Chapter Twenty

Jude immediately walked into her room, slammed the door and started packing her bag. Tears were streaming down her face as she stuffed more clothes into her suitcase, not bothering to be neat. She kept thinking of all the fun times her and Tommy had. Romantic dinners, a walk on the dock, listening and writing songs together…but now it was gone. Soon her bag was full and she couldn't fit another thing into it. How the hell did I get Sadie to persuade me to pack this much?

Jude tried to zip the suitcase but the zipper broke, causing her to swear loudly in frustration. Clothes jetted across the room as she took out her anger on her, now broken, suitcase. She then fell onto her bed burying her face deep into her pillow. The flow of tears interrupted by anger were back again, running even more freely down her porcelain face. The pillow was supposed to muffle the sounds of her cries, but failed miserably.

Jude couldn't help but drift back into a dreamlike trance, consumed by memories and thoughts of Tommy. It all seemed like one big blur to her. And just think, about a month ago if someone would've told me I would be falling for him, I would've laughed like there was no tomorrow. Still, the very thought of losing him caused her stomach to tie into knots. Jeff entered her mind again, the meeting making her want to beat him till he begged for mercy. Then again that doesn't sound like such a bad idea…. At this thought she felt her lips curling up into a greedy smile while she plotted his much desired death.

Jude rolled over on her side, heaving out a loud sigh. If she was honest with herself, she knew that even the worst kind of revenge wouldn't matter if Tommy wasn't in the picture. As much as she tried to fight it off, flashbacks of him entered her brain, taking over control once again.

Before she met Tommy, Jude had thought he was some fake-hot-stupid-commercial-band boy-idiot. Well…technically he was, so to speak, but what she didn't expect was to be intrigued by the mystique that seemed to surround him like a protective wall.

Jude sat up on the bed hanging her head low. She didn't even need a mirror to know that her eye liner combined with crying was a huge mistake. Bypassing the trip to the bathroom she trudged over to her dresser instead, pulling out her favorite black and gray Kurt Cobain pajamas. Feeling somewhat more comfortable, Jude proceeded to pick up her song journal and returned to her spot on the bed.

The words erupted from her pen as more tears raced down her face. Her hand balled into a fist around the pen, leaving her knuckles a ghostly white. All she needed to do was get every feeling, every emotion, out of her system. Crinkling her brow in frustration she shook her head back and forth, scribbling out certain phrases and rearranging others. Jude started to pace her room, her restless nerves making it impossible to stay in one spot. Occasionally she would rip out a page violently and discard in somewhere around her, starting from scratch again.

At some point between the huffing, scrawling, and throwing, Jude's hand stopped its frustrated motions. Blankly, she walked over to her crumpled paper pile and started to sift through it. Finally, she unraveled what she was looking for and started humming a melody that had been stuck inside her head, almost annoyingly. She then incorporated the lyrics:

Not everything is supposed to come true,
Some words are best unsaid,
Some love is not really love at all,
I'll keep everything I shared with you,
And that's enough,
There's us.

Jude stopped abruptly when the threat of tears emerged again. She couldn't stand to write and sing the lyrics, they were just too painful. She decided to copy them down on a new piece of paper and write a different song instead. Tucking away the song carefully, she once again opened up to a new page, searching for more inspiration. It wasn't a problem finding the words, but the pain etched behind them was just something Jude wasn't ready to face.

And then it hit her like a baseball bat to the head.

Jeff.

Jude started writing like a speed train scribbling down lyrics and guitar chords. She quickly ran to her closet where she kept her old guitar that was decked out in various bands' memorabilia. Her fingers strummed over the guitar swiftly, accenting the different rhythms and chords with emotion. Mercilessly she repeated the pattern over and over, perfecting every movement, every note. After she got it to her degree of satisfaction, she took her journal and quickly made a second draft of the lyrics. Now let's see how this sounds all together. She put her notebook on her lap so she could memorize the lyrics. She then started to sing:

I drift away to a place
Another kind of life
Take away the pain
I create my paradise

Everything I've held
Has hit the wall
What used to be yours
Isn't yours at all

Falling apart, and all that I'm asking
Is it a crime, am I overreacting

Oh, he's under my skin
Just give me something to get rid of him
I've got a reason now to bury this alive
Another little white lie

A wide smile broke across her face in pride.

"Perfect! Now Jeff is going to know how painful it was to see the love of my life being taken away," Jude mumbled to herself bitterly. Setting her journal down, she suddenly felt tired…and hungry. Jude started making her way towards the door, but stopped abruptly in her tracks before she could reach it. Did I just say "the love of my life?" Realization hit her as she slowly made her way back to her bed and sat down on the edge.

"I'm in love with lil' freakin' Tommy Q," she mumbled again incredulously. She was stuck in a love daydream. A smile flashed across her face about as fast as it was wiped away when Jude thought of the consequences. This was not good. Maybe I should get some rest. That should help. Hmm…maybe something else will help. She took her phone out of her purse and quickly hit the speed dial. The mystery person quickly picked up the phone and spoke eagerly.

"Hey Jude how are you?"

"I'm fine but there's one thing I need right now for this very moment."

"And what's that?"

"To tell me I'm such a stupid girl." Jude started crying into the phone hysterically.

"Oh Jude…what happened? You sound like you're falling apart," he asked compassionately. Jude sobbed and tried wiping the tears away from her eyes, but it was no use. Instead she gripped the phone tight with her shaky hands and spoke into the receiver.

"Mason…I'm a wreck, a total mess. Nothing is going right here, and I just want to come home now," she spoke again trying to control her emotions.

"You know you're always welcome here, Jude. Now tell me what's going on over there? You sounded so happy when we talked a month ago," he tried.

"Yeah well a lot can happen in a month," she shot out bitterly, instantly regretting it. "I'm sorry, It's just…I feel like I've been on a cloud that's rapidly spinning into a tornado."

"Nice analogy," he gave a short laugh trying to lighten up the mood, "but seriously Jude, if you want my help I need to know what's been bothering you." Jude sniffed and tried to compose herself long enough to tell the story.

"Well…if you must know I, Jude Harrison, am in love," she stated quickly, pausing to see a reaction.

"Well that's great! Who grabbed our Jude's heart? Wait…no…" he said realization dawning on him.

"Yes, Jude Harrison is in love with 'Little Tommy Q'," she said half laughing half sobbing. Her sobs got the better of her and felt like she was suffocating.

"Oh Jude, what happened? If he did anything to hurt you I swear I will high tail my sexy gay ass over there kick the crap out of him," he replied, anger rising in his throat. Jude gave a short laugh trying to picture Mason beating up Tommy.

"No, there's no need for that. Tommy didn't do anything wrong, I did. I'm always the one to screw up relationships!" she exclaimed throwing her arm up in disgust. Mason didn't say anything, waiting patiently for her to elaborate. "Do you want the simplified version or the longer version?"

"Well since my date cancelled on me tonight and I have nothing to do…the longer version," he stated. Jude took a deep breath to calm her self down before beginning.

A few hours later Jude and Mason ended their conversation. It felt good for Jude to just explain everything from beginning to end, good memories and bad. Just to release the aching pain in her chest, at least slightly. However, the rough pounding still remained and there was nothing Jude could do to get rid of it. She looked at her clock seeing that it was going on eight. Crap, I have to be at the club pretty soon…she thought walking over to grab all of her music and lyrics she had accumulated since the beginning of this 'vacation'. While walking back to her bed, a piece of paper fell out of her journal and on to the floor. She bent over and picked it up, recognizing the lyrics. It was the one she started after the night at the club with Tommy. The familiar aching pain returned as she shoved the paper back into her journal roughly and flipped to find the one she had written earlier today. Jeff deserves to hear this, and he's going to get what's coming to him…she thought angrily while turning and walking out of her room to return once again to club Rage.