A/N: Soooo…I forgot about this fic. I was looking through my unfinished stories and found this chapter and half of the next one. Can't promise when the next chapter will be up, though it won't take quite as long as this one did.
"Don't go." Her eyes are wide and pleading and she's starting to tear down the defenses I've spent so long building around myself. I can't let her in. I can't stay. I should never have agreed to come out for Cook's stupid party anyway.
"Why?" My tone is as cold as my expression and I really hope it's enough to get her to just give up and walk back inside the club. I don't think I can make my request any more obvious. Just give up on me Emily. Please? I have. It's easy. Honest.
"I don't know...because..." She doesn't finish. Can't finish. Maybe if she could give me a reason. If she could just tell me she's gay, that she doesn't regret that night that seems so long ago now...if she could just say anything, rather than look at me with those pleading eyes. She looks so lost and pathetic. Like she's the victim in all of this. That just pisses me off more and I demand to know why her sister thinks I'm the one that's gay. She apologises. Like it could make up for the years of torment all through high school. Like her apology can make a difference. Like it can make me different.
"See you around Emily." I turn and walk away, amazed at how calm my voice just sounded. I keep my head held up high until I'm far away from Emily Fitch. My vision begins to blur at the same time as my legs turn to jelly and my knees buckle beneath me. The pavement lurches forward and I sink to the ground, tucking my knees in to my chest as sobs wreck my body. I can't stop crying and I don't even know who I'm crying for. Me or Emily?
It's late when I finally stumble home. I've had far too much to drink in a dingy little pub a few streets away. The kind of place that doesn't ask for ID as long as you don't make any trouble. I've been drinking there since I was fourteen. My house is full of strangers, as per usual. At least my room is empty. I look my bedroom door behind me, preserving my precious sanctuary.
I peel off my clothes, and wipe away my makeup. I don't really know why I bothered to get dressed up. Or why I even bothered to go. James Cook's birthday party is hardly the social event of the year. Except Emily invited me and somehow when I answered her the wrong words came out. Last time I checked 'yeah, might do' was not the same as 'I don't want to be anywhere near you because I'm afraid you're going to break me'. Though in hindsight 'yeah, maybe' was probably a bit more of a socially acceptable response.
My phone buzzes beside me, disturbing me from my inner ramblings. The number that flashes up on the screen has been on my phone for over two years and has never called. Never even sent a text. I'm not even sure why I kept Emily's number all this time. I can't say it wasn't a conscious decision, I've had two phones since she put her number in to my old mobile.
"Hello?" I make my voice sound as uninterested as possible. Inside my chest my heart is pounding.
"Hey." Emily's voice is as warm and enticing as ever. "How are you?
"Tired." For the first time in a long while I'm being honest with her. It's something small and insignificant, but it's a start.
"Do you want me to go?"
Isn't that the million dollar question? I want to be happy. And I want Emily Fitch. Badly. But the two don't go together. Not really. She's nothing but heartache and I need to keep the distance between us. "No." I finally answer. The silence on the other end of the line is deafening. I think maybe she's put the phone down, but eventually she speaks.
"Did you get home okay?"
"Yeah. You?" I lie on my bed, staring up at the ceiling as she tells me all about the rest of the night's events.
"Katie's fucked off to town with Effy and Panda so I'm-"
"She left you on your own?" I know I sound a little too concerned for someone who isn't interested, but the thought of her walking the streets of Bristol alone at night sends shivers down my spine.
"I'm a big girl Naomi." Her laughter is soft and endearing. "I'm nearly home anyway." Despite her objections I order her to stay on the phone until she's safely home. Just to make sure she's safe of course. It has nothing to do with wanting to hear her voice for a little longer.
"Emily?" She's been talking about nothing for twenty minutes non-stop and suddenly she goes quiet.
"I'm here." She comes back on to the line and it sounds like she's put me on speaker phone. "Just getting changed for bed." I really wish she hadn't told me that because now my mind is full of images of milky white flesh and soft red curls.
"I should go." I choke out and I can hear the disappointment in her voice as she replies.
"Oh. Okay. Well I'll see you tomorrow?" It's truly amazing how Emily Fitch can so quickly pick herself up every time she's knocked down. Every time I knock her down.
We're in the same form so it's pretty much certain that we're going to see each other tomorrow. Her true question is 'are you actually going to acknowledge me'?
"See you in the morning." It's not much but it's all I have to offer her right now. "'Night Ems."