The Banana Slug: Well, looks like it was a hit…with one person at the time. I look at my E-mail, and saw that I got seven new E-mails, and I looked to see my Melancholy story had…one reader!
That may seem bad, but I got someone, I am a success! (Starts dancing a jig)
Now, I am gonna write a second chapter! To thanks to all my fan!
P.S. I am just over-reacting on purpose, thanks for reading…one guy! I salute ya!
THE MELANCHOLY OF KRATOS
By The Banana Slug
CHAPTER 2: The Melancholy of Kratos Pt. 2
Well, thanks to the Banana Slug over-reacting, there is another chapter…thanks! Like I needed more problems now! I could be sitting in my room, drinking hot cocoa and be playing golf, but now, I'm back here…I hate the Banana Slug.
Well, what can I say what happened last time you were here? Well, I was forced into a brigade by Kratos, the God of War, who killed most of the school's tough students, and I met a screaming Dalek and a Bizarro version of Mikuru Asahina…who can shoot fireballs.
Going up the hill, reminds me of the story of my Uncle Flaco, who kept on pushing a boulder up a hill, only to get his pay dock, and you know what happens later?
His wife leaves him for his dog…wait, that wasn't the right story.
As I was pondering this, I was quickly run the hell over by Ryoko Asakura, the class president and a mother-fucking Xenomorph! It screams at me as it tramples all over me, breaking many of my "bones". I think it said something it was getting to class, why would you say something like that? Why would I care? I don't! So why tell me? I don't know her! Why won't that freaky two-mouthed alien leave me alone!
I can't believe someone like "that" is in my class…along…with…
"SPONGEBOB!"
NO! Not you…today…
Kratos, sitting in front of, I mean, behind my seat, bored and covered in blood. Who's blood, you ask? Before I answer that question, the latter should be "Who's blood he ISN'T covered in"! Freaking brute! No class at all! I am amazed he came from an artistic culture like Greece!
Also, who's blood…who's blood…well, you remember that one Toonami show a long time ago? With that one samurai guy with the red hair…you do? Well…he killed him. Simple as that…
He then stomped towards me, breathing heavily, giving me goosebumps on my goosebumps on my goosebumps on my…wait, I'm not Spongebob…
"So, how's today?" I asked nervously.
"…I want a green man!" growled Kratos.
"Um, could a Mysterious Transfer Student do?" I corrected nervously.
"…No," replied Kratos grimly.
"Okay…" I let out, I then asked a question no one else was brave enough to ask, "Um, why are you wearing a girl's uniform?"
"This was all they had," explained Kratos with a glare, "But I submitted a uniform request, but I have not gotten my uniform yet."
"Hm, wonder what's taken 'em?" I asked to myself.
MEANWHILE, ON OLYMPUS
A request form was burnt in the hands of the mighty god Zeus, as he shouted to the Heavens.
"Kratos, you will be forced to never receive your male uniform! SO SAYETH ZEUS, GOD OF ALL OLYMPUS!"
Well, after that awkward moment, I ate my hot wings…yes, this school serves hot wings, I take it back, this place is amazing! Anyway, I ate my hot wings with the only two people who would sit with me…Spongebob and Patrick…
I heard there has been a rumor around school that me and Kratos are up to something, but I didn't know there was one until Patrick told me.
"There has been a rumor around school that me and Kratos are up to something," let out Patrick almost haphazardly.
"Don't you mean me and Kratos?" I asked.
"…Ummm, yeah?" grunted Patrick.
"So, are you guy's dating?" asked Spongebob in passive teasing.
I was then hit by a nightmare of me…and Kratos…naked…sweaty!…on a bed!…with lotion!…with a gerbil in the room!…on top of…
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" I screamed in horror out loud, causing everyone to look at me.
"What the fuck, Squidward!" yelled out a student.
"So, I take it as a no?" asked Spongebob quietly. My only reaction was a snake-like hiss.
"Okay…" let out Spongebob, "That's…nice to…know…"
After Kratos murdered London Tipton and took the clubroom as his own, creating the…SOS Brigade…it has been filled with many things like…
A smaller table, a fridge, a tea set, a boom box, a closet full of costumes for…apparently no reason, a ping-pong table, a Jacuzzi, and a dead hooker…
"Are we just going to ignore the dead hooker?" I asked out loud.
"Yes," sternly grunted Kratos, who was for some reason, sitting on the smaller table, looking out the window.
For a whole hour, he was silent, he then got off and said from out of nowhere, "I want a computer."
"…Why?" asked Azula.
"We are living in the information age, and I cannot forgive them for not giving us a computer," growled Kratos.
"Who?" asked Azula.
"Reptilians, Azula," I quickly pointed out, "Reptilians." I looked over my shoulder to see if a reptile was there…thankfully, it was only Dr. Curt Banner, eating the dead hooker…oh, so that's the reason for the dead hooker…
"So, that is why we are going to get a computer," explained Kratos as he stomped towards me.
"We aren't gonna rob a computer store, are we?" I asked nervously.
"Too easy," replied Kratos, "We are hitting somewhere closer."
"Where?" I asked.
"…Closer…" was all the he replied in his gruff tone, smelling the boar meat he just ate. Wait, maybe it was fish tacos.
Me, Kratos, and Azula then walked over to the Computer Club homeroom, with Kratos and Azula kicking down the door.
The room was foggy and dark, with many club members at computers, which were the only source of light in the room. There was Spock, Speedy Gonzales, a pinky demon from Doom 3, and Chris Griffin, all at the computers.
"Who is your leader!" ordered Kratos, just as the pinky demon jumped on me and proceeded to rip my face apart, me screaming in pain.
From the shadows, rose Lo Pan, with that creepy pedo stare he has, along with his long fingernails.
"Aaaah, hello, Mr. Burton," hissed Lo Pan…huh?
"Lo Pan…" growled Kratos.
"What brings you here, Mr. Burton, surely it is not because of my free egg rolls," hissed Lo Pan.
"I have come for your one of your computers!" growled Kratos.
Lo Pan glared and ordered the pinky demon, "Lái ba!" The pinky demon then stopped ripping my face and ran to Lo Pan.
"And what makes you think you can have one, Mr. Burton?" taunted Lo Pan.
"I believe he is attempting to threaten us, Captain," answered Spock, "I find it highly logical, to spare our lives, to quickly give him one."
"ANJING!" ordered Lo Pan Spock, and then turned back to us, "Like I said…how?"
Kratos then grabbed Azula and walked to Lo Pan. He then grabbed Lo Pan's hand and placed it on…Azula's…left breast.
Lo Pan looked nervous, as did Azula. Lo Pan then screamed and fell to the ground, panting on his knees. I stood there, in my own blood, shocked. Azula was shocked, still looking at her left breast.
"Lo Pan, senior! What is the muy problemo!" screamed Speedy.
"I'm afraid the captain has suffered a case of prema…"
"Bi Zui!" screamed Lo Pan as he got up. He then was shocked to see Kratos with a video camera.
"No, please, Mr. Burton, the women of this school brag about my sensual power!" begged Lo Pan, wow, really? "And this will destroy me if this get's out!"
"Give us a computer, or I will release this tape to the school, and let you live in misery," ordered Kratos, with dramatic music playing.
Lo Pan then held out his hand and lightning came out, striking Kratos, hitting him on the wall. Kratos then pushed against the lightning with his blades and entered Lo Pan's space, where he grabbed his head and threw him at Chris Griffin.
"Ooooww!" cried Chris Griffin, "Mommy! MOOOMMYYYY! WAHAHAAAAAH!"
"Alright, alright!" repeated Lo Pan as he got up, "My attempt has failed, I can give you that, you may have our old computer." Pointing at an old piece of crap of a computer…well, "expletive deleted" was unsurely about to go down, I call tell you that…
"No, we'll take that one!" growled Kratos, pointing at a large seven foot computer that looked like something from Tron.
"What, I just got it ten minutes ago, you brute!" screamed Lo Pan.
"That, or the whole school knows you are impotent," ordered Kratos.
Lo Pan looked nervous and angry, he then sighed and tearfully said, "Fine, take it, quick, before I plead you to leave it…"
Kratos then grabbed the computer and dragged it as the other members comforted Lo Pan for his lose. Azula still stood, looking at her breast, I walked over and asked, "You okay?"
"…I feel violated…" she replied.
I was then attacked by the damn pinky demon again, screaming as Kratos smashed the computer through the door and the demon ripping my face off.
I hate this world…I hate this world…I hate this world…
Well, we are now blackmailing Lo Pan with the proof that he releases gravy too soon. We found out later that the room was without Internet connection, but that was soon fixed when Kratos punched the computer.
It suddenly, for some reason, started having internet access, for no reason other than not to be hit again, but that is…never mind…
Can anyone say "abusive"? No? Well, you are unintelligent idiots so you should go kill yourselves!
Azula was still slightly traumatized, and I don't blame her, she was just groped by a creepy old Chinese dude who proceeded to splooge in his robe.
"You okay?" I asked.
"NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, GET OFF MY BACK!" screamed Azula, who then shot lightning at me from her fingertips, shocking me to the point of being near-paralyzed, unable to leave the hallway.
As I laid on the ground, she said to herself, "Hm, feel much better!" She then walked past me.
"Glad I could help," I replied weakly.
I pretty much laid there for an hour, until Kratos came in and stomped on my head, breaking my "skull".
"Squidward, get up, I need you to make a web-page, now!" ordered Kratos, "If you do not, I will rip your skin off and eat it!"
He then stomped out of the room. I got up after a while of pain…excruciating pain, and walked back to the SOS Brigade, where I proceeded to make the damn website.
After an hour of brain-numbing instructions and making twenty mistakes, with me, crying in a corner, wondering why it won't work, about ten times, I finally made it…semi-presentable…website…with nothing on it.
"Hey, Dalek Yuki," I said to her, who was…staring at me, "What do you want on the website?"
"POOOOOORN!" screeched Dalek Yuki.
"Um, no," I replied quickly. Not that I should get involved but…what was for lunch tomorrow, I've been trying to figure that out, but I just…can't figure that one out.
"TAKE IIIIT!" screeched Dalek Yuki, as she pushed a book in my face, "REEAAAD!"
She then scooted out of the room, I looked to see it was…Lolita…
"How appropriate," I sighed to myself in annoyance.
The next day was pretty normal, Kratos killed Robot Hitler…again…and today was Hummus Day, a kid had to go to the emergency room because of his allergies…
I never saw that kid again…
After school, I entered the SOS Brigade Room to find Dalek Yuki and Azula in there, what, doesn't Yuki have any Time Lords to get defeated by?
"Hey…Azula," I greeted.
"Cephalopod," harshly greeted Azula.
"So, how was your day?" I asked.
"Well, first I had a piece of toast, then I brushed my teeth," explained Azula, and she kept on talking, and talking, and talking, and talking, and talking, and talking, and talking, and talking, and…talking…and talking…and talking…and talking, until she finally said something that got my interest, "And that was the end of that."Finally. "Don't you got better things to do than become Kratos' slave?" I asked.
"Well, it is really degrading, but you don't know what he is like," she explained, then sporting a sultry voice, "Alone…in the night…in the…"
"NANANANAAA!" I yelled, closing my ears, "I don't wanna hear it!"
Suddenly, Toad was shot through the door, crashing through the window, and painfully dying below on the ground, shouting in strange delight, "YAHOOOO!"
"Yahoo?"
"YAAHOOOOOOooooOOOO!" Dalek Yuki screamed, pretty much whoring herself to the corporations.
Kratos then stomped into the room, sporting a grim face, covered in blood. Why is he always covered in blood?
He then handed out pamphlets explaining all about the SOS Brigade. All it had was a picture of Kratos glaring at you, holding my disembodied head…oh, that's just pleasant…
"Me and Azula will be handing them outside, so we can get new members to kill and have sex with," explained Kratos.
"Okay," I replied simply.
Kratos then pulled out some costumes and threw them onto the table, Azula then looked at him and said grimly, "Undress…"
Azula looked at him with surprise, and then gave a sly and sexy smile, "Well, only if something else comes from this…"
Crap, I'm getting out of here, it's not that I don't want to see THAT…it's mostly because I don't want to prove I am anything like Lo Pan…
After waiting for hours, peeping at the girls exercising outside, with their red little panty uniforms…my god, I am a sexual predator…better watch out for Chris Hansen…
"Alright, you may come in now," ordered Kratos.
I then entered to see Azula, dressed in sexy lingerie, with those…knee high red stockings, red boots…red thong…red see-through bra…red choker…oh god, I'm Lo Pan…
"Stop staring," ordered Azula.
Gah! Think Sasuke, genderless, androgynous, without a life…scratch that last one…
Kratos was dressed as a Soul Reaper, which looked…pretty awesome…
"Now, we are going to give this pamphlets, hopefully, we can finally get more members," he growled as he dragged an embarrassed Azula by the arm outside.
Might as well…pick up…these…clothes…damn you, Lo Pan Curse…
Hm, it makes me wonder, how are they gonna attract members?
Kratos and Azula just stood there, at the gates of the school, as no one seemed to pass them, always going through the back entrance.
A student then walked over, where Kratos then roared out, "OBEY!", causing the student to have a massive heart-attack and die.
Eventually, they were told to leave by a teacher, he was killed. Then another teacher, he was killed. Then another, and they obeyed…I mean, it WAS Chuck Norris after all.
Well, after the meeting, I went to my locker, to find a note in it. I looked and it read in bold letters…
"COME TO MEEEE! FOLLOW THE ADDREEEEESS! YOU WILL OBEEEY! OBEEEEY! OBEEEEEEEEY!"
Hm, wonder who that could be…
Well, I followed the address, leading me to a Dalek Ship parked ontop of an apartment building…yeah, that's not strange at all.
I knocked on the door, only to be savagely zapped by the shielding of the ship, screaming in painful agony, getting possible electric damage for years to forever come.
The door opened to reveal Dalek Yuki. "GREETINGS SUB-CREATURE! ENTER! ENTERRRR!"
"Okay, okay, stop screaming at me!" I shouted, I was then zapped by her lasers. Why am I a big blue punching bag?
When I entered, she served us up some tea, me looking at her blue eyestalk, looking at me. I tried to make a conversation, but all I could say was…
"Uhhh, hm, eh…okay…well…heheh, hm…so…uh, well…how was your day?"
"SILENCE!"
"Okay," I replied quickly.
After an hour of silence, she finally said something. "WOULD YOU LIKE SOME MORE TEEEAAA!"
"Huh, oh, yeah, yes I would…"
After two more hours, she finally said something else, with a little bit more importance.
"SQUIDWARD…I AM AN ALIEN!"
I too was silent for a while, before I exclaimed in the top of my lungs, "NO SHIT!"
The Banana Slug: Last one was ten pages, this one was twelve pages, mainly cuz I tired to do the scenes from the anime, but I might as well do a rough draft from now on. No longer trying to be chronologically correct, as I hate Cronus. He's a big jerk, he eats his own children? And he never thought of making Rhea get her tubes crossed, bullshit!