Sonic Insanity
Now we continue with part 2 of Sonic in Wonderland. Read the beginning of the first chapter to find out which Sonic character plays what part.
Also, sorry for the long break before the last chapter, I was banned cause a fic got taken off.ß
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Music from the Matrix played as Sonic strutted forward toward the tea party. He shot up a huge number of guards and vaulted over a low fence, not realizing that it was in fact a railing on the edge of a canyon with spikes on the bottom. Several hours later, a tattered and embarrassed Sonic crawled toward Espio and Vector, who were singing some song about birthdays. At the sight of him, the two madmen dashed forward, waving their hands like lunatics.
"No room, no room!" cried Espio feverishly.
"There's tons of free spaces," Sonic pointed out.
"Why, I should say there are," Vector pointed out snobbishly. "But they're all occupied, sorry."
Smoldering with rage, Sonic attempted to sweet-talk his way in. "Well, I liked your singing and…"
"Oh, what a wonderful little girl!" said Vector, leaving Sonic even more infuriated than before. "I've never received a compliment before, not even from myself! Probably due to my stunning modesty and good looks."
"You said that ten minutes ago," objected Sonic, who of course had no way of knowing anything of the sort.
"I did, didn't I?" mused Vector. "In any case, you must have some tea."
"TEA?" roared Sonic. "At a birthday party? What is this, Britain?"
"That is where you aren't right and we are," smiled Espio patronizingly, pouring tea into his sleeve and drinking from it. "This is an un-birthday party!"
"What? I don't get it," Sonic said, receiving his tea and promptly spewing it all over Vector's back as he discovered how hot it was.
"That's right," Vector growled, mopping up his back. "See, there are many more un-birthdays than birthdays, so it's better to not celebrate only once than celebrate only once!"
"Much better, yes indeedy!" squealed a small bee, zooming out of the sugar bowl with white crumbs all around his mouth (and nose, very suspiciously). "Come on, I want some tea!" Vector concussed the bee with a salt shaker (which was later discovered to be filled with even more sugar) and the hyperactive bee was knocked out.
"Now, time for your un-birthday celebration!" shouted Espio merrily. "A VERRRRRRRRRRY merry un-birthday to your mom!"
"To WHO?"
"To you!"
"Oh, phew…"
"A very merry un-birthday..." Vector picked up.
"To who?"
"To your dad."
"To WHO?"
"Yes, you," Espio and Vector replied. "Now blow the candles out, or something, and make your wish come true! A very merry un-birthday to you!" The cake was launched off on a catapult and hit Sonic in the face. A bunch of fireworks went off, one of which was inside the cake and sent Sonic up into the sky. He finally dropped down in the middle of an elaborate teacup arrangement, crushing it completely. Espio and Vector clapped enthusiastically, while Sonic was utterly furious.
"Would you like more tea?" asked Espio innocently.
"NO I WOULD NOT!" bellowed Sonic, kicking a crumpet at Espio. Vector pinched Charmy awake, who immediately flew into the air, intercepted the crumpet with his face, and fell unconscious again.
"There's no time for all that," Vector said kindly. "Here, tell us all about your story."
"Well," said Sonic, calming down somewhat, "it all started when I was hanging out with Tails."
"Veeeerrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyy fascinating," drawled Espio, loading his spoon full of butter and flicking it into Sonic's tea just as Sonic was about to sip out of it. "Who's Tails?"
"Oh, just some guy," shrugged Sonic.
"Well, why were you hanging out with him?"
"Um… uh… er… well… eh… huh… good question," Sonic admitted. "So, Tails and I were-"
"I know!" exclaimed Espio. "Let's change the subject." He cracked up for some reason, banging the table until a spoon bounced off of it and hit Sonic in the eye. "How about this: why is an aquarium like a photocopier?"
"Why is an aquarium like a photocopier?" mused Sonic.
"I'M ASKING THE QUESTIONS!" roared Espio.
"But I was-"
"Careful!" shouted Vector. "He's stark raving mad! Utterly insane! Totally out of it!"
"Just like me!" shouted Charmy, waking up and flying around in a circle. Vector caught him in a butterfly net and threw the net as far as he could away from the table.
"It's your riddle!" roared Sonic. "I'm just-"
"Would you like a cup of tea?" proposed Espio innocently, emptying the teapot over Sonic's plate of strawberry shortcakes. "Or will you take the whole pot?" He began to cackle.
"Tea?" shouted Sonic. "That's it! I have no time!"
"I don't either!" squealed the rabbit, running by. "I'm late I'm late I'm late!"
"Well!" roared Vector, finding the butterfly net and scooping the rabbit up in it. Sonic's mind was so full of… thoughts… that he was forced to excuse himself. As he tried to control himself, he thought.
"Well," he said, "finally that chick comes along. I just hope that perverted Vector doesn't hog her all for himself."
When he came back, nothing of the sort was happening. Instead, she was slapping Vector, Charmy was zooming around their heads singing nursery rhymes, and Espio were adding ingredients to the rabbit's watch.
"Hmmm… butter might work, also some jam, tea, lemon and honey also, hahahahaha… mint could be a help. Sugar, sugar…"
"SUGAR? SUGAR!" At the mention of his two favorite things, Charmy went even more hyperactive. Espio reached up and trapped the bee between the two halves of the watch. Immediately the watch began to bounce around as if it were insane.
"Oh no! Mad watch! Mad watch!" bellowed Vector. Sonic immediately shielded the rabbit from danger with his body, and was just as quickly slapped.
"Only one way to stop a mad watch!" roared Espio, pulling out an iron spiked baseball bat. He smashed it into oblivion, leaving a dazed Charmy lying in the middle of the table, surrounded by circuits.
"MY WATCH!" screamed the rabbit.
"It was?" inquired Vector.
Sonic stormed off angrily, wondering if he had ever had less fun at a party. Well, there was that one time in 94 with the disco ball, but that was quite another story. No sooner had he gone several steps when he came across Big the Cat.
"Oh, it's you," he snarled. "I'm not really in the mood. In fact, I'd sorta like to go home."
"Well, I'll drag the Queen into this for some reason," Big said. "She controls all the paths."
"Well, then I'll just find her!" Sonic said.
"Her… oh yes, he's a girl… I guess, sure," said Big, making Sonic very confused. "I'll give you a shortcut." And the trees folded away, Paper-Mario style, to reveal a large castle. Sonic joyfully ran toward it, but he soon saw that he would have to get through a maze of flowerbeds. Eventually he came across some robots, doing the most bizarre thing he had ever seen. All of them had boxes of donuts open in front of them, and all of them were painting them white.
"What are you DOING?" asked Sonic, revolted.
"You see, the Queen," one of the robots explained, "likes his donuts powdered. But, since we forgot to order them powdered, we have to make them look like they are instead!"
"HE?" roared Sonic. "This is getting weirder and weirder…" He began to help hide the evidence by eating any donuts with no paint on them. He ate three boxes before all the hedges folded down, Paper-Mario style again. A bunch more robots lined up, and the Queen was revealed.
Sonic gagged. It was a man- Eggman, to be exact. Seeing how un-womanly Eggman was, the sight was revolting. Marching imperious down the rows, he sampled a donut, spat it out, and grimaced. "PAINT!" he bellowed. "Someone will lose their head!" He randomly ordered several dozen of his robots to be beheaded and ate all the donuts anyway, spitting out paint flakes. Sonic was revolted, even more so when the rabbit showed up in a bikini to serve Eggman drinks.
"So," said Eggman casually to Sonic, as if he had known him all his life, "do you play video games?"
"Video games! Why, I'm the best video game expert there ever was!" boasted Sonic.
"No? Then we'll play golf," said Eggman, clearly trying to find something he could beat Sonic in. Sonic, who was terrible at golf, opened his mouth in fury. Eggman stuck a pacifier in it and began giving orders. "Set up the golf pieces!"
In no time at all, a large golf course had been set up. Eggman struck the ball. The robots began blasting high-powered fans until it got in the hole, as Eggman had struck it with barely any force at all. Even so, it missed the hole. Eggman ordered almost all of the robots to be executed, and then wrote down on his scorecard that he had gotten a hole-in-one. Sonic, enraged, began to protest, but after a glare from Eggman let it rest.
Sonic hit the ball. The robots tried to blow it away with the fans, but it got in anyway. Eggman was furious.
"Illegal! Criminal!" he roared. "Let the trial begin! Justice will be served!"
Before he knew it, Sonic was in a courtroom. Big, Espio, Vector, Charmy, Knuckles, Shadow, Mecha Scorpion, Tweedle Dumbass, the rabbit, Ladder Boy, and three random robots were the jury, and Eggman was the judge.
"The sentence is death!" roared Eggman.
"What am I being sentenced for?"
"Um… convincing me to play golf, and then cheating with the intent of winning! Now, the sent-"
"First of all," said Sonic, who was not afraid of Eggman by any means, "you wanted to play golf. Second of all, I didn't cheat, your robots did. Third of all, cheating with the intent of winning? As opposed to cheating with the intent of LOSING?"
"SILEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNCCCCCCCCCCCCCE!" screamed Espio, who was banging a gavel. "I sentence the judge to life imprisonment… in Wonderland!"
There was a standing ovation, and Eggman was sent off to Wonderland. Then he ran back into the room, furious.
"GUARDS!" he bellowed. "Attack that man!"
Espio, thinking quickly, trapped Charmy in a watch and set him free. The watch began buzzing around, and Vector also ran around trying to smash out. Eventually he had smashed far more robots than watches. Charmy got free of the watch and zoomed into Eggman's face. In the middle of all this, Sonic ran off…
And promptly woke up.
"Oh, Tails!" he said. "Man, what a dream that was… too bad you don't understand me. I would have told it to you."
Tails screamed wordlessly.
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Review! The real fic starts after this!