Doctor Who

Raxicoricofallapatorians in Rugby

The gentle whooshing of the TARDIS' engines sounded through the grounds of Rugby School in 1823. However, it was dark, now. Every now and then, a prefect would patrol the grounds, searching for anything amiss.

The TARDIS door creaked open and The Doctor popped his head out, trying not to make the same mistake he made last time.

" And...it's clear." He called into the TARDIS to Jenny, William and Matthew, before he exited the TARDIS doorway himself. He put his hands into his coat pockets. " Bit nippy tonight, innit?"

" Little bit, yeah." Groaned Jenny as she scanned the area and breathing on her hands. " Haven't you got something to keep us warm in that magnificent coat of yours?"

" Might do." Replied The Doctor. " Oh, but now is not the time – unless you wanna be seen by the prefects. Present company excluded, Matthew, but prefects shouldn't be nosing about. I had enough of it at Lung--"

Whatever, or wherever he might have said was cut off by a familiar growl – and it sounded as if it was coming from right behind them.

It barked. The Doctor turned and noticed a not-so-friendly dog, bearing its teeth and snarling at them. It was attached to a lead, which led up to the hand of another prefect.

" Ooh, William and Matthew. You two are going to be in so much trouble." She scowled at the two other figures. " And who are you?"

" The Doctor." Grinned The Doctor, despite it being dark. " And this is my daughter, Jenny. We're thinking of enrolling her here."

" Really?" The girl – Emily – smirked back. It was a smirk that put The Doctor off. " Well, we'll see what the head has to say about that. Any betting that you two will get thirty lashings for being out this late?"

" Enter!"

Emily pushed open the headmaster's door and smiled sweetly at the figure in the shadows. It was a large figure and it was looking out at the grounds.

" I've got Matthew Bloxham, William Webb-Ellis and two visitors for you, Sir. The gentleman calls himself 'The Doctor' and he has a daughter with him called Jenny. I suggested giving Bloxham and Ellis thirty lashings for..." She counted off her fingers. " Being out late, being slightly off school grounds and in the company of....of...."

Emily stuttered as the figure loomed into what light there was in the room. Instead of the moustached, slim figure she was used to seeing, the sight that greeted her was big, round and green.

It snarled at her and jumped over the table to get at her. Emily, who had more sense than to stay, ran out of the room and bumped into The Doctor.

" Help me, please. There's a huge..."

" Yeah." Said The Doctor in his usual drawn-out way. " They don't like being called that. Just run as fast as you can – and raise the alarm."

" W-what do I say?" Gasped the girl.

" I dunno." Moaned The Doctor. " Tell them a lion on the loose, a rhino's on the rampage or a flood is heading our way. Just do me one favour – RUN!"

Emily didn't have to be told twice and ran down the hall, knocking on doors and windows on the way.

The Doctor turned to the smell of calcium decay and tried not to breath in too much. In front of him was a Raxicoricofallapatorian.

" Your future doesn't look too bright...but then again, neither do you." Said The Doctor. " I've seen what Rugby becomes if you get your hands on-- what's it called?"

" Gil'bertaron, soon to be known as the thing that created Raxicoricofallapatorius II. And not a thin, thing like you can stop us."

" Any way to stop it?" Replied The Doctor. " Come on, I'm a curious Time-Lord and yes, I know what killed the cat. Although, from what I've seen, it wasn't curiousity. It was something else."

" What you humans call a kick. Upon mixing with the air, it escapes into space and explodes. But that'll never happen 'cause you look like you don't hsve the energy."

" Not after this little adventure, no." Sighed The Doctor, feining defeat. " But look what I've got up my sleeve. Oh, William, mate."

William poked his head around the corner and waved before bringing the rest of his body around and joining The Doctor, holding in his arm an oval object.

The Raxicoricofallapatorian's eyes opened in surprise.

" That object will destroy all known life if in the wrong hands. Give it to me, boy."

" Fine, catch." Replied William, who flung it into the air above the alien's head and into the waiting arms of Matthew.

" Now, like I instructed you..." Advised The Doctor. " Run."

As the Raxicoricofallapatorian turned with it's mouth opened in horror to match its eyes, The Doctor took the chance to tackle him.

He looked up at William, who was looking behind him in surprise.

" You can patent that as a Rugby Tackle, Master Ellis."

Every now and then, Matthew and William chucked the object to each other as if it were a bomb about to go off.

Suddenly, the second Raxicoricofallapatorian appeared out of nowhere and blocked their route.

" I'm open! I'm open!" Said Jenny, waving her arms about. " Oh, don't be so misogynistic and pass it to me."

Not one to argue with a girl now dressed in army clothes, William threw the ball – overarm – and into the waiting arms of Jenny.

" You're going to die, girl." Hissed the Raxicoricofallapatorian as it made its way down the corridor towards her. It was briefly distracted when Jenny looked down. It looked down and saw the problem. The floorboards were roo weak to support its size and fell into a huge pot.

" Um, what's in that pot?" Said Jenny, curiously. " Smells like vinegar." A sudden thought just struck her, making her remember of what The Doctor had warned her about. " Duck!"

It was too late as an almighty explosion brought up the Raxicoricofallapatorian's insides and blood and rained on Jenny, William and Matthew.

Outside, being chased by an annoyed – and distraught – Raxicoricofallapatorian, Jenny, William and Matthew were still running with the ball.

The ball stared to hiss – indicating that it was going to blow at any second – so musing up all his strength in his foot, William kicked the ball as hard as he could and dropped to the grass as the object whistled one final warning before rocketing out and exploding into space.

However, it still wasn't enough and most of the energy echoed back and rumbled towards Jenny, William, Matthew and the Raxicoricofallapatorian.

" Jenny." Came an echoed voice. Jenny opened her eyes and looked at The Doctor's concerned features before they turned into a relieved smile. " What happened?"

" The energy from the device echoed back onto us. I dunno how I ended up on the grass. How're William and Matthew?"

Jenny sat up to see two sleeping figures sitting up against a tree. After insisting The Doctor she was fine, Jenny walked over to the two rousing figures.

" Hello, hero." Smiled Jenny.

" Hey, Jenny." William smiled back, along with Matthew. " I can't remember much. Except you and The Doctor. And I remember passing a ball from you to Matthew, back to me...what did I do that for?"

" You've just changed history....for the better." Smiled Jenny, as she gave the two lads a hug.

The Doctor knelt in front of the Raxicoricofallapatorian and was about to close its eyes when a claw reached out and caught his hand.

" Oh, don't fret yourself, Doctor." Snarled the alien. " That blasted device has killed me. I can feel something wrong inside me. Tell me, what will become of Blonny?"

" Blonny? Oh, Blon! As in Blon Fel Fotch Pasameer Day Slitheen, an ex-convict. Well, as long as you brought her up right. How old is she, now?"

" Almost 92. They grow up so fast, don't they? I remember when she was this high." the Raxicoricofallapatorian tried to lift its arm, to no avail. " Doctor, I must tell you before I pass to the Valley of the End. But I must whisper it..."

Cautiously, The Doctor leaned in and every word the alien spoke, shook The Doctor to his very core.

Finally, the Raxicoricofallapatorian breathed its last and The Doctor stood up, managing this time to close its eyelids.

" So, what're you gonna call it?"

The Doctor caught the favourite part of the conversation – the naming of something. 'Names are important', he thought before realizing he had said it to Matthew ages ago.

" Well, there's only one name to call it – TARDIS." Smiled William.

" Ooh, no." Put in The Doctor. " TARDIS is old-fashioned, mystic and unreliable. How about the name it was created in?"

" What? Rugby?" Sneered Matthew. " 'ere, William, fancy a game of Rugby? Actually, that doesn't sound half bad."

" All done and dusted. I'm sorry to hear about your headmaster and secretary – I know, despite their flaws, they were much loved."

" Well, one of 'em was." Said William. " But, yeah, God's looking after them now. Is this time to part company, Doctor?"

" I know. I know. I'm a brilliant guy and it's going to be terrible to part but school was never my thing. Or being a teacher – I nearly got killed, twice. Come on, Trouble. Oh, I think you two are gonna wanna see this."

As he escorted Jenny into the TARDIS, they both waved to William and Matthew before closing the door behind them.

The sun was rising, just as the TARDIS started to slowly dematerialize in front of their eyes.

" Right, William Webb Ellis...what're you doing?"

Matthew looked at William in confusion. William was striking a pose of himself running with an invisible ball under his arm.

" What d'ya think? I defied the rules of the game and created a new one. Rugby – soon, this town and me are going to be famous for it."

And, pretending he still had the ball under his arm, William Webb Ellis ran in the direction of the school with Matthew Bloxam trying to 'Rugby' takcle him.

The Doctor smiled as he saw the two new best friends run around on the field, playing what was soon going to be a well-known sport.

" So, where to, next?" He smiled as he looked at Jenny. " Past – where we could see someone else create something that changes history, present – so we can see how happy everyone is in the here and now or the future."

" What did the Raxacoricofallapatorian say to you, Doctor? I saw you bend down and listen to what it was telling you."

" Ramblings from a Raxicoricofallapatorian. Last words from a dying alien. Nothing to worry about."

But, from the look on The Doctor's face as he turned his head back towards the controls, they was something in the dead alien's words that had struck him as impossible.

THE END

NOTES ABOUT THIS STORY: First, and foremost, I'd like to thank everyone and anyone that has given this story a read – hopefully, someday, Stephen Moffatt might turn it into an episode. The original title was going to be 'Of Scrums and Slitheens', but then realized that scrums probably wouldn't have been invented then.

Lastly, feel free to comment or write a review. As for the dying Raxacoricofallapatorian's revealation....ah, well, that would be telling.