Sonic Insanity

Looks like it's time for our heroes' quest, eh? Review, eh? I am not Canadian, eh!

AN: About the rating issue: I received a lot of feedback on this. I received a review from a 12-year-old girl stating that she would tell her friends about the fic, "as long as there wasn't much more like the virginity part. The virginity part she could leave without." Most of what I said last chapter was sarcastic, and my answer is the same as before. I won't limit or censor myself, but this fic isn't overly raunchy in nature, so I think you'll be safe.

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"What?" said Tails. "This isn't the fanfic!"

"Nope, it isn't," said Mecha Scorpion, dressed in a game-show host silver suit. "It's that time of year again!"

Everyone stared at him blankly.

"The Music Awards of 2005!" announced the author impatiently.

Everyone suddenly seemed to remember.

"Now," said Mecha Scorpion, looking at some sort of camera which was filming this, "to that guy who I don't like: I dislike you! You know who you are…"

Shadow began to snicker uncontrollably.

"And you!" roared Mecha. "All these accursed fangirls praising you at every opportunity… well, take this!" Shadow was blasted off his feet and fell into a conveniently located washing machine. Sonic pressed the spin cycle and laughed hysterically. Mecha Scorpion gagged him and punted him into a refrigerator, which tipped over from the impact and fell off a bridge.

"Anyway, so here are the awards!" Mecha said, taking a seat. "There are Best Pop Album of 2005, Best Rap Album, Best Rock Album, Best Album, Best Single, and Best Musical Taste! Now, the contestants!"

Best Pop Album:

Breakaway Boo Hoo- Kelly Clarkson

Love Angel Music Something- Gwen Stefani

The Emancipation of Miami- Mariah Carey

My Prerogasomething- Britney Spears

Confessions Something Whatever- Madonna

"OK, I don't know, half of these are probably from 2004 anyway," Mecha Scorpion said. "I really mangled those up."

"Just nominate one of your own for that!" said Shadow, jumping out of the washer and kicking Mecha Scorpion off the bridge they were filming on. "By the way, fans… vote by saying who you want in a review or e-mail. Now best rap album!"

The Massacre- 50 Cent

Monkey Business- Black-Eyed Peas

Late Registration- Kanye West

Curtain Call- Eminem

Who Is Mike Jones? –Mike Jones

"And all the others- vote them if you want," said Mecha, sitting on Sonic's refrigerator.

"Now for Rock Album!" said Sonic, getting out of the refrigerator and fighting Mecha Scorpion for a space to sit.

Hypnotize/Mezmerize by System of a Down

From Under the Cork Tree by Fall Out Boy

Out of Exile by Audioslave

Stand Up by Dave Matthews Band

Make Believe by Weezer

"We interrupt this exercise in poor taste in music to bring you this breaking news," said Shadow. "Vomiting increased 9000 at Sonic's music choices." Mecha was hanging off the side of the refrigerator with Sonic clutching his hand.

"No, Jack!" Sonic said tearfully. "I'll never let go!"

"Bad move," said Mecha, pulling a shark out of the water and hitting Sonic with it. He then threw it at Shadow. "Now Best Single!"

Hypnotize by System of a Down

Since U Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson

Don't Phunk With My Heart by Black-Eyed Peas

I'm Sprung by T-Pain

Sugar, We're Going Down by Fall Out Boy

We Belong Together by Mariah

Gold Digger by Kanye West

Photograph by Nickelback

When I'm Gone by Eminem

Stickwitu by Pussycat Dolls

Laffy Taff-

"I can't bring myself to finish it," groaned Mecha, jumping back onto the bridge. "Let's just say that if you don't vote for Hypnotize, your name is Alfred. Now for best musical taste!"

Shadow- Mudvayne, Limp Bizkit, Korn, Nickleback

Mecha Scorpion- System of a Down, Green Day, Linkin Park, Metallica

Mecha Scorpion's friend- Blink182, Smash Mouth, Yellow Card, Good Charlotte

Amy- Mariah Carey, Kelly Clarkson, Gwen Stefani, Pussycat Dolls

Knuckles- all rap

"There you have it," said Tails. "Now, in case you forgot, our fox hero and his three idiot friends have just ventured out on a quest. What will happen? I'm not about to tell you. Read it. Bye." He walked off, throwing Knuckles off the bridge at the last second.

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"I've made a checklist," Shadow announced, holding up a checklist. "This is the order of what we will do on our quest."

Sonic, who was trying to breathe through his ears and was subsequently rather purple, glanced at the checklist.

Item 1: Get Shadow's CDs (should be found at Wal-Mart or something)

At this, Sonic grinned. Shadow was in for a surprise when he saw what music Wal-Mart had… oh wait. It had Limp Bizkit. Well, at least it didn't have any Mudvayne… chuckling to himself, he continued reading.

Item 2: Get revenge on robot that did this (Omega).

"Oh come on," Sonic said, "Omega wasn't under control, don't hold a grudge!"

"You're still on THAT?" Shadow asked strangely. "Man, you're slower at reading than I thought!"

Item 3: Salvage Knuckles' dignity from whatever dark swampy Nebraska dumpster it has undoubtedly been lurking in.

Item 4: Get Tail's obnoxious stuffed bear.

Item 5: Abandon Sonic so he can figure out why he hates rap music all by himself.

"Nice try, faker," said Sonic smugly, "but I've already figured out why I'm so prejudiced toward rap music… you see, it all started very long ago, when I was very small…"

"You're still plenty small," cackled Knuckles.

"Why- oh, shut up!" snarled Sonic. "Anyway…." The flashback chicks came in again.

The flashback began as Sonic examined a long string. "Hmm… I'll yank on it!" He pulled on the string, which was hanging from the ceiling. A trapdoor opened, and he fell deep into some bottomless pit. He landed smack in the middle of several… RAP… CDs… including Tupac!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Sonic cried. "I hate Tupac! I hate Biggie Smalls! I hate whoever else there is! Get me OUTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!" He began to scream and shriek until finally he destroyed all the rap CDs by rampaging around.

"That doesn't explain anything," objected Shadow.

"Yeah, well, and I found my dignity," said Knuckles. "It was in my dirty laundry basket."

Trying not to scream with outrage, Shadow turned to Tails, his fingers twitching. The little fox was holding an adorable stuffed bear.

"Well, well, well, Shadzie," Sonic smirked, "it seems you'll just have to get your CDs by yourself!" With that, he ran off with Tails and Knuckles perched on his arms like birds. Shadow stuck his foot out and they fell off a cliff. "Ah hah ha! Anyway… I can just order it all online!" He turned a rock into a laptop with his magic wand and began to type on it. "Hmm… yes, all their albums. Due in 2 seconds… air-mail… over faker's house… yes, that's it, all of them. Goodie." Shadow laughed as, 2 seconds later, an airplane went below him (he was on a mountain) and began to drop packages down toward Sonic's house, which conveniently was right near the base of the mountain. "Now, I'll go home!" He hopped into a speedboat and began to go down the mountain.

Meanwhile, Sonic, Knuckles and Tails were all falling, screaming in terror, when several large packages full of Shadow's CDs began to fall down next to them.

"What do we do?" screamed Sonic.

"Looks like this is the end, old buddy!" Knuckles howled over the rushing wind. Tails grabbed one of the packages.

"I'm sorry that I provoked so many arguments," Sonic said tearfully, shaking Knuckles' hand.

"And I'm sorry that I blatantly defaced so much of your property… like when I put a big Kick Me sign on your new stereos…" Tails grabbed even more packages.

"You never told me about that!" roared Sonic. They began to fight each other in midair. Tails, who was on top of a huge pile of CDs, grabbed the fighting Sonic and Knuckles and put them on top of the pile. He then shot out his tails. They began to fall slightly slower, but they were still falling very fast, directly toward Sonic's house. Tails jumped off, flying to safety onto the next house. Sonic and Knuckles, still fighting, fell through the roof and into the house, cushioned by the stacks of CDs below them. Unfortunately, the packages of CDs and the roof were both destroyed.

Shadow drove into the house on the speedboat, demolishing the wall, and stepped casually off it, leaving the boat to tumble through the house and explode when it hit the opposite wall. "Where are my CDs?" he asked dangerously.

"Why don't you ask the walls and the roof?" Sonic sneered.

"WHAT?" roared Shadow, running around in a circle with his fists flailing.

"Well, it's your fault you tripped us!" Sonic said. "If you hadn't, we wouldn't have been forced to use your CDs! Why did you even order them like that, anyway? They would just have been broken when they landed in the house!"

"Well… um…" Shadow looked shamefaced, then picked up a carton of eggs and threw it at Sonic, running away.

"GRRRRR! Why, that-" Sonic picked up the speedboat, ripped it in half, and put it on his hands like two giant gloves. He then snuck up on Shadow and punched him, sending him flying into a skyscraper. The skyscraper collapsed on top of Sonic, leaving Shadow dusty but cracking up. Sonic was taken to the hospital.

"Oh, no!" squealed Amy, rushing into the hospital when they were finally allowed to see Sonic. "Oh, my precious Sonic, I was so worried!" She laid out a giant table full of foods Sonic could digest. Shadow, who couldn't have cared less about Sonic's health, began to eat all the food, only to spit it out on Tail's face. "Yuck! What is this stuff?"

"Applesauce, smoothies, milk shakes, ice cream, and juice," she said. Sonic began to laugh and chortle.

"Ugh! None of that is cool enough for me!" said Shadow, producing a giant fistful of Pixie Sticks and shoving them down his gullet. He then turned fearfully hyper and picked up Sonic's hospital bed, with Sonic on it. Both objects (Sonic and the bed) were hurled out the window. Sonic, despite having his arms broken, caught onto the window ledge, got back in, and managed to sit in a chair. A new hospital bed was wheeled in, along with hordes of female attendants. Amy scowled, and Sonic began to chuckle.

"Anyway, so how long til you're out, Sonic?" asked Tails in concern.

"The doctors said a week, but I'm betting on closer to a couple minutes," Sonic said.

"But… why do you think you'll be out in a few minutes?" asked Tails confusedly.

"Oh, I feel great," said Sonic. "Those doctors don't know anything! I'll be out and about anytime now!" Knuckles poked one of his casts and he broke down in agony. "AAAAAAAAAGH!"

Shadow, however, was miles away. A week in Sonic's house? With only Tails and Knuckles? When Sonic got back there, he'd be so angry that he'd have a heart attack… he'd have to go back to the hospital… then Shadow could do it all over again! He decided that he had better test Sonic's health, just to be sure that the faker wouldn't come barging after him.

"Hey, Sonic… when I'm in tough situations like this, I think about the three Mothers of Philosophy."

"You mean the Frank Zappa band?"

"No, those were the mothers of invention. The three Mothers of Philosophy are things you should never mess with. The first is Mother Nature. Mother Nature should never be messed with, or you could be blustered over by hurricanes, typhoons, gales, and Knuckles' snoring!" Shadow dodged Knuckles' punches and threw the echidna out of the room.

"What's the second?" asked Sonic.

"The second is Mother Country," Shadow intoned gravely. "A communist French-loving unpatriotic desert like Tails here doesn't know the meaning of the word. It means to be faithful to your country forever, or you could be messed with by your government!" He threw Tails out the window, but the fox just decided to fly away.

"And what's the third?" asked Sonic.

"The third is your mother," said Shadow. "I've messed with her plenty of times, if you know what I MEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNN-" as Sonic threw him out the window. Tails rescued him just to be goody-two shoes and flew him back up. Sonic was throwing darts out the window at Shadow's face, which was conveniently painted like a dartboard for some reason.

Shadow stupidly put his hands in front of his eyes, let go of the window ledge he was holding, and fell back down. Tails turned away and let Shadow fall. The black hedgehog landed on a balcony ten feet down and cursed. Sonic seemed limber enough to come home in a few minutes, just like he said. Who was this doctor that had said Sonic could only come home in a week or two?

"Oh yes," said Doctor Robotnik, nodding wisely, "this patient is in no shape to do anything even remotely involving activity, especially fighting the amazingly awesome Dr. Eggman. If I had my way, he'd been bedridden for the rest of his life! But he has made up his mind…"

Sonic threw a crutch at him and walked out the door.

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