This is how Bobby spent the rest of his day.

Chapter 3

Bobby found himself back at 1PP not exactly sure how he got there. He considered going back upstairs to muddle through some unfinished paperwork, but he knew concentration would be futile. Instead, he got into the SUV and headed home. Once home, he tossed the mail on the table and headed to his bedroom. He flopped down on the bed and took in a deep breath. His arm came to rest over his eyes as he tried to quiet his mind. It was no use. All he could see was the hurt on her face and all he could feel was guilt for having been the cause. He sat up and loosened his tie with a sigh. He kicked off his shoes and stood to change clothes. He chose a pair of well worn jeans and an old faded NYPD t-shirt. Alex had slept in that t-shirt once. It hung down to her knees. It was right after she returned from maternity leave. She was exhausted at the time, they both were. They had left the office at well past midnight. Alex was too tired to drive. It was the first time she had slept on his couch. He had not slept at all. Having her that close was torture. He had held off washing that shirt until long after her scent had faded completely from the fabric. Bobby smiled at the memory of Alex in his t-shirt, but joy was quickly replaced by guilt. He made his way to the kitchen. In the frig, he found nothing to entice his appetite. He looked at his watch. Eight o'clock, Friday night. Lewis would be hosting his weekly poker night at the shop. He and Alex had gone together on several occasions. It was fun watching her interact with his friends. She was beautiful when she laughed. It had been a while since he had even seen her smile, at least at him. Bobby grabbed his old flannel shirt off the back of the chair and headed out the door.

Twenty minutes later, Bobby pulled into the parking lot a Lewis's garage. He hesitated before going in, knowing he wouldn't be great company. He turned off the engine and went in anyway. The last place he wanted to be right now was alone with his thoughts.

"Hey Bobby – What's up man?"

"Hey Lewis". The two men embraced like old friends do.

"Where's Detective Alex?"

Bobby stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Um, at home … I guess."

"You two have a fight?"

"Nah, we're alright"

"Right" Lewis said. "Grab a cold one and ante up. I'm getting ready to take everybody's money."

Bobby smiled and joined the game – five card stud- Lewis' favorite game.

Several hours later, with one very warm Miller Light still in hand, Bobby excused himself from the table. Lewis watched him walk toward the office. When Bobby came out of the "executive" bathroom, Lewis was waiting. "What gives Bobby?" Lewis stood firmly between Bobby and the office exit.

"What do you mean?"

Lewis rolled his eyes. "Come on Bobby. It's Alex isn't it?"

"No." Bobby said with a little too much tenor in his voice.

"What happened?"

Bobby took a deep breath. His mouth opened, but only his hands began to speak. They were flying wildly around his head like two trapped birds. Then, right on queue, he started to pace. Lewis just leaned against the door and patiently waited for Bobby to gather his thoughts. Bobby stopped and again opened his mouth to speak, but, again, nothing came out. He sighed and started pacing again. This time, when he stopped, it all came flowing out. "I'm afraid I… I pushed too hard this time. She tried to be there for me, time and time again, but I wouldn't let her. Every time she got close, I just shut down. Last Thanksgiving I... I said some things that I shouldn't have. I know I hurt her. Things were getting better, and then I re-opened her husband's case. I had t... I… I think she understood that we had to do it, but I should have handled things better... I should have, I don't know, warned her first or kept her out of it, I don't know… but, I think I really blew it this time." He stopped pacing and looked to Lewis for an answer

"I thought you two seemed pretty solid at your mom's funeral."

"We were. At least I thought we were" He started to pace again. Back and forth until suddenly, he just stopped. His expression softened, but he continued to ring his hands. "She stayed with me… the night of the funeral. Frank didn't show… I was so angry. Mom was gone… I was just so… sad… a... and lost. I was setting on the couch in my apartment. I saw her walk past me out of the corner of my eye. Then I heard music… it was turned down low… Ella Fitzgerald. I looked up and she was kneeling in front of me. She put her hands on my knees and… and when she reached for me, my hands just went to hers. The way she looked at me… I knew... I just knew everything was gonna' be OK". He looked at Lewis and his hands fell to his sides. "I started to cry. I was just so tired... overwhelmed. It was the first time I had cried since Mom died. She sat next to me on the couch. I collapsed with my head in her lap… When I woke up the next morning, she was still there. She was lying next to me on the couch, still holding on to me… I swear Lewis, I've never felt so safe."

"You're in love with her" was Lewis' only answer.

Bobby started to nod, ever so slightly, and in not much more than a whisper he agreed. "Yeah… Yeah I am"

"This is a good thing Bobby. You and Alex, it's just right…. And good. What are you waiting for?"

"It's just… I just... I don't see how she could love me."

"Knock it off Bobby. What are you talking about?"

"Look at me Lewis, I'm a wreck… I'm a train wreck."

"Bobby," Lewis said, very matter-of-factly, "You've had a lot of bad crap in your life. More than anyone should, but, I really don't think any of that matters to Alex. She's been through a lot too. The point is Bobby. I've seen you two together. It's just…….right."

"So what do I do now?"

"Apologize"

Bobby let out a breath.

"Then stop talking and show her how you feel" Lewis grinned and danced his eyebrows.

Bobby snorted and shook his head.

Lewis stepped to the side and swung open the office door. "So go."

"What... now?"

"No time like the present my friend"

TBC