Chapter 13

"Hey, it's me… Call me when you can… I'm worried, Bobby…" Alex sighed heavily as she hung up the phone.

48 Hours Ago (Alex):

Alex returned home from work to find the house empty. She had grown used to Bobby either coming home with her or meeting her at the door when she turned the lock. That all too recently buried fear threatened to surface as she reached inside the house to turn on the foyer light. "Bobby!" she called. He didn't answer. She moved cautiously into the front hallway. "Bobby!" - still no answer. She moved into the kitchen and saw the note lying on the table. Her name was scrawled across the folded piece of paper in Bobby's handwriting. She could tell he had been agitated when he wrote it. She reached for the note, acutely aware of how empty the house felt. She slid into a chair as she opened the note.

Dearest Alex,

Forgive me. I need some time. You mean everything to me, please know that.

Whatever happens, however this turns out, I love you. I was dead inside. You saved me.

Yours,

Bobby

"Bobby," she whispered as tears trailed down her cheek. "What have you done?"

Two days and what seemed like 100 phone calls later:

She had not seen him in 48 hours. Ross had been MIA as well. When he appeared in the bullpen, it took everything she had to remain calm. She followed him into his office and shut the door behind her. "Detective, is there…?"

"Where is he?" she demanded.

"Who?"

"Don't do that. Where's Bobby?"

"I have no idea," he said in earnest. "When's the last time you saw him?"

"Two days ago." The anger left her voice. It was now thick with worry.

"Did something happen?"

"I don't know. When I got home from work, I found a note from him on my kitchen table."

"What did it say?"

"Just that …" She was careful not to reveal any personal details. "It was vague, Captain. He said he was taking some time. He just... disappeared."

"Well, maybe he's doing just that… taking some time."

Alex blew out the deep breath she had been holding. She nodded, afraid that if she spoke, she would betray their secret. "Look, Eames, don't you think if Goren was in trouble, you'd be the first person he'd call?"

She cut her eyes at him and pursed her lips. Again she could only nod.

"Detective, this case you and Jeffries are working on… keep your head in the game… and be careful. I'm afraid it could get ugly fast."

"Yes sir," she replied half heartedly.

"Detective," he snapped.

Her head shot up. "Look, Goren is a grown man. He's not gonna' do anything stupid… not if he wants his shield back… You need to concentrate on this case… you're the senior partner."

She drew in a cleansing breath. "Yes sir"

The captain seemed convinced. He allowed her to exit his office with no further comment. Alex returned to her desk, still heart sick, and threw herself into researching the few leads they had. At 6:00, she pulled her eyes from her computer and stood to stretch. Her new partner had left over an hour ago. She quickly scanned the bullpen. The shift had changed. There were very few detectives left from this morning. She made her way to a corner by the filing cabinet and flipped open her cell phone - voice mail, again. "Hey, it's me… Call me when you can… I'm worried, Bobby…" Alex sighed heavily as she hung up the phone.

48 hours ago (Bobby):

Bobby sat at the kitchen table in a crumpled heap. He fought an internal battle. Telll her and risk losing his badge forever. Worse than that, tell her and risk losing her badge. Ross had given him strict orders, directly from Moran.. "Do not tell anyone, especially your partner." He knew that if he told her, she would only want to help. He wouldn't be able to keep her from it. He convinced himself that he was doing this for her protection, for their future, for his shield. But, boy would there be hell to pay. "Please forgive me Alex," he whispered with his head tucked between his elbows on the table. He scruffed the back of his neck. It was 3:00. She would be home in less than three hours. He picked up the pin and carefully scripted his goodbye. In anguish, he folded the note and scribbled her name across the front. He left with only the close on his back.

Driving back to his apartment, he beat himself verbally for ever entering that cop bar. He had lied to Alex. He knew that he could not tell her the truth about his session with Olivet. It was still too raw. He needed a Scotch to level his nerves. He had told her that the session went well that day. In fact, it had been his roughest hour since Tates. Olivet had poked and prodded until he broke. He relived "heaven" and every nightmare he had had since leaving Tates. She said it was necessary to release the demons. He could never move forward if he didn't. He desperately wanted to move forward. He had not let Alex know about the nightmares. In some of the nightmares, he was in "heaven" alone, drying up, fading into darkness. In others, he was on the other side of the window watching Alex suffer in the smothering dry heat, trying desperately to get to her. Those were the worst. In yet others, the only way to get water was to make a deal with the devil. Mark Ford Brady stood next to Bobby's imprisoned figure holding a tall glass of water in one hand and the key to his restraints in the other. "Join me, son. You and I can do great things together. Say you'll join me and the restraints are gone. The water is yours." He would awake with a jolt and move quietly to the kitchen to wash his face and clear his head. He told Olivet about the dreams. He relived Tates in the hope that it would all go away. That session unnerved him. Facing Alex with the truth was more than he could endure. So he went to the bar. He downed a Scotch and sat staring at a second when the opportunity to get his shield back presented itself. Now here he was, undercover and all alone.