A/N: Thank you once again to those who have been replying! It means a lot. Just to let you know, my life during the month of May is probably one of the busiest times of the year, besides the beginning of fall...so if I fall behind a little bit that's why. But for those of you who read this on the-n, I did post on it tonight. Now all I have to do is post tomorrow on DLS and then finish writing chapter 42...then edit post write...it's a never-ending cycle..haha but I love it. Remember to review!

Disclaimer: I do NOT own the song "I Don't Know If I Should Stay" sung by Alexz Johnson on Instant Star

Chapter Ten

When Jude got home that night she ran up to her room trying to control her sobs, hoping that Sadie wasn't still awake. Instead when she entered her room she came face to face with the girl who left her to the sharks. Haley was all smiles until she saw the state that Jude was in. Her smile froze as she rushed to Jude's side, comforting her.

"Oh my god Jude, what happened?"

"Life's a bitch, that's what!" Jude exclaimed through sobs, not knowing where to start.

"Well if it was a whore, it would be easy…" Haley replied with a chuckle. Jude choked out a laugh.

"Well that girl Tommy was dancing with sure was easy," she said bitterly. Haley's eyes grew wide.

"Wait, what?! He was with another girl in front of you!"

"Yeah, because I met a guy and Quincy probably got jealous."

"You met a guy! That's awesome! Was he hot?" she asked excitedly, forgetting at once about Tommy with another girl. Jude just glared at her.

"Sorry, as you were saying…"

"As I said I met this guy, his name was John. We were hitting it off, and I could feel Tommy shooting daggers into by back as we were dancing. It was kind of fun making him get all mad and jealous. Then John kissed me and the next thing I know is Tommy is with some obsessed bubbly fan whose making out with him!"

"Wow…guy sure can find girls fast. What did you do when you saw them?"

"I did the only thing I could, I played his game. I started making out with John, then from there on it was just like a contest between us." Jude spat out frustratingly, plopping down onto the bed.

"What else happened, you can't be all bent out of shape because of some girl who probably meant nothing to him. I mean you were doing the same thing Jude," Haley pointed out to her.

"Yeah, it was fine, until Tommy dragged me outside demanding for an explanation. We got into a fight," Jude took a deep breath, trying to calm herself, "and I forget everything that happened except somehow he kissed me." Jude could feel her tears start to well up in her eyes again. Haley's face grew sympathetic.

"Oh Jude… your plan?"

"I know, I know. That's why I pulled away, and told him that it couldn't happen, and that I didn't want to be with him," Jude could feel the tears start to fall quickly down her face as she let in a quick gasp of breath. Haley immediately brought her arm around Jude and began rubbing circles on her back.

"Shhh…Jude it'll be alright. You did good; you didn't give in. All you have to do now is be strong. Don't let him get to you. You can do this I know you can, it's for the best," she replied.

"You're right, I can do this. I mean the show's starting tomorrow. So I'll barely get to see him anyway."

"It'll get easier I promise," she said looking at the clock. "It's getting late, I should be going." She got up and headed towards the door, "get some sleep, it's been a rough night."

"Yeah thanks for everything…except leaving me alone at the club," she said with a small smile. Haley laughed turning back in the doorway.

"See you tomorrow, Jude."

Haley walked out of the room as Jude went into the bathroom and turned on the Jacuzzi. She adjusted the temperature then discarded her little dress that she still had on and threw it across the room. She felt herself relaxing a little bit as the hot water surrounded her. No matter how much she wanted to forget about what had happened, flashbacks of the night ate away at her…

"Jude, why are you doing this? First I kiss you, and then you blow me off. Then we finally agree to start a relationship. Remember that? It was only about 7 hours ago! Now you're blowing me off again. What are you so afraid of?" he asked not letting her break eye contact. Jude reluctantly stared back into his gaze, feeling water start to well up slowly in her eyes.

"I don't want to hurt you," she said in a whisper.

"Then don't…" he said before grabbing the back of her head and pulling her in for another passionate kiss. Jude automatically responded to him, not knowing what this power was that he had over her.

"No! We can't, and we won't! Sorry Tommy, but I don't want to be with you."

Finally snapping out of it, Jude could feel tears welling up in her eyes for about the hundredth time. How did I become such a mess? It's not like this is the end of the world. I'll still get to see him...she thought to herself. …with other girls, her mind added out of nowhere. Why does this have to affect me so much? I mean this is so stupid I haven't even known him for that long!

Realizing that she was about to look as old as her 80 year old grandmother if she didn't get out of the Jacuzzi, Jude got up and changed into her favorite pajamas: black pajama pants with rock star written in red on the butt and an old hoodie she had confiscated from Mason.

Jude went back into the bedroom humming a melody that had just popped into her head. Her eyes were screaming for her to go to sleep, however she was restless. Finally she went over to her desk, pulled out her journal and turned it to a new page. Thinking about the night's events again, she got rid of them the only way she knew how, in a song. Still having the melody in her head she began to write.

Where's my will…

Can I find my way

The earth is wild…

And I can't sit still…

Tears were falling down her cheeks as she continued, wanting to get it all out. However instead of hearing the melody, she kept hearing Tommy's voice replay in her mind.

"Stop it!" she mentally shouted at herself. Taking deep breaths she was able to put off insanity a little while longer. Finally calming down again she began to write…

A familiar voice

Makes it so hard…

To make a choice

I don't know if I…

Should stay

Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath she sang.

Ooooh…

Away

Jude closed her journal and walked over to her bed. She had cried all that she could for tonight. She still didn't understand her need for crying as much as she was. It wasn't like her. It seemed childish, especially over a guy she had known for only a couple of weeks. However, for some reason the tears had kept falling down her face uncontrollably.

Finally feeling able to fall asleep, Jude closed her eyes and drifted off into a place where everything was perfect. A place where she didn't have to choose between what was right and what she wanted; a place where she could be herself and not worry about getting hurt, or hurting anyone. In this place…she was home. Finally sleep came to her as she faded away thinking of the first time she had ever met Tom Quincy.