Finding himself about to face Dave, Kurt suddenly was overcome with a new source of terror that had not occurred to him until this point. By what mechanism had the boy devised to try and kill himself? Kurt knew there were a lot of really gruesome ways people sometimes opted to off themselves and he suddenly found himself praying that Dave had not plotted anything too…theatrical.
However as he slowly rounded the corner, Kurt was immensely relieved to see the other boy hunched over on the narrow bench which divided the two walls of lockers, holding a large pile of pills in his hand. Pills were not bloody or gruesome and, most importantly, pills were not instant. Already Kurt was feeling slightly better about this, able to breathe a little easier as he moved to slowly sit down on the bench next to Dave, though facing the opposite direction.
The two boys simply sat in silence for a long moment. Kurt was feeling strangely calm. There was still a part of him that was nervous, scared and panicked, but his mind seemed to be segregating those feelings, pushing them into a quiet corner so he could remain composed and rational.
"Do you want to tell me what happened? What brought this all on?"
Kurt watched the boy's hunched shoulders rise and fall as he struggled to breathe and keep his emotions in check. He seemed to be straining for the words to say what he was thinking.
"I…it's not like there was…one thing."
Sob.
"It was just…just the same old shit I hear everyday. Same old shit I'm gonna keep hearing everyday. And when I really started thinking about it, I decided I didn't want to keep having to hear it…every single day, for the rest of my stupid life."
Pause.
"I can't do it, Kurt." Sniff. "I can't spend the rest of my life listening to that horrible stuff people say. I can't keep living feeling the way I do."
Kurt knew it was time for him to respond, to offer something in return.
"People do say horrible shit sometimes. You're right about that," Kurt concurred with sincerity. He knew there was no point in patronizing the boy or trying to paint a rosy picture.
"But, that's only some people, some of the time. A lot of people really are indifferent to us, you know, and some people, even some straight people, are more than indifferent to us. Haven't you ever heard of fag-hags?"
Kurt asked this trying to be a bit light-hearted in the midst of a situation which was horridly depressing.
"I know it's hard to hear those things but you have to remember there are lots of people who just don't feel that way. Not everyone hates us, I promise."
"It doesn't matter if everyone doesn't hate us! I still constantly have to listen to the ones that do!"
"Listen," Kurt responded hesitantly. "I know this isn't going to be easy to hear…but I'm gonna say it anyway cause I think it's the truth. Part of the reason you have to 'constantly listen' to the people who hate on you is because you still can't admit to them that that is what is happening. You won't call your friends out when they say bigoted, homophobic things. You don't ever stand up for yourself. And every time you give them a pass, you silently encourage them to do it again."
"Right, you think me telling them I'm gay will suddenly make them stop the taunting?" Dave asked, angrily. "If anything it'll just make it worse."
"Maybe in the short run, yes. But no one ever got other people to stop hurting him by staying silent. If you ever want the pain to stop, you first have to learn how to tell people that they're hurting you."
"But Kurt, you know it's not that simple!" Dave sobbed. "If I tell them they're hurting me all they are going to do is hurt me more."
"Maybe, some of them. But some of them may surprise you. And even if they don't, don't you think fighting back is better than silently surrendering?"
As Kurt intoned this plea to Dave, he felt the volume in his voice rise almost involuntarily. After a short moment of silence during which the other boy merely hung his head and did not respond, Kurt stood up, walked around the bench and stood directly in front of his cohort. Looking down at the boy's seated, hunch frame, Kurt spoke to the top of his head.
"I know you're scared. And I do understand that. Believe me if there is anyone in the world who understands that kind of fear it's me."
Kurt paused and let that assurance sink in momentarily.
"But are you honestly sitting there telling me you don't think you are as brave as I am? Are you seriously telling me you don't think you are as strong as me?"
Dave, however, gave no notable response to this inquiry. He simply continued to sit in silence, his head hung gazing at the pile of pills in his cupped hand. And Kurt suddenly knew what he had to do.