After spending nearly ten minutes sitting in the doorway of her apartment simply holding a crying Nikolas in her arms, Nadine eventually managed to coax him into the comforting warmth of her safe haven. She had worked hard when she had first come to Port Charles to create a place that she could call home. The owner of her building had begrudgingly allowed her to paint her walls a bright, sunny yellow and replace all the drapes with gauzy lilac and sage green curtains. She'd torn up the floor and refurbished the wood floors back to their original splendor and meticulously chosen furniture, linens and artwork that complimented her simple but refined taste. She had been careful to include those tiny elements that made a house a home – her hand-knitted baby blanket casually thrown over the back of her favorite overstuffed armchair, a framed photograph of her with her aunt beside her bed, vanilla-scented tea lights sprinkled throughout the apartment, fresh lilac and roses sitting on the middle of her kitchen table. It was a comforting and light place to be, very much the opposite of Wyndamere and Spoon Island.
Nikolas was hunched in the middle of her sofa, his face hidden from her in his hands. Looking at him through the doorway that separated the kitchen and living room, she couldn't help but feel a pang of something familiar in her heart. Just a few hours ago, she had been impulsively kissing him in the middle of his living room and now he was breaking down in the middle of hers. She had been angry with Nikolas for the way he had pushed her away so easily and then heartbroken to find him in the arms of someone else. Nadine had chided herself relentlessly over the past few hours for not interrupting his private moment between Elizabeth and wondered if maybe she was reading too much into the exchange she'd see between the two friends. Her mind was a jumble of conflicting emotions, but as she watched Nikolas now, she only felt compassion and love. She would have given anything to take away the darkness that now resided in his warm brown eyes. However, until Lulu was home, she feared that it was here to stay.
Clutching the mug in her hand, she tentatively entered back into the living room and padded silently across the floor in her bare feet to sit down next to him. Nikolas didn't say anything as he accepted the cup of coffee. He seemed to be avoiding her gaze now as he feigned interest in the hot java. Nadine had made enough coffee in her life to know that hers was nothing special. He just didn't want to spoke of what just happened. She didn't blame him really. She had come to know Nikolas quite well and had watched him struggle with so much. First it had been the loss of his fiancée, then it was the fight for his own life and now he was trying to save his sister. It seemed like Nikolas was always fighting for something, for someone. He had never once asked anyone to fight for him, but Nadine was determined to be his biggest champion. While he was off battling everyone else's demons, she just wanted to take care of him. Some might say it was because she was falling in love with him, but Nadine knew that it was because she had already fallen.
"Do you want to talk about what just happened?" she asked Nikolas softly, her voice barely above a whisper. She didn't have to look up at him to know that he had shaken his head no. She nodded resolutely before reaching over and taking the cup of coffee from him. His hands were ice-cold and shaking. Holding them tightly in his lap, she turned to him and searched his eyes for a hint of something familiar. She wanted to know that he was still him. "If you're not going to talk about that, why don't we talk about what we can do for your sister? I know that you're a big believer in not dwelling when you can take action, so let's figure out a plan of action. What resources do you have at your fingertips?"
Closing his eyes, Nikolas took a deep breath and swallowed the overwhelming fear and grief that had plagued him minutes before. Nadine was right; he just needed to focus on the things that he could to help his baby sister. "The first thing I guess I should do is get back in contact with Claudia. She is the only one who has spoken with either one of them," he decided. "I can also get in touch with some of employees overseas. If we can get Lulu out of the country, I can get her to a facility in Switzerland that specializes in cases like hers and my mother's. I'll see Johnny with her so that she gets there safely. I know that it's the only way that she'll go willingly. Once she is settled, I can take Spencer overseas and stay there so that she has family nearby."
Although it pained Nadine to think about Nikolas being away from Port Charles for that long, she knew that his family was more important than anything she could be feeling in her heart. "It sounds like you've already thought this through more than you thought," she said encouragingly, squeezing his hand for added emphasis. "They're not going to be able to go through customs undetected. I'm sure that everyone from here to Hong Kong has seen a picture of them by now."
"I can have new identities created for them fairly easily. I'll come up with a few in case they are detected. Lulu has lived her life with several aliases thanks to Luke. She should be used to it now," Nikolas laughed humorlessly. He turned his body slightly toward her, feeling somewhat more receptive to letting her understand how he was feeling. "Johnny will make sure that they are in disguise. He grew up in the mob, he knows what to do. I hate to put her thought this. I hate that I have trust someone else to take care of my baby sister, but what choice do I have? I'm afraid it's the only way. And I know that Lucky is going to hate me for not letting him in on this. I should have gone to him first. I just couldn't…"
Scooting closer to Nikolas, Nadine wrapped her left arm around Nikolas' back and hugged him comfortingly. "Lucky will understand that you were just doing what you think is best for Lulu. The less people that know about this, the better. He's a cop, and this would put him in a bad position. I know that he is her brother too, but you have to protect your family. From what I know about the Spencers, that seems to be a big thing for them," Nadine attempted. "Right now, you just have to focus on what is best for Lulu. The rest of it will care of itself later."
Nikolas wanted to believe Nadine, but he knew that Lucky would still be furious. He hated to be left out of anything when it came to his family, and he prided himself on the Spencer instinct to survive. He had grown up on the run with Luke and Laura and probably knew how to do it better than anyone. However, he had chosen a different place in life, and the last thing Nikolas wanted to worry about was another of his siblings. Lucky had finally gotten his life back on track with two wonderful children and a happy relationship with Sam. He would let his brother know when it was safe for him to know. In the mean time, he would just have to lie and pray that he would be forgiven. "I really shouldn't be dragging you in on this. The last thing you need is to be implicated in this mess," he declared. "I'm sorry that I showed up here like this. It wasn't right of me to put in on you."
"I hate that you are always doing that!" she shouted as she jumped to her feet. Nikolas was visibly taken aback by her sudden outburst. She paced the short length of the living room before stopping in front of him, her hands planted firmly on her slim hips. "I am a grown woman capable of making my own decisions. Whether we are talking about investigating Matt Hunter for counterfeit drugs or being there for you through this, I can take care of myself. I don't need you to protect me, Nikolas. I'm stronger than you think. I've been through a lot in my life, and if I can survive losing my entire family, I can certainly get through this."
An amused smirk slowly crept across Nikolas' handsome features as he gazed up at a red-faced Nadine. He could see the anger and curiosity dancing in her defiant blue eyes. Part of him thought about teasing her, but he thought better of it. She needed honesty if she was ever going to understand where he was coming from. "Will you sit down and listen to me for a minute? I want to explain this to you, but I can't do that if you're not willing to really hear me," he retorted gently. Nadine thought about it for a moment before flopping down to him in a resigned huff. It was his turn to reach for her hand. Her fingers were warm but tense as he ran his thumb over her palm. "You're not the only one who has lost a lot in their life. My entire life has been defined by loss. I don't have either of my parents. The rest of the Cassadine family save for Alexis and the girls is dangerous and insane. I watched my mother slowly lose her mind, the mother of my child died during a horrible plague as she gave birth and my fiancée was brutally killed for the sins of her brother. I've never been able to hold onto anything that I cared about, and now, I am losing my sister."
Nadine started to say something but Nikolas quickly silenced her with further explanation. "I don't want to lose anyone else. The thought of not having Lulu in our lives kills me. It makes me want to protect everyone that I care about, including you. I'm not trying to control you or make choices for you. I just want to keep you safe. When you started going after Matt, a part of me feared that you might be right and he might want to hurt you. That's why I don't want you in the middle of this. I don't want you hurt because of me. I've seen it too much in my life. If you know what I am going to do for Lulu, they might hold you accountable. Your life could be ruined. I am not willing to risk that, Nadine. You mean too much for me to let that happen."
Silence fell over the room as a stunned Nadine tried to gather her thoughts. She had been waiting weeks for Nikolas to finally confess how he felt about her, and now that he finally had, she was left feeling awestruck. She wanted to say so many things, including an apology. However, there was one question that echoed over and over again in her head. "You care about me?"
Nikolas chuckled genuinely this time as he turned to her. He gazed straight in her eyes and nodded slowly. "Of course I do, Nadine. You saved my life in more ways than one," he professed. "I don't know how I care about you, but I do. I can't define it; I just know that it is. I'm not ready to really know what it all means, you know? I don't want to destroy my chances before I'm even ready to have one. That's why I stopped the kiss this afternoon and why I haven't said these things before. You've been pretty open, or at least obvious, about how you feel, but I'm just not built the same way. I have to do things in my own time. This wasn't really the way I planned on telling you this, but I need for you to understand. I need for you to understand me. Can you do that?"
She thought about telling him that she had understood him long ago, back when she realized that he was holding onto the ghost of Emily. She had enough ghosts of her own to understand that. However, she didn't want to invoke his lost love's name in this conversation. It wasn't about Emily anymore, this was about her. "I can do that," she promised with a smile. He closed his eyes and grinned back at her appreciatively. "You know that I care about you, Nikolas. More than you know and maybe more than I should, but I care so much about you and what happens to the people in your life. I can handle this. I am strong. I need for you to trust me. Can you do that?"
He wanted to tell her that his faith in her would he unwavering and that he would never doubt her again, but that would be a lie. No matter how deeply he was capable of loving someone, Nikolas was still a Cassadine in the depths of his heart. He had a natural reflex to be weary of ever fully trusting someone. He hadn't even been able to find that in Emily. However, as Nadine peered up at him with her tussled blonde hair and pert lips, he wanted to give in to trusting her. "I'm going to try,' he said finally. "It's not an easy thing for me, but I really want to trust you. It's not you that I don't even trust. It's me."
"All you can do is try, and that's enough for me," she replied before failing to stifle a big yawn. It was after midnight now, and she had been up since 5 a.m. Nikolas seemed to notice her increasing exhaustion and stood up to go. "You don't have to go, Nikolas. The last thing you need right now is to be alone. Spencer is going to be asleep for hours. Why don't you just get some sleep in my room, and I'll stay here on the couch. Things will look better in the morning, and then you can go home to him and start putting your plan into motion."
Her offer was kind and a part of him thought about taking her up on it. It would be so easy to hide out in the quaint corner of Port Charles that Nadine had carved out as her own. "I really can't. I don't like to be away from Spencer over night," he declined. "Besides, Alfred is off tomorrow, and I don't want him to have to wait for me to get home before heading out. I think I'll just get my car and drive back to Spoon Island."
She wanted to argue with him some more but thought it would be pointless. Instead, she slowly peeled herself from the couch and escorted him to the door. She waited for him to open it but he just leaned against the jamb and studied her face. "Are you sure you don't want to stay? I know you, Nikolas, and you're not going to go back there to sleep. You're going to sit at your desk and obsess over everything. It's not going to do anyone any good if you don't get rest. You need to be focused."
Nikolas hated that Nadine knew him so well in that moment. She had nailed his plans exactly. While it was true that he didn't want to be away from Spencer, he also wanted to be alone so that he could start working on his plan. It was morning in Europe and he could start making contacts early if he went to work now. He would sleep later. It's not like he would be able to do it now. "You're probably right, but I am going to go back to Wyndamere anyhow. Thanks for listening to me tonight."
"Sure, anytime," she smiled as she wrapped him in a hug. Nikolas' arms lingered around her for a long moment before they both pulled away somewhat reluctantly. "Well, call me tomorrow and let me know if there is anything I can do. I'm on in the morning but will be off in the afternoon. I can stop by to help out or take Spencer off your hands. Whatever you need."
Thanking her again, Nikolas promised to call her around lunchtime and hugged her one final time. Nadine tried to keep her fears at bay as she let him out of the apartment and locked the door after him. When he was finally out of her apartment, she sat on the floor with her back firmly against the door, suddenly feeling so alone. She had never felt that way in her apartment, but without Nikolas in it now, it just seemed so empty. He had that effect on her life. Every time he left her, she was instantly wishing that he would come back.
On the other side of the door, Nikolas was resting his flattened palm against the wood as he tried to force himself to leave Nadine and go home. All of his reasons had made sense in there, but his heart didn't seem to care. His heart wanted him to cling to her, let her take care of him, trust her to keep all his secrets, give her everything he was capable of giving to anyone right now. He had been so lonely since losing Emily, but with Nadine, he never felt that way anymore. He felt loved. Every time he around Nadine, he found himself wishing that he could always be with her.
Finally, tentatively, he reached up and knocked on her door again. Nadine must have been standing right there because she yanked it open just as his hand was able to fall back to his side. She gaped at him for a moment before lunging into his arms much like she had in his living room. However, instead of latching onto his lips, she just held him tightly. He hugged her back just as tightly, burying his nose in her softness of her blonde hair. Finally, he pulled back just enough to rest his forehead against hers. "Will you come home and just sit with me? I want you there."
Nadine nodded happily before hugging him again, relieved that he was finally letting her all the way in. She had fought for this moment. There was no way she was going to let him go through this alone.