I've finally finished the second chapter. Hooray!

Here we go!

Chapter Two

Madara:

The time has finally come. I have decided who should bear the child of the world. Yes, at long last the plan will be set into motion.

Originally, after learning of this amazing jutsu that solved all my problems, I thought it best that Itachi be the one who would birth my successor. He is an Uchiha, like me, and a powerful one at that. However, he is extremely reluctant to go along with my plans, unlike the rest of the Akatsuki, and he is in a rather dangerous position. Itachi plans on battling his younger brother in the near future. The winner gains victory. The looser looses his life. And that is why Itachi would not make an ideal 'mother'.

I spent no more than ten minutes weighing the pros and cons of each person through my mind, wondering how this would work, predicting how they would react.

Hidan, the masochistic immortal, was a 'no' from the very beginning. I didn't even need to think him over twice. None of his traits were that of a mother. Heck, he'd probably kill the poor kid before it was even born with his self-abusive rituals.

Kakuzu was also an easy 'no'. He was just too violent and easily provoked. He'd rather marry Hidan, the cause of most of his killing sprees, than birth a child if given the choice.

Kisame may have been one of my most loyal followers, but he just didn't seem right. He enjoyed bloodshed a little too much for my liking and I feared the worst.

Zetsu, the plant-man, was totally out of question for obvious reasons. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that one. I don't particularly want a plant for a successor.

So that left only Deidara, the psychopathic bomber. Although he could blow someone up without a second thought, I highly doubt that he would willingly cause harm to himself, which was ideal. I've been with Deidara long enough to realize that he'd be perfectly happy with just explosive clay and bombs, which meant that he was unlikely to miss missions as long as he had his 'art'. His temper might be fiery hot, but I believe that, out of all the Akatsuki, he would be the best 'mother', at least until the child is old enough to learn and train, that is. Deidara may not have been at all willing, but he was the only thing I had. He needed to do this not for himself, not for me, but for the world.

All I had left to do was create an opening, distract Deidara long enough for me to use the secret jutsu. And I knew just how to do it.

-00-00-00-

A party. Who could resist one? I knew it would be the perfect opportunity for me to 'transform' Deidara.

Everyone except Pain and Konan was in the living area. Some were drinking, others were talking, and, not to ruin my brilliant disguise, I was dancing. Sometimes I wonder how I could even act that immature without barfing.

In the middle of Hidan and my performance to some horrendous Justin Beiber song, I noticed that Deidara was the only one who hadn't taken a sip of alcohol, which put a damper to my plans. Getting the bomber drunk was ideal; it would be much easier to perform the technique that way. So I skipped over and offered him a drink.

"Hey, Sempai!" I sang, holding up a cup of vodka. "You should totally try this stuff! It's supposed to have a fiery taste or something!"

"No, Tobi," the blond replied, pushing the drink away.

"C'mon, it'll be good!"

Deidara sighed, annoyed. "I don't drink, hmm."

"Kisame and I mixed it special for you! You have to try it," I persisted using my childish Tobi voice. Damn, this whole party was really getting on my nerves and the 'not drinking' part only made it worse.

"That makes me want to try it even less, hmm." he muttered.

"PLEASE?" I jumped up and down, hoping that I could convince him that way. "You know you want it!"

"Tobi! I-"

"What?" Kisame walked over, holding his sixth bottle of beer that evening and smirking that toothy grin of his. "Scared of a little alcohol? Seriously, that stuff isn't very strong; one glass won't hurt."

Kisame was a lifesaver! He didn't even know of my plan, or even know I was Tobi, for that matter, yet he still could be helpful.

"Fine, hmm. Just one cup," Deidara grabbed the vodka and drank the whole thing in one swig. Obviously, he wasn't familiar with the drink, which made my job even easier.

I clapped my hands approvingly and skipped off to join a drunk Hidan in dancing to Fergilicious; Deidara would soon be out of it, and I would wait to use the technique then.

-00-00-00-

It was about ten minutes later when I realized a certain blond was no longer in the room. How could I not have seen him leave? The only one who could escape my eye was Itachi and he was- not in the room either.

Which meant...

Deidara had run off somewhere with the Uchiha. Which made things rather difficult. I had to perform the jutsu now. There might not be another chance like this.

So, I raced down the hall, kept running until I heard their voices coming out of Deidara's room. Quickly, I used an advanced invisibility jutsu and slid through the door.

The sight before me was slightly disturbing. Both men were entirely naked. Deidara sat on the bed while Itachi was on the ground, licking his inner thigh and cooing phrases I'm glad I couldn't hear.

All I needed to do was touch Deidara in certain areas, make a couple of hand-signs and then the technique would be complete.

This would have been simple, if Itachi wasn't claiming those vital regions as his own. After more than five minutes, the deed was done.

When I was finished in the blonde's room, I immediately ran to the restroom to barf my guts out; some things just can't be unseen.

There it is! The second chapter! I know, the ending is really awkward and all and I promise the next chapter is much better.

Can anybody find the weird reference I put in there? If so, there's a virtual muffin for you!

Tune in next time for some awesome Deidara action. So long!