Author's Note: Aw, Fuck it, I may not be able to post tomorrow because my laptops about to crash and I know it's really late, but I'm going to go ahead and post this because I love to hear what you have to say about it. We're finally at the half way point and I know it's been a really short time, but it's been a blast. And check out my account to learn about the new story I'll do next because I need your help picking. If I can, I may end up posting chapter 16 tomorrow; If I don't, sorry. Love Ya. XoXo
I felt a little sleazy in the Wal-Mart that Kendall had taken me to, but I had no time for feelings right now. I had business and I refused to let my, maybe love interest, live in such a horrible place. It just couldn't happen. Immediately, I got bleach, sponges, a shirt to make into rags, scissors, wall cleaner, carpet cleaner, and every other thing I could think of to clean his disgusting apartment. How anything could be that atrocious was besides me. I was checking the list in my head when I noticed Kendall's smug look. Again (it seemed perpetually plastered on his face).
"What?" I said, turning to stare at him.
"It's just so funny to see you like this," he said.
"Like what?"
"Like my wife or something."
"Cleanliness is next to Godliness."
"You announced to the town you were an Atheist though," he said grinning.
"I hate when you do that, you know."
"Do what"
"Act like me to win an argument. I must be quite annoying."
"Annoyingly cute," he came up behind me, tickling my hips and forcing me to jump and squeal like a little girl.
"Stop!" I giggled out.
"I think you like it," he said before stopping and kissing me on the forehead.
"No, because I have business, now do you have food in your fridge."
"Na, why would I need that," he said, looking through the bottles of cleaner.
"You don't have anything at all?" I questioned.
"Why would I need it," he said, still going through the bottle, clueless.
"To EAT"
"If I'm hungry, I'll go down to Mr. Bills and have something with him and his cats. He loves when I come over. Or worst case, I go with Missy down to 'Auntie Vida's' for something."
"You have no idea how to take care of yourself do you."
"Well," he started, but I interrupted.
"Well, what?"
"You get really bitchy when you start winning an argument."
"Thanks," I responded sarcastically, before turning around and grabbing the Febreze and turning out of the isle with him behind me like a puppy dog. We went down the food isles and I grabbed a few different kinds of chips and bread. Lunch meat and cheese. A few - Diet Cokes, and then bananas, because I have a thing for bananas (no pun intended).
"Really. Bananas," he pointed out, looking at me with a quirked eyebrow.
"I like them," I responded, "and they are a great, healthy, quick snack."
"Yeah, but you kind of act different around one when you get nervous," he said in that voice that drove me insane.
"What's that exactly supposed to mean," I responded, mock glaring. He walked up and grabbed my ass:
"It means you deep throat a banana pretty well when you get the jitters, Logie." I blushed before ignoring him and just pushing the basket forward to the cashier. It was expensive, but I still had a little Christmas cash left, so I paid quickly before wheeling the basket back to the car. I started to put everything in the trunk when Kendall walked up.
"Hey," Kendall said, "let me do that."
"Okay, but how come."
"It's the gentlemanly thing to do, especially because it's all for me."
"And when did you become a gentlemen," I said quickly, smirking.
"Low blow, especially for the one with a Cleaning Addiction."
"I'm sorry for helping you then."
"Oh, go blow a banana," and he made me blush again. I hated when he did that and he chuckled before loading everything and getting into the front-seat. We drove back quickly to his apartment when my cell started to ring and Kendall heard my ring-tone.
"Are you okay Bambi," Jo asked.
I laughed a little when I saw Kendall's reaction to my ringtone in his amazing eyebrows, "Yeah, were are you."
"Oh, sorry I left, but Camille, Carlos, Samantha and I decided to spend a day at the mall cause we thought you'd be depressed," she got that smile in her voice that I could hear always, "but you certainly sound better."
"I'm out with Kendall - and he is making fun of me."
"Well, stay safe, and if you need me, call," Jo finally said right before she was about to hang up.
"Hey, I have a question, you've kinda been clingy since the incident, how come you aren't right now," it was difficult for me, but I decided to be straight forward with the question because I tried to always make sure she'd be included to not have to leave me.
"Logan, I did that for you, not me. Yeah it hurt and Yeah it was horrible, but it happened and there is nothing I can do about it, but use it as a lesson for myself that people like that should burn in hell. To never let myself ever maliciously hurt someone just for some person satisfaction. The guilt you had after what happened to me made me worry about you. But if you have Kendall making you happy, maybe I'm not exactly needed."
"You are always needed Bitch. I love you"
"Love You too Bambi," she responded before hanging up and in good time too; we had just pulled into the dingy little place. We grabbed the bags together and carried them all to Kendall's room on the first floor (there were only five), and got into the apartment without anyone saying anything, which I was very grateful for because it was all so heavy. We pulled in the door before the questioning started from Mister Smirks.
"Really," he started.
I looked back with my most innocent eyes, "What?"
"Don't give me those sexy eyes," he said smiling, "You honestly have 'Vogue' as your ringtone."
"James set it," then I choked and my eyes glazed over. James had set it right before what happened, and this whole day I had the nerve to be happy while he was gone. Slowly, I sat myself back down on the bed before starting to talk again in a blank voice. "James set it and I got angry with him for giving me the most embarrassing ringtones. I-."
"Logan, you can't keep doing this," Kendall said seriously, sitting across from me, "you can't keep torturing yourself every time his name comes up. He existed and we're gonna talk about him. And as time goes on, even more than now and you can't become like this every single time his name gets brought up."
"But, what right do I have to already love again after he died just a week ago. He'll never be able to love again, why should -."He flung a letter at me before walking into the bathroom shutting the door swiftly afterward.
"Dear Kendall,
Lately, things have been getting worse here and I'm starting to get worried about Logan getting hurt. I can take care of myself, (I learned from the best), but I don't think I can take care of both of us. And I would die for him. I realize that the reason he can't fully love me is cause he still loves you, but I'm getting there with him and if I ever got seriously hurt, it might hurt him too. If that happens, you better get your ass back in this town and take care of my beautiful LoLo because he is so precious and he only deserves the best. You got that, because if I die and you don't come back, I'll fucking haunt you. But, if it does happen, there are things I want him to know. For starter, he better read this letter, so I'm depending on you to take care of that. Got it. Here we go,
Dear Logan,
I hope you know that I loved you with my deepest being and that no one will ever replace you to me, mainly cause I'd be dead(that James sense of humor).But, I need you to move on and be happy, be very happy. Live a long and good life and adopt kids and get married and learn to love again. Tragedy is all part of our lives and it helps build character, always. And when You are a huge, famous musician someday, like I know you will be, I hope losing me in whatever way you might, will help you with passion and emotion, because I can already imagine some corny love song about a ghost called 'Light in the Midst' or something. Not that your song is cheesy, but I'm kind of rambling. Anyway, I need you to be happy with whoever you are with after me. I don't care if it's Kendall or Jenny for that matter, but move on and be happy. There's no reason for you to dwell in the past when you have every opportunity and skill to move ahead and live your dreams. Get out of Minnesota though, it's obviously not your forte, I mean you get cold when its just 60 degrees. I may be the only guy you'll know to put up with five comforters. Have fun and don't change yourself for this shit town, and know that you meant the world to me. I just hope I died protecting you, that' all, because that's an actual worthwhile way to die. Tell Jo and Camille and Carlos and the Rest of Drama and the School and my Family that I love them, and know in your own hear that I will always live inside of you, so don't stop living for me.
I love you to the purest extent,
James
If I turn out okay and you come back anytime soon, know I'll still fight you for my little LoLo and I'll win, mainly cause I'm amazing looking (there was that vanity), but also because Logan is my life now.
Have Fun in Bully Rehab,
James
P.S.: Sorry this letter was shorter, but I like Logan more than I like you."
Kendall was right behind me as I finished the letter, my hands still shaking and my cheeks still stained with tears.
"Logie, do you believe me now," he said quietly.
"I believe that I truly love you Kendall." I said it flat because I finally could. I could say what was bottled up in me for so long. "but, I don't trust you yet."
"Look, I know it'll take time, but I'm willing to go through every second of it just to be with you."
"Yeah and I don't plan on leaving your side for the time it takes." It was a great feeling to think that James loved me enough to take the chains off of me even after death, because I honestly couldn't love again if I thought he wouldn't approve. But I had my own trust issues with Kendall I would have to confront now, and that might take a while.
"Do you still want to clean," he asked, taking a seat on the bed next to me with a soda in his hands.
"No, I'll just put up the food, but I was wondering if we could, you know, go to sleep and maybe you could, you know, hold me," I couldn't look up, thinking about how I had treated him.
"You sure do sleep a lot, don't you Logie-Bear," he said, picking up the coke can box and putting it into the mini fridge next to the TV, "But you do know I love holding you." I walked over and helped him put the rest of the food away before taking off my tight jeans and grabbing a pair of sweat pants from Kendall's drawers. It was really big on me, but he thought it was cute, so I could put up with the size for a little while. Slowly, I climbed into the sheets while he turned the lights out and grabbed the remote to find a movie to watch. Obviously, he had no intention of sleeping just a few hours after sleeping the whole day before away, but I did. What can I say, tears make you really tired. He climbed into bed in nothing but his loose boxers and I cuddled into his warm embrace. He turned it to that movie with the Veronica Mars girl and Fergie's husband right before my eyes started fluttering to a close. And then I fell into the dreamy world of sleep.