Author's Note: So this Chapter will be mostly dialogue and may end up being shorter, who knows, I write these intros before I start writing the actual story. I'm building up the Kogan, but Logan is still damaged goods, so give me, and him, time. We'll both get there. Luv Ya. XoXo

I woke up the next day to find Kendall still in my bed, a big grin on his face as I shifted away from him to see the bed opposite mine. Jo was peacefully asleep on her bed with Carlos having slept on the floor; Camille was asleep in a ball in the corner on top of Jo's bean-bag. It was nice. I loved having everyone around me, even if two of them scared me a little. Maybe it was because I knew I had feeling for Kendall too. Maybe it was that Carlos was completely in love with James and suffered just as much as I did. I don't know what made me warm up to them, but they would both suffer if they intended to be my friends. If I'd learned anything recently, it's that this town has made it clear that I'm not welcome, and I've made it clear back that I'm not leaving, but I was scared. I was scared for all of my friends and scared for my family; I was scared for myself. I was scared of myself. My feelings for James that final week together were like life-support. I needed him at all times and him gone felt like losing limbs. Felt like losing important organs; that's how bad his death hurt. And on one bad day, I could make a bad decision to end it all because of the pain that I seem to put everyone through. Because I sure as hell had been thinking it lately. That was the most frightening part of all really, the fact that even I wanted me gone. But being here with Kendall now made me feel a glimmer of happiness and that was all I needed at that moment to live. To be loved by someone in a way only James could. Kendall turned a little, moaned and wrapped his arm around me in an embrace.

"What you doin up Bambi," Kendall said groggily, his eyes still closed.

"I'm thinking," I responded frankily.

"Watcha thinkin about," he said, finally looking at me.

I looked away, not wanting to face his hazel eyes, "I don't want to say."

"You know, you have the most beautiful brown eyes."

"Flattery isn't going to help you at all."

"The sexiest dimples"

"That's not fair"

"And I love your black-brown hair"

"Stop."

"And the cutest smile"

"Why are you doing this"

"Doing what?" Kendall said, hiding an annoying grin.

"Making me Love you!" I put my hands over my mouth as fast as I could after I had said it because I swore to myself moments before that I wouldn't tell.

"You. Love. Me."

"I never said I love you," I responded quickly, lowering my eyes, "I said your making me love you."

"What's the difference"

"The Difference is," I was getting flustered, "Well, I don't know the difference, but I don't love you." He pulled me closer to him while I tried to push me away, even though I knew it was futile, as he smiled that quirky smile.

"I love you too, Logie."

"The feelings aren't reciprocated"

"You're really cute when you get dorky," Kendall said, shutting his eyes again, "you know that." I was a little angry, but I'd get over it cause right now, I just needed his touch.

"Um, Kendall," I said shyly, "Do you know if maybe you could kind of-."

"Yeah, I'll hold you Bambi. Good Night," He wrapped those muscular arms around me again and it reminded me of how James would hold me and talk to me in the middle of the night. The tears started to roll again, but this time, I wasn't sure what they were for exactly. I whispered in the quietest voice imaginable 'love you Kendall' and a small smile curled his lips. Smug bastard.

The morning came a lot sooner then I imagined it - or maybe Kendall just wakes up really early, but I honestly doubted the latter - anyway, because I woke up as soon as Kendall unhooked his arms from around me.

"Why'd you do that," I said in a pleading voice, "I love your warmth."

"It's time to get up Logie," he said back, "it's noon and everyone's already gone," he gestured to the rest of the room before turning to pull his jeans on.

"Why didn't anyone wake me up?" I started, "and why are your pants off? When did you do that? Did you-."

"Calm down Logie," Kendall said as he zipped them, "I did it while you were asleep cause it was getting really hot with you curled up in my chest and the giant comforter on top of us. I didn't leave you."

"Can I ask you a strange request," I looked down while sitting up because for some reason, his gaze made me blush, "Don't leave me okay. I don't like being alone and you are the closest thing to James I have. At least for now."

"I've told you Logie-Bear, I love you more than you can understand yet; why in the hell would I ever wanna leave you?"

I giggled a little, "You sound just like," then I started to choke on the memory, "like what James used to say."

"James would want you to be happy. He'd want you to move on."

"How the hell do you know that," I raged, tears rolling down my soggy cheeks.

"Because James was my best friend much longer than he was your boyfriend," Kendall started, "you think I honestly didn't know he was gay. Or he wouldn't have come out to me. James told me in the seventh grade and there was no judgment cause I had a secret of my own. I know him. I knew him. He loved you more than you can understand."

"You still don't know that"

"Actually, I do,"

"How," I said, giving him a dirty look while glaring at him.

"When I was in Therapy, we wrote to each other. Pen and Paper writing cause I was allowed one pen-pal to find out about what was going on in town. My doctor said to not call anyone from my home town or contact anyone so I wouldn't get upset and undo all his hard work we had done together, but after, -what's a good word,"

"Extensive," I added, lifting my head from my lap.

"Yeah, extensive begging, I finally was allowed to write back and forth with one person and I chose James to find out about you. I kept all the letters to remind me why I was getting better in the first place."

After a long silence, I finally spoke up, "Can I read them?"

"Yeah, but there is one caveat"

"What would that be"

"You have to come over to my house to do it"

"Can Jo come"

He thought about it for a minute before opening the door and simply saying, "Yeah, I guess." He didn't sound excited about her coming, but I got the impression he wasn't excited about me reading the letters. Was I that emotionally unstable that people thought I could break from one simple letter. Could I break from one single letter? It didn't matter because no matter what, I needed them. I needed to find out if James said anything about what to do right now. I wanted to have his permission to move on. His consent to love again. Kendall popped back in the door way, "Everyone's gone; Wanna go now." Two hours later, we were in a small apartment building in the inner most part of the tiny town. At first I was scared, thinking maybe Kendall brought me here because this was the one place that no one would ever find me in case he wanted to hurt me, but instead, he pulled me next to him by the waist, holding my hips as he waved and talked to his neighbors.

"Is this Bambi," an older man said kindly, "he sure is a beauty."

"Thanks Bill, but you're not lookin to bad yourself," Kendall responded.

"Don't try anything now; I don't think my cats would like it too much."

"Wouldn't dream of it sir," Kendall said with a grin. This kind of thing went on forever; it seemed as though Kendall knew every single person in the complex and they all liked him. The place was grungy and ugly, dirty, but it had its own strange charm. The people. They were all the 'freaks' and 'outcasts' that everyone else wanted to disappear, and then it dawned on me that Kendall lived here. He was one of this town's 'freaks' and 'outcasts'. That made me really sad because Kendall was so beautiful for all his problems, on the inside and out now. We were almost to his room when a tall, black drag queen stepped out from the room exactly across the hall.

"He's short," the drag queen purred, "and I thought you liked yours big enough to actually compete."

"This is my Bambi, Missy," he said, turned to the door, trying to unlock it.

"We aren't on first name basis yet honey," she said back, "that comes after I wake up in your bed. I'm still Miss Led to you."

"I'm sorry, Miss Led, anything I can do for you," he said snarkily back.

"Actually, yes, I need some cash to get into 'Auntie Vida's'; I used up all mine buying new stockings."

"Yeah Missy, give me a minute," he finally got the door open and I saw the dingy apartment, "now how much do you need?"

She flashed her false lashes fast, "tweny, honey-doll," this time, giving a toothy grin.

"You know I don't have it."

"but I do," I chimed in finally.

"Oh," Miss said, "Twinkie Winkie here can help me out; well go ahead, I don't have all day." I quicky handed her the cash and she marched out like she was Tyra Banks. It made me laugh a little, but not at her. I loved how fierce drag queens were; I kind of envied it in a way, and living in L.A., you got used to that kind of shit. It was refreshing to know that something's were still the same. Now onto the Apartment.

"Before you get so upset with me over the look of the apartment," Kendall started, following behind me as I stared in disgust, "you have to know that I'm not as gay as James was. I tend to not be too much of a stereotype. I don't know how to cook or clean or enjoy show-tunes. I can't stand Cher. I can't stand Madonna. I can't stand Gaga. So before getting mad, keep in mind, I'm pretty much a straight guy who likes to sleep with other guys."

"Yeah," I responded coolly, still looking around, "I got that day one, I'm just hoping I don't have to endure sports." He gave me that grin that I was beginning to love/hate.

"I don't like any sports at all, except Hockey which really isn't a sport, it's a lifest-."

"Yeah, yadda yadda yadda, now lock the door and I'll get to work." He did as instructed and got onto the bed, grabbing the remote and turning on the T.V. to the present Hockey Game. I didn't understand it at all, but I didn't mind because I was busy cleaning up the place. It was nice to get my mind off of James for a while because when it came to cleaning, I didn't mess around. I collected all of his dirty clothes into the hamper into the bathroom and then started to clean his sink with a towel before I realized I just didn't have the right materials. I walked back out and looked at Kendall who was enthralled by the game, "Kendall, is there a store around here, I need to get some supplies to clean." He didn't move, not one muscle. "Hey, you, I need to go to the store, take me." Again, nothing, but I figured out what to do this time, "Hey love," I said, crawling into his lap, "take me to the store. Please. I'll pay." I leaned up and gave him a kiss on the lips.

"So, you need to go the store," he said, breaking out of his trance.