Sonic Insanity

Almost New Years, everybody! Thanks for everything, on the 20th chapter. The first version of Sonic Insanity reached 26 chapters. If we reach there, and we get 150 reviews, there'll be a little treat, 'k? Keep em coming! I don't doubt we'll get it.

Editor's Note: We recently discovered that several viewers were unhappy about the highly explicit content in this feature (aka the issue over Sonic's virginity in the first chapter). What we found shocked us after we made a deeper investigation. The author, Mecha Scorpion, had smuggled constant references to sex, violence, drugs and swearing into this T-rated fanfiction. For example, in several chapters it implies that characters were dating. In other chapters, Sonic and Shadow have fought each other and belittled each other with harsh language. This was completely unacceptable and we have carefully censored this fanfiction for the sake of younger viewers.

OK, seriously, ShadowGal, I can't help but be me, but I'll try not to have such content.

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Sonic was playing more video games, this time Shadow the Hedgehog. He winced openly at the game play flaws. "This is ridiculous! Eggman's latest scheme for world domination has a better plot than this piece of crap! These graphics resemble a chipmunk tracing a toddler's doodles, the music is somehow worse than Knuckles' hip-hop, and the gun targeting is less existent than Mary-Kate Olsen's work ethic! Something has to be done. SHADOW!"

The black hedgehog came cruising in, incinerating the carpet with his jet shoes. "Yes, faker?"

"I don't have that kind of patience! Your game is terrible! TERRIBLE!" howled Sonic. "Look at this! What kind of compelling good-vs-evil decisions are these? Destroy the temple jewels? Find the Chaos Emeralds? BLECCH!"

Shadow, amazingly enough, was not taking kindly to Sonic's verbal abuse. "The plot is amazing! There's tons of anguish and drama and… um… epic fight scenes!"

"Epic fight scenes! Some Lord of the Rings this is! These soldiers die in ONE SHOT!" screamed Sonic, the controller slowly turning into pulp in his clenched hands. "These aliens die in two! You could have a fight between two cats with all their legs missing and it would be more compelling than this crap! So what's your excuse for the graphics?"

"They're fine graphics! You're just annoyed because you look like a piece of malformed Play-Dough!" argued Shadow. "Which isn't much of a change in your case…"

Sonic went purple. "Well, what about this pathetic soundtrack? I've heard better music from Knuckles' CD player!"

"All right, faker," said Shadow, pulling out his ever-present AK-47, "I've had enough of you criticizing my game, so let's take a look at Sonic Adventure DX, shall we?"

Sonic paled. "It wasn't me! It was… um… Crash Bandicoot painted blue!"

"Now, this game is terrible, for the main reason that I am not in it," replied Shadow, inserting the disk. "But other reasons- the civilian character models might as well be statues, Big and Amy are playable, Chaos looks like a piece of disfigured pulsing ice, the levels are ridiculously clichéd-"

"Ridiculously clichéd? We at least have a little bit of variety!" roared Sonic. "As opposed to yours, which is basically like a checklist. Ancient ruins level… twice? Got it. Cyberspace level? Got it. Outer space level? Got it?"

"As opposed to Sonic Heroes, which is ancient-ruins, city, casino, desert-canyon, forest, old castle, and last boss fortress," sneered Shadow. "Why didn't you just include the snow level why you were at it? Oh yeah, that was in Sonic Adventure DX inst-"

Sonic's eyes turned red and he went Super Sonic, aiming a flying kick at Shadow's face. Shadow blasted him backward with some sort of Chaos power. Just as things were about to get really bloody (Knuckles and Tails were sharing a tub of popcorn), a distinctly bulky form dropped down between them and separated the two strugglers.

"Now, now, violence is not the answer," said Omega monotonously.

"Omega?" said Sonic dumbly, his fists dropping. "What are you doing here?"

"How could you be here?" asked Tails in confusion.

"Didn't you fall off the Ark?" mocked Knuckles. Shadow smacked him.

"Thanks to new programming, I have realized that battle never solved anything," Omega replied.

"So who programmed you?" said Knuckles, chewing on a chicken finger. "Eggman?"

"NO DON'T SAY IT," screamed Tails, jumping in the way, but the damage was already done. Omega's gun barrels opened fire on everything associated with eggs in the room. Egg now globes, Eggman bobble heads, actual eggs, egg beaters, omelettes, bird egg shells, and dictionaries with the word "egg" in them were all blasted to oblivion.

"Crap!" shouted some guy in Oblivion, USA, dodging huge numbers of objects being blasted into his country. "I hate this! Why should we be forced to live in fear? Come, my brothers and sisters, CHARGE!"

They charged off to do battle, tripped over the curb, and died horribly by landing on a mattress.

"Riiiiiiiiiiiight," said Tails nervously. "Anyway, so Omega, why are you really here?"

"Everyone knows that peace needs a chance," droned the robot. "Two wrongs don't make a right! Why don't you two make up and spend some quality time together?"

"NEVER!" roared Sonic. "I'd prefer to spend quality time with a… a… an insecticide-flavored burrito salesman than that moron!"

"Well, there was that one date-" began Tails.

"Shut up! Nobody needs you in here, you goody-two-shoes! Now I want to watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!" Sonic pulled out a set of nunchucks and began to twirl them around. "Heroes in a half shell!"

"Shell… eggshell… DESTRUCTION!" Omega blared, blasting the shell out of everything. Sonic dodged it all using amazing powers of power-ness. However, Shadow's CD collection was destroyed. Omega walked off, humming.

"NO!" cried Shadow in horror. "All my crappy nu-metal and punk rock! Nickelback, Mudvayne, Korn, Limp Bizkit… waaaaaaaaaaah!"

"Dude, do you even have any musical taste at all?" Sonic sneered. "That's, like, even worse than Knuckles and his collection…"

"Oh, will you just GIVE IT A REST?" roared Knuckles. "What do you hate so much about rap anyway? I like a bunch of different artists, and you hate them all! Why, Sonic?"

"Um… tax reasons," muttered Sonic in a dodgy manner.

"Well, we must go on a quest," declared Tails, wearing a "medieval helmet" that suspiciously resembled a popcorn popping machine. "A quest… for all of us. A quest for Sonic to discover why he hates rap so much. A quest for me to lose this preposterous headgear. A quest for Shadow to rebuild his CD collection. A quest for Knuckles to salvage the remains of his dignity after his voice acting in Shadow the Hedgehog."

"Yeah, it sounded like Bob Hoskins, man," Sonic added cuttingly. He was knocked over when Knuckles threw Tails' headgear at him.

"All right, well, I have no motivation to join this quest anymore," said Tails. "Bye, I guess."

"We'll drop by Build-A-Bear Workshop later," said Sonic.

"…I wanna go."

So, Knuckles, Tails, Sonic and Shadow went into the distance, on a quest for dignity, self-created stuffed bears, terrible rock music, and soul-searching drama. The moment would have been very dramatic if Tails had not taken the opportunity to point out that they had all eaten insecticide-flavored burritos for lunch.

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Yo, yo, yo! Review and don't drive drunk!