14. Whoever stole all of Hatake Kakashi's underwear to sell on the black market, give it back to him. He's paranoid enough without his belongings going missing.

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Kakashi opened his drawer, peering inside before closing it again and rubbing his temples. Maybe if he refused to believe what he saw, or didn't see, it would go back to normal. Breathing deeply, Kakashi opened the top dresser drawer.

His underwear had still disappeared.

Turing away from the empty drawer, Kakashi idly wondered what he would wear underneath his pants until he hunted down the poor soul who had seen fit to take his underwear away from him. He'd liked the one with the green shuriken on them, and the ones with the little blue dolphins.

He glared at the dirty ANBU uniform in the corner. If he hadn't gone on that mission, his precious underwear would still be here with him. Getting out a clean pair of pants, Kakashi slipped them on. He would have to reset all of his traps, because obviously, whoever had stolen his boxers wanted them in order to track him down and kill him. What other use was there for used underwear?

Replacing his hitate, Kakashi set to work, even setting traps along the walls and floor that would immobilize any chakra signature other then his. Jumping out of his window, Kakashi headed to Yondaime, the fourth had a right to know there was an enemy inside Konoha.

Yondaime coughed nervously before smiling uncertainly in Kakashi's direction. The poor boy had a completely serious expression on his face; the poor adolescent was too paranoid for his own good, really. Yondaime decided then and there that Kakashi would join a genin team and learn some people skills. Maybe he had some books purely on human interaction he could give the ANBU?

"Hatake, I'm positive that an enemy ninja did not steal you underwear. It was probably just an admirer...or a girl that likes you very much." Stalkers were scary though. They might as well have been enemies…

Kakashi's face went blank; surly no one liked him like that. The very thought was ludicrous. Why would anyone be attracted to him? He could feel his lips twitching upward in semblance of a smile, and a slight, foreign warmth curl in his stomach. He wasn't getting sick again was he? "Tell you what," Yondaime continued, "I'll ask around to see if anyone's taken your under things. Will that be acceptable?"

Kakashi nodded curtly, of course that was fine, but he'd still keep and eye out for enemy ninja after him. One could never be too careful.

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Surprisingly, it was not Ibiki that had lead to the trio's discovery of the black market. It had, in all reality, been Yondaime himself. They wouldn't tell anyone exactly how that happened, because, after all, he was the Hokage, and they would most certainly not betray their leader's secrets; a shinobi need those as much as he needed his hidden kunai.

But, found it they had, and they'd taken a great interest in the world where anything and everything could be bought or sold. And then, like lightening from the heavens, a voice had come floating to them on the breeze. A strangely familiar voice that they just couldn't quite place, asking if there was anyone that sold used underwear.

It had gotten the team thinking. They didn't want to sell their own underwear. They needed them. But they'd also heard from the same strangely familiar voice, that famous people's underwear sold for more. These two sentences lead all three of them to the same conclusion. Hatake Kakashi's underwear would definitely be purchased if they set up shop right? He was young, and famous.

Stealing the protégé's boxers was easier than anticipated. For one, he wasn't in his apartment. And for another, Ibiki's home traps were harder to bypass. They extracted the boxers and left immediately to ensure their good health and fortune.

They sold like hotcakes, and the quickly earned money that helped pay for the rest of the tea shop debt.