Sonic Insanity

Yo, this is my mad review rap!

I enjoy constructive criticism, especially from you

So R-E-V-I-E-W!

Thanks. By the way, thanks someone, that is what I meant. When I wrote 199 dollars and 99 cents in the last chapter, I meant 1,999 dollars and 99 cents.

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Now, from author to (re)viewer, you may have noticed that there has been quite an absence of outside characters for a while. In fact, the last one was Eggman in chapter 14. Well, no more. Here is a day in the life of several other characters, less known than others.

Part 1: Cream's Cliché-Ridden Shopping Trip

Note: To spare the reader, there will only be clichés and grammar errors here, no spelling catastrophes.

So Cream is sitting at home one day, and she thinks, "LOL I'm like too bored!" So she calls up her friend Amy and says, "Amy does you want to go shopping for stuffs with me?" "Sure!" Amy says LOL!

So Cream and Amy calls up their boyfriends Sonic and Tails and they say yes they can go!

So they go shopping and they find what they want and there's even some romance! You see Sonic gets bored of shopping like men are supposed to but then Amy runs after him and its all better!

OK, the end. That was terrible.

Part 2: The bird from Sonic Adventure DX

Little was said about the bird who carried a Chaos Emerald in that game. Some thought that his conflict with Zero the robot originated from an ages-old territory dispute in the playground sandbox. Others said that he had insulted Zero's mother. Others speculated that the bird was an incarnation of Tikal or a guardian of the Master Emerald. But all such theories were wrong.

The bird's name was Boris Gregorovitch, the most lethal assassin in all the Russian Mafia. He'd put more people in cement shoes than the factory workers at Stonecrafters Ridiculous Footwear. The bird thing was just a disguise to make him seem cute and innocent (he was really a cold-blooded bunny rabbit). One day he wasn't doing much unusual. After his morning routine of gunning down shady-looking pieces of gum stuck to the bottom of bus seats and stealing shopping bags from little old ladies, he got to work. The Big Boss, who was always hidden by the back of a chair in which he was sitting, was waiting for him. Boris was the only one who knew that the Big Boss was actually just a chair. He stepped into the room, and the Big Boss chair began to speak.

"Da, Boris, comrade, we need you to take care of a matter of business."

"What type of business you be talking about, comrade?" inquired Boris pleasantly, putting his feet up on the phone.

"You see, Amy Rose, she be interfering with the Sonic-Sally shippers on the East Side of Moscow," said the Boss, drinking vodka. "They have asked us to take care of her, the capitalistic pig-dog monkey swine. You go undercover. Our good comrade Mikhail Gabrelovic will help you out." Mikhail, who would later go undercover as Zero the robot, rolled in. "You will pretend to be chased by Mikhail. Amy take pity on you. You will be close to her, you will get chance to attack!"

"So, how much is my fee?" asked Boris. The phone rang under his feet and he kicked it through the wall. The Big Boss scowled.

"We pay you in jewel that my pool boy found in gutter with leaves and stuff," the Big Boss said. "Possibly worth more than nothing. Good solid cash, da, comrade?"

Gritting his buckteeth and ruing the day he ever signed up for the dress-like-a-bird division of the Mafia, Boris nodded his rabbit head grimly.

The rest is history.

Part 3: Team Chaotix and their amazing fun times

It was that time of time again. On the last Saturday of every month, Charmy would get to go to Twinkie Park. And Vector and Espio would chaperone him. Mighty used to as well, but he fell into a giant vat of penguins that had been cleverly concealed in plain sight (that explains why he wasn't in Sonic Heroes again). However, this kind of thing wasn't too good for Espio. The reason he was so calm was because he had managed to suppress his anger. After a visit to a therapist, his anger and rage came pouring out, all because of an incident in second grade involving substituting his teacher's car for a small top hat. Now the slightest disturbance would set him off. Vector tried to help, but Charmy was oblivious to this.

"Wake up wake up wake up Espio it's time to go to Twinkie Park!" yodeled Charmy, bouncing up and down on Espio. The chameleon opened one eye and began throttling Charmy.

"Charmy you no-good little scamp!" snarled Espio, letting go. "I thought we agreed on no-earlier than 7:00!"

"It's 7:30," gulped Charmy, massaging his throat.

"Well, why doesn't it say that on my clock?" growled Espio.

"You don't have a clock anymore, remember? You shot it," Charmy grumbled.

"Oh yeah… now all I have is this stupid hourglass? What the deuce! I'm not having any bloody hourglass!" shouted Espio, throwing it through the open door. Sand spilled everywhere as it shattered on Vector's broad back. For some reason, Espio would frequently speak in tongues when he was upset (tongues meaning British slang).

Vector controlled his temper and continued flipping pancakes. In several seconds, he stopped. "Breakfast is ready!"

"Well, I'm not!" shrieked Espio. "I'll be darned if I'm eating any crocodile breakfast! Blimey, man!"

Pancakes, orange juice and omelettes were crammed down Espio's protesting gullet, and they shipped off to Twinkie Park.

Four hours later, Espio looked like he could chop someone's head off with his pinky finger. He was covered in candy that Charmy had spit at him/forced him to carry, his face was windblown and at an angle from the suicidal rides that Charmy had forced him to ride, and his eardrums were sore from listening to Charmy whine about everything.

"I want purple cotton candy!" whined Charmy, eating a huge stick of purple cotton candy. Espio, snarling, bought him another stick. "I said I wanted green, you fool!" screamed Charmy, kicking Espio as hard as he could in the ear. "You're being mean to meWaaaaaaaaaa-"

Espio had endured about ten thousand of these incidents in the last three minutes, and he was tired of it. He dropkicked Charmy into a huge inflatable tent, which punctured because Charmy landed on his stinger. Many happy children were buried alive, including Charmy.

"Espio! We gots to save the kiddo!" roared Vector.

"It's too late, Vector… we tried our hardest but nothing can be done…"

"We aren't doing anything! But we have to!"

"I'm sorry… but he's gone now," Espio said mournfully. "There's nothing that can be done."

"Well, I got myself out, no thanks to you losers," snarled Charmy, digging himself out. Espio turned red with rage… or maybe just cause he felt like it. After all, he is a chameleon.

Part 4: The action-packed climax

He had always been overlooked. No one had ever appreciated him for the invaluable help he had given all the Sonic characters. When Sonic had been claiming all the credit for uniting them as heroes, this little fella had done more than anyone to assist each and every team member on their path to harmony.

But there was a price to pay, and it involved death. They were coming for him, for although the Sonic characters appreciated him, there were an equal share of fanatical gamers who would stop at nothing to kill. They wanted blood.

Omochao's blood.

Station Square was a sad reminder of what it once was. Billboards fell into flaming wreckage, car alarms whooped, and shattered glass littered the ground. Light bulbs around the casino were blown out, and people were screaming. All this for him…

Omochao had a thousand wounds. He was hiding behind a car, with no weapons, waiting for the enemy. They knew where he was, and unavoidably, they would soon throttle the life out of him.

No, better to end it now.

Fanboy Jim, a nerdy type with a pocket protector, muttered into his walkie-talkie. "Negative, Gamer Man… that noob must have been pwned."

"Fool!" hissed the evil warlord Gamer Man, only distinguished from the others by the fact that he had actually had had a girlfriend at one point. "How many times must I tell you to speak in ultra-secret leet code over open lines?"

"Oh, sorry," said the shamed Fanboy Jim, this time in leet (I don't feel like writing all that out). "I'll go check it out…"

Omochao stepped out from around the car as a falling brick smashed into it. "I'm here, Fanboys. Leave the civilians out of this."

"Mr. Anderson," said Fanboy Bob evilly.

"My name isn't Anderson…" said Omochao dramatically. "It's…" Suddenly he realized how to avoid a fight. "Hangulor, Chief Mage Rider of the Ensorcelled Legion!"

"Oh my god!"

"The ultimate master of EverQuest!"

"How could we have attacked you!"

"Forgive us! Don't pwn us when we're online next time!" The fanboys began to grovel in the dust, mistakenly believing Omochao was their online RPG hero.

"Not to worry, just a mistake… but don't let it happen again, or I'll summon a Godmode Orc Battalion faster than you can curse in Elvish!" With that, Omochao disappeared.

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Please review, pretty please… and happy holidays!