Sonic Insanity
Please review. Sorry about the delay, my Internet was down. And no, it's not just an excuse, it really was.
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Knuckles cheered as the clock struck 12:01, just after midnight. "Yes! The curse is over! Now, to sleep." He began to nap, but he couldn't fall asleep. He could faintly hear an agitating noise. It almost sounded like… music?
Knuckles, grumbling under his breath, walked to all the rooms. Tails was silent. Shadow's was busy with evil laughter.
"Heh-heh-heh, with this flamethrower/harpoon gun/machine gun/bazooka/missile launcher mounted on my motorcycle I'll-"
Knuckles stopped caring and moved on. Sonic's room looked very different. For instant, the door was covered with foamy padding. Knuckles punched it, making no sound. It was some sort of soundproof barrier.
Snarling, he kicked in the door. An enormous wave of sound knocked him over, almost as loud as the one he had unleashed in the car yesterday. Struggling through it, he could see Sonic's room, full of people. The song was some sort of dance beat, and hundreds of people were bouncing and swaying to the rhythm. Sonic was playing MC at the front of the room. Many distinguished celebrities were sipping cocktail glasses.
"Sonic!" roared Knuckles so loudly that the speakers exploded and everyone looked up. "Where did you get all this? Where did everyone come from!"
"Ah, Knuckles, my good man," said Sonic, rolling a cigar and throwing it at the echidna. Knuckles caught it. "What are you doing here?"
"I live here, you spiky blue piece of… of… crud!" snarled Knuckles. "HOW?" He gestured at all of it.
Tails and Shadow plodded into the room, looking just as shocked as Knuckles was.
"All right, faker, how did you pull this all off?" screeched Shadow. "How'd they all get in?"
"I'm having a party," said Sonic, putting his arm around a lovely blonde actress. "I have one at midnight every night. Thanks a lot, Knuckles, now everybody in the neighborhood must be awake."
"Don't be mad at me!" roared Knuckles. "How did you get them all here? Why?"
"Well, being the highly famed and renowned gentleman that I am, it's no trouble to smuggle a bunch of celebrities in here," said Sonic. "Plus, they all want to be in my presence. You can join if you want."
Knuckles stuck the cigar in his mouth. "Eh… for a few minutes. I'm tired."
Shadow began to chat up a couple hot pop singers, and Sonic returned to his seat. Knuckles shoved a cheroot, a cigarillo, a cigar, a pipe, a bong, a hookah, a doobie, nine cigarettes and a Twizzler in his mouth. Passing a flame in front of his mouth, he began to shoot smoke everywhere.
Tails was dancing. He was incredible at it. Even Disco Stu was astonished. Sonic gritted his teeth, trying to figure out how to get Tails to leave before his own dancing skills were eclipsed. A huge nuclear button was pressed. The dance floor exploded. But by then, Tails was being a pimp again. He held a huge platinum cup with diamonds studding it and necklaces hanging from it. Sonic had a great idea. Suddenly a few poles rose out of the floor, on which gyrated women.
"Sorry, adult party only," he said, kicking Tails out. Finally, some peace and quiet…
Suddenly, Tikal, Amy, and Rouge stormed in, extremely angry with their boyfriends. Cream came over, and she and Tails went out for a romantic walk. Sonic began to steam with anger. Ignoring the whining Tikal, he got onto Shadow's motorcycle and drove off for foxboy.
Tails and Cream were almost touching lips in a glorious kiss. Their noses were making contact. Cream's heart fluttered.
Then a hail of bullets, harpoons, cannonballs, mortar shells, missiles, bombs, grenades and jets of flames came swirling at Tails. Sonic, sitting on the motorcycle, grinned.
Then, a seal burst out of the ground, taking the hit and dying. By now, Tails was alert.
"Why are you trying to kill me?" he screamed at Sonic. "I did nothing!"
"My party will never be the same!" roared Sonic, almost running over Tails.
"The only reason that would be true is because you blew up the dance floor!" shrieked Tails. "Let's go back!"
"Oh, OK," said Sonic, shrugging.
Since there was no real direction to take this, everyone went to bed, the celebrities went home, and Shadow's motorcycle was patched together with duct tape after Sonic crashed it into an iceberg. Yes, an iceberg.
"Hey, I know!" said Shadow much later. "We need something to do. My game will be out soon, and then what? Nothing. Our next game will be on the next-gen consoles… we need to make a splash in another form of media!"
"Well, if we sign up for a movie deal, things won't work," said Sonic. "They'll probably have Shadow played by Jude Law or something… Tails by some child actor… Knuckles by Vin Diesel or the Rock… me by Matt Damon or Ewan McGregor. I would rather play myself, thank you!"
"And book deals won't work," said Tails. "The last book any of us wrote was not a huge success…" A flashback began.
Knuckles closed his book. "Yes! Memoirs of a Jewel Guardian is 100 percent complete!" He flipped through the opening pages.
"Day 1: I guard the Emerald. Boring, but it will pay off. Practice martial arts. Contact great spirits. Day 2. See Day 1. Day 3. See Day 1. Day 4: Rouge tried to steal it again. Day 5: See Day 1. Day 6: See Day 1. Day 7: See Day 4."
"Remember that?" asked Tails, the flashback ending. "Your sales ranking on was 1,045,298!"
"How about a band?" asked Tails. "I could be keyboard, Knuckles drums, Shadow bass, and Sonic lead!"
"I will not be… second guitar… to that faker!" raged Shadow. "I demand to be either lead guitar or keyboard!"
"I want to be lead guitar!" snarled Sonic.
"Shadow, be keyboard," sighed Tails. "I'll be bass, I guess."
"Isn't there the small obstacle that none of us know how to play anything?" asked Shadow. "I mean, Knux man knows the drums, but that's it."
"OK, never mind," said Tails.
"OK, that was sort of a twist," said Sonic. "So no band for us."
They paused for a minute.
"Look, author-man," snarled Shadow, "why don't you just admit that there's nothing for this chapter?"
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He's right. Please review.