No matter how much the fact she changed her mind surprises me, it is this moment right here that truly shocks me.
"I want to have another baby." Arizona's words take me out of the daydream I had been having. I lift my gaze from the coffee table to Arizona who is sitting reading a magazine next to me. She closes the booklet, tossing it on the table before turning her body towards me pull her feet up onto the couch.
I take a sip from coffee cup I had in my hands, unable to come up with a verbal response to Arizona's statement. As I do I can't tear my eyes away from Arizona's, I can't help but hope I'll find sincere honesty there. And I do. There is no fear or doubt, there is only love.
"Calliope," she says, placing her hand on my arm, bringing her face closer to mine. Her face is warm, content yet concerned smile on display.
"Are you sure?" I answer involuntarily; the words basically flow out of my mouth without any input conscious input from my brain.
"I." She pauses for a moment, "Why wouldn't I be?" Arizona's eyes change, the certainty of her words is still there but I can see emotion bordering on anger flickering beneath it.
Sofia was now a little more than nine months old and was making fantastic process. Despite her early birth she was keeping up with those in daycare that were her age. She had crawling down pat and loved to cruise around the apartment on all fours. Arizona frequently tucked into her childish side and chased Sofia around the apartment.
"Arizona, you asked me less than half a year ago if you would have been enough for me if we hadn't had Sofia. And I told you that you would have been, because it was true. I kind of took that as you backing out on giving me those ten kids you said you wanted." My surprise is easily detected in my tone; I truly had thought that Sofia would be it for us, especially after what Arizona had to go through after the accident, dealing with both me and Sofia.
She doesn't get the chance to reply; we're interrupted by a cry from Sofia's monitor sitting on the coffee table. She doesn't say anything; she simply looks at me as if to ask a question. We had been trying to get Sofia to sooth herself to sleep; we had been trying this for the past two weeks but Arizona's resolve was slowly slipping. She hated to hear children crying, even more so when it was Sofia. The look on Arizona's face, the pain and worry in her eyes was setting my emotions on fire. I nod, signalling that it was okay for her to check on her.
Arizona pulls her legs out from under her, pushing herself up off the couch. "We're not done with this conversation." She says surprisingly enough with a smile on her face. "I'll be right back." She places a kiss on my forehead before heading towards Sofia's room.
The closer Arizona got to her room, the louder Sofia's cries became. It was obvious she was becoming very impatient. "Hey baby girl." Arizona's voice is now coming from the monitor. Sofia lets out a more content squeal in response. "What's wrong, boo?" I can't help but smile at Arizona's use of the nickname she came up with for Sofia. "Oh no wonder you were crying, come here."
I can't sit still here alone anymore; I push myself up off the couch and make my way to Sofia's room. I stop at the doorframe of Sofia's room. I'm met with the sight of Arizona holding Sofia in her arms putting cream on her face. "There you go, is that better baby?" Sofia lets out a giggle before tugging on a piece of Arizona's hair.
"Hey, what did I say about pulling on Momma's hair? We don't to that remember." I say with a smirk as walk into the room. "What was the matter baby girl?" I say, wrapping my arm around Arizona's waist before blowing a raspberry on my daughter's arm.
"She scratched her face here," Arizona point out a scratch just below my daughter's left cheekbone, "and here." And then points out another one on her chin.
"It's a good thing you've got your Momma to take care of you, huh Sof?" I place a kiss on Arizona's temple. "It's time to go back to bed now sweetie, okay?"
Arizona places a kiss on Sofia's forehead before slowly putting her back into her crib. "Goodnight sweetie, I love you." She whispers, running her fingers through Sofia's hair before bringing herself back into my arms.
"Can you tell me why now?" I ask as I begin to lead her out of our daughter's room. I bring her to the couch, she takes a seat in my lap and I wrap my arms around her waist. "Why now when Sofia's still so young?"
She takes a deep breath, taking my hand in her own before answering me. "Because there was a little less than two years between me and Timothy and it was great. I loved being a big sister and since there was somewhat small age difference between us we got along really well. So I think the smaller the age difference if we were to have more children would be better. Plus if we wait too long then when Sofia gets older what is going to think? That she was just practice and we just wanted to see if I messed her up or not? I don't"
"Arizona, I" I have to interrupt her because the pain in her voice is unbearable but she doesn't me finish my own sentence.
"Don't Arizona me. I don't want her to ever feel that way. I may not be exactly happy about how she came to be but that doesn't matter, all that matters is her. She's perfect Calliope, except for that darn Sloan nose," She chuckles before wiping away the tears I had only now noticed flowing down her cheek, "she's all you. She's got your eyes and smile. When she gets old she's old her attitude is going to be just like yours, I can tell already. She's already picked up your devilish grin."
"Oh no, I don't think so! She's going to have her Momma's super magic smile and is always going to be turning me to goo." I find myself taking advantage of the fact my wife is wearing a tank top, placing a kiss between her bare shoulder blades. "So much for being a badass, huh?"
I'm rewarded with the sound of Arizona's laughter, "You'll always be my badass." She turns slightly so that she's able to wrap her arms around my waist, laying her head on my chest.
"Thank you," I say, absentmindedly playing with the hem of her shirt "for being right and for being awesome."
Once again I'm delighted to hear the divine sound that is my wife's laughter, "I told you I was."
I only now realize that her tears have not ceased and are now proceeding to dampen my shirt. It was truly painful to see her cry, just as much as it was to see Sofia do the same, it always tore at my heart and plagued my mind hours after it subsided. No matter how long ago it was, the sight of unhappy tears falling from Arizona's eyes always brought back the memory of the day I put myself between her and the gun of Gary Clarke; the day I realized that she was and would always be enough for me. It always brought back the memory of how scared and destroyed she was by his presence. It was that memory, no matter how painful and terrifying it was, that made my life worth living. It was that memory that made my purpose in life very clear; to protect and to treasure the woman I loved.
"Would you consider it?" Her voice is quiet and childlike; as if she was a child asking if she was in trouble.
I open my mouth to answer but she quite frankly doesn't give me the slightest opportunity to, she just keeps on talking. "I want you to get the feeling I get every time I look at Sofia. I know that you think that it's no different than the feeling you get, but it is Calliope. Every time I look at her it's like, like I'm looking at you and seeing everything I love about you all over again. It's like falling in love with you all over again. If we had another child I know that I'll love them just as much as I love Sofia, you know that, but I truly want you to feel what I feel every time I look at her. I just,"
"Okay." I say but surprisingly enough she continues to talk to me, causing a smile to creep slowly across my lips.
"Believe that you deserve to get to feel that way Calliope. I'll do all the work this time I promise, I'll put up with all the heartburn and no coffee, wait." She stops midsentence realizing I had responded. She leans forward, turning her body so that she's looking me straight in the face. "What did you just say?"
"I said okay." I let my smile spread fully across my face, giving her the devilish grin I knew she loved.
"Okay?" The look on her face is one I will never forget; the hope in her eyes, the pure happiness in her smile, the look of pure adoration.
I simply nod in response, before I get the chance to say anything in response Arizona's lip collide with my own. I can't help but moan slightly at the unique taste of her lips mixed with the taste of her strawberry-kiwi lip balm. She carefully slips her hand up my shirt, gently running her fingers back and forth over the scar that was on my stomach from Sofia's birth. My skin automatically becomes covered in goose bumps at the feeling of her fingers on my skin. Soon after she pulls away giving me my favourite full out dimpled smile.
"You are so beautiful." She says slowly, accenting each word with a kiss on my jaw line working her way back up to my lips once again.
"Look who's talking" I say with a chuckle.
"I see your point" She lets out a giggle before shifting her weight slightly.
"And I definitely now see yours." I once again wrap my arms around her waist. "I want to have the chance of getting to look into your eyes no matter where you are when I look at them. I want to have the chance to feel the way you do about Sofia with them. I want a little boy with your blonde curls and protective ways or a little girl with your super magic smile and ability to always make me feel better no matter what. I want that so bad but I just didn't think it would ever happen."
At my own words my emotions begin to get the better of me, causing tears to roll down my cheek. Arizona turns around as if she could sense the tears. "Of course it would have, and it will. I promise."
"We're having another baby." I can't help but say it out loud; it makes it all the more real.
Arizona grins at me; the love in her eyes makes butterflies soar in my stomach just like they did the first time I saw her. "We're having another baby." She says, turning back around so she fits perfectly back in my arms. With that whatever doubt I had been feeling vanishes, leaving love and adoration behind. And that is all I need to send me straight into the land of sleep.