This weekend (actually this week) was pretty awful. I'm starting to wonder if the reason all my writing is so depressing is because in actuality I myself am depressed. Must look further into this. Chapter 18 (for those of you who bother to read my little blurbs) will probably take a while as I'm busy every night this week.
So here is the long awaited chapter 17.
She had reported to ANBU Headquarters where stacks of paperwork waited for her to sign filled with vows of silence and loyalty and honour. Then came the rite of passage into ANBU, the tattoo that would mark her undying loyalty to Konoha until the end of her life.
It burned, and she fought against the instinctive tears rising in her eyes. It hurt… but less than the thought that she had abandoned her Team.
The Hokage had been notified and a replacement would be assigned. A replacement, as if she could be so easily replaced. There was no one who could reign in Lee's youthfulness as well as she could, and there was no one she trusted to guard Neji's blind spot.
After her tattoo had been carefully wrapped and she had been instructed on how to keep it from getting infected, she received her uniform. Her uniform that would allow her to cease being Tenten and become a weapon of Konoha.
"You'll be reporting here for two weeks to receive training in ninjato," Her squad-captain instructed her. Her squad-captain was a tall man with thick scars, called Haruo. Behind his back he was known as Scar. Every single beginner was placed under him, and it was only if you passed his requirements that you could be considered an ANBU.
"I already have training in weapons," she protested.
"It's tradition," he said firmly and she remained silent. He handed her a katana, and as she tested it against her thumb she knew it was made from the highest quality steel. "You'll be using bokken for the first week."
She bit down on her tongue to smother her protest. She knew how to use a weapon, damn it!
"Report here tomorrow at seven. You are now a temporary member of Squad 1, Division 10. You're dismissed."
He handed her a mask, and for a moment she had to smile. Her mask was a panda and she wondered if someone was mocking her distinctive hairstyle, or whether it was just her fate. Probably both, she decided.
She headed to Team Gai's old training grounds. Neji and Lee were still there training, like they were waiting for her. She stepped out to meet them; somehow feeling more vulnerable and yet less exposed with her new uniform on.
"Hello ANBU-san, how may we help you?" Lee had quit attacking Neji and turned to face her. He did not recognise her, and that made her feel like she was on outside like she no longer belonged with them.
She tilted her mask to the side so that her face was visible. "Tenten-san!" Lee exclaimed. She smiled shyly, slightly unsure. But Lee still hugged her tightly, and that made her feel better.
Neji had come closer, his hand wrapped around a cold metal bracer on her arm. The metal was so different from the warm skin that he was used to. The grey and black made her look too sharp, unlike the colours that she normally wore. The mask tilted strangely to the side of her head, was so unlike her.
"Panda-chan!" Lee was saying. "Tenten-san is our Panda-chan!"
Neji was silent, he had meant to congratulate her, however much he wished for her to stay. The words were stuck in his throat.
"Neji," Tenten said finally, snapping his eyes to her face.
"Congratulations," Neji said after swallowing the lump in his throat.
"Thank you," she whispered.
Lee chattered on about how Tenten made such a cute panda, and how she'd be the best ANBU ever with her shining youthfulness. She smiled and nodded, and when he suggested they all go for lunch she agreed.
Maybe she couldn't be with Team Gai, or even with Neji anymore, but simply because it was the end didn't mean that she couldn't enjoy what time there was left. So she took each of their hands in hers and dragged them down to the village.
She began training in kenjutsu along with the new recruits, until someone (probably Shikamaru who was an ANBU captain) mentioned to Haruo that there was really no point in training the Weapons Mistress in kenjutsu when she was already a master of it.
That was when Haruo decided that she would be doing extra training outside of her normal training. Haruo proved to be a master at kenjutsu and she grew to enjoy her spars with him. Even after she was finished with her two-weeks' mandatory kenjutsu training, they continued to spar.
She no longer had time to spar with Lee or Neji, most nights collapsing in exhaustion. She trained with her ANBU team now, and was frequently away for long periods of time for missions. She no longer bothered to tell her friends how long she'd be gone for, simply giving them all a key and telling them to check up on her apartment once in a while.
She was permanently placed in Squad 5, Division 1. Squads contained up to a hundred members while divisions were composed of ten members. Within each division there were five partners of two.
Tenten's partner was an experienced member whose codename was Koi, but in real life was Shou Hirase. His rank varied between skilled Chuunin and Jounin. He was seven years her senior but unmarried and came from an average shinobi family.
However simply because Koi was her partner in the books did not make him her partner in real life. She certainly did not think of him as such, he was merely someone she was required to work with. She tried to forget that she had once vowed that Neji would always be her partner and she his.
In one of her short down times between missions she had managed to catch up on the latest gossip with her fellow kunoichi at their favourite restaurant. Hinata sadly had been occupied with Clan Duties, so it was just Ino and Sakura.
"Tenten, I'm so glad we finally get so see you!" Sakura hugged her tightly. "I was wondering if we'd ever see you again. I heard that your Division has been running you ragged."
"Sorry, it's just been so exhausting getting used to the ANBU schedule. But it's calmed down a lot now that I've finished my 'mandatory kenjutsu training.'" Sakura and Ino smothered some giggles at the exasperation in her voice.
"So did you hear about Team Gai—I mean Team Four's new member?" Ino asked finally, leaning in on her elbows.
"Her name is Megumi Fuwa and she's a former intelligence more specifically seduction expert, skilled in genjutsu. She is two years older than we are. Her highest rank achieved is Jounin but she's not listed in any bingo books," Sakura spoke as if she were just repeating information that she'd received from Megumi's information folder.
"You sound like you just regurgitated her entire folder, Forehead-Girl," Ino replied and Tenten barely managed to cover her smile. "In any case she is a genjutsu expert, probably even enough to rival Forehead here. Her speciality is a genjutsu that exudes familiarity. It makes her excellent for intelligence missions."
"What's she like?" Tenten asked. Both of them were smiling nervously, like they were hiding something.
"Well… we heard this from Chouji who was walking by when this happened. But apparently just after they'd been introduced Megumi told Lee that he was barely passable and then told Neji in the same breath that she had deemed him to be 'of good quality' and that he would be her partner," Sakura added in a soft voice.
"Chouji said that Neji just exploded then and said something that made her go pale before he marched out of the training grounds," Ino added. "It was quite rude of her, and she was like all over Neji despite the fact that he's engaged."
"Oh…" Tenten managed to say.
Since she had joined ANBU, Neji no longer came during the night to see her. In fact she saw little of him at all, and when she did it was always in public or with Lee. It was never simply just the two of them. She knew that she missed him, especially when she woke during the night to find her bed empty when she was sure that just moments before he'd been there.
It was just after her second month being a member of the ANBU Black Ops that she was given her first solo mission, she was to kill a family that had abandoned Konoha. The targets were Raimaru Yasui, Saruko Yasui and their five-year-old daughter Kimi Yasui.
She returned to Konoha late that evening with her suit coated in blood, none of it her own. Her face was pale behind her mask, and her mouth still filled with the sour taste of vomit. After dropping off her mission report at the ANBU office she headed back to her apartment.
In the shower, which she'd turned as hot as she could stand she spent the better part of an hour scrubbing viciously at her skin and under nails. She'd washed her hair three times. And finally when she'd stepped out of that steaming room, she knew that she couldn't sleep tonight.
In a final act of desperation she found herself sneaking in to the Hyuuga Grounds and making her way to Neji's room. Neji was asleep, lying squarely in the middle of his bed. She sat in the shadowed corner of his room, her head resting on her knees. Neji slept peacefully, blissfully unaware of the crimes that she had committed for the sake of Konohagakure.
She stayed there, watching him sleep and wishing that she could join him in slumber for hours. Her red rimmed eyes staring at him thorough the darkness while in her mind replayed the murder of a tiny girl-child. A flash of red against the stone floor of an abandoned cottage and dark eyes filled with fear and anger at the death of her parents haunted Tenten's memories.
She knew that Neji had awoken in the instant he turned to face her. "Come here, Tenten," he spoke softly as if speaking to a frightened child. She shook her head and stayed put in the corner. It was only when she felt his presence beside her that she dared to look up.
"I killed her," she whispered. "She was hardly even five years old. I killed her parents in front of her and then killed her too," She could not keep the horror from her voice. "I—I'm a murderer." Her voice trembled.
"You are not," Neji replied, his arms encircling her. His arms were the arms of someone comforting a broken lover, not just a broken teammate. He said nothing more, but carried her to his bed placing her chilled body beneath the warm covers. Then after a moment's hesitation crawled in after her, holding her body close to his.
It was odd, that after two months of avoidance that he would simply welcome her into his bed. That they would end up back where they had left off after two months of isolation. Two months ago had been the unspoken end of their relationship.
She enjoyed the warmth and comfort after months' of empty, lonely beds. But the longer she lay there the more she wished that she could bring herself to just leave, to quit dragging herself along with him. She finally got up and headed to the window.
He didn't even attempt to stop her when she left, simply watching her exit through his bedroom window. She felt furious and wished that he had tried, even if in the end she had said no then turned and left without a word. But she knew that there was no point rubbing salt into their wounds.
She ran into Neji that morning when she handed in a secondary copy of her mission report to the Hokage. He didn't look at her; he couldn't look at her at all. In public their shields went up, they couldn't be who they are. She returned his wave and continued on up to the Hokage's office.
The finality of it hit her with enough force to knock the breath out of her. Whatever they had had was over. She'd destroyed what little love they'd had in between the bitterness at the fact that it would never be allowed to fully blossom. Instead of simply letting it die slowly, she had snatched it up, threw it to the ground and stamped on it for good measure.