of this since we got together? I've told you everything about my past, held nothing back, yet you think it's ok to twist your past?" Christian was desperately trying to control his emotions but he couldn't help feeling hurt that Syed felt he could be honest with him. Syed sat up on his knees and turned to look at Christian.

"It's not like that! I was just worried about how you'd react… I'm sorry Christian."

"Anything else you haven't told me?" Christian's voice was accusatory.

"Why are you being like this? Do you know how difficult it was for me? Do you even care about what I went through?"

"Of course I do! I just don't like how you've lied to me… I don't understand why you couldn't trust me." Christian began to get up off the sofa.

"Where… where are you going?" Syed was getting worried now.

"I just need a bit of space; it's a lot to take in." The silence resumed as Christian left Syed alone in the flat.

I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with this any more but if you enjoyed this chapter then I'd love to know :)