Chapter One

Giving Up - Bella

"Are you are all right, Bella?" I looked up at Lissa, she sat next to me in my Accounting class. Lissa and I weren't friends we just sat next to each other in class and occasionally talked about the weather and other pointless things. I gave her one of my many excuses for looking depressed all the time.

"Of course, it's just that I broke up with my boyfriend recently and it really upset me." I saw a look come over her face, and all I wanted to do was roll my eyes. It was true that I had broken up with my boyfriend, Jake. I was scared of him, his threats made me want to run and hide. I couldn't hide though, I was a Swan girl, and Swan girls don't hide form anything.

"Their all dogs, but just you wait, Bella, you'll find the right one someday." Lissa was always happy, I gave her a small smile to show that I appreciated her help. I saw Lissa slowly drift away, and I couldn't blame her, who wants to talk to someone who won't talk back?

All I could think about was Jake. Jake and my ex-roommate Gina. Now that was something I wasn't expecting. I come back to the dorm after work expecting a no welcome. Instead I got something very different. I got to see my boyfriend and roommate in my room making out on my bed. I can still feel the sting of my tears. I came into the room; they were too wrapped up in each other and my blanket to notice me.

"How long?" was all I asked. They didn't answer, or didn't hear me, or maybe they just didn't care. I flipped on the light switch. "So were you ever going to tell me?" they broke apart at the light and the harsh tone of my voice. "Or were you guys just going to keep sneaking around behind my back?" they looked guilty, as well they should. "Or better yet, were you" I pointed to Jake "Going to spring it on me and act like its all good. Like you didn't just totally screw me over!"

I saw Jake try to move and say something. "No, I don't want to hear it. Long before you were my boyfriend you were my best friend and this is what I get." He looked down. Gina still sat motionless on my bed. "Well screw you all." I looked at Gina. "By the time I get back I expect your stuff to be out of here."

I stormed out of the room having no idea where I was going to spend the night. I wasn't really friends with anyone, and my parents well…never mind. I decided to sleep in the Milligan Hall lounge, no one uses it anyway. The couch was even worse than the one in our dorm. I got no sleep that night; I was too angry and sad to even contemplate sleep.

That was two nights ago, I was forced out of my room and into a stuffy old lounge to sleep. Then last night I was back in my own room and too scared to go to sleep, I feared that Jake would come back. After all he had been here earlier this night, or day now I guess, what was going to stop him from coming back. There I sat all last night, frozen on the couch. When I was the light streaming through the windows I decided it was time to try to move. My muscles protested and my bones cracked and squeaked from being stuck in the same position for the whole of night.

I caught my reflection on a window on my way back to the dorm. No wonder Lissa was worried I looked like I had just been run over by a steam roller. I thought that my appearance reflected my mood well. Hallowed out eyes, and a malnourished look went well with my empty feelings.

I was in my dorm for the rest of the night, where else did I have to go? That's when I heard it, heavy footfalls outside my door, just like the night before. Only this time I knew he wasn't going to give up. This time I knew, something bad was coming my way. I heard a pounding on my door, and a slurred voice say…

"Open up the door Bells, you knew this was coming." Yes, I did, and I wasn't stupid enough to stay here and wait for it. I was running. I opened up the window in my bedroom, the same bedroom where this all started. I heard a door being broken into. I pulled the window open, it shrieked in protest, but I got it open. I slipped through the window and ran out into the courtyard. There was the great oak, I could hide behind that till all was clear.

I heard the front doors of Johnson Hall slam closed. I held my breath and forced my eyes to close. The crunch of gravel echoed in my ears, I cringed at the sound. It was like bones crunching together, it was harsh, brutal, and sharp. With every step I felt my eyes clench and unclench only to clench again. The voice of someone I used to know spoke up.

"I know you're here Bells, I'll find you." I felt the tears gather in my eyes, I don't stand a chance against him. I couldn't run he was faster. "Don't worry this'll be fun, it'll be like were kids again playing hide and seek. I just want to talk to you that's all." The tone of his voice told me other wise, my brain was screaming at me to run and my feet wanted me to go, but I couldn't force myself to move.

I could feel him getting closer, closer to me his prey. I heard the rough bark of the tree scrape against his hand as he dragged it along the trunk. Jake's disgusting sent filled the air with a mix of alcohol and cigarettes. I felt his breath hot against my neck, as he whispered into my ear "Found you." I wanted to cry I wanted to scream, I wanted to do something just to know that I was still alive. I felt more than heard him sit down next to me on the ground.

I could tell he was looking at me. "Are you going to say something?" he asked, like everything was fine. He never respected me, I just wish I could have figured that out earlier. "Come on talk to me Bells," There was a whine in his voice, like a child's. "Come on, please." I could tell he was getting tired of this game he was playing. "Say something anything." I felt him grab my shoulders, I winced in pain I could already feel the bruises forming. "It wasn't a big deal." He stated with a confident tone in his voice like that cleared everything up and made it all better.

I clenched my jaw and unclenched it to say but only three words. "Go away Jake." My voice was weak and I knew that he would not be convinced.

"I don't think you want me to leave." He was having a good time, the alcohol only fueled his fire. "In fact I don't think you ever want me to leave." His voice dropped to a husky tone and I knew what was coming next. I didn't have the will to fight back. I just wanted it to all stop, I just wanted to give up.

Jake stole a kiss off my lips, hard, urgent, and forceful. I felt him reach lower, and I closed my eyes and felt nothing.

I kept my mind turned off, I kept everything turned off, until Jake left. I remember how he left. Jake stood up with his back to me, "Just think about it Bells, we belong together don't just throw all of this away." He turned and walked away just like everyone else.

I had no one, on one left. What does that mean for me? Nothing, it meant nothing because no one cared enough for it to mean something. Is this what it feels like to be utterly alone, to have no one to turn to? I guess, so what's the point of being here at all. I'm just a waste of space.

I got up slowly, and looked around making sure that no one saw me. I got to my car, I don't quite know how I got here, I just know that I did. My mind was working on auto, going through the motions. If I let myself feel I would breakdown before I got anywhere. I jumped into my pick-up, I slammed the door shut and rust dust fell down and blew into the wind. I started the engine, it took me three tries before I finally got it to go.

I followed the signs up to sundown peak, and parked my car on the side of the dirt road. I got out of my car slowly, and wondered what it would be like. I saw the edge coming up, and thought to myself I would have never even thought about doing this two weeks ago. I reached the edge and I kicked a few pebbles over the edge and watched the tumble into the harsh and unforgiving ocean.

I closed my eyes and felt the wind sweep my hair in all different direction, I opened my eyes with a new determination. I looked out into the ocean and suddenly the unforgiving waves started to seem calmer and more welcoming, like they were as alone as I was.

I stared out into the endless sky, and saw the faces of my past and present surround me. There were my mom and dad, smiling warm and gentile, it made me feel warm inside, it felt like home. Then I saw my adoptive father or Jake's dad as I used to call him, but recently I began to call him by his first name, Billy. I saw Jake's face at first the calm familiar face of the boy I used to be in love with, then the harsh stone cold face of the man that I didn't know anymore. I saw the face of a person who I had known forever, and the one who had stabbed me in the back at the same time. I looked at their faces all one more time and I thought to myself. I won't be alone anymore after this. I kept that thought in my head as I began to take that first and last step forward.