Severus Snape Revealed Shorts, Story TWO:
Pure Romance
Part 12: The Hufflepuff
AN: JK Rowling created most of these characters and the universe from which they hail…
I can't leave the house these days without some stay-at-home Mom trying to sell me some Pure Romance. I assume this type of stuff is sold worldwide, but I live in the town that started Pure Romance. Yes, a family in Cincinnati, Ohio came up with the idea years ago and it's grown into a monster. If you are unaware, it's a company that sells sex toys. Yes. So I'm going to write a story about it for no good reason. No, I don't work for Pure Romance, no, I've never been to any of their parties, but I'm invited all the darn time!
It goes without saying this installment is rated M for mature language and some graphic…um…depictions. Okay, it's just plain raunchy.
(This story begins during the first week of October, 1985. Rhys is long gone, as is Lily, and after four years of mourning, Severus is still deeply affected, however, he's slowly beginning to emerge from his self-imposed mental-exile.)
Thanks Lorelei for being my beta for this chapter!
Severus barely had time to finish his dinner when there was a knock at his door. Mini opened the door and let Kathleen enter. She was bruised and had some visible scratches, and a slight limp.
"No, no, don't get up, Sev," Kathleen said, limping over to sit next to him on the sofa. "I hear you'll make a full recovery."
"Yes. How are you?"
"Oh a little pain here and there, nothing too bad. I'll be fine, though I may not be able to wear high heels for a few weeks, and that sucks."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"Small price, we could have been killed, or worse, changed!"
"True. I'm on the mend. I intend to teach tomorrow. I assume you do as well?"
"Oh, yeah…I'm giving a test tomorrow so all I have to do is sit and grade."
"That sounds good. I'm supposed to actually…teach."
"Give a pop quiz!" she said with a wicked grin. Severus just smiled back, but had no intention of being so lazy. "You know, I feel so dumb. We should have acid-bombed those werewolves."
"What?"
"Acid bombs. Well that's what we call them in America. You know, little glass vials of highly volatile acid that you throw at…things… and it explodes on contact and burns whoever touches it."
"Magic won't work on werewolves."
"Ah but this is no magic, it's acid. It won't kill them, but I'd think it would hurt them, and stop them for a few moments…long enough for you to make your escape."
"How the hell didn't I think of that? Maybe I should retire."
"Well, I doubt you thought you'd ever get that close to one and you can't exactly go burning your test subjects at Belby's. I'm the moron. I always have three on me just in case I come into contact with a vampire."
"How does acid do anything to a vampire?"
"Oh, well, it burns their flesh for a second, and naturally they heal right away, but throwing that glass vial at them and then explosion and the acid and the smoke…it just really pisses them off. Anything I can do to piss them off is worth it."
"You always carry them?"
"Well not around Hogwarts, but I had them last night."
"If you fell or something…I mean…they could have exploded in your pocket and hurt you, unless you have them charmed…"
"To not explode in my pocket? Yes, they are charmed. They are also charmed to only work if I throw them, so if some pick-pocket steals one and throws it, nothing will happen, the glass will never break."
"That's a very complex spell. Those kind of weapons are illegal here in Britain…"
"Oh they are illegal in the States too, but who cares? When a hungry, douche-bag vampire is on your ass, you need all the help you can get."
"Douche-bag?" Severus asked as she looked at him with a perplexed expression. "You're too funny."
"Thanks," she said in a shy tone. "I assumed they had douche-bags here in England."
"Yes, literally and figuratively. As a matter of a fact, I have to instruct about fourteen of them tomorrow."
"Is that all?" she giggled. "Seems like I have more than that."
"You may. My N.E.W.T. level Potions students are exceptional."
"Even the Hufflepuffs?"
"You mean the Hufflepuff. There's just one, in her last year. She's …adequate."
"I see. Well it's getting a tad late. I should let you rest, you poor thing."
"I'm fine, really."
"Oh, I heard from Damocles. He's fine; he said they calmed down about twenty minutes after we left."
"Did he send you your money?"
"He sure did, and a little extra…Hazard pay I guess."
"So it wasn't a total loss of an experiment?"
"I guess not. I think your current formula does not work."
"You think?"
"Yeah!" she sarcastically smiled and then leaned in to kiss him on the cheek. "There will be more where that came from…later."
"Later as in?"
"As in…in a few days, when you are up to it."
"I can be up to it…well, wait, no…that's a lie."
"That's what I thought. You had a serious operation today so I won't hold it against you." She smirked and then rose from the sofa and left his quarters.
Severus skipped breakfast in the Great Hall and had a poached egg with toast topped with lingonberry jam and a cup of coffee. He took his anti-inflammatory and the mildest dosage of pain killer he could take to make it worth his while and made his way into his Potions classroom. A moment later the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw fifth years sluggishly entered his classroom. Some looked clearly tired and not very excited about his class, while some looked as if they ate too many carbohydrates for breakfast. He suspected they would be energetic for the first half, and nearly comatose for the second half of his lesson. He stayed up most of the night researching and experimenting with a potion he wanted to teach his class that morning. A potion that someday might save their lives.
"Sit," he said in his dull but commanding voice as some of the students seemed to be taking their time getting to their seats. "We are going to learn a new potion today, thus we are deviating from the syllabus…"
"Sir," Ravenclaw genius and world class brown-noser, Erica McGovern, interrupted as she raised her hand.
"What Miss McGovern?"
"Will this sudden deviation for the week throw off our entire year?"
"I don't see why, now as I was saying…"
"Sir?" she asked, again raising her hand.
"Yes," Severus replied, rolling his eyes and taking a deep breath. If she weren't such a potions prodigy he would feel more compelled to take points away from her House.
"May I ask, what happened to you sir?"
"No you may not. Now, as I was saying…"
"You look like you were beaten up," Augustine Prittchard of Hufflepuff said, without raising his chubby hand.
"Five points from Hufflepuff for speaking out of turn," Severus replied, but the seed was sewn. "I was not beaten up…I was…attacked."
"Attacked?" Hufflepuff Heloise Schlur asked, looking very worried as she bit her bottom lip.
"Yes…by a werewolf," Severus stated plainly. Several of the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws gasped. The sloppy and far-too-plump Hufflepuff Therman Merman's mouth dropped allowing a piece of purple bubblegum to slide right out and onto the work bench. "You can feel free to pick that up at any time Mr. Merman," Severus stated as the boy slowly closed his mouth, picked up the gum, and wiped his slobber with the back of his hand.
"So…you were beaten up!" Prittchard spoke again, earning him one detention to be served with Madam Pomfrey that evening.
"We were viciously attacked by werewolves last night, here on Hogwarts grounds," Severus spoke softly, as Therman's gum once again fell from his mouth. "Mr. Merman, throw the gum away," Severus commanded. The awkward boy rose from his seat and quickly tossed his gum in the rubbish bin and rushed back to his seat, wanting to hear more of the story.
"Sir, you were attacked? Here?" Willelmus Godfried asked, making Severus wonder if he really belonged in Ravenclaw or not.
"That is what I said. Last night, we were attacked in the Forbidden Forest, which is one reason why it is forbidden, and on the grounds very near the castle. This is why the castle is always locked up extra tight during full moons."
"I never thought they roamed here, on the grounds!" Adaryn Terfel, another apparent clueless Ravenclaw spoke. Since they were so interested in his tale, he decided not to dock anymore points for interruptions of inquiries.
"Mr. Terfel, listen to me very carefully…werewolves are everywhere, even here."
"What do we do?" Hufflepuff Sunny Campwrite asked in a worried tone.
Severus couldn't help but make a confused face followed by a huff.
"Haven't you learned anything in your Defense Against the Dark Arts classes?" he asked.
"No," the majority of the students replied in unison.
"Not really," Ravenclaw Simwyn Rowle replied. "Although I've read all about them."
"Then I assume you read that no magic works on them," Severus asked. All three of the Ravenclaws nodded while all six of the Hufflepuffs looked perplexed. "Seriously? You've not learned a thing about werewolves in any of your Defense classes?"
"Sir, if I may, not really. Very little," Erica McGovern offered. "We learned nothing in our third year, that Professor Bagans was a joke. Professor O'Hara isn't that much better."
"Five points from Ravenclaw for talking rudely about another professor in my presence," Severus snapped. Miss McGovern quickly clenched her lips but also blushed and smirked. He looked into her mind and discovered she was on to him. "It's not appropriate to badmouth other professors. You are entitled to your opinions but my classroom is no place to voice them."
"Sir, honestly, we've learned nothing in her class. Not one thing. All she does is tell us to read a chapter, and then she tests us on them. I'm not even sure she grades them, I think she just gives us all A's," Miss Campwrite offered.
"Which is seriously messing up my straight O average I might add. I had to do extra credit! Me!" Mr. Godfried complained.
"Professor O'Hara is a highly qualified…um…" Severus paused. She was not a qualified Professor by any means, but her history with working for the American Ministry must have counted for something. "Uh, witch. She has a very impressive background working for the American Ministry. You could learn a lot from her if you just tried…and paid attention!"
"Three more points from Ravenclaw for speaking out of turn…again. Are you all deaf or something?" Severus asked as they all stopped their smirks and sat more upright in their seats. "Now, as I was saying, we are going to create a very complex and volatile potion today. I've never taught this potion before. I feel students in their fifth year and up will probably be able to brew this concoction that you may need for self-defense if you ever have to face a werewolf."
"Sir," McGovern again interrupted, at least with her hand raised.
"What now?"
"Please sir, I know you said werewolves are everywhere, even here, but no one has ever warned us of this hazard before. Why is it so urgent now?"
"Do you really think I got these injuries from shaving?" Severus sneered. "We were attacked! There are more werewolves in Britain than you may think! They should be taught to you in your first year! The realization that you know little to nothing is most troubling to me!" Severus spoke in a loud tone, before slowly taking a deep breath and beginning to calm down.
"What do we need to know?" Miss Schlur asked.
"First, we need to know that when we speak out of turn, we lose points! Three points from Hufflepuff. You raise your hand and wait for me to grant permission before you speak in this classroom!" Severus said through clinched teeth. "Second, what we all need to know is that werewolves go where they want, when they want. You should always remain indoors during a full moon. If you dare to venture outside, then you need to be prepared. Yes, Miss McGovern?"
"And you said magic won't work on them? But potions will?"
"No, not exactly. To date there is no known magical spell that will harm or kill a werewolf, and no potion either. In the future this may change, but for now you need to be cautious. There is, however, a potion, mixed with a charm, that can perhaps frighten the werewolf for a few seconds, perhaps longer, long enough for the victim to Disapparate or run away. Yes, Mr. Rowle?"
"You said charm? Will Professor Flitwick be working with us on this potion? Like a joint venture?"
"No. I am capable of teaching you a simple charm," Severus spoke with confidence, before glancing over at the Hufflepuffs and wondering if they could be taught anything. He took a deep breath and then magically wrote the formula on the chalk board behind him. "This is the potion we'll be working on. It is similar to an acid-bomb, but it is not. I modified it."
The class first looked perplexed, but then impressed. One Hufflepuff in particular looked terrified. Therman Merman was the worst potions student Severus had ever had the displeasure of instructing. He always wore a blank stare. If he ever spoke at all, nothing of much consequence was said. He had barely passed his potions class. If it weren't for his extra credit, he would have been held back all together.
"This is what I call, a mock-fire bomb. How it works is, you would throw the large, round, glass vial at the werewolf. The glass will break on impact and a small explosion of fire will ensue. Now this will not harm the creature, as nothing seems to harm them. It's used as a scare tactic. Throwing several of these mock-fire bombs at the werewolf should frighten it and slow it down."
"Sir," McGovern again asked, with her arm straight in the air. "And you feel this is a safe potion for…all of us…to brew?" she asked, while glaring at the Hufflepuffs seated to her left.
"Yes, of course. That's where the charms come in. They will be charmed to not actually burn and not burst while in your pocket. It goes without saying while at Hogwarts these vials will be brewed, charmed, and tested only here in this classroom. If I find out anyone took a vial out of this room and used it on anyone, or anything outside of this classroom, that House will lose 100 points and that person or persons will be in detention for the remainder of the school year, am I being clear?" he asked as the students remained still, except to nod. "Good. Well, the list of ingredients is on the board. What are you waiting for? A written invitation?" he asked as each student rose from their seat to head to the supply closet.
Within a couple of minutes each student retrieved all of the required ingredients and then took a seat. Severus then magically wrote the instructions on the board.
"This is an extremely complex potion to brew," he warned, "You will require a partner. There are steps that must be done in unison by two different people. Now, each of you, pair off but try to select a partner who is not from your house," he instructed to several groans. Some students looked happy, some looked a little disappointed. Since he had no partner the night before, he did what he could magically. Although his potion worked well, he knew that ability was too difficult for the fifth year students to reproduce.
Everyone paired off. Sunny Campwrite and Simwyn Rowle, both Quidditch players, paired off someone reluctantly. The two brightest from each House, Heloise Schlur and Erica McGovern paired up. Stella Glub and Willelmus Godfried, the two best looking of the competing Houses paired up. And Adaryn Terfel and Augustine Prittchard, both of Hufflepuff, were frantic to pair up to avoid the last person left…Therman Merman. Severus knew this would be the outcome. He knew with double the amount of Hufflepuffs and an odd number, someone would have to be paired with him…and that someone was Mr. Merman.
Sorry so short. YES, Therman Merman is from the awesome movie Bad Santa...check it out!