First off I'd like to apologise for it taking so long. This was to date the hardest chapter to write. I'm still (if to be completely honest) not entirely sure about it. But when it was finished, it felt right. I felt proud of it.
So the good news is that it's finished, well this chapter. And depending on your opinions that it's not likely to end very soon. Still this is one of the few stories that I have to admit I hate and love. I hate that's it's so hard to write, that each chapter is a struggle. But I love it to death because I'd be bored if it was the same as everyone else's. I love that's it's mine and unique, and that I fought so hard to get this far.
Oh and "Every I is a You. Every you is an I." Is a line from a book called 'This is All' by Alan Chambers. So it's not mine. And my beta commented on having me change this line, but it will remain. Because as I was writing it called and said put me here. And so I did.
And I've almost reached double digits. So without further ado, this is chapter 9!
The first thing upon waking up that Tenten realised was that Neji was still in her bed, his breath warm against the back of her neck. The second thing she realised, looking at the clock, was that she had missed training with Gai and Lee. Thirdly she realised that she'd slept for ten hours.
"Crap!" she muttered, falling back against the pillow. She didn't want to deal with all this right now. Neji was already half-awake at her side, watching her through slitted eyes.
They both lay in her bed, after it all. His naked body pressed against hers. Emotions had escaped, wreaking havoc in the small room. Passionate kisses, tears, rage, gentle touches… a mixture of everything.
"This must be a terrible idea…" She whispered. "You shouldn't be here."
"I came here tonight for a different reason," his voice was serious. She turned to look at him, waiting for him to speak. "I want you to be Hinata's replacement guard," the way he phrased it was more of a command than a request.
"I don't know if I can do that…" Tenten frowned. She doesn't want to attend it, she can't bear to watch as Neji is formally no longer hers.
"It would only be for one night," Neji replied. His fingers were gently making their way through her unbound hair. "I only trust you with her. With you I know she'll be as safe as if she were with me." Silvered eyes gazed into hers.
She swallowed, caught by the emotions in his eyes. "I'll do it," she whispered softly.
It was silent as they rested together, leaving them both to their thoughts. They really shouldn't have done this… even now she can feel the swarm of emotions in her body, under her skin. For a second she wondered if this is what the Kikaichu felt like. Her heart ached.
It's so sick and wrong. They'd fallen asleep together in her bed, the bed she hadn't truthfully slept in for four days. She would miss this. Already she could feel the pain of loss, even though she was still pressed up intimately against him, still connected.
"You should leave soon," she told him as she climbed out of bed, throwing on a shirt. Other than that she said nothing.
He heard her clattering in the kitchen, making breakfast. He emerged a few minutes later from her room, fully dressed. She stood at the oven cooking some eggs. She whirled around, clutching a kunai when he entered the kitchen. She had forgotten he was here, from the looks of it.
"I'm leaving," Neji told her.
She closed her eyes to the world, almost bitterly. She took a deep breath and spoke. "I… guess I'll see you later then," her own voice sounded strange to her ears. Using all the will power she could muster she returned to her task of cooking, ignoring the slam of the door that meant that he was gone.
With a sigh she gave up on trying to cook food and threw it out; she wasn't hungry anyway. He was gone, and she was merely weak for giving in. She shouldn't burden him with this; he already had so much on his mind. She should have resisted, damn it! Damn it! She wanted to scream.
It was so unfair. So unfair that despite their love for each other, despite the fact that there was no woman who could please Neji and no man that could fill his void in her life, they would be separated. Neji would submit to his family's desire, which would earn him the goal he'd wanted.
And she, knowing how much he'd wanted that goal, seeing the determination (he thought that he'd hidden) in his face as he'd trained each day with her, hoping to be acknowledged, becoming stronger and more powerful. She couldn't deny him that, not because of her.
Outside she could hear people going about their lives, her next-door neighbour watering her small garden, a couple children playing tag in the streets, a man talking to his friend. She got up, to close the window that he'd left open.
She'd seen Hinata standing below her window, looking as if she were contemplating going up to visit her. "Hinata-chan?" She called out, aware that her voice trembled.
Hinata's head jerked up so quickly, that Tenten wondered if she'd snapped her neck moving that fast. On Hinata's face was a telltale blush, indicating her embarrassment at being caught.
Taking a glance at the embarrassed girl Tenten yelled down. "Come on up." Closing the window firmly behind her. A couple minutes later a different set of silvered eyes were looking at her. Tenten despite her earlier agitation was always kind to Hinata and always listened to her problems. Hinata really was like the younger sister that she'd never had.
"Are you okay?" Tenten asked the younger girl, breaking the silence.
Hinata was silent and her gaze drifted downward to stare at the wooden table in front of her. "A-actually I came to ask if y-you were okay," Hinata finally stuttered out.
"Why wouldn't I be?" Tenten asked questioningly.
"You know that Neji-niisan is getting engaged, don't you?" Hinata responded, a worried look on her face.
"I already knew," Tenten admitted sadly. "He explained it to me on our mission."
"I think he's only doing it because the elders said it was for my benefit," guilty silver eyes confessed.
"That's not his only reason," Tenten answered. The poor girl was feeling guilty on her cousin's behalf. "It's part of it however. Most of it has to do that with the fact that Naruto will soon be Hokage, and with Neji married he seems like a better candidate for the Hyuuga Head. In a way it's trying to make him seem like a better choice. It's also for alliance purposes."
Hinata looked up, guilt still written on her face. "It's s-still my f-fault. Neji-niisan doesn't want to get married and—"
Tenten reached out to grab Hinata's hand that currently covered part of her face. "It's not your fault. It's true that he doesn't want to get married, and it's true that he doesn't like the girl. But he's decided he wants to do it, and we no matter how much we lo—"
Realising what she had been about to say changed words, "care for him we have to let him do what he wants."
Hinata's head bobbed in answer. Getting out of her chair, Tenten wrapped her arms around Hinata's shoulders. Closing her eyes she held the other girl. "Are you okay Tenten?" A soft voice reminded her of reality a few minutes later.
"To be honest," Tenten answered, turning her face away to look at the clock on the wall, "I'm not. But I think I'll get over it." Maybe.
Hinata turned around to face her. "You don't have to be my replacement guard, I'm sure we can find someone else—"
"I said I would. I owe Neji that much," She shook her head, dislodging the tears that had gathered at the corner of her eyes. "I… want to be there, even if…" her voice broke.
Hinata stroked her head, this time doing the comforting. "He was here last night wasn't he?"
"For a bit," Tenten replied, slightly evasive. If anyone found out about the affair, it would only be harder for both of them. Neji's reputation would be questioned, she would be looked down upon, people would wonder why they weren't still together…
Stop it, she told herself. There was nothing she could do to change it. Neji would be getting married soon and then everything would change, it would never be the same again.
Hinata said nothing, not questioning what her friend had said. There was nothing either of them could say really to make it right, so instead they stood there comforting each other over the impending loss of someone who was a lover, a friend and family.
That night as she prepared for bed, but not for sleep she thought about it, they'd promised to avoid each other, to stay away… but maybe there were some promises that no matter how honest your intentions and no matter how hard you tried, they could never be kept.
It was such a beautiful sin, their love. Logically she knew that ending this relationship before it developed any further was in the best interests of everyone, but she couldn't. She loved him so much and needed him so much. It was messed up, it was wrong… But she loved him, and she couldn't bring herself to think about the repercussions.
He came again that night, on one hand she'd expected it and on the other she'd hoped he wouldn't. He stood with his back to the window, facing her as she lay in bed. She'd laid down in hopes of drifting off to sleep. A glance at the clock off to his right showed the time as three in the morning.
She couldn't see his face enveloped in shadows. She couldn't help but wonder if she could see his face what expression would be written across it. No doubt some strange mixture of lust, love, guilt and duty.
"Neji…" she murmured, hoping it was a dream but knowing it wasn't. It was wrong, wrong, wrong! They never should have been like this, Neji was supposed to do his duty to his family. She was supposed to be his loyal teammate, nothing more and nothing less.
He kissed her. It had come to this… he came to her, and used their love to forget, to be consumed in something better. To give himself enough strength, enough courage to continue with his engagement to a girl he'd meet for the first time in a few days.
And she let him, despite her internal conflict, despite the pain and the guilt, because he needed her. He was the Hyuuga Prodigy, he'd never needed anyone… but he needed and wanted, and loved her.
There were no more thoughts on anything as his lips covered hers with an urgency that couldn't be met. His hands roamed everywhere, ripping off clothing without so much as an apology. She was beneath him dutifully giving, letting him lose himself in her. Her eyes were closed.
He pulled away and immediately she missed his warm presence. "Tenten…" he murmured quietly, seeming uncertain about what he wanted or what he intended to say to her.
She couldn't speak now. There was nothing to say, nothing that could make this situation right. She pulled him to her and kissed fiercely, ripping his shirt off at the same time. She dragged her nails downward over his chest, earning a hitched groan.
He continued his earlier actions, quickly disrobing her. He paused when she gasped as he entered her. Her eyes shot open, and a breathy moan escaped her lips when he began to move.
Was this really love? She wondered. It wasn't quite the kind she'd wanted when she'd dreamed of loving him one day. No this was much too bittersweet, tangled up in promises that probably shouldn't have been made, and never really could be kept.
Still he had come, despite her pathetic arguments. They were both children really, despite the intimacy of this act. Both of them were still at heart, just messed up little children. And despite what arguments there were against this, they both needed it.
He caught the far away look in her eyes and guessed what she was thinking. A sharp nip to the side of her neck brought him a hitched breath. "Neji… Please don't stop," she begged breathlessly. With a smirk he did so, and nothing else was spoken until much, much later.
Later that night they lay together, taking momentary comfort in each other. "Tenten?" he whispered hoarsely.
"Hm?" She brushed her head against his chest as she turned to look at him.
"Why?" he asked, his voice quivering, he wasn't asking about their circumstance, they both knew it.
He would never admit to needing anyone, it was a matter of pride. Besides she knew already, he spoke it, in the desperate way he made love to her. "I need you," she whispered. Every I is a You. Every you is an I.
"What's her name?" Tenten asked, the words falling from her mouth without thought. Inwardly she cursed herself, he came here to forget about it not be reminded of it.
His body stiffened and he said in a voice that betrayed no emotion, "Hanako Sugi." He said nothing more after that, and for that she was thankful. She fell asleep quickly, her hand still entwined with his, as if afraid he'd leave.
He was gone that morning.