The Banana Slug: STOP FLAMN ME, U PREPS! Hahaha, that was a joke! Boy, I don't think I will ever be that famous!

Heh, like anyone is flaming me, I only got two reviews from one guy, who is awesome, and both are good…note that I only had 16 people in total see my fanfic…

…I suck…

P.S. Would have sent chapter earlier, but someone (who shall remain nameless) did something that caused the site to have troubles, meaning I had to wait as these someones had to fix somebody's something…Hard to understand, right?

THE MELANCHOLY OF KRATOS

By The Banana Slug

CHAPTER 5: The Melancholy of Kratos Pt. 555-7734

Deliver Us From Mentok, the Mind-Taker!

OOOEEEEOOOUUUEEEOOO!

…OOOOEH…OOEEUUU!

I don't want to be here, walking with a crazy white-man wearing a girl's uniform because of a troll of a god. I'd rather be in the Victorian Era, as a young butler who falls in love with a countess, even though their love is forbidden…

"That is so gay."

I told you to stay out of my head!

"No, Squidward, that was me, Kratos."

Huh? I didn't know you could read minds.

"I don't, you are saying this out loud."

Oh…

"So, what are we doing again?" I asked, "I kinda forgot in the last chapter…"

"We are going to investigate Ryoko's disappearance," explained Kratos, "It's all kind of suspicious, if she really was a meth-addict, why didn't I see her at my "ass-to-ass" parties? It doesn't make sense, I think she was taken by a great enemy of humanity…"

"Reptilians?" I asked.

"Worse…Bizarro versions of ourselves," revealed Kratos cryptically.

"Oh," I replied…not as dangerous as Reptilians though…

"It's the only explanation that seems crazy enough for the author of this try," replied Kratos.

"Aren't we the Bizarro version of Haruhi Suzumiya and her SOS Brigade?" I joked.

Kratos just glared at me and barked, "Shut up!"

Well, should have expected that, but what really worries me is the fact that we will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever…ever find the evil Xenomorph. She was splattered in an acidic green bloody mess all over the Hyrule stage of SSB by the all-powerful God of Vengeance Doctor Hax.

"So, where does she live?" I asked, "Or, used to live?"

"There," Kratos said bluntly, pointing at an apartment building, with Dalek Yuki's ship on the top of it.

Should have known…

We then walked to the door of the apartment building, with both of us facing it casually.

"It's a door," growled Kratos.

"I see," I replied.

"See what?" growled Kratos.

"A door," I replied.

"What door?" asked Kratos angrily. Is he serious?

"The door we are in front of," I replied.

"Oh…that door," grumbled Kratos.

"So, do you know how we get in?" I asked.

"We hold the tenant's daughter hostage, then we…"

Suddenly, the door opened, revealing the banana slug that keeps on following me creep past, not saying a word, we waited for five minutes to get out of the door.

When the door was about to close, Kratos grabbed me and put my head in front of the door.

"AGH!" I yelped as the door slammed hard on my forehead, "We could have gone as the slug was moving out!"

"Yeah, but that wouldn't be any fun," growled Kratos.

As we walked into the apartment building, I glanced at him and said, "I go to therapy because of you and the others."

When we got to Ryoko's apartment door, Kratos started to yank at the handle, trying to get it open.

"I think we need a key," I advised.

Kratos then started to bash the door with his foot, shocking me. "OPEN!" he shouted.

"What are you doing!" I yelled out.

"OPEN!" roared Kratos, bashing at the door, "WHY WON'T IT OPEN!"

"Let's just talk to the guy who owns the place!" I pleaded.

"Fine!" growled Kratos, "Let's do the things that you want to do!"

We then went downstairs and visited the tenant's office. Kratos walked to him and asked, "Hello, do you know a Xenomorph named Ryoko? Well, if you do, which of course you do, we need to know anything you know about her, like where is she know, where she went to, who her parents are, and anything else that could help us."

Hm, pretty straight forward.

"Hello, sir?" I asked.

...

"Rorschach's Journal…October 12...1985...after finding out the tenant of this building is a sexual deviant, known for preying on defenseless teenage girls, I quickly took care of him. I put him the meat grinder, he seemed to be low of hearing. And now, a man in a girl's uniform and a talking cephalopod is asking me about a missing girl. This girl is not ordinary, though, for she was a being from the stars…but that is not what concerns me, what concerns me is the fact that I am here, it seems all these being are from different worlds, pulled here by some omnipotent force. Is it Manhattan, after all these years, he decides to show his face around here again…no, it is something worse…much worse…"

"Hello?" I asked the masked and silent man, "Helloooo?"

"Screw this, this man is crazy!" yelled Kratos, he then stomped out of the building.

"Wait, aren't we…" I let out.

"Case closed, she's a meth-head!" interrupted Kratos in fury.

"Okay, well, we'll be on our way now," I told the man.

"Somebody knows…" hissed the man.

"Um, okay…bye…" I then quietly and without drawing attention, left the building.

"…Somebody…"

When we walked out of the apartment building, we saw Dalek Yuki zoom towards us.

"Hello, Yuki, how are you?" asked Kratos.

"CANNOT SPEAK! ATE BIG MEGA BURRITO! MUST EX-CRE-MATE! MUST EX-CRE-MATE!"

As we were walking, Kratos stopped after we passed the train tracks, I then asked, "Kratos, is something the matter?"

"Squidward, do you know how boring it is around here?"

I raised my eyebrow, and was ready to listen to what Kratos wishes to say. "What do you mean, Kratos?"

"I used to not always be a great warrior in drag, but a Spartan, but now, I am stuck in this craphole universe. And it made me think, maybe we don't really exist, maybe nothing matters, maybe it doesn't matter what people say is wrong, what matters is only one thing…Frankenstein…he is all that matters in the world, no matter what anyone says…"

That was…pointless, it sounded good so far…then he started to talk about Frankenstein, which was completely random and haphazard…

"I'm going home, don't follow me," growled Kratos. Something in my gut told me, probably the way he walked with his back turned to me, that I probably shouldn't follow him.

I sighed and decided to walk the long way home, where I suddenly heard a voice shout, "BLUE FALCON!" and I was run over by a blue car, sending me into the air screaming.

After I got home, limping painfully for two hours, I saw Mentok with his back on a taxi.

"Crap, what happened to you?" sneered Mentok.

"I was…"

"I know."

"Then why ask?"

"So, I could do that thing I did, that thing, which I interrupted you, which proved my superior brain in front of you, which made me feel happy, and you frustrated, understand?"

I glared at him and wanted to give him the finger, but I had no finger's, just tentacles. Suddenly, the door to the taxi opened up, with Mentok holding out his hand.

"You know what, no, I'm not doing this anymore, I'm just going into my house, and never leaving my bed."

"ZOMBIE GUARDS, SEIZE HIM!"

Suddenly, I was grabbed by Spongebob and Patrick, appearing out of nowhere and shoved into the car.

"Still, after all these years," Mentok snickered to himself as he entered the car.

"Okay, why did you kidnap me?" I interrogated as the taxi was driving through the city.

"Well, I am taking you to a place, where no one will know where you are," explained Mentok.

"You're not going to rape me, are you?" I asked with hesitance.

"No," replied Mentok frankly, "It is just to show you the full extant of my powers, micro-brain."

"Alright, but I am still going to give up," I reminded.

"Do you believe that if you imagine it, it becomes real?" asked Mentok.

"No," I groaned.

"Well, it is said that every imaginated thing becomes real in a different world, a different reality, which means that if someone imagines something, let's say, a diety, it could do something that fucks up with everything. Let's say something screws up something so much that…HEY! Aren't you listening?"

"No," I replied frankly.

"Douche," grumbled Mentok.

"So, why are you following Kratos instead of Haruhi, like you said?" I interrogated.

"Oh, a good question!" shouted Mentok, "Finally, you ask me a question I am interested in!"

The cab driver then turned around and laughed, "HA HAAAA! Shouting." The cab driver then returned driving.

"You see, the Haruhi actually has powers of reality bending, creating other worlds, while Kratos has the ability to destroy those worlds. The Organization that I am with decided not to follow Kratos, as he was deemed too dangerous. I knew that they didn't knew shit, because I am the only one with actual powers! What, they can only activate them when in a closed space or whatever, and they don't even have telepathy or clairvoyance! What kind of fucking psychics are they! I'll tell you what kind of psychics they are! PSYSHITS, THAT'S WHAT!"

The cab was silent after that, with me staring at him blankly, Mentok with a sour face looking straightforward into nothing, and the cab driver silent and not paying attention.

"So, uh, how far is the place again?" I asked hesitantly.

"Fuck off," He replied quickly.

The cab stopped at a crosswalk, with Mentok and I getting out, walking on the crosswalk. "You know, micro-brain, you can leave if you want to."

"Well, I…"

"TOO LATE!" He then grabbed my hand and I was transported into a destroyed and bloody version of the city.

"Oh my dog, what the barnacle is this place?" I stammered.

"This is Kratos' closed space, so said the psyshits, you see, the other and Kratos both have this place they create when they are bored or excited, I don't know, I fell asleep at the meeting."

I followed him up a building, the world as I knew it looked like it was raped by Galactus and stabbed in the throat by Odin, who proceeded to eat it's face.

We finally got to the top of the building, where I saw more of the desolate world, where it stretched for miles, the seas black with oil, and the sky red as blood…what is this, Wizards of Waverly Place?

"So, Kratos created this place?" I asked.

"Yeah, subconsciously, I think this is the world he secretly wants that is completely obvious, and he unknowingly created it, and it is up to me and the others to destroy them before they make this world a reality on our reality."

"How?" I asked.

"Turn around and I'll show you," he replied, pointing behind me, where I saw it…that terrible thing, that terribly terrible thing, that thing that is terrible to the most terrible degree.

Then, I heard it roar, that roar that sounds nothing like anything on Earth, from that evil behemoth of a reptilian…

Godzilla…it is Godzilla…here, in Japan…but why?

Suddenly, I saw a bunch of glowing balls come at Godzilla…oh that sounded so wrong…and they were attempting to defeat Godzilla, only to swat at them and firin' his lazer at them.

"Stand back, there's a hurricane a'blowin'!"

I looked to see Mentok create a glowing energy shield around him, he then yelled into the air, me being pushed back by the energy.

I looked to see that his hair was golden, spiky, and straight-up, with a golden aura around him.

"SUPER MENTOK!" He then flew up in the air and a blue energy started to form in his hands.

"KAMEHAMEHAAA!" A blue energy beam shot out of his hand, going straight through the terrible Godzilla, it roared again, but the lazer came out of it's stomach, then, the terribly terrible Godzilla the terrifying died, exploding into a million little pieces.

Mentok then descended down, turning back to normal. "I…I didn't know you could do that," I replied in a stutter.

"Yeah, it's only when I am in a Closed Space, other times, I'm still the grrrrreat Mentok! The Mind-Taker! !"

"Okay," I am getting tired with the sound effects…

"I HEARD THAT!" snapped Mentok, who proceeded to pull my bottom lip past my head.

"MMMFFMFFMMMMM!" I let out.

"Congrats, you gave birth…EEEOOOOUUU!"

Suddenly, the sky started to crack, raining gushes of blood at the same time. "What the Jesus Christ Lizard is going on!"

"Oh, yeah, every time we kill the monster, the sky dies," replied Mentok.

"The…sky dies?" I asked, confused by his childish reply.

"Well, that's the scientific term for it…"

The sky then exploded, with a bright red flash on all reality, and everything back to normal.

Just. Like. That.

"..Take me home, never speak to me again."

Mentok gave me a frustrated look and said, "You are boring."

"So, why is this all happening?" I asked as we sat in the taxi.

"Well, it's all your fault, actually," replied Mentok harshly.

"How is it my fault!" I argued.

"You caused Kratos to make the Brigade, getting him excited, and that is not all, you also caused the Cold War, the assassination of JFK, RFK, and KFC, made the reason why Digimon sucked after Digimon Adventure 02, caused Sealab 2021 to get canceled, and you are also the reason that Disney Channel keeps on making fucking tween sitcoms over and over and over AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN!"

"Really?" I let out.

"Nah, I'm just messin' with ya, Squidward," laughed Mentok.

"Okay…" Boy, Squidward, was that weird or what?

"Really weird," blurted Mentok. My reply was a simple glare.

The taxi then stopped in front of my house, got out, faced Mentok, and bluntly said, "I am not going to school tomorrow, I am staying in bed, and not dealing with this anymore."

"Oh, you say that now, but wait till tomorrow, I know what is going to happen, I'll never ever tell! HAAAAA HAHA!"

"Is that all?" I asked in melancholy.

"Oh, yeah, keep an eye on Kratos," cryptically revealed Mentok, he then sported a smile and waved as he shouted, "Cheers!"

The taxi then drove away, running over a lamp post. Well, whatever it is going to be, I am not going to school tomorrow, I am staying in bed…no matter what my…sister…says…

…My…sister…

…Kratos help me…

The Banana Slug: Well, I have to apologize to my nearly non-existent audience for a comment Kratos said, I believed it went under the lines like…

"If I wanted someone to nag me, I wouldn't have killed my wife."

It kinda bugged me personally, I am thinking of changing it, but I don't have anything in mind…

So, I will live in my shame with pride, and write part 666! MUAHAHAHAHAHAA!