Disclaimer: I don't own the X-men, they belong to Marvel, Sam Lee, and whomever own rights.
Hey everyone! I know that this chapter is not to in-depth about what Logan discovered about his past. I'm not all that happy with the results of this chapter myself. Right now, however I'm going to leave it as is. Maybe one day I might go back and give it more detail. Just don't hold your breath, cause I can already tell you it want be anytime in the near future. That said, I hope it doesn't turn you off of the story completely. I hope you still find something about it enjoyable.
Chapter 11
Logan and Rogue had been up at the cabin for six months. They had become surprisingly quick friends once they relaxed and opened up together other. Logan surprised himself by becoming playful and if he was honest with himself, he was happy. He was contented. The first month Rogue had slowly revealed to him about his family, and his childhood. It had been hard to learn that he was actually related to the sewer rat. He had tried to deny it at first, but Rogue assured him, just because they were related, it didn't make them the same. Rogue knew both men, and she wouldn't let Logan compare himself to Creed, who was more animal, than human. Once Logan had started accepting her reassurance, he started lightening up. Logan was happy to finally know his real name, James Logan Howlett.
The next month, Rogue revealed to him about the more recent events. The ones that resulted in his getting the metal on his bones and the claws. She told him about Kayla, and her unwanted betrayal. She explained about how Kayla's sister had been held prisoner by Stryker, and although she had fallen in love with Logan, it was the only way to save her sister.
By the third month, Logan was soaking all the information in, and trying to adjust. Rogue and him took a trip to his old cabin, where he and Kayla used to live. It was broken down, and couldn't be saved. There was to much damage from the weather and animals. However they had discovered important documents and photos of Logan and Kayla. The deed, to the cabin, and fifty acre land it sat on. Logan found an old driver license, and he was disgusted with his picture.
Rogue had laughed her butt of at his constant grumbling that he didn't look that goofy in real life. Rogue secretly agreed the picture wasn't Logan's best, but it was still fun to tease him.
There were a few times that Rogue left Logan alone to mourn. She gave him a gently hug, when she saw the pain become to much, and wetness in his eyes. She would tell him to take his time, that she would see him back at the hotel in town whenever he got back.
Logan would squeezed her briefly in return, then thanked her in a tight gruff voice. Thankful, that she didn't try to crowd him. That she knew he need to be alone to deal with the loss of the one he loved, and the life that he use to have, and could still had, if hadn't been torn away from him. She understood his need for space so he could mourn in private. He was even more grateful, that she didn't press him to talk or ask him any questions when he did return to the hotel they were staying at. She greet him with another gently and cautious hug, due to her skin still being dangerous. Then they would eat the meal she had ordered for them, while they either watch TV, or after a quite but comfortable meal they would turn in for the night.
They shared a hotel room, but made sure the room had two beds. They spent two weeks investigating Logan's old cabin, and the information they discovered there. Like an old bank account, and an old post office box.
When Logan had made a joke about all the junk mail the old lady at the post office had shoved into his arms, relieved to be finally rid of it, Rogue knew that he was going to be okay in time.
They learned of Logan's old job as a logger.
"Figures. You've got the arms and chest for it." Rogue smirked.
Logan grinned and pulled off his shirt and flexed his muscles for her. Then they both busted out laughing.
They even talked to a few people that remember Logan and Kayla. Logan was relieved and glad to know that the people remembered him fondly, or as a good ole boy. Logan had confessed one day, that he was afraid that he had been more like Creed, more animal than man. That he had done some horrible things.
Rogue assured Logan that although he had done some things in his past that he wasn't proud of or happy about, he was a good man, while they sat together one evening at the old cabin, over looking the mountains. "Everyone of us have done things we're not proud of Logan. We've all done things we'd change or do differently if we could go back, but we can't. The only thing we can do is forgive ourselves and do better."
Logan looked over at her, and could see the same pain in her own eyes.
"You've got to forgive yourself too, Darlin. You didn't want to kill them. It wasn't your fault." Logan said softly, reaching over and caressing her head.
That was all it took for her to bust into sobs, in pain and guilt over what she had done. Logan frowned upset that he hadn't noticed how greatly she was still suffering. He pulled her against his chest, and held her while she cried.
The first three months at the cabin, they had been focusing on Logan's lost past. After that day Rogue had busted out sobbing, Logan realized that the whole reason they came up to Canada to begin with, for Rogue to relax, and focus on regaining control of her skin, had been pushed to the side. Upset about his selfishness, he vowed to start helping her now, like he should have done first, instead of focusing on himself.
"I'm sorry, Darlin. This trip was suppose to be for you, not me." Logan apologized a week after they returned to Logan's other cabin.
"I'm not sorry, Logan. I'm glad we focused on finding your past first. I know how important it was for you. You deserved to know it. I'm just glad I was able to help you." Rogue smiled warmly at him. Logan had come to mean so much to her. She wanted so much for him to finally have peace about his past, and for his future.
"You'll never know how much I appreciate you doing this for me. You gave me back a piece of myself, that has been missing for a long time." Logan said openly showing her how much her giving that to him meant to him.
"That what friends are for." Rogue smiled and hugged him.
Logan smiled, hugging her back tightly.
"Thanks Darlin, but now we're going to focus on you. I'm going to help you get your control back." Logan said kissing her head.
Rogue pulled back and smiled, as her eyes helped hope and gratitude.
The next three months, Logan would make sure to casually touch her. Wanting her to get use to good touch. There wasn't anything sexual in the touchs. Only a hug, or a head kiss, or a friendly pat on the back, or some form of innocence touching. Logan would take her on hikes, making sure to hold her hand, or he spend time mediating with her. He wanted her to get use to him being close when she allowed herself to be vulnerable. He wanted her to learn to trust that he wouldn't hurt her.
It wasn't that she didn't really trust Logan, but she had a hard time mediating with him at first. However, he proved to her that he wouldn't touch her or hurt her. Soon she grew comfortable enough with him to be able to focus.
There were also times when Logan let her mediate on her own, letting her have her space, just like she had for him. However he didn't let her mourn on her own. Her pain was to great. She hated herself for the lives that was destroyed because of her. Logan spent many evenings after her meditation session reassuring her what had happened wasn't her fault. That she wasn't a monster, that she wasn't a weapon. That her skin wasn't any type of sign that she was unlovable, or that she was meant to be alone. He assured her that she was a wonderful woman, with a good heart, who didn't deserve what had happened to her. He assured her that he wasn't scared of her, or her skin. That he didn't care how many people she had in her head, as long as they weren't hurting her in anyway, or trying to take control of her.
It was in the sixth month that Logan realized that he had fallen in love with, Rogue. He had always felt drawn instinctually to her, even when they were at the mansion, but he had always ignored it. He thought it was more physical. Sure he was protective of her, and even possessive, even moreso whenever they left the cabin, but Logan was use to his animal instincts guiding him. However the night he found her sitting in her underwear sobbing, and his mind hadn't once thought of anything but comforting her, and taking care of her, he knew it wasn't all physical anymore. His heart was now involved. He had held her until she had fell asleep against him, after he reassure her he was covered from her deadly skin. He had lifted her and placed her gently in bed, and kissed her head. He had sat over her that night, his heart arching for her battle over trying to let go of her guilt and take back not only control of her skin, but as he was coming to realize, control of her life as well.
Logan knew Rogue still wasn't ready for a serious relationship, so he kept his feelings to himself. He acted as nothing had changed.
It was three months later that Rogue started having some success in regaining control. The day she regain complete control she was sitting outside doing her mediation alone, when the first snow started to fall. She opened her eyes at the first flakes touching her face. Her eyes fell on Logan some yards away chopping wood. She looked around her, at the cabin, that had been their home for the past nine months, the beautiful mountains, and the way the forest seemed to embrace them. Rogue realized that for the first time in her life, that she was actually happy. As the snow blanketed the ground, with a pure clean white. Rogue felt like she had been given a second chance again. She would always hate what she had been forced to do, but she could now forgive herself, because Logan had helped her realized it wasn't her fault. That she wasn't a weapon or a monster only put on this earth to destroy life.
She also realized that she had fallen in love with Logan some time ago. She knew he was in love with her. But she also knew that he was right, that she hadn't been ready for anything more than friendship between them at the time. So she didn't focus on anything, but Logan as her best friend. A chance for love would come soon enough, she wanted to be able to give him her whole heart, and she couldn't do that until she could forgive herself and start living again, instead of just surviving, as Marie had said. Rogue felt the switch flip off, as she let the past finally go, and embrace being happy.
"Hey Darlin, you going to sit all day in the snow, or are you going to come inside where it's warm?" Logan asked as he came over to where she had been mediating.
He thought she would come inside after a while, so he let her be once he finished chopping the firewood, but she had been sitting in the snow for thirty minutes just staring out at the landscape that was quickly becoming white from the heavy snow. He knew she wasn't mediating anymore, so he decided to go see what was keeping her.
"I'm coming in right now Sugar, as soon as you help me up." Rogue said with a beaming smile up at him.
"What? You get stuck or something?" He teased smirking down at her, holding out his bare hand to her.
"Something like that." Rogue smiled, then turned serious. "Do you trust me?"
"You know I do Darlin, why?" He asked confused with a raised eyebrow.
Rogue held out her bare hands to him. He saw the happiness shining in her eyes, and smiled in returned as he quickly grabbed both of her bare hands in his and pulled her up. He didn't stop though, he pulled her into a bear hug. He picked her up and twirled her around as they both laughed happily. Once he stopped, and placed her back on her feet, he couldn't stop himself from leaning down to kiss hers lips passionately, while he still held her to him tightly.
Rogue was shocked at first, and before she could return the kiss, Logan had jerked back and looking worried, and upset.
Before he could apologize like she knew he was about to do; scared that he had scared her, and ruined their friendship, Rogue grinned up at him, grabbing the front of his jacket, "Shut up Logan." She growled, and jerked him back to her so she could kiss him back just as passionately.
Logan chuckled relieved, and didn't waste anytime in kissing her back.
Logan pulled back, and caress Rogue's flushed face tenderly. "I love you Rogue, say you'll be mine." He growled out deeply.
"I love you too, Logan, and I'll be yours, if you'll be mine." Rogue smiled so full of love for him, as she reached up and caressed his face.
"I've been yours for a long time now, Darlin, I've just been waiting for the right time." Logan said softly, as he smiled down at her tenderly, and full of love.
"I know." Rogue smiled then reached up and kissed Logan's cheek grateful for his consideration of her needs and feelings.
"You did?" Logan asked confused. "How?" He was sure he hadn't let on how he felt, so not to make her nervous or worried he might try something.
"Telepath Sugar, you projected your love. I loved you too, but you were right, that I wasn't ready for anything more to happen between us beside friendship. I needed to keep things like they were between us for a while longer. Thank you for giving me what I needed, Logan. Thank you for putting me first. No one has ever done that for me before. I love you so much." Rogue whispered with a love filled expression and smile as tears spilled down her face.
"I love you, Rogue, and you'll always come first with me Darlin." Logan kissing her forehead.
"I have a request." Rogue said a little more seriously, but her eyes were still tender and filled with love.
"Anything, Darlin." Logan answered wiping her tears from her face with the pad of his thumb.
"That from now on, when we're alone, that you call me, Marie." Rogue said holding Logan's eyes.
"Marie?" Logan repeated a confused.
"Yes, Marie is my real name. I only became Rogue, after my mutation hit. I don't want anyone else to know it, but I'd like for you to call me that now."
"Anything you want, Marie. I love you, Marie." Logan whispered, then leaned down and captured her lips again.
Rogue smiled against Logan's lips. "And I love you, James Logan Howlett." She whispered then remained quiet and just enjoyed being kissed by the man she loved.