Sonic Insanity

Yes, the Egg Rooster. Review. Sorry for the REALLY long break, my computer was at the repair place, I swear.

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Eggman sat moodily in the Egg Rooster, eating a small snack to fortify his nerves. After the 29th stack of pancakes, he took an enormous swallow, adjusted his folds of fat, and spoke into the microphone. "Attention people of Earth! I have the greatest energy source ever created! Surrender or-"

"How'd your karaoke mike get in here?" asked Metal Sonic, putting his feet up on the 30th stack of pancakes.

Eggman ate the pancakes, causing Metal Sonic's feet to slam onto a control panel… which somehow hadn't been tampered with by the pancakes. Metal Sonic's feet landed on a huge lever, causing the Egg Rooster to shoot enormous boxing gloves on springs out of the sides.

"Eggman, what do you want?" sighed Shadow, stepping out of the house.

"Die… or your lives will spared!" cried Eggman.

"OK then," said Sonic, just standing there.

"I meant, surrender and your lives will be spared!" cried Eggman. "My Egg Rooster is the best of the best!"

"Why do you even name your devices after Egg things anyway?" asked Tails. "Eggman was just a nickname Sonic gave you forever ago."

"That's a good point," mused Eggman. "You see, it all started a long time ago…"

"This fic has more flashbacks than the last three seasons of Family Guy," growled Knuckles.

"No, I will simply narrate this one," said Eggman. "You see, I was a fine youth, very athletic, quite smart, and definitely a big social mover." Sonic's ribs began to crack from silent laughter. "I looked very much the same as I did now… well, except my arms and legs were shorter, I had no mustache, and instead of a bald head, I had a comb over and a propeller cap."

Sonic burst out with laughter. "A big social mover? The only thing moving socially for you was the dance floor shaking when you stepped on it!"

Eggman's fists clenched. "Anyway, so that's how I got a career as a pool boy."

"We were asking about the egg thing," said Sonic softly and dangerously.

"Well, then, I don't know," Eggman said. "But I think I saw a documentary on it once."

"How'd it go?" asked Sonic.

"Well, there was this one guy, and he was telling this other guy what to do, then there was the chick that-"

"Eggman, that was The Matrix," said Sonic.

"No, the documentary had more guns," said Eggman, thinking.

More guns… Shadow struggled to comprehend this. How could anything have more guns than the Matrix? "Explain it more."

"Well, it was all happening in this place, and-"

"Eggman, that was Revenge of the Sith," said Shadow.

"Oh yeah," Eggman said.

"Damn, I'm good," Shadow smirked. Sonic muttered under his breath.

"TO BUSINESS!" roared Eggman. "You will soon meet your death at the hands of my Egg Roost… WHAT?" The machine toppled over. The whole time, Knuckles had been tying the springs of the boxing gloves around the legs of the Egg Rooster. It toppled over with a screech of metal.

"Curses!" Eggman snarled. "I must have forgotten the gas!"

"Eggman, it's because you've fallen over," Sonic said, his eyebrow raised.

"Grr… I won't forget this," stormed Eggman, rolling away as best he could. Finally he realized he had an escape pod thing, so he took off in that, leaving the Egg Rooster to roll down a hill and crush several fast food restaurants.

"That was odd," remarked Tails.

So they all went back inside and began to look through movies. Shadow and Tails started to argue over what to watch.

"But I don't wanna watch that!" whined Tails. "It looks boring!"

"Trust me, Tails, it's not boring," said Shadow nervously.

"Well, any movie with Angelina Jolie half nude on the cover can't be appropriate for me, so you'll just shove me off to my room and-"

"Oh, shut up, we'll watch something else," Shadow spat.

"Knuckles, when are you going to go look for the Master Emerald?" asked Sonic in annoyance.

"Oh, I already got it back," said Knuckles, pulling it out from under the sofa.

"You WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?" screamed Sonic at the top of his lungs.

"Why, yes," Knuckles said, throwing a couple of DVDs at Sonic for old times sake.

"But, but, but, I don't get it! Why don't you go back to Angel Island?"

"I like it here," Knuckles said simply.

Sonic struggled. Which to choose, anger, fury or rage? Hmmm… all four. "That doesn't matter! You have a home, now go to it!"

"Make me," said Knuckles, sitting on the sofa.

Sonic clicked his fingers, and a bunch of nets shot out of the floor and scooped Knuckles up in them. The echidna took out a big jar of hair relaxing-ointment and rubbed it over the fibers of the net ropes. They relaxed so much that Knuckles slipped his way out.

Sonic, cursing fluently in Mandarin Chinese, Swiss, Dutch, Icelandic, English and Canadian, began to hurl balls of energy at Knuckles. The echidna picked up a block of cheese. It absorbed the energy and sent it shooting in a huge shockwave across the room.

"It is obvious," said Sonic slowly, reaching into his robes that he had sprouted mysteriously out of nowhere, "that this contest cannot be decided by our knowledge of randomness… but by our skills with a lightsaber!" Out of his robes he drew two double-bladed lightsabers and began to spin them around like ceiling fan blades.

Shadow and Tails were still arguing over DVDs. Knuckles reached into his robes and pulled out four lightsabers, one of which he held in his mouth and one of which he held in one foot. They immediately began an enormous duel. Somehow, Knuckles' hands, head and legs were sliced off, but they miraculously reappeared holding lightsabers and continued the fight.

"Well, lightsabers won't work either," said Sonic, tossing them away. Tails had finally decided on a movie and was putting it in. "We'll have to have a battle of words."

Knuckles began to imitate Sonic. "Well, I'm the savior of the known world, despite my cockiness and selfishness, so that's why every game is named after me and me and Tails have to be sidekicks despite our accomplishments. After all, being able to run fast is so much better than protecting the most sacred gemstone on Earth."

Sonic took his turn. "I'm the guardian of some ultra-powerful device. However, I constantly lose it and Sonic always gets it. A few years ago when I lost it, it was because I closed my eyes for about ten minutes while talking to a thief hussy. In the meantime, I'll just intrude on Sonic's property, destroy half of his possessions and act like a pimp half the time."

"Did somebody say pimp?" Glen Quagmire came skidding into the room. "I'll take two, maybe," he said shiftily. "Oh! Giggity giggity! Aw right!"

"Your perverted shenanigans are going to ruin everything!" Holding Rupert in his hand, Stewie Griffin came storming into the room. "Lois will be alerted to my plans!"

Suddenly, everyone was crushed by the Monty Python foot, which had a tattoo labeled TOO MANY FAMILY GUY REFERENCES. When it came up, Shadow and Tails were watching the movie, which happened to be Phantom Menace.

"Jar Jar Binks reminds me of Dick Cheney," said Shadow.

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