Chapter 2

----The very next day they were all off to Diagon Alley for school supplies.

"Right, now, this is what you do," Mrs. Weasley said ushering Ron into the fireplace. Harry backed up, looking for the nearest exit.

She placed what looked like sand in his hand. "Now do as Ron does. Be sure to speak very clearly!"

"Diagon Alley," Ron said, throwing down the sand. Green flames engulfed him.

"Ron!" Harry screamed, running to the fireplace. "What have you done?!" he grabbed Mrs. Weasley by the collar.

"Relax, dear! He's just gone through. He'll be there when we do the same!"

Harry released his grip. "Oh," he brushed her collar smooth and stepped into the fireplace.

He took some sand. "Dignailllllyrrrgoirutyschmidt." Flames engulfed him.

"What did he say? Did he speak clearly?" Mr. Weasley asked.

"Does it sound like he spoke clearly?" Mrs. Weasley regarded the fireplace, wondering where he was going to end up. "There's something not quite right with that boy."

--Harry whooshed out of a fireplace somewhere, though he did not know where. Getting up he brushed off his glasses on his robes. When everything was in perspective, he began to walk around. "Where am I?" he wondered to himself. He was in a shop, but he wasn't sure if it was in Diagon Alley. He hadn't remembered seeing any of this stuff from the street before. He looked out the window. Come to think of it, he hadn't even seen this street before.

He looked around at the perishables. Shrunken heads, Tied Tongues, Cat Tails. What kind of shop was this?

He was about to find the shop keep when the bell above the entrance door sounded and he went to hide. A familiar blond head appeared in the doorway with another man behind him. It was Draco and who must be Draco's father. There was no denying a close relation. He too had blond hair but long and hung loosely over his shoulders. He wore long, sweeping black robes with a deep purple vest underneath. Yepp, no need for Maury.

Harry continued to watch from his hiding place.

"Ah, Master Malfoy and young Master Malfoy as well, delighted," the shop keeper came out from the stores and greeted. "I must say, just in today and very reasonably priced-"

"No, thank you, Borgin," Mr. Malfoy cut off. "I have a few personal items I wish to sell," he reached into his clock pocket and placed a chest box on the counter. There must have been many valuable items inside for when he flipped it open, Borgin's eyes grew to the size of saucers.

"These toys!-"

Mr. Malfoy cleared his throat and gave a venomous glare. "These are just a few things that would prove embarrassing in the Ministry's hands and are not to be said aloud."

Borgin began to sift through the items in silence, evaluating them as he went on. He got out his money chest and began to place payment on the counter. Mr. Malfoy looked at the amount and sneered, taking two more Galleons out and adding them to the pile. When his back was turned, Borgin took back on and stuck his tongue out at Mr. Malfoy.

"Pleasure doing business with you," Mr. Malfoy said cooly.

Exiting, Borgin gave him the fist in arm. When Mr. Malfoy took notice, Borgin acted like he was dusting a coat sleeve.

--Harry left soon after, hoping find his was back to the Weasleys. As he exited the shop he found Draco and his dad yet again, only this time Mr. Malfoy was talking to a rather revealing wearing witch.

"Do you have my payment?" he asked.

She rolled her eyes and reached down the front of her dress, taking out a purse full of money.

He smiled and gave her a swat with his cane and left.

"Harry?" a deep familiar voice called.

"Hagrid?"

"What are you doing down here? Get up here!"

Harry, a bit reluctantly, followed. He was about to asked the witch 'how much'.

"What were you doing down there Hagrid?" Harry asked. To his delight, they were walking into Diagon Alley.

"I was eh, looking for Flesh Eatin' Slug Repellent, they was runin' all the school cabbages."

Harry looked at the container at his side. He managed to make out 'rubber latex' before Hagrid hastily covered it up.

"Here you go Harry," Hagrid pointed into the book store Flourish and Blotts where he saw the Weasley family steanding in a very long line.

"Thanks," with that he entered.

--"Oh! There you are Harry! I'd hoped you'd only gone one grate too far," she said, dusting him off.

Harry looked around, batting at her cleaning hand like a lion cub his mother. There were hundreds of one book around with a golden haired man on the cover and the title "Conceited Me".

"We already picked up your books for you Harry," Ron informed.

"Thanks."

A short man came out from behind a curtain on the upper level of the book store. "Ladies and Gentlemen," he announced. "Presenting Gilderoy Lockheart." The crowed clapped and cheered. Witches all over sighed. Harry and Ron looked in disgust.

"Hello, hello. Thank you all for coming to this special signing. 'What's so special?' you may ask, well I'll tell you. I'm here," he gave a cocky laugh. To Harry's disbelief, people were actually laughing with him. Ron was laughing at him. He leaned into Harry. "Dude, take a hit off of this and his hair become like...one of those nineteen sixty beehive hairdos!" Harry, again, politely turned down the joint (because drugs are bad kids) and continued to listen, not believing this man could get any cockier.

Gilderoy Lockheart was in the middle of a sentence when he looked down into the crowd and spotted Harry. "Harry Potter, it can't be..." he hurried down the stairs and embraced Harry into a side hug. "Ladies and Gentlemen! What an honor this is! Young Harry Potter here, in line, swooning to buy one of my books!" The crowd cheered, though he received dirty looks from some of the witches.

As the photographer from the Daily Prophet began to snap photos, Lockheart began doing dramatic poses (even the famed Michael Flatley 'Lord of the Dance' pose) while Harry just stood there. Lockheart began piling books into Harry's arms. "You'll need these for my class at school, and these and these-"

"Wait! You're going to be teaching?! Like sharing what's inside your brain ("or not inside your brain", he added quietly) to us?!" Lockheart laughed. "Look at this! Harry Potter is beyond words that I'm going to be at his school! This brings me back to when I met my hero," he gave another big smile as a reporter captured another picture.

Great...just great. A man that had an undeserved sense of accomplishment (like Kevin Federline. No, not fucking 'K-Fed', Kevin Federline) is going to be teaching at his school. Peachy...

Just then, Draco and his dad walked into the shop. Perfecto.

"Go get your books Draco. I'll be upstairs, behind the curtain with the lit up Vegas-like sign above it looking for...um...biographies..."

"Ok, father."

Harry went over to Draco, "I wouldn't buy a used book if I were you. I had a friend who did and ten years later, bam! Herpes."

Draco just stared and walked away.

Moments later a disheveled Lucius Malfoy came out of the room just as Mr. Weasley entered the shop. The two spotted each other. The crowd around went silent, dust blew around and the sound of swinging saloon doors were about. The crowd quickly yet silently slipped past Mr. Weasley on their hurried way out. The Weasley family stood to one side of the room.

"Lucius."

"Weasley."

Lucius came down the steps, the sound of spurs at his heels. Mr. Weasley rounded on one heel, squinted his eyes and rapped his fingers on his gun holster.

"Oh this is ridiculous," Mrs. Weasley broke the silence. "Why don't you two just shake hands and make-up?"

"I'm not touching that hand! Merlin knows where that things been," Mr. Weasley snapped.

"It's been to bigger and better places than yours," Lucius snapped back, sneering.

That was it. The two launched at each other. Lucius was hurtled into a stack of books. Rebounding, he sent Mr. Weasley through two sets of book shelves.

He jumped back up, floating in air. Lucius spun and twirled in the air, forming his hands into a 'praying mantis'.

Mrs. Weasley sighed and rolled her eyes. "This is ridiculous." With a flick of her wand, the two were brought back down and separated. "You two can continue your fight over who really crapped in the sandbox later; Arthur, we've got shopping do to."

As they left, the two eyed each other.

A/N: I know I never do these in the middle or at the end, but hey. I have to thank a very awesome episode of Family Guy for the "ten years later, bam! Herpes!" Lmfao! I loved that line so much I had to use it.