Shun the Bleak.
Chapter Two.
Sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures. A child can't be a child without an element of fun and Laura couldn't stand the thought that Lucas and Paige would miss the opportunity to experience what other kids did, what she had largely missed out on herself. She knew it wouldn't be the same; there would be no adult eyes watching over them making sure they were safe; there would be no blanket of security to wrap themselves up in; there would be no reassurance or encouragement. But they had never had that before from an adult so that wasn't going to stop them now. Nothing was.
Laura sought out every possible opportunity for her siblings to have some form of playtime, away from their mothers disapproving glare. She would take them to the park on the way home from school that was on the outskirts of their estate; the tinkering laughter of Paige like music to her ears as she scurried about like the little miss independent that was otherwise reigned in. The odd chuckle would come from Lucas as they played Tag or as they spun each other on the roundabout or as they challenged one another to see who could swing the highest before leaping free of the apparatus onto the grass below. But he still never uttered a word. The laughter of the children in the playground entwined together into a melody that was an unusual sound to Laura, gracing her ears in a peaceful manner. She sat on the grass as the sun beat down relentlessly. She leant back on the palms of her hands and let her head fall back, her eyes flickering closed, drinking in the rays that warmed her skin and sighed a relaxed breath as she allowed nothing to enter her mind about her mother, about their life at home. She lived in the now, in this moment; these were the times she craved, when nothing else mattered but that they were together. They didn't have to hide, or be quiet, or watch their every step. It was times like these they were free. She felt a movement beside her and she tilted her head in that direction, her lids opening so that her chocolate eyes could fall upon her brother, who had come to sit beside her. He crossed his legs Indian style and picked a blade of grass, weaving it through his little chubby fingers and leant into Laura. She sat up straighter and positioned herself so her legs lay on the grass either side of him. She wrapped her arms around his waist, giving him a little reassuring squeeze before she rested her chin on to the cushion of his thick tousled blonde hair.
"You okay, Lukey?" She asked quietly; not that anyone else was in ear shot, nor would they be paying attention to them, too busy playing on the aging apparatus to notice. He nodded enthusiastically in response to her question and tilted his head back, a rare, cheeky grin dancing across his features, going all the way to his eyes. It made her smile automatically, a small giggle leaving her lips as she kissed his forehead. This is what she took all the crap for. Just to see his pale face, tinted with the flush of the excitement and the sunshine; for it to burst into happiness like this made everything else seem so insignificant. "Do you wanna play some more?" She asked him as he reached for another blade of grass, knotting it with the other. He shook his head, though happiness still painted his features as he sat with her, content with just being there.
She had gotten used to Lucas not talking; had learnt to read his expressions and mannerisms. They hadn't had a choice; he still refused to speak and Laura was unsure if he was actually able to. She would have been convinced that he didn't have a voice box, except for the little chuckles that he permitted to give the volume to now and again to deny this theory. Laura stood up, ruffling her brother's hair as she looked over to the road. She felt his eyes tilt up to look at her, his brow furrowing. Laura bit at her bottom lip and sighed through her nose as she held her hand out for him. "It's time to go Lukey.." She spoke in an almost apologetic tone as his smile faded, his features returning to his usual blank expressions, like he was a robot; not speaking, not trying to do anything that would draw attention to himself. He took Laura's hand and she pulled him to stand up next to her. Lucas wrapped his arms around his sisters small waist and Laura rubbed his back as her other arm held him to her tightly, whispering into his hair "I know." She felt responsible for him feeling like this, not wanting to withdraw back to the lifeless home.
She glanced over to Paige who was giggling with a random girl as they rode up and down on the see saw that was made from a plank of wood and a milk crate. She was such a pretty girl, full of life. She loved adventures and the great outdoors, and Laura tried to make it possible for her to get her fill of these. When they weren't holed up in their bedroom at least. She stepped back a little and took Lucas' hand in hers, swinging it between them in attempt to regain some of his cheery mood, as they walked towards the pavement; though she knew it was lost once more now they were returning to the home that was far from being their sanctuary. "Come on, Pea." She sang, as Paige looked over to them, pouting a pout she had learnt from her big sister and batted her golden eye lashes. Laura smirked through her nose as a smile tugged at her lips, remembering a time they had 'borrowed' their mother's lipstick and sat in front of the mirror as they smeared the crimson paste over their lips; their tiny pouts made each other laugh, as did the marks they left on the others cheeks when they kissed one another with a 'mwah'ing sound. "Aww now, don't give me that look. We have to go." Laura's tone though soft, still gave across the insistence, the need that they had to leave. "But, Lalee, can we just have five more minutes? Pretty please, with sugar on top.." Paige's voice became pleading. She loved it here; it was like a different world; one that they could be themselves in. Laura shook her head as they continued to walk, hearing a dramatic sigh from her sister as she mumbled her goodbyes before her footfalls scurried to catch up with them.
"Now remember, when we get home, go straight upstairs, okay? I'll bring you up some dinner, but you both need to do your homework." They both nodded in response to her request. It wasn't the first time she had asked such a thing from them; it was more like an unwritten rule. It was safer that way. They reached their house, in the middle of the terraced street; children lined the road, playing with skipping ropes and balls, as they would be until they were called in for their baths or their dinner by their parents, some of whom sat on their doorsteps, cup of tea in hand as they chatted and gossiped amongst themselves. A few stray glances and whisperings were aimed in their direction, but Laura ignored it mostly; there really was no point in bringing more trouble, more attention. Laura let go of Lucas' hand, though he was less keen to do so, as she twisted the door knob, turning to look over her shoulder, catching her siblings looking at each other with the same worried, anxious gaze. Laura painted a convincing smile on her lips, something she had practiced and perfected over the years, though she was under no illusion that they didn't buy it. "It's fine, now go." She whispered, allowing them to pass through the space between herself and the door frame so they could scurry up the stairs, like two little mice, attempting to avoid the ones that steps that creaked. She closed the front door quietly before she blew Lucas a kiss; he had paused half way up the stairs to turn and look back down at his eldest sister, pain creasing his features that simply tore at her heart. But there was no other way; she would pay for the time she insisted on gaining for her siblings. "Lukes, hurry up!" Paige hissed from the landing, and he tore his gaze away from Laura to retreat to their bedroom.
Laura leaned her back against the front door, breathing in before exhaling a long breath. There was no point in delaying the inevitable and there was no point in trying to pretend that this wouldn't happen. It was like Groundhog Day, except the story wasn't in the same category. A screeching, scraping noise came from the kitchen as a chair was pushed back, footsteps moving along the floor, stopping at the pantry. Laura swallowed the lump that always formed before she walked to face her 'punishment'; after all, it was her fault for making them late.
The kitchen was mostly immaculate; it was one of Laura's tasks to ensure the house was clean, just in case they ever received any visitors; though the only ones they had were some of her mother's drinking buddies. It wasn't like when they were toddlers, not that the memories were very clear. But she was sure she could recall a time when other little girls and boys came round to play, their mothers chattering away around the kitchen table as they basked in adoration for their children and discussed the latest gossip from the street. Jennifer didn't realise she was there to begin with, being too busy refilling her glass. The sharp aroma of gin polluted the air as Laura stepped further into the kitchen, heading towards the cupboard to begin preparing whatever she could find for dinner. The noise alerted Jennifer to her presence and she spun around, fixing her glare on her daughter; her face twisted in a mixture of annoyance and anger. Laura was sure that hatred was in with that mix too; how could it not be when it was her fault their father had left them? Her mother liked to remind her about that fact and Laura had stopped racking her brains as to what she had done to make him leave long ago. There was no point in looking for an answer she wouldn't be able to find. Like her punishments, she just had to accept it.
Jennifer, glass in hand, moved to stand in front of Laura. The sound of the slap echoed around the small kitchen as Jennifer's hand impacted on Laura's cheek that immediately glowed red. "I'm sorry Mum." She whispered, leaving her head turned to one side as she closed her eyes. Waiting.
Always waiting.
Jennifer bent down, grabbing Laura's jaw in her hand, forcing her to look at her as she reached behind her to place her glass on the side board. The smell of alcohol on her mother's breath was a constant, though it never failed to make Laura feel ill. "I can't hear you" Jennifer spat, her voice distorted, uncaring. "I'm sorry, Mum" Laura repeated a little louder as best she could with the pressure that was being applied to her jaw. Jennifer's free hand now reached behind Laura, twisting her fingers through her shoulder length hair, that was much shorter than it once was after her mother had spitefully hacked at it with a pair of scissors a couple of weeks previously, calling her a whore; an 11 year old girl, innocent in so many ways, but matured in ways she shouldn't have to be; yet she was degraded by her very own flesh and blood; a woman that should have been her protector, not her persecutor. The impact from her head being slammed into the side board was immense. Blood immediately streamed through the gash in her forehead and she was only able to remain standing due to her mother's relentless grip on her hair. "That's better." Jennifer spoke, her cackling laughter piercing the small space between them before she repeated her previous action. This time however, Jennifer released her grip and Laura fell to the stone cold floor. She held her head in her hands, not necessarily trying to stop the bleeding, but trying to breathe through the pain that coupled with dizziness. Jennifer's foot collided with her daughter's chest purposely as she stepped over the broken body of her eldest. Laura wheezed as the air was knocked from her lungs that felt as if they were on fire. Her breaths became shorter and deeper as she attempted to regain herself. Tears stung at her eyes as she tried to fight them, but they always escaped her, leaving warm, salty trails over her cheeks. Jennifer snatched up her glass off the side and bought it to her lips to take a long swig of the clear poison. Laura remained laying on the floor as she got her breathing back under control, wincing slightly as her palm pressed against the cuts to her forehead. Her hands stained with her own blood that had pooled and spotted beneath her.
It felt like hours, though it had only been minutes when her mother next spoke; her tone as emotionless and dry as usual. "Clean up your mess and get out of my sight."
No matter how disorientated she felt, no matter how much pain she was in, Laura knew there was no hanging around when her mother made such a request. She pulled herself up to a sitting position before holding onto the kitchen drawers to steady herself as she got to her feet. She heaved as a wave of nausea rose up to her throat, though she managed to contain herself somehow. She reached for a jay cloth and moistened it a little before falling to her knees. She wiped up the blood, her blood, from the floor, making sure there was no trace of this left before she glanced up at her mother. She had her back to Laura, making her way back to the pantry. She had to move fast and hoped she wouldn't pass out in the process. She pulled herself back up once more and, after stealing another glance in her mother's direction to see that her back was still turned, snatched two pieces of bread from the loaf that had already been sliced. It was beginning to go stale, but it was better than nothing. Laura tucked the bread into her shirt and swiftly made her way up to the bedroom.
She paused outside the door to wipe her forehead with the jay cloth she realised she still held. The bleeding had slowed, but she could feel a lump had already formed beneath her touch. Laura entered the room quietly, closing the door gently behind her. Paige and Lucas looked up from the floor where they were sat doing their spellings, their faces seeming more pained than what she felt. She shook her head as her automatic 'Don't worry, I'm fine' smile appeared and she moved over to them, pulling the bread from under her shirt, handing a piece to each of them. Lucas shook his head stubbornly and Paige raised her eyebrow. "I'm sorry.. It's all I could get tonight." Laura apologised, hanging her head as she twisted the blooded cloth in her hands, only looking up when she heard her sister smirk. "No Lalee. We meant where's yours?" Her low, sincere tone made Laura's smile become more real as she made her way over to the bed that they shared, climbing into it and curling herself into a ball. "I'm not hungry, Pea. Do you need help with your spellings?" She asked them as her eyes flickered shut, blocking out the small amount of light that made her head pound more. There was no reply from her siblings, not that she heard anyhow. Lucas got up, leaving his work and bread on the floor and crawled, sniffling into the bed in front of her; placing a delicate kiss to the blood smeared cut on her forehead before snuggling into her. She wrapped her arms around him at the same time she felt her sister lay behind her, draping her arm over them both. "I love you two." She whispered before she began to hum the familiar tune of Doris Day until her consciousness left her.