Sonic Insanity

Time for a little festive Sonic. Please review. Oh yeah, and Tweedle, about Knuckles' endless stores of cash… Also, I've recently made a Harry Potter forum, check that out. I might make a sequel, but I'll probably just keep this one going for a long time. If not, I'll take a break for other projects, but then I'll do a sequel.

Oh yeah, and Ellie, I don't want to sound annoyed, but if I get one more review with the words "Interesting chappy" in them, I'll…

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It was that time of year again. Snow lay in a peaceful cover over the ground. Hot cocoa and eggnog were being consumed. Shadow's ear muffs, minus the wire band that held them together, had been made into "furry hockey puck slip covers" by Sonic, who was in turn accused by Knuckles of being a hockey-loving igloo-building Canadian, which later resulted in a fight that shook the earth… or maybe just a couple of twigs. But that's another story.

Tails was merrily sucking on candy canes in the corner. Shadow was staring moodily into the fire, angry that his stocking was somehow a teleporter to Sonic's stocking (work that one out). Sonic and Knuckles, very amazingly, were having an argument.

"I'm just saying that 50 Cent is not Christmas music!" bellowed Sonic, blue in the fur… oh wait. "And neither is Jay-Z, or Snoop Dogg, or Eminem, or Kanye West, or The Game, or Ludacris, or Usher, or Dr. Dre, or Will Smith, or…" Sonic temporarily looked sick to his stomach. "…D4L, or T-Pain, or Akon, or Ying-Yang Twins, or Nelly, or Juelz Santana, or Lil Wayne, or Young Jeezy, or Bow Wow, or Mike Jones, or Fat Joe, or Trick Daddy, or Lil Jon, or whoever the hallmark it is who sings that ridiculous 'Your Body' song, or…"

"Sure it is!" snarled Knuckles, red in the face… oops. "They promote peace on earth, good will towards men during the holiday season!"

"Peace on earth, good will towards men?" screamed Sonic, all of his veins throbbing. "I assume that would include 'I'm Gonna Bust a Cap on Any Haters Who Come Round the South Side,' or 'Shooting At Hookers Out of My Low Rider While I'm Stoned,' or…"

"Shut up! They're still good music for Christmas!" Knuckles hollered. "And hookers aren't men, so good will towards men doesn't apply!"

"Well, they are men in faker's case," sniggered Shadow.

"Put a sock in it!" screeched Sonic. "How is that music possibly Christmas-themed?"

"Simple, I'm playing it during Christmas season," Knuckles grinned, much to Sonic's rage.

"Where do you get all that money anyway?" asked Tails in disgust. "Thousands of rap CDs, two cars, all kinds of dreadlock treatment…"

"Well, you see," said Knuckles nervously while a female hairdresser gently styled his dreads, "I was sorta broke for a while, cause I have no source of income… so I started to sell things."

"WHAT kinds of things?" asked Sonic in a voice teetering on the brink of utter chaos.

"None of your stuff!" said Knuckles hastily. "Just… er… the… Chaos Emeralds?"

Sonic turned around and punched Knuckles in the face so hard that he flew through the wall. "The Chaos Emeralds? Knuckles, what was the point of Sonic Adventure DX?"

"To get the Emeralds…"

"And what saved the world from Metal Sonic in Sonic Heroes?"

"The Chaos Emeralds…"

"And what did faker spend his entire game searching for?" howled Sonic.

"Um… uninspired answers to his uninteresting and clichéd past?"

"Besides that!" screeched Shadow, beside himself.

"The Chaos Emeralds."

"And now, just to earn yourself some cash that would just be blown on crappy hip-hop and useless cars," growled Sonic, "you sell the Emeralds, which we have all worked so hard to find?"

"Um… I blame the present government," Knuckles was quick to say.

"Knuckles, that is IT!" bellowed Sonic. "That contract is null and void-"

"And was the instant you get thwacked upside the head with an onion," sniggered Knuckles. Sonic punched him through another wall.

"Don't start with me! You are BANISHED from this house for the rest of eternity! No exceptions!"

"Why, what are you going to do about it?" sneered Knuckles.

"Pie curse," grinned Sonic.

Such was Knuckles' fear that he didn't realize that Sonic had no way of carrying this threat out. "NOOOOOOOOO! I'll be good! I promise!"

"Oh, FINE!" snarled Sonic, kicking Knuckles like a Chao wrapped in twine. "But if you put one toe out of line, you're out!"

"Guys!" yelled Tails. "Why don't we go shop for a Christmas tree?"

"Sounds good," said Shadow in relief. "They only have crappy Christmas specials on TV anyway."

So they all piled into Tails' plane, the Tornado, and zoomed off to the Christmas tree lot. Little did they know that a certain egg-shaped character was waiting for them.

"Why, in this layer of green paint I look just like a Christmas tree!" declared Eggman, trying to remain as still as possible. "No one will ever know the difference!"

"Look Mom, it's some fat guy dressed in green!" squeaked a little girl. Eggman sat on her and that was the end of that.

Knuckles, thankfully, had quit his Christmas rap, but now he was singing Christmas songs, which was slowly making Sonic more and more angry.

"Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock! Jingle bell ring and jingle bell swing!"

"Would you like us to turn on the radio, Knuckles?" asked Tails politely. Sonic cracked his knuckles.

"We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas…"

Sonic began to smolder. A light bulb appeared over Shadow's head.

"I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus under the mistletoe (yes, this is a real song)- what?" Shadow leaned over to whisper something in Knuckles' ear. "Oh, all right. Ahem! I saw Sonic's mom kissing Santa Claus under the couch last night-"

"Prepare to die!" screamed Sonic, his eyes blood red with fury. They began a very violent fight, and Shadow weakly attempted to distract horrified children.

"Um… look at me! I'm Jolly the Super-Duper Black Hedgehog!" he said feebly, doing a little dance.

"Who's he?" asked little Billy to wee Sally.

"Oh, he's the bad guy from the Peanuts Kwanzaa special," whispered Sally.

"The Kwanzaa spec- there never was a Kwanzaa Peanuts special!" howled Tails, and a fight began. Shadow put his head in his hands.

Just then showed up the Christmas tree salesman, Candy Cane Al. Dressed in plaid wool, he did not resemble the kindest of Christmas saints, particularly with the large hacksaw he had slung over his back. In fact, he resembled some kind of Scottish serial killer.

"Hello sir," said Sonic, briefly looking up from his fight with Knuckles. "My pointlessly more violent and dark alter ego will handle business matters…"

"Nah, I'll go and help Shadow too," said Tails, punting Billy off in the other direction.

This was it. It was enormous and very inexpensive (just like Rouge liked her breast surgery). It stood taller than anything else visible for miles around (just like Eggman liked his inventions). It was green and bushy and prickly and just begging to have ornaments hung on it (just like Tails liked his haircuts). It was the perfect tree.

Or it would have been, if Eggman hadn't been sitting behind it… or should I say…

The Egg Christmas Tree!

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Review- review- review- happy holiday- review!