John Cleese sitting at a newscaster's desk.
Cleese – And now for something completely different.
5 seconds of elephants charging through the savannah. Then, back to John Cleese.
Cleese – And now for something completely the same.
Same video of elephants, then back to John Cleese.
Cleese – And now for something completely different.
"Lemming Of The BDA" poster comes on screen.
Terry Jones' Voice – And now, another exciting episode of "Lemming of the BDA!"
"Lemming Of The BDA" song is heard. Screen goes to a dental office, with Arthur Lemming standing behind the counter with his secretary. The phone rings, and the secretary answers it.
Secretary – Mm Hm...Yes...No, of course not...Okay I'll tell him. (hangs up phone; turns to Lemming and looks at him over-seriously) Lemming, they've got another one for you.
Lemming – (turns to camera with the same seriousness) I must move quickly! Secretary, find me a replacement dentist pronto! I'll put on my disguise, and get the details and location on the way!
"Lemming Of The BDA" poster comes on screen for a moment. Screen then goes to a suburban area with Lemming, disguised as a tobacconist, knocking on the door of a house. The Big Cheese (with Flopsy) opens the door.
Big Cheese – Yes?
Lemming – Is this the residents of...(looks at a piece of paper)...Joe Smith?
Big Cheese – Yes, yes, that's me. Who are you?
Lemming – I'm a tobacconist. Would you like to buy anything?
Big Cheese – No, no they're terrible for you.
Lemming – I suppose they are especially bad for your teeth! (pulls out a gun)
Big Cheese – (taken aback) W-What? Who are you?
Lemming – Haven't you guessed, "Joe Smith"? Or should I say, The Big Cheese!
Big Cheese – (gasps) Are you from the British Dental Association? (Lemming pulls off his disguise) (gasps again) Lemming! (pulls out his own gun) Get out! You're not welcome here! Right, Flopsy? Flopsy? (shoots him) What a shame, that's the fifth one this week.
Lemming – (loads gun) Drop the gun, Cheese!
Big Cheese – (pulls out second, bigger gun) You first! (Lemming gasps, then drops his gun and puts his hands up)
Screen flashes to Terry Jones dressed as Napoleon.
Jones – (sarcastically) Nice job, Lemming.
Back to Lemming and Big Cheese
Big Cheese – For the very last time, where are the fillings?
Lemming – I'll never tell!
Big Cheese – Oh, really?
Terry Jones in a green surgical outfit storms in with a bazooka
Brian – Really!
"Lemming Of The BDA" poster comes on screen with the word "Brian" instead of "Lemming" and Brian's face instead of Lemming's. "Lemming Of The BDA" song is played, except wherever "Lemming" is said, Brian replaces it.
Big Cheese – Brian?
Brian – Drop your guns, Cheese! We'll never give you the fillings! (Big Cheese drops guns)
Lemming – Thanks for coming, Brian. (picks up his gun) Now, surrender, Cheese! We've caught you before and we'll do it again, so give up!
Big Cheese – I'll never surrender to a couple of stupid dentists!
John Cleese and Terry Gilliam both walk up behind Big Cheese, dressed in black and armed with two machine guns. Cleese hands a machine gun to Big Cheese.
Big Cheese – Ha! Now its three against two! We've got you beat, even with your petty bazooka!
Lemming – I don't think so, Big Cheese. Look!
Michael Palin walks in with a dentistry outfit on and a second bazooka.
John Cleese – (whining) How many bazookas do you people have?
Brian – (suddenly casual) Oh, these are the only two. This one's actually new. (gestures to his own bazooka)
John Cleese – Well, it's quite nice.
Brian – Thank you. (Then serious again) Now, give up! Your surrounded!
Big Cheese – Drat! We have no choice! (sighs) I suppose you'll be wanting to know where our fillings our, seeing as your not going to tell us where your are.
Lemming – Yes! But, that's an adventure for another day. For now, you three are coming with us!
Screen then goes to "Lemming Of the BDA" poster again.
Terry Jones' Voice – And, once again, the world is safe for dentists everywhere, thanks to...Lemming of the British Dental Association!
"Lemming Of The BDA" song is played.