Snape Revealed Shorts, Story TWO:
Pure Romance
Part 1: Kathleen
AN: JK Rowling created most of these characters and the universe from which they hail…
I can't leave the house these days without some stay-at-home Mom trying to sell me some Pure Romance. I assume this type of stuff is sold worldwide, but I live in the town that started Pure Romance. Yes, a family in Cincinnati, Ohio came up with the idea years ago and it's grown into a monster. If you are unaware, it's a company that sells sex toys. Yes. So I'm going to write a story about it for no good reason. No, I don't work for Pure Romance, no, I've never been to any of their parties, but I'm invited all the darn time!
It goes without saying this installment is rated M for mature language and some graphic…um…depictions.
(This story takes place during the first week of October, 1985. Rhys is long gone, as is Lily, and after four years of mourning, Severus is still deeply affected, however, he's slowly beginning to emerge from his self-imposed mental-exile.)
This story is not yet beta'd…
Severus sat as he always did on Monday afternoons in Dumbledore's office, in a chair as close to Flitwick as possible for it to look as if he were not trying to avoid all kinds of contact with other forms of life, while still being far enough away to avoid any meaningful conversation. He, as always, had a book that he brought right up to his face. But, as usual, he wasn't actually reading it, instead he was pretending to, while listening intently to what everyone else was saying before Dumbledore arrived for the weekly staff meeting.
McGonagall was bragging about how wonderful her team was going to do this year. After the Slytherin's had a close win the year before against Gryffindor, McGonagall was cautious but convinced her team would beat Slytherin for the Cup that year. Sprout was talking about a fungus that had overtaken her greenhouses, and Filch, as always, was complaining about how much the students needed some good, old fashioned torture.
The loud-mouth American raised Defense teacher, who Severus had to admit was easy on the eyes at least, laughed and added her own opinions, unsolicited, every few moments, to everyone's delight. All of the staff, even Filch, loved the upbeat and boisterous Kathleen O'Hara. Her voice was somewhat deep. Even though she was raised in America, she had the slightest hint of an Irish accent, which seemed to go well with her dark auburn hair and blue-green eyes. She was always smiling and always laughing, and always annoying Severus with her perpetual state of happiness. Severus sighed and internally giggled when Flitwick told McGonagall he was putting all of his Galleons on Hufflepuff for Quidditch. He admitted that his own team was not up to par and he thought McGonagall's team lost too many of their strong players when they moved on from Hogwarts last year.
Severus knew that the Slytherins would be a very strong team. Lucius told him last year that his strongest players should have matured by this year, and he noticed as well that Hufflepuff, though strong, had the poorest Seekers he had ever seen. Severus felt confident putting all of his Galleons on his own House's team that year.
"Well, my Galleons are on Slytherin," Kathleen said as Severus looked up from his book.
"What? Why?" Flitwick asked.
"I hear that Draidan Belby is a star player this year and one fine Keeper," she replied.
"Well, I think someone is pulling your leg Kathleen," Flitwick laughed.
"No, she speaks the truth," Severus replied. He loathed Draidan Belby, but even he could admit the summer he spent at Quidditch Camp seemed to have paid off.
"Does she?" McGonagall asked Severus with a raised brow.
"He's an annoying little cuss, but he's a very fine player actually," Severus said, keeping his eyes on his book as he spoke.
"There, see? I am right to put some Galleons on Slytherin then."
"But Kathleen, one star player doesn't make a team," McGonagall said.
"But Draidan isn't the only one," Kathleen added.
"Correct Kathleen, Kyran is being scouted by professional teams already," Severus spoke, finally making eye contact with the witch, who smiled and then dug in her pockets. "Myra, our Captain, is doing wonderfully during practice too."
"Yes, Severus, I've watched one or two of your team's practice games, and you are correct," Kathleen said, holding her hands out to the other Head's of House as everyone else rolled their eyes and dug into their pockets as well. "Pay up everyone."
"What's going on?" Severus asked.
"I'm glad you asked Severus. See they all bet me on day one that you'd not speak a word to me, outside of professional necessity, until Halloween. I on the other hand wagered that you would speak to me before then, in fact I believe I even said it would be the beginning of October, did I not?" she asked Flitwick who sighed and handed her several shiny Galleons.
"Damn-it," Sprout grunted and handed Kathleen some Galleons as well. "To think, I was going to say Christmas!"
"You wagered that I'd not speak to her?" Severus asked the crowd in general. Everyone in the room nodded. "Why?"
Kathleen smiled and took her earnings from everyone before approaching Severus. She pulled a chair closer to him and sat down. She stared at him for a moment and then looked down to count her money.
"Um, they said you'd not speak to me," she whispered while clanging her coins together in her hand, "because you want my job."
"Oh," Severus replied and then rolled his eyes. "That's not true."
"You don't want my job?"
"Everyone in this room wants your job, that's not why I don't speak."
"Why don't you speak then? Is it because you hate Americans?"
"No."
"Do you…hate women?"
"Not true."
"Hmm…hate people of Irish descent?"
"Not entirely," Severus said in a mocking tone.
"Hate redheads?"
"Love redheads."
"Well then, either they're all insane, or you're just weird."
"I think it's a bit of both. I'm not that weird, I'm just…"
"Shy?"
"No, not…well…" Severus paused. In truth from what he'd seen of Kathleen in the last month, she seemed to be a very nice person. He knew the curse on her position still existed. Something would happen to her to make her leave Hogwarts. Was she a secret spy for the Dark Lord, or another Dark Lord? Was she incompetent? Something had to be wrong with her, and he didn't want to know what it was. "Um, shy a little, I guess."
"I see," she smiled as Dumbledore entered the room.
"Okay, let's start our meeting so we can eat, I'm sure you're as hungry as I. Severus, what's this I hear about you assigning twenty-five feet of parchment on Incendiaries to the first years?" Dumbledore asked as every professor in the room gasped, except Kathleen, who snorted and then laughed so hard she nearly fell from her chair.
Two hours later Severus sat sandwiched between Flitwick and Sprout at the dinner table. Sprout still snuck a piece of meat onto his plate each night. On that night, he found a large, jiggly, whitish-yellowish strip of ham-fat dangling off the side of his dish of Brussels sprouts and salad topped with rich blue cheese dressing.
"I lost five Galleons because of you!" Flitwick snapped, albeit jokingly, at Severus who just ate his tomato and took a sip of water.
"That's what you get for betting against me like that. What is wrong with you?" Severus asked, first glaring at Flitwick and then turning to glare at Sprout. "To tell the new teacher I'm jealous and then bet that I won't speak?"
"Well it's been a month and today is the first time you've spoken to her!" Sprout said.
"Not true, she asked where the loo was one day and I pointed and said 'to the left'."
"That does not count!" Sprout smiled. "You never talk to the Defense teachers!"
"Not true Pomona, remember the one, who he cussed at and then…"
"We don't discuss that," Severus snapped at Flitwick who smiled guiltily and then sipped his tea. "Remember?"
"All I know is you kicked the crap out of that man!" Flitwick whispered loud enough for Sprout to hear.
"Well children, I have some plants that need attending to," Sprout said, rising from her seat. A moment later, Kathleen scooted down one seat and moved Pomona's plate away.
"Are you gonna eat that?" she asked Severus, while pointing to the pile of fat that hung off the side of his plate.
"Help yourself," Severus replied and then put a cucumber in his mouth.
"I'm joking. Who the hell would eat that? Looks like ass-fat from a dead, wild hog!" she boasted as Flitwick choked into his napkin.
"I believe that's what it is. You have a good eye. Professor Sprout thinks me being a vegetarian is humorous, so she drops a piece of something-dead onto my plate each night. Not sure where she found that though."
"I do. She found it off the ass of a fat, dead, wild hog."
Severus couldn't help but chuckle. He regained his composure and then used his fork to remove the gelatinous fat off his plate and onto the table. Kathleen used her knife to poke at it, making it jiggle more.
"So you don't eat meat huh?" she asked, grabbing a turkey leg and biting into it in a very un-lady like manner.
"I just don't care for it much; I eat fish and things flavored with meat, like gravy."
"So it's not out of sympathy for the poor, furry animals then?"
"Umm…no. It's out of my stomach preferring green things actually. I care not about the plight of enslaved and tortured beasts."
"Good. I did, once, a long time ago. I was a vegetarian for about a year…I actually turned orange! I did! I turned orange from eating too many carrots and sweet potatoes."
"Yes, it's from all the carotene," Severus stated plainly as Kathleen raised her brows and looked a bit surprised.
"Yeah. It was," she said in a lower tone. She took a few sips of her water and then removed the small pearl onions from her peas. "You guys put onions in everything here."
"You don't like Scottish cuisine?"
"You can take your haggis and shove it."
"I have to agree."
"So there's no haggis in your salad?"
"No. No onions either. Just…typical garden fare," Severus said looking down at his plate of grass, and then turned to make eye contact with the witch. He felt she was curious about him, she seemed genuinely outgoing and just enjoying the conversation. Severus broke his stare to glower out at the students in the Main Hall, many of whom were watching him and Kathleen. "What will you do with the Galleons?"
"The ones I won off you?"
"Yeah."
"Bet them on Slytherin I guess. I mean, look at all the coin I made on you," she smiled while removing her Galleons from her pockets. "Nice and shiny money! Yeah…I'm rich!"
"Hardly."
"Hey, I'm a teacher…this is a lot of money for a teacher."
"Okay, you're right about that. I guess that's why we all gamble so much."
"Yeah, I don't teach for the money."
"Why do you teach then?"
"Because I love children," she said sarcastically. Severus looked at her for a moment waiting for her follow up. "I can't stand kids," she whispered after leaning in closer to Severus. "I just wanted to move to England and I needed a job to do that."
"You didn't teach back in America?"
"I tutored, young adults, who wanted to enter law enforcement."
"You worked for America's Ministry?"
"Yeah. Well, I mean, I didn't train the Aurors, just basic law enforcement."
"Were you in law enforcement?"
"For a year," she said with a nod. "I didn't like it. But I'm pretty good at Defense."
"So…you're actually qualified for this job?" Severus asked with some shock.
"Uh…yeah! Why else would Albus have hired me? Other than because I'm really cute," she said with a laugh while slapping Severus on the arm.
"I mean…you've not heard about that position?"
"I heard a bunch of morons had this job before me, yeah, and none were invited back for a second year. I'm no moron though," she said and then winked at Severus. "Well, I'm full…all that dead animal I ate. Thanks for the Galleons."
"Don't mention it," Severus said staring down at his mostly eaten salad. "Don't you want this ass-fat?" Severus asked as she stood from her seat.
"Hon, you need to eat a lot more to get any fat on that ass of yours," she said as Severus just stared at her for a moment. "Oh, you mean that gelatinous-monstrosity slithering on the table there?" she smiled. Severus nodded with a smirk. "Nah, keep it for potions ingredients."
Severus smiled and sipped his water again. Several members of his House stared up at him, some grinning. He glared down at them and then left to go back to his office. He left the ass-fat on the table for the elves.
Severus watched his team's Quidditch practice for about thirty minutes before taking a walk in the cool weather towards Hagrid's hut. Hagrid was out of town, running an errand for Dumbledore. Severus marched past the hut and glanced for a moment at the cabbage-patch. Once he was in the Forbidden Forest he reached into his pocket and removed his cigarette. He then used his exquisite lighter from Lucius and relaxed under a very large tree.
He could smell Centaur dung, so he knew one was just there a few moments before. He walked south until the smell was done and sat on a very large rock.
"Hey, can I have some of that fag?" he heard Kathleen say. He turned to find her standing beside the tree he was near. "Isn't that what you call them?"
"Uh, well yeah but cigarette works fine too."
"I'm trying my 'Brit-ish'," she said in a fake cockney. He offered her a cigarette and then lit it for her. "Thanks. Nice lighter."
"Yes. It's from a friend."
"A rich one from the looks of it."
"Are you all so blunt?"
"Americans? I don't know. Maybe. It's really a nice lighter."
"I know, and yes, he's wealthy."
"I ran out of cigarettes and I don't want to walk all the way back to the castle."
"Well it's fortunate you ran into me."
"I was watching your team's practice again. Good one."
"Are you some kind of sports nut?" Severus asked.
"Um, no. I just like money and since I'm betting on your team, I want to keep an eye on my investment."
"Ah, I see. You Americans really do like money, don't you?"
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure most people do though, you know, globally," she said spoke with sarcasm. Severus nodded, smiled, and then used his charm to cleanse the air around him. "Cool spell."
"Thank you. So you like my team then?"
"Yeah, they are pretty good."
"Well, would you like another cigarette?"
"Sure," she smiled. "Are you going somewhere?"
"Yes. I'm off to meet my rich-friend for lunch."
"Ah, well have fun. Is he single?" she asked in a mocking tone.
"He's very married and has even spawned."
"Darn! All the good ones are taken!" she mocked.
"He's no good," Severus joked. "Do you need me to escort you back to the castle?"
"No, no, I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself. Have a nice lunch. Don't order any ass-fat."
"I'll try not to, unless it's fresh of course," Severus teased. Kathleen turned to head to the castle. She stopped after a few steps and looked back at Severus and waved. Severus smiled and waved back, a moment later he was in Diagon Ally, waiting to meet up with Lucius.