Sonic Insanity

Please review. And seriously, for real, expect a long wait this time.

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They all crouched around the campfire, ignoring Sonic's protests that his carpet was going to burn up. Knuckles roasted marshmallows on his glove spikes.

"Hey," said Shadow in a spooky voice, shining a flashlight into Sonic's eyes so he tripped and fell on a piano. "Want to tell ghost stories?"

"I do!" said Knuckles eagerly. "But little Tails here might be frightened of them…"

"I will not!" protested the young fox. "In fact, I bet I can tell a better story than any of you!"

"I'm sure you can, cough, cough," coughed Knuckles slyly. "But first, my story."

Everyone leaned in. Sonic fell into the piano again.

"So, as most stories do, it starts with a man," said Knuckles. Suddenly a horde of feminists burst in, protesting this sexist remark. "Fine. As some stories do, it starts with a man. A man by the name of… Murphy Bootlicker!" Sonic began trying to put out the fire, but accidentally kicked a log through a window, causing his deck to burst into flames.

"Now, Murphy was a hobo, in San Francisco as it so happens," Knuckles said smugly. "It was getting close to wintertime in San Fran, and winters there are bitterly cold, since they live so close to tropical beaches and all. Murphy's old refrigerator box was getting a little thin and worn, and he needed somewhere to stay for this terrible winter. He didn't know anyone who would let him stay with them, and he had no money for a hotel or an apartment." Knuckles shoved Sonic's autograph book into the fire and went on.

"So his only hope was to commit a crime. Then he would be warm and safe and well-fed in jail, and then he would get out in time for spring. So he went around trying to figure out how to get in jail for a couple of months. Murphy saw a hot chick sitting by a window, and moved in for the kill."

Shadow covered Tails' eyes, for some reason.

"He pinched her behind, hugged her, kissed her, rubbed her legs with his hands, and, erm, did other similarly awful things," coughed Knuckles. "But they were right outside an airport, and all the guards thought he was performing an intimate security check on her. Murphy, angry and disgusted, went into a restaurant and ate a huge meal. He had wine and roast chicken and cigars and such things. Then he refused to pay the bill. But it turned out that he was at a soup kitchen, where everything was free. So Murphy tried that everywhere, but some restaurants wouldn't let him in, some just made him wash dishes, and some were not restaurants after all, but laundromats. So Murphy stomped off, trying something else."

Sonic was trying to put out the fire with water, but it was failing somehow. Maybe it was because the water had gasoline in it. Who knows.

"He broke into a store, but nobody caught him. He tried to steal some guy's coat, but the guy had picked it up in a bar and thought that Murphy was just taking it back. He blew up a warehouse, but the warehouse was full of drugs and Mafia members so they gave him a medal of honor. Finally Murphy, so angry he could barely breathe, decided to hang out in a church." Knuckles' voice took on a sorrowful sound. "It was then that poor Murphy realized what a mess he had made of his life. Tomorrow, he decided, for it was late at night, tomorrow he would get a job in the city. He would be a man again. In the middle of these noble thoughts, though, a cop caught him for sitting on some old lady in the church, and he was arrested after all. So Murphy did not repent and continued to be a hobo. The end."

"That was the worst story I ever heard," said Sonic, who had decided to give up and come listen to the story.

"Well, listen to this," said Shadow. "This is the Fabled Legendary Poetic Tale of Jeremiah the Cow."

Sonic's quills began to bristle. "Jeremiah the Cow," he repeated in a lethal voice.

"Why, yes," Shadow beamed. "Now, Jeremiah the Cow was a well-known criminal in the seedy underbelly of the cow society. He was arrested many times for murder, torture, jaywalking, loitering, littering, and such terrible things. But while he was in jail, it was discovered that he was guilty of none of them. He was only guilty of burglary, which was not among his charges. So they let him free, but then arrested him immediately. But Jeremiah escaped."

"This sounds strangely familiar," said Sonic. Knuckles backed away from him.

"So one day Jeremiah was sitting on a bridge, looking out and pondering his existence," Shadow smiled. "Between his 9,000 arrests per week on average and his failed therapy sessions with a horse named Belinda, his life wasn't going to well. So Jeremiah prepared to plunge off the bridge, thinking that life was terrible and he couldn't take it anymore. But then another cow showed up, one named Casey."

Tails' eyes were glued to Shadow's face. Knuckles was glued to the edge of his seat. Sonic was glued, literally, to the ceiling.

"Casey said, 'Don't do it, Jerry! You have so much to live for!' Jeremiah was so inspired by this that he gave her a hug. Casey was so disgusted that she slapped him, and he fell off the bridge. Casey got everything in his will and everybody, except for some guy that Jeremiah fell on when he went off the bridge, lived happily ever after. The end."

"That was also terrible," said some judging committee that had showed up out of nowhere.

Tails began to tell his story. "Once upon a time there was a giant apple pie…"

In ten minutes, Tails was finishing his story.

"…and he stepped into the closet, never to see the pie again," finished Tails.

Shadow was chortling mightily. Sonic was white-faced and frightened. Knuckles was crying his eyes out.

"Guys, it was supposed to be a romance," said Tails, disgusted.

Suddenly, a rooster crowed. Wait a second… a rooster? Since when was there a rooster anywhere near there?

Unless it was… no… it couldn't be…

Sonic looked out the window. What he saw almost made his heart stop…

THE EGG ROOSTER!

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To be continued. Please review.