Sonic Insanity

Well, if it isn't old Reviewer MacRoberts! You know what to do. And, since we got to one hundred fifty so quickly, I'm now setting the sight on one hundred seventy-five at the twenty-sixth chapter.

In other news, I think I've got the first bad review of the story from Metal Sonic, which is basically some random letters followed by 'You Suck!' Congrats to him for overcoming the tides of positive feedback and delivering a clear, witty, disarming argument that clearly proves how much I 'suck.' Not to sound bitter, sorry, cause I'm not. I just thought I'd provide a humorous comment.

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Now, as we last left our heroes, Tails was going to be sacrificed, Sonic was about to exorcized, and where the cactus came from was about to be determined. Fortunately, none of those things happened. The cactus was put into the Witness Protection Program, Tails shot out of Shadow's grip like a furry bar of soap, and Sonic woke up completely fine and un-demonic.

"Huh? Wha… where am I?" said Sonic in an unconvincing act of semi-consciousness. "And why am I…" His teeth bared as he discovered the humiliating position he was in. Shadow began snapping away with a Polaroid camera as fast as he could. Tails stood there like a fool with his mouth gaping. Knuckles jumped in front of Tails, shielding him from nothing in particular.

"GROWL RAGE," roared Sonic, and he burst free of the thin strips of Scotch tape securing him to the wall. Shadow, his courage deserting him, jumped into the fireplace and attempted to disguise himself as some sort of flame. Sonic, who was somehow fooled by this, stood looking around in all directions for several seconds and went charging down the hall toward Knuckles and Tails.

"Back to the barracks! Back to the barracks!" screamed Tails, wearing a military helmet.

"We can hold a bit longer!" said Knuckles, suddenly with grey hair as an aging military commando. Sonic was only several yards away. "All right… FIRE!"

Out of a trench, which just happened to have appeared in the hallway, leaped several dozen soldiers, all firing at Sonic. Sonic was forced to flee as bullets hit him.

"Hold the line!" roared Knuckles, sitting in an armchair reading a book behind a bulletproof wall. "Oh, come on, you pansies, be brave!" The soldiers, disgusted by Knuckles' cowardice, ran away. Tails threw an entire box of Ritalin into Sonic's mouth from fifty feet away, and the blue hedgehog was calmed down.

"So far this chapter isn't doing too well," commented an American film critic, his mouth stuffed with theater snack and sitting in a movie seat.

"Yeah!" cried the hundred or so other people in the seats. "I want my money back!" They began to throw stuff at Sonic, Shadow, Tails and Knuckles. They grudgingly trudged outside.

"So," said Tails, "what should we do today?"

"I hear they've got a new show on TV," said Sonic. A giant screen appeared in midair and fell on Shadow. "Let's watch."

Knuckles turned it on. It started on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.

"Dave," said one of the gay guys, "these light fixtures just aren't providing the right feng shui! I don't know how to explain… very well. It's fluorescent green lava lamp lighting for you!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" sobbed Dave, falling to his knees. "How will I explain this to Martha… OK. I might as well just accept it for the point of the-"

"Turn it off," snarled Shadow, pulling himself from under the screen. Tails turned to Family Guy.

"Hmmm…" said Peter. "I need a plan to do something really stupid."

"Oh, you mean you need plans for that?" yelled Stewie.

"What? What's he saying?" said Lois.

"I mean, what kind of idiot needs plans to be stupid when he's already a fool?" yelled Stewie. "Good God, man!"

"Huh? What?" said everyone.

"He's saying, count me in, I'll make you proud, Pa," said Brian.

"Oh, a dog's much easier to understand than a baby! Now I get it!" said Peter. Stewie began to bash his head into the wall (I actually love Family Guy, don't worry).

"Change…" Shadow changed the channel. It was some sort of soap opera.

"No! Barry!" sobbed an actress. "I knew it all along!"

"No- it's not how it looks, Jessica!" said Barry, who was lying in bed with a refrigerator. "I just wanted something to eat all the time!"

"No… you promised me the world, Barry!" screeched Jessica. "I'm leaving tonight!"

"You drove him away… you lost his affection… wooooooooo!" said a spooky voice from the ceiling. Jessica threw a paperweight in the direction of the voice. "Ow! You dominated his life… ahwooooooooooooga!"

"OK, it's on now!" said Sonic excitedly. He changed the channel to some documentary-type channel.

"A person of great importance to our world today… a leader… a man among men…"

"Sounds like me all right," said Sonic.

"George W. Bush!" said the announcer. (Note: That description doesn't fit Bush in the least, but it's just the joke). "Bush's Presidency will be most remembered for one thing: the 2 under-par game he golfed on his 24th vacation of 2004! But another, slightly less memorable incident was his widely controversial, full-scale bombing of Iraq."

The screen cut to some footage of Iraq. Two Iraqi people were sitting there in their house when a bomb blasts them into the sky.

"Man," said one of them while falling, "what a loser country the US is? I mean, who just bombs someone with no warning? Geez Louise!"

"Yeah, what a bunch of poser pants!" said the other one. They hit the ground.

"Then there was the issue of his military record," continued the announcer. "Fortunately, some of Bush's wingmen remembered several battles that Bush had been an active participant in, such as the Beach Beer Cooler Scuffle of 78 and a bar fight in 79."

"Sonic, is this the show or not?" growled Shadow.

"Well… no…"

"Is there a show or not?"

"Um… that depends on your point of-"

"You mean to say," said Knuckles, sharpening his fist spikes on a balloon, which popped instantly and did nothing to sharpen his fist spikes at all, "that we just unnecessarily watched television?"

"Um… that's not necessarily a bad thing," stated Tails, but he was buried under a heap of dirty laundry so nobody cared.

Just as Knuckles and Sonic were ready to fight, something happened that prevented all combat- Amy. The pink hedgehog was on the loose, and she was furious.

"SONIC!" she screamed in deafening tones. "YOU FORGOT OUR ANNIVERSARY!"

"WHAT anniversary?" shrieked Sonic, pulling out a gun and emptying the clip. "We never dated or anything!"

"Yeah, that's my girl!" stated Shadow.

"Shut up, you!" she said to Shadow, smacking him with her hammer and sending him into a wall. "Now… SONIKKU! Time for punishment!" All the bullets Sonic had fired bounced off her. She pulled out her hammer again, tossed a small grenade into the air, and knocked it at Sonic.

Sonic had no hope. He ran at top speed, but the grenade hit him between the shoulders. However, instead of the blast of explosive matter Sonic had been expecting, he felt only a dull ache.

"OW! Amy, you're supposed to pull the pin! Amy? … AMY?"

Sure enough, Eggman had kidnapped her.

And we all know what that means…

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