Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate Atlantis or any of its characters; I own Leeander, Rima, Mac "Blazing Heart", Dr. Richardson, and Tina. I am not a psychologist I just guessed what a psychologist might (or might not) say. I do not own 7-UP. The Stockholm Syndrome is real and got its name from a bank robbery where the victims of the bank robbery defended the robbers in public.
One Week Later...
"Colonel Sheppard asked me out," Aunt Tina beamed to me, her eyes shining with happiness.
"That's great," I smiled, Gee about time! I thought to myself, I paused, waiting to hear Leeander's voice in my head, as usual for the past week my only response was silence. I can't believe I'm actually finding myself missing a Wraith, I frowned a little then quickly shrugged my thoughts off as well as I could. I watered a Johnisthicus, a green petaled flower with a purple center that my Aunt had discovered the day I was taken; she had named it after Colonel Sheppard.
"Mac..."
"Yeah?" I asked as I pushed my glasses up, I turned to face my Aunt and started watering another plant, this one resembling a Fern. I knew my Aunt has named it, I'm just not sure what she named it.
"I've noticed you've been different since..Everything happened, is everything ok?"
"Everything's fine," I smiled, "I just made a promise to myself that I'd become a braver person and not such a cry baby."
"Mac, you're not a-"
"Yeah, I was," I replied, I reached to grab hold of my mother's Peace Sign and realized that Leeander had never given it back. Why was it that almost everyone of my thoughts had something leading to that Wraith? "If you saw me on that Hive..." I shook my head, "I was crying my eyes out, and when Leeander was chasing me I was crying."
"Mac, you were terrified...And you need to remember you're only 17," Aunt Tina exclaimed as she paused and studied a flower that had just bloomed, she quickly took a picture and started writing notes.
"Only a year away from joining the military or Navy," I muttered.
Aunt Tina looked up, "Mac. Don't go there," she frowned.
"I was only saying that most of these marines-"
"Are not 18 or 19 year olds," my Aunt finished, "they're in their 20's and 30's. Anyway, can you really see yourself killing something?"
"I don't want to join the military or Navy, I was getting ready to say that!" I exclaimed, getting frustrated.
"Don't you raise your voice to me, young lady," my Aunt warned.
I paused and took a deep breath, temper, temper, I reminded myself. This past week I had been losing my temper easily and I had been impatient with everyone - no, it's not that time of month. I had seen the psychologist and she told me, Aunt Tina, Colonel Sheppard, and Mr. Woolsey that I had Stockholm Syndrome...In other words I've fallen in love with my captor. I tried to deny it, after all we were together for what maybe two days...I mean I wasn't even ME most of the time on the Hive, I can't remember anything I did! But it's so strange, I can remember almost everything Leeander did and said.
I sighed, "sorry Aunt Tina," I replied though inside I was still angry, not at her though. Why doesn't he like me? Why am I not good enough for him?!
Aunt Tina looked at me with concern, "Mac...God...I can't begin to imagine what you're going through right now," she sighed, "but...It was last week-"
"I know I need to get over it, but it's not something like a splinter after its been taken out that I can forget about after minute or so. Believe me, I'm trying, but no matter what I do almost every thought of mine somehow ties back to Leeander."
"If you tried to move on-" My Aunt started.
Dr. Richardson, one of Atlantis's psychologists, the one whose been helping me, cleared her throat, "Dr. Jordan, what MacKenzie is saying is true, it is exactly what I have told her. Stockholm Syndrome doesn't 'go away' that quickly...It is where a victim falls in love with their captor, it's a victim's defense mechanism to make sense of what is going on and what is happening to them and to keep them alive."
"My dearly departed sister and I were raised that no matter what's wrong with you if you keep a determined mind and stop living in the past you can move on," my Aunt exclaimed, her eyes shining as she defended what she was taught and believed in.
"Dr. Jordan, have you ever been kidnapped?" Dr. Richardson asked as she pushed a lose strand of her raven black hair behind her ear; Dr. Richardson is a plus size girl, well she's an adult woman, like me and she wears in her back in a french braid. She's Atlantis's child and young adult psychologist and usually wears jeans, sneakers, and a T-shirt under her white coat. She has a heart shaped face, hazel eyes, her lips aren't thin or full, their kinda in between; she doesn't wear make up and she's half Lakota Sioux.
Aunt Tina went stiff, "no...But-"
"Then you would not understand what your niece is going through," Dr. Richardson replied, "it's time for MacKenzie's next session."
"I don't think that's such a good idea," my Aunt exclaimed, "you're filling her head full of bad ideas-"
"It doesn't matter what you think, Dr. Richardson; I mean this as no offense to you, but Mr. Woolsey has ordered that I help MacKenzie until I feel she has 'moved on.' The harder you push her to forget faster, the more stress and pressure you are putting her into, if you are not careful she may develop an acute case of Amnesia."
"That's horse hockey," my Aunt scowled, "amnesia comes from a bump on the head. But if she does forget a few things including that Wraith-"
"Acute could either be forgetting the Wraith, or it could be forgetting you," Dr. Richardson argued.
I had enough, I untied the strings of the apron I was wearing and threw it off me before glaring at my aunt, "just leave me alone Aunt Tina! Since I got back here all you've done is nag me, nag, nag, nag! Move on, Move on, Move on! Don't be this, don't be that, study plants like me! If you want the truth I don't want to study plants, sure they're pretty but I don't care what they look like! If they're poisonous then yea I wanna know about that, but everything else no."
"Now see what you've-" Aunt Tina started at Dr. Richardson.
"Dr. Richardson has nothing to do with all your horse hockey, Aunt Tina, she's been helping me move on. When I first got back onto Atlantis all I could think about was Leeander, every second of the day. Now it's just in every other thought. Just leave me alone!" I slammed the watering can down on the counter and walked towards the door.
"MacKenzie my office-" Dr. Richardson started.
"Forget it! I'm not going today, maybe never again!" I replied before leaving the room. Anger went inside me, this time not at Leeander, but at my Aunt. She thinks everything is so easy to do, so easy to get through, maybe for her! She's little skinny Miss Perfect with the face and body of a fashion model. I get it, she's hot, she probably always gets her way because of her looks, and though she loves me she can't stand the fact I'm not like her in any way. Even if I was skinny I wouldn't be a bitch with a nose high in the air who had to control everyone and everything. Poor Colonel Sheppard has no idea what he's getting himself into!
I walked out to Atlantis's pier where Dr. Beckett fished a lot, I sat down and swung my legs over the side. I stared down at the ocean, the large whales that had been on Atlantia weren't on this planet; that was okay though the ocean was still beautiful. I leaned forward and stared at my reflection.
My wire framed glasses were starting to slip down my nose, my eyes were brimming with tears, my roundish face was filled with anger and sadness. I was wearing my sneakers; my embroidered jeans (these had flowers embroidered all over both pant legs); my 7-UP T-shirt that said 7-UP in green over a rising sun; and a denim blue jacket with flowers and peace signs panted on it over the shirt; all I was missing was my mother's peace sign pendant. Instead I was wearing the pendant Leeander had given to me right before he turned me into a different person, well Wraith, for a short amount of time.
Aunt Tina and Dr. Richardson both thought that I had ditched the pendant, I knew if I wanted to move on one day I'd have to ditch it; but I really didn't want too right now, not just yet.
I sighed as I leaned back on my hands; I frowned I had been pretty crappy to my Aunt all week if she snapped because of all that I was putting her through, then I understood and I know it was my fault. But if she went into her whole 'I am Lord and Master' phase just because, well then that was her fault.
"Hey," Colonel Sheppard's voice exclaimed from behind me, "mind if I sit next to you?"
"Not unless you don't mind your being snapped off," I replied softly as I looked away.
Colonel Sheppard sat down beside me, "you've been out here since 4 o'clock, you're aunt was really worried."
I paused, I looked up, oh it was night time? I hadn't even noticed, what was going on with me?
"I was a bitch to her," I replied as I looked at Colonel Sheppard. I know Colonel Sheppard cares for everyone here on Atlantis and he's like a big brother to everyone; I know I shouldn't complain and whine to him because he has a lot of stress and he works hard. But I also know that he and my Aunt have liked each other for more than a year now and have been dancing circles around each other until now. He might be my uncle one day, even if not I know that he doesn't judge people.
"Well...Her feelings were hurt, mostly she was confused, she doesn't understand what she did wrong," Colonel Sheppard replied as he leaned back, "pretty night."
"Yeah," I replied, "my mom used to tell me the legends of the Lakota Star People. She had a friend who was full blooded Lakota Sioux who told her the story...According to the story each star we see is a star person, the spirits of people and animal that used to walk the Earth and died; they're always watching over us."
"Well...That could be," Colonel Sheppard said with a small nod.
"I wish I knew how I could move on," I exclaimed, "I've been a bitch to everyone, especially my aunt. I want to be with Leeander though, I know he doesn't care to be around me......And I've never been a clingy girl before, never a damsel and distress now I'm a whiny damsel in distress who wants a Prince Charming that doesn't want her. I hate myself right now."
"You shouldn't," Colonel Sheppard replied as he raised an eyebrow, "it's not your fault...Even though people call it the Stockholm Syndrome and say its a defense mechanism to keep you feeling safe..." Colonel Sheppard shook his head, "you fell in love, deep love. When he said no, it hurt bad, and love isn't easy to recover from when you've been in it - no matter how long - and when the other person doesn't want to be with you it hurts badly."
I looked over at him in surprise, "exactly! You've been kidnapped and fallen in love with someone before?" I asked.
"No," Colonel Sheppard replied, "but my sister has. She wasn't kidnapped by the Wraith the first time, but the second time during a Culling. She fell in love with him; I thought it was Stockholm Syndrome too but I didn't say anything because I've never seen her that happy before. I was about to say something to her when she visited Atlantis before her first surgery to make her into a Wraith. It wasn't until she told me about her feelings, the way Todd treated her and the way she treated him, that I started to slightly believe her. Then one day I saw exactly what she was talking about, and it was love. However, she was with Todd for months on end..."
I glanced down, "I was only with Leeander for 2 days and some hours."
"Yeah, but it's still love...Or...." Colonel Sheppard paused, "it could be puppy love. It's your first time falling in love, it feels weird, and suddenly that feeling was taken away really...Quickly...And it left a lot of pain, right?"
I nodded, "right, so what should I do?"
"Well, you're not going to be able to stop thinking about Leeander overnight...Just go back to your normal daily routine, draw, sketch, do school work, live your life. Anytime you have a thought of Leeander put something into a jar," Colonel Sheppard exclaimed, "a penny, a quarter, a pencil, a slip of paper, buttons, anything that you can count. But make it something that you'll miss."
"Why should I miss it?" I asked.
"Because the less and less you have of what you're giving up you'll wind up missing it more than you do the Wraith; you'll stop yourself from thinking about the Wraith and think about saving the last of whatever the items you're giving up are."
"I have 2 boxes of sketching pencils and I don't know what I'd do without them," I exclaimed.
"There you go," Colonel Sheppard replied, "use those, each time you have a thought into the jar goes a pencil. To help you from taking the pencils out, give the jar to Mr. Woolsey and ask him to hold it. Ask him to let you touch it unless you're putting a pencil in...Then when you stop thinking of the Wraith all the time talk to Dr. Richardson again if she says that you've moved on, Mr. Woolsey will give you back the pencils."
"Groovy, I never thought of that! Thanks, Colonel Sheppard," I beamed as I hugged him; usually I'd be too shy to do more than shake his hand, but since he could be my uncle one day, why not?
"You're welcome," Colonel Sheppard replied as he hugged me back.
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John walked back into Atlantis an hour later, Mac had gone back inside to get a jar and give it to Mr. Woolsey. John meanwhile had stood up, staring at the stars wondering where his sister's Hive was now...His thoughts trailed to Elizabeth..He missed her, but he knew she'd want him to move on. It had taken a while but he had.
"John! How is she?" Tina asked as she walked over to him.
"She's groovy," John replied before giving a laugh, eh had thought the word 'groovy' had been long since extinct but Mac said it a lot and seemed to be keeping it alive.
"Huh?" Tina asked.
"She's doing better," John smiled, "She talked to me, I talked to her...For every thought about Leeander she'll put a sketching pencil into a jar in Mr. Woolsey's office. She's not allowed to touch the jar unless putting a pencil in, when Dr. Richardson feels she's moved on then she can have her pencils back. So don't get her anymore or let her get anymore."
"I won't, thank you so much John. I've tried this last week to talk to her, get her to open up to me, but all she's done is snap. I tried being forceful, but....Well...You were there when she stomped out."
"She's a little like my sister who could be the same way at times...You just gotta try to see things from their point of view and work with it; think of what you could do, that's all I did," John shrugged.
"Did she tell you how she was feeling?" Tina asked.
"She was angry at herself for snapping at you so much," John replied as the two walked into the cafeteria together, "and she was thinking of herself as a whiny damsel in distress. I think letting her true feelings out helped her some more, though. Just give her time, she'll be alright." He smiled.
Tina nodded, "thank you so much, John; you are an angel."
"I doubt that," John chuckled as he wrapped his arms around Tina and bent his head low giving her a kiss, the most passionate one had ever given it before. Time seemed to vanish on him, he didn't notice all the people gathering around, or turning around in their seats, the cafeteria line was backed up as people stared; even the cooks stared. When the two finally pulled away people starting clapping, John looked over at Rodney who had shouted, 'it's about time!'
"Hey! It was just a kiss," John exclaimed, "no big deal."
"Just a kiss, huh?" Ronon asked as he passed John, "I think that one started an Earth Quake."
John glared at him before Tina laughed and put her arm around his waist, "c'mon," she smiled, "we can make more Earth Quakes later, lets get something to eat, I'm starved."
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Leeander focused hard on the human samples and the Retrovirus samples; he knew how badly Rima wanted to be human again. The Commander and the Queen of this Hive had reluctantly agreed to allow him to study the Retrovirus, Human cells, Wraith cells, and cells of Wraiths who became human after breathing in the Retrovirus. He was being guarded at all times, and the Commander checked in on him once every half hour to make sure he wasn't trying to sabotage the Hive. Leeander understood why the Commander and Queen would be untrusting of him, he came from an enemy Hive and until he fully gained his Commander and Queen's trust he'd put up with being under constant guard and scrutiny from the Commander.
"You've been at that all week," Rima said as she walked into the Wraith Lab of the Hive Ship, "what are you working on?"
"I am trying to fully understand this Retrovirus and see if I could alter it to make you human once again," Leeander replied.
"Leeander..."
"Yes, sister?"
"You're not doing this mainly because of me, you're keeping busy," Rima replied, "I...Appreciate you trying to find a way to make me human again," she said softly as she gently pulled the microscope away from her brother, "but you're keeping busy not to think of her."
"Her?" Leeander asked as he reached for the Microscope, Rima held it away from him.
"Mac," Rima replied.
"Enough of the human, please, she is a subject I tire of," Leeander groaned.
"I know otherwise," Rima replied, "you were once human, Leeander...And even Wraiths fall in love with humans. It's okay."
"You do not understand," Leeander replied.
"Then tell me," Rima said as she leaned forward and stared her brother in the eye.
Leeander sighed, "I am no scientist sister, true...This is not the work of a hunter." He said as he put the samples away into their casing; he'd give them back to the Commander when he came to check on him. He looked at his sister who was patiently watching him and obviously had no intention of leaving.
"Love can not form in a matter of 2 days and a few hours...Mainly a few hours...Mac cannot remember me or what I said and did while she was Blazing Heart."
"Wrong," Rima replied, "before she left the Hive she told me she didn't know what she did or said as Blazing Heart, but she could remember almost everything you said and did. She said you made her feel safe and even when she walked the Hive alone for her first time she knew you were behind her keeping her safe."
"Only because I did not want her to hurt another Wraith or herself if she remembered who she was," Leeander replied.
"No, because you cared for her, and you still do," Rima replied, "maybe you don't actually love her...But, Mac deserves more than an 'I don't want anything to do with you.' "
"I told her I had no interest in romantic-"
"You also clearly put it you did not intend to see her again, in human terms that most likely means that a friendship is over," Rima replied, "you had your guard up so high that Mac never had a chance to know you, the real you. Which is not the Wraith I am seeing right now."
Leeander bared his teeth and growled, but stopped when his sister slapped him.
"See! Even now your guard is up, with me, your own sister," Rima commented as she crossed her arms.
Leeander lowered his eyes, "I apologize, sister. Yes, I see what you are saying is true, I should...go on Atlantis when the Queen visits her brother-"
"Tomorrow," Rima smiled, "they are celebrating Christmas Eve and are going to sing things called Christmas Carols and give each other one present to open on Christmas Eve, and the rest will be opened on the Human Holiday of Christmas. Just talk to her tomorrow, see if you feel anything, maybe not love but friendship?"
Leeander nodded, "I shall. Thank you for slapping sense into, Rima."
"You are welcome, Leeander," Rima smiled at him over her shoulder before going to her table in the Wraith Lab.