Sonic Insanity

Review if you dare. Yes, I am back.

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Sonic came bursting in the room, extremely angry. "LOOK! They interviewed me and brainwashed me afterward! I've got no memory of this interview at all!"

"Sonic, that's an interview with the tear factory… um, Jennifer Aniston," said Tails without looking up. "How could you think it was you?"

"Oh… I wondered why the name and picture were wrong… and why they weren't saying anything about me," said Sonic in bewilderment. Tails shook his head in disgust.

"And… it's the hedgehog critics have been raving about!" Shadow skidded into the room. "Yes, Shadow the Hedgehog himself, now available on any box, any station, any cube, and any rectangular prism anywhere!"

NEW! The Sony Rectangular Prism, refracting light onto the next generation of video games!

Shadow put his feet up on Sonic's face and yelled at Knuckles. "Yo, Emerald man! I'll have a sirloin… baked potato… maybe a Pinot Noir…"

Knuckles threw the table at him. "I'm not your WAITER! Speaking of which, I got a new car."

"Oh, crap," said Sonic. "I remember the last new car you got…" Flashback etc.

"Well, here she is," said Knuckles proudly. The outline of the car could be seen beneath a tarp. He threw it off dramatically, revealing… a cardboard cutout of a car. Tails' veins began to bulge.

"Well, it looked real at the dealership," Knuckles explained, while the cutout teetered and fell over.

Shadow looked ominously angry, drawing out a machine gun.

"The weather?" Knuckles tried weakly.

"Knuckles," said Sonic, "how much did you spend on that car?"

"Er… we'll put it this way, under 200,000 dollars," Knuckles squirmed.

"How much?"

"199 dollars and 99 cents," Knuckles said, and then he began to run for his life.

The flashback ended.

"Why were you even at Sonic's house then anyway?" asked Tails curiously.

"Well, you see, it's a long story that can best be viewed objectively after a brief-"

"OK, I'm tired of listening, stop talking," Tails said, nudging Knuckles.

"So, you wanna see the car?" said Knuckles. He took them outside, while Sonic grumbled about the pimped-out car Knuckles had gotten before.

"Behold… the Dodge Echidna!" The car was revealed, and it was a beauty. It took Sonic's breath away (forcibly, through a ventilator tube). Shadow was impressed. Tails whistled.

"So, where do you wanna go?" asked Knuckles.

"How about the swimming pool?" Sonic said. "It's cold this time of year!"

"Sonic, isn't that a reason NOT to go to the pool?" Shadow asked.

"Um… your mom," Sonic said.

They piled into the car, Sonic calling shotgun.

"No way, I get the artillery!" pouted Tails, gesturing at the huge bazooka Sonic was touting.

Knuckles was suddenly struck by an idea. Shadow and Tails were getting in, and Sonic was locking up the house. As Tails and Shadow got in, Knuckles pressed the pedal and zoomed off. Sonic was left in the dust as the car zoomed off at high speed. Growling, Sonic ran after it, catching up with the back bumper soon.

"Drat," muttered Knuckles. He began swerving around the road. Tails was anxious. Shadow was laughing. Sonic was furious.

Sonic, with his incredible speed, was catching up. Shadow took out an anvil and flung it into the road. Sonic was almost flattened. The blue hedgehog was so angry that he turned into Super Sonic right there and then. Shadow gulped.

The now-yellow hedgehog jumped at the car, but was knocked out of the air when Shadow threw a golf bag at them. Object after object rained out of the back, which Super Sonic barely dodged in the nick of time. Finally, Super Sonic picked up a moose that Shadow had thrown, and flung it into the path of the car. It swerved around it, and in that moment Super Sonic jumped into the car.

"What the halibut are you DOING?" he screamed as loudly as he could into Knuckles' face. Dreadlocks went flying everywhere.

"We had to get away from the cops," Knuckles said, trying not to laugh.

"Get away from- there WERE no frigging cops!" bellowed Sonic, returning to regular Sonic. "Knuckles, I refuse to allow you in my house anymore! OUT!"

"I'm not in your house, you're in my car," replied Knuckles, his eyes on the road.

Sonic, temporarily at a loss for words, turned on Shadow. "Why were you throwing stuff at me, you faker?"

"Well, first of all, I haven't stolen your identity, so no need to call me faker," Shadow grinned, making Sonic turn an unhealthy shade of red. "Secondly, we… er… we needed to throw off anything that would weigh down the car. You didn't see those cop cars."

Sonic's quills began to spark with electricity for some reason. "Don't give me that bull! There were no cops and you both know-"

Just in time to interrupt a fight that would have undoubtedly involved nachos, the moose now lying in the road, and a long discussion on the relative benefits of communism versus socialism, a police car slammed into them. Shadow took out his gun and began firing. The police car swerved into a stop sign and fell off a cliff… even though they were on a regular suburban street. But more police cars were coming.

"What did I tell you," said Knuckles, hiding the Police Car Summon-O-Matic 2500 behind his back.

Shadow hopped out of the car and took a karate stance. His arms traced the air like a calligraphy brush on a scroll. He prepared to punch down on the hood of the upcoming police car. His fist tightened. His mouth set in a firm line.

Shadow punched the police car, hopped around in pain while clutching his fist, and was promptly run over six times. Somebody came up to the flattened Shadow and shook him until he appeared three-dimensional. Shadow took out a house key, ran back to Sonic's house, and went inside. He couldn't even remember where they'd been driving anyway.

Tails jumped out of the car and held out some kind of electronic device. A huge energy shield shot out in front of him. The police cars drove through it and ran Tails over. The disgruntled foxboy flew to Sonic's house. He had nothing better to do anyway.

Knuckles jumped out of the car, leaving nobody driving (even though the car was still going for some reason) and stood in the street. He jumped into the air, landed in one of the cars, and began beating up everyone inside… or at least trying to. One of the policemen tossed him out, and he began to run back to Sonic's house. He had insert excuse here.

Sonic sat in the car, wondering how it could possibly be driving, when suddenly a very solid looking brick wall appeared on the horizon. Sonic jumped out of the car and ran off on the sidewalk, past the police cars.

"Suspect on sidewalk, should we pursue?" said one policeman to another through a radio.

"Negative, suspect has not attempted ridiculous action movie cliché, no target," said the other.

Knuckles' new car smashed into the brick wall and exploded, as did all the police cars.

Three minutes later, Sonic came staggering into his house. Knuckles was sitting around, telling a story.

"… and so then I said, 'Well, you lost that camcorder?' And he says, 'Yeah, but this time, the moose wasn't around!" Tails began to crack up. Shadow wasn't around. Knuckles looked over at Sonic. "Oh, hey landlord. Glad to see you."

All Sonic had was a grumble, and he flopped down on the couch.

"Cause if you looking for me I'll be on the block, with my thing cocked possibly sitting on a drop now, cause I'm a rider, yeah, I'm just a soul survivor…" hummed Shadow… and somehow managing to hum words.

"I'm not going to have that overplayed garbage in this house," said Sonic, looking through drawers for something.

"Is your man! On the floor? If he ain't! Let me know!" Shadow jammed.

"It's no hope, Sonic," said Tails sadly. "He's clearly been over on the set of Omochao's Revenge, where such jokes were the basis of entire pages…"

"Shake your Laffy Taffy, your Laffy Taf-" Shadow was cured with a prescription of getting-kicked-by-Sonic. "So, what do you want to do?"

"Let's play poker," suggested Sonic, who had found a stack of cards.

So they all got their cards and began to bet.

"Well, I'll bet 30 dollars," Sonic said.

"I'll bet… say… that piano over there," Knuckles said.

"What? That's my piano!" yelled Sonic.

"I'll see your piano and raise you that computer," Shadow challenged.

"My iMac!" bellowed the blue hedgehog.

Up and up the betting went, from iPods to cars to house insurance to the actual house. Finally Knuckles accepted Shadow's bet of Sonic's credit cards, while Sonic silently sobbed in the corner. Tails was awkwardly trying to comfort him. Both Knuckles and Shadow revealed their hand. They both had four aces.

"Cheater!" yelled Knuckles.

"Credit card thief!" cried Sonic.

"Liar!" bellowed Shadow.

"Paris Hilton!" shouted Tails. "Next chapter, Sonic sits on a chair. Does he have what it takes to get up? Stay tuned to find out."

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Yeah, thanks for the kind reviews, and keep em coming. But I don't mind a good flame once in a while.