Woah, I realize I haven't updated this in FOREVER. I was reading over this the other day and I had forgotten how much I loved it! So I had to update. Please tell me what you think, I'm loving writing this, but I'm unsure how it's going!
"Hello?" Blair realizes her voice sounds dejected and mopey and sad, and she doesn't like it. It'd been four hours since Serena had left, and the bitter feeling in Blair's heart has not come even close to disappearing.
"Hey, Blair. Have you, uh, have you talked to Serena recently?"
Blair's stomach clenches. Even hearing Serena's name gives her feelings she doesn't want to have.
"No, Humphrey, I haven't. Care to tell why you're asking about her?"
She hears Dan clear his throat, wonders if Serena broke his heart like she broke Blair's. Blair doesn't want to point a finger at Serena, make her the bad guy, because the blonde really doesn't know what she's doing. She's carefree and likes to have fun and likes to fall in love, and Blair can't blame her for that, not really.
But she does.
"I... I just wanted to talk to her is all."
"Elaborate?" Blair replies into the phone, commands really.
Dan hesitates. "Uh, there's nothing to elaborate on. I just wanted to see what she was up to, and when I called, her phone was turned off, and I figured if anybody knew where she was it would be you. I just... wanted to see if she wanted to hang out. Or something."
Or something. Blair's learned that rarely do boys want to just "hang out" with someone as beautiful as Serena. She can't name all the times she's been with Serena when boys have called for her, and Serena hangs up with a shrug and tells Blair, "He said he just wanted to hang out." Blair's stomach would drop, but then Serena would grin and say, "But I told them I was too busy hanging out with my best friend." And then she'd clench Blair's hand tightly and Blair would laugh carelessly along with her, and they'd walk together happily, arms swinging and fingers interlocked. Blair remembers how a guy would call sometimes two or three times a week, and at least once Serena would go "hang out" and come back to Blair looking disheveled and a tiny bit flushed.
Blair wasn't calling Serena a whore. But she's still pretty sure Serena never just "hung out".
"She's on a date with Nate right now," Blair replies bluntly.
It's silent on the other line for a moment. Blair can hear Dan breathing. She bites her lip. She never particularly liked Humphrey, but she hadn't meant to say that.
"Oh, okay. Well. Never mind, I guess. Thanks. Bye."
She doesn't say bye as she listens to Dan hang up. Blair sits and listens to the static, then pulls the phone away from her ear and mechanically punches in Serena's number.
"Hello?" Blair flinches at the way Serena answers. Her voice is high and way too flirty for Blair's taste.
"Serena..."
"Oh, hey B! What's up?"
Blair licks her lips and swallows. She's not sure why she called Serena. She can't remember. Why... oh yes, Dan. Dan Dan Dan.
"Nothing. I just wanted to tell you, before I forgot. Dan called for you."
"Oh, my phone was off earlier, and I- Nate stop it!"
Blair listens to Serena giggle and laugh while she admonishes Nate for God knows what in the background. She brings her thumb to her mouth and begins to chew on a nail. She'd gone through a horrid phase of nail-biting in middle school, and had forced herself to grow out of it. Apparently, it had decided to make a reappearance.
"Sorry, B. He musta called when my phone was off. What'd he want?"
"He-"
"NATE! Not now!"
Blair cleared her throat and stopped biting her nail, opting instead to clench her fists and dig her nails into her palms. She waited for a moment, listening to Serena whisper to Nate in a voice that Blair could tell even she would get turned on by if she was in his position. She glanced at her palm, her eyes tracing the little crescents indented there.
"He wanted to talk to you and see if you wanted to hang out. So I guess, just, um, call him back whenever you're free. If you want."
"Okay, thanks Blair! Hey, I gotta go. Nate's making it quite impossible to talk on the phone," Serena giggled. "Depending on what time I leave here, maybe I can stop in and see you again? I've missed you these couple hours we've been apart." Serena laughed.
Blair's supposed to laugh, and she wants to. But she doesn't.
"Yeah, call me whenever you get done with... whatever."
"Kay. I love you, B!"
"Love you too."
Serena hangs up first. Blair remember when they used to play the "you hang up first" game, how it could go on forever. She guesses Serena doesn't play that game anymore.
It was juvenile, anyways.
Blair begins to dial Dan. She doesn't know why, but she does.
"Humphrey," she says, by way of greeting. She hears him sigh.
"That's my name," he replies. "What's up?"
"Look, you're not doing anything tonight, right?"
"Actually-"
"Save it, Humphrey. We both know you're not."
Dan sighs again. "Fine," he replies. "Why?"
"I thought we could..." she hesitates. She can't believe she's doing this. Dan Humphrey. "Maybe see a movie or something?" she blurts impulsively.
Dan doesn't know how to handle that. "Uh, yeah, I mean, sure-"
"I'll be by to pick you up in half an hour. Make yourself presentable but don't overdo it."
Dan laughs weakly. "Got it. We can go see that new Scream movie or something? I mean, if you want?"
Blair does not want to see Scream, and she never has and never will. But she finds herself agreeing, and then finds herself going to get ready, and soon she's on her way to pick up Dan.
Crazy things happen when Serena leaves Blair.
"That was the dumbest movie I've ever seen," Dan laughs, glancing at Blair and watching as she laughs too. "It was completely unrealistic." They're sitting in the limo outside of Dan's loft, with the limo driver on the other side of the divider politely pretending not to listen.
"I know. Like how did he get in there with all that high-tech security shit they had rigged up?" laughed Blair, smiling. She can't really believe she had a good time with Dan. It's odd, and a little strange to her, but she decides maybe she likes it.
"I could have written it way better," Dan says, pretending to be cocky. And it's okay, because they both know he's not.
"I bet you could," Blair replies, smiling warmly. She catches herself them, trying to force her eyes from his. "I mean-"
"Hey, it's cool," Dan replied, reaching out and placing a hand on her knee. She doesn't try to move it, either. "Blair Waldorf can be nice. Who knew?"
Blair smiles again. "I had a good time tonight, Humphrey," she admits. This is weird. She never ever thought in her life that she would have a good time with Dan Humphrey, much less be admitting it. But as they sat together in the theater, Dan had made little witty, sarcastic comments that made Blair laugh, and Blair had actually shared her popcorn with him, which made Dan smile, and they had both accidentally reached for the popcorn at the same time and didn't attempt to move their hands afterwards, which made them both smile. And if there's anyone she can let down her bitchy-ice-queen guard around, it's Humphrey.
"Hey, me too. Thanks."
She looks into Dan's warm brown eyes and can tell that he actually means it, and she suddenly feels bad for Humphrey. She knows it's hard for him to have to be around these snobby, prep people that have sticks up their asses and turn their nose up at anyone who seems different than they are. Blair can't say she isn't one of those people. But right now, as she notices that Dan is indeed very different than the people she normally associates with, she decides that maybe it's not completely a bad thing that he's different.
Blair likes different.
"If you're ever bored or anything, or... wanna talk, or something. Call me, okay?"
Okay, thanks. You too." He leans over and kisses her on the cheek, and Blair finds herself smiling as his slight stubble grazes her skin. It's good to find a nice guy every once in awhile.
"Bye," she says, and watches him say it back and then slip out of the limo and leave. And the whole way home Blair stares out of the window at the neatly trimmed green grass and thinks nice thoughts about Daniel Humphrey.
As soon as Blair opens her bedroom door, the first thing she sees in the mass of blonde hair spread out across her bed. She swallows as she's bitterly hit with the feelings she'd been trying to forget all night.
Serena's lifts her head at the sound of Blair's return, hair flying as her head snaps up. "B!" She sits up and crosses her tan legs, patting the space next to her. "Where were you? I text you."
Blair goes to set her bag down on her desk, opening it and reaching for her phone. She looks at it and confirms that she had, in fact, received a message from Serena two hours ago. Blair glances at the time. 9.17. She'd been with Dan for almost four hours. Wow. Time had flown by.
"Sorry." She drops her phone in her bag, not checking the message. "I wasn't checking my phone." She goes to sit by Serena, making sure to keep a good distance from her best friend. Blair doesn't want to get carried away. Or, feel like she might.
Serena reaches over and begins to run her fingers through Blair's hair. "Where were you?"
"Out." Blair's voice breaks. She doesn't want to tell Serena this. Not that she's embarrassed, it's just that she'd prefer to keep this information to herself, keep it personal and know that only she knows about the wonderful yet baffling time she spent with Dan. But Serena has been her best friend for long enough, and isn't afraid to pry.
"With?" she questions.
Blair hesitates. She could lie. She could totally lie. "Dan."
Serena freezes, her fingers tangled in Blair's hair but not moving. She quickly recovers, untangling her fingers and patting Blair's hair back to normal. She sits back and pulls her knees against her chest. "Dan? Humphrey?"
Blair runs her hand across her comforter. "Yeah."
Serena clears her throat. "What, uh, what for?"
"We went and saw a movie." Blair shrugs and stands up, goes to rifle through her bag and act like she's organizing it. She has this weird feeling, like Serena thinks she's hers. She doesn't know how Serena's taking her and Dan hanging out.
She hears Serena speak after a moment. "Like, like a date?" Her voice is careless in that way that lets Blair know that she really does care. It's obvious; S has never been much of a good liar.
"No." Blair turns, eyeing Serena. "Like as friends." Her voice is challenging, and she doesn't mean for it to be. But she can tell it is, and she can tell that Serena can tell it is, by the way Serena stands up and steps towards her.
"Why?"
"Because I was bored. You were out with Nate, and I had nothing better to do at the moment, and he was bored too, so I called him, and then... and then we saw a movie. That's it." She's aware her voice has now turned accusing and a little defensive.
"Oh." Serena nods, eyes wide. "That's cool. Did you have fun?"
"Yeah." Blair walks towards Serena, passing her and sitting back on the bed. She crosses her legs, watching as Serena turns to stare at her. This is awkward, and she doesn't know why. "Yeah, I had fun."
"Good." Serena waits for a minute, unsure if it's okay to go and sit by Blair. Blair puts her chin in her hand and stares vacantly at nothing, and finally Serena sits next to her. Blair knows she's acting weird, and she doesn't want to be mean to Serena. It's not her fault. She likes Nate, so she went out with him. Blair can't be possessive over something she doesn't have.
"I had a good time with Nate, too," Serena offers after a moment. "We went to lunch and then back to his house. We talked a lot. And stuff." She nods, like she's confirming what she's saying. Blair knows they didn't just "talk".
"Oh. Yeah? Cool," Blair replies, scratching absentmindedly at her arm and she glances at Serena, who's still watching her with blue eyes that are bigger than normal. Blair being weird makes her nervous. "We just saw a movie, and then sat in my limo and talked. He's really smart, you know."
"Yeah," blurts Serena. "I do know."
Blair stares at Serena, holding her gaze for a long time. "He's funny too." Blair laughs, but it's short and dry. "He made me laugh a lot. Never thought I'd admit it. Dan's not bad."
She knows Serena's been trying to tell her this forever, and she sees Serena clench a fist and then immediately unclench it.
Serena's laugh is short and dry too. And bitter. "Yeah."
Blair sighs and looks away. She doesn't want to do this. She glances at Serena. "I missed you," she says quietly. "I mean, when you were with Nate. I missed you."
Serena's face softens. She reached out and lightly places a hand on Blair's leg. "I missed you too."
Blair clenches Serena's hand tightly. "No, you don't... it's not... I miss you a lot. All the time, when you're out with your current boy toy of the month. I don't... I don't like it."
Serena watches her, and Blair knows it's weird to say she doesn't like Serena dating. They're friends. That's it.
"Hey." Blair's eyes catch Serena's. "Hey. I know what you mean. I'm sorry. I don't mean to... hurt you. I... I love you a lot, B."
Not like I want you too Blair thinks in her head.
"I know we're... different. I don't forget the things we do together, B. I don't."
"I don't either," Blair whispers. "But what do they mean?"
"I don't know," answers Serena, laying back on the bed and turning to Blair when she does the same. She interlocks their fingers and stares at their joined hands. "I just know I love you, and I like the way we are with each other. It makes me feel good." She leans in and kissed Blair lightly, a kiss that says they're something more but not completely. "That's what I know."
Blair scoots closer, her hand traveling up Serena's cheek and gripping in her hair. Her lips meet Serena's again, harder, deeper, more.
"Let's not almost have sex again," Blair whispers when they pull apart, when Serena's breath is on her neck and their breathing is a lot heavier than it was previously. She places a palm on Serena's stomach. They've never talked about it, until now.
Serena sighs thoughtfully, turns until she's laying on her back and staring at the ceiling. She reaches for Blair's hand. "Yeah, you're right."
"So, what's going on with you and Nate?" Blair asks. "Are you official?"
"I don't know," Serena answers, closing her eyes. "I mean, I guess. Yeah."
"Oh." Blair closes her eyes too and squeezes Serena's hand. "That's cool."
"Love you," Serena says softly as she feels herself drift off.
"Yeah," Blair says back. "Yeah, love you too."