Title: The Jerk
Summary: Your level of personal offense is directly proportional to how much you give a damn.
Word Count: 487
A/N: Some warnings for language, so those of you sensitive to that, be warned.
When Souji called him a jerk, he didn't care, because it was Souji. They'd been friends long enough that the other man shouldn't be surprised by this fact anymore, so when he tried to play the sympathy card and was outright ignored, Saitou was of the opinion that he really should have been expecting it.
When his sister called him a jerk, he cared just a little bit, because even if she was annoying and bossy and an infuriating know-it-all, he still loved her. Except when she visited him and told him he'd been putting the toilet paper the wrong way, folding the spare towels wrong, smoking too much and drinking too much and not eating enough. Then, he kind of wished he'd been born an only child.
When his brother called him a jerk, he didn't care, because his brother was a moron and Saitou firmly believed that the opinions of morons were irrelevant. Unfortunately, his brother usually followed that declaration with an attempt to bash Saitou's face in, so he couldn't ignore him the way he could Souji. But that was okay, because he got to beat on his brother instead, and that was a lot more satisfying than ignoring him.
When Yaso called him a jerk, he cared just a little bit, because Yaso wasn't a bad person, and she hadn't deserved to be ignored the way he'd ignored her. So when she called him up on their anniversary and left him those nasty messages, he didn't erase them right away, and let them sit in the machine for a week. Sometimes he thought about calling her back and apologizing, but the last time he'd tried that she'd really let him have it, and he was of the opinion that being verbally berated once a year was enough. Plus, he'd never realized just how fuckin' mean she could be; since they'd divorced, she'd added some new words to her vocabulary, and she was real creative with their usage.
When Senpai called him a jerk, he didn't care, because it was Senpai. They hadn't known each other for as long as he and Souji had, but it was, in Saitou's opinion, long enough for Senpai to have come to terms with and accepted this fact. So Saitou pretty much ignored him too, unless Senpai wanted to act like a dick and start needling his younger friend about Yaso or women in general.
But when Tokio called him a jerk, he definitely cared. A lot. It even hurt a little, which was weird, because even Yaso's calling him a jerk only made his conscience twinge just a tiny bit. He knew she was only playing (he hoped she was only playing), but he still felt a little insulted when she did. In fact, it almost made him seriously consider toning down his jerk-ness.
Saitou snorted.
Hell. If that wasn't a sign of the Apocalypse, nothing was.