Sonic Insanity

OK, back to the slightly less insane insanity. I have received feedback that this story is less consistently funny than it used to be. I try my best, and sometimes I'm less inspired. I've also had a lot to worry about (nothing too serious, don't worry) but I'll do as well as I can.

Also, people have wondered why I wrote the real fanfiction starts now. By that I meant, the Alice in Wonderland spoof ends and the more typical day-to-day adventures of the Sonic gang resume.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sonic and Tails were watching TV. It was the news.

"I bet that was one surprised chipmunk," chuckled the newscaster. "In further news, the famine in Russia has devastated everyone, leaving many starving. Casualties continued-"

"Cover your eyes, Tails!" shouted Sonic, even though Tails was already blindfolded (and gagged, for some reason). "This isn't appropriate!"

Tails spat out his gag, which was a huge lump of bubble gum he had been chewing. "There's nothing inappropriate about this! Why are they starving, anyway?"

"They ran out of vodka," replied Sonic.

"What does that have to do with them eating?" asked Tails.

"All they do is pour vodka into snow and ice and eat that," said Sonic.

"The vodka, however, is in full supply," said the newscaster, causing Tails to glare angrily at Sonic. "Also, there has been a reported seizure at 13 Sonic's Unlucky Day Street, residence of Amy Rose. She was apparently hospitalized after a traumatic scene in Napoleon Dynamite, the 2004 feature film…"

There was a COPS style scene in which some guy kicked down the door to reveal Amy eating popcorn and watching the movie.

"Will you stop kicking down doors?" said one cop furiously to the other.

"Sorry," he said. "But that thing with the elevator door was an accident, you-"

"Yeah, yeah," said the cop. "Look, miss, we've come here due to a reported seizure. Has anyone suffered a seizure here recently?"

"No, it's just me here," said Amy brightly. "Sit down and watch the movie, this part's great!"

"Oh, no… we always fast forward this part," moaned Sonic.

"So, Napoleon, what did you do last summer?" said the Gay In Denial jock character.

"I TOLD you, I spent it up in Alaska hunting wolverines!" barked Napoleon. Amy had a seizure. The men finished watching the movie, and then carried Amy into a stretcher.

Shadow and Knuckles entered the room, sitting down on the couch. Sonic paused the show. It ended on a close-up of Amy.

"What's all this fuss?" grumbled Shadow, as if somebody had called him. "I was doing some serious parkour there!" To demonstrate, he tried to run up a wall, failed and fell to the floor with a crash shaking the foundations of the house.

"Yeah, and I was fish braiding!" added Knuckles grumpily, showing two trout that were wrapped around each other.

"Hey guys," said Tails, entering the room. Sonic, who had not noticed Tails leave, suddenly jumped so high in the air that his drink spilled all over his head.

"I can pause live TV!" said Sonic with a cheesy grin.

"OK… in any case, I made a new invention," Tails said.

"Oh, Christ, not the plot where Tails' new invention is expected to be funny…" growled Shadow.

Knuckles said something in dubbed Chinese, and the two began to fight. Shadow ran up and down walls pointlessly, while Knuckles began to knit a fish sweater furiously.

"So," Tails said nervously, "who wants to see my invention?"

"Use it on faker!" called Shadow.

Tails did, and Sonic was suddenly standing on the ceiling.

"It can change gravity on a person!" declared Tails.

"Interesting," said Shadow, ending his fight with Knuckles. "I could do parkour with that…"

Tails pressed a button, and Sonic fell to the floor. Shadow was suddenly on the ceiling. The black hedgehog tried to run from the ceiling to the floor, but he fell onto the ceiling again. Sonic cracked up.

Tails moved a switch, and Shadow fell. This time, Sonic went flying through the air toward the wall. He was stuck to the TV, which was still paused on the image of Amy Rose.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGH!" screamed Sonic. "It burns us, precious! It burns!"

"Change the channel, quick!" said Knuckles.

Tails changed it. It switched to Michael Bolton singing.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Change it again!"

"C-SPAN? EEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Change it!"

It landed back on Amy, somehow. Then the TV froze for no reason and did not respond to anything. Meanwhile, Sonic was screaming bloody murder.

"Reverse his gravity!" yelled Shadow.

"I can't! It's out of batteries!" Tails said.

"Out of- NO! I refuse!" roared Sonic. "Get me off NOW!"

So, they attached ropes around his wrists and ankles and tugged him off, so he was just stuck on a wall this time. Tails replaced the batteries, and Sonic fell to the floor. Knuckles was casually knitting his fish again.

"Well, this is a terrible place to end a chapter," commented Shadow, turning his attention to the news.

"Yeah, cause the author's such a lazy bum," commented Tails.

"To wrap up this segment," said the newscaster, "it has been discovered that Mecha Scorpion is not a lazy bum! In addition," he added, "Tails the Fox recently suffered a neck-crippling injury that has reduced him to a vegetable state-"

"OK! OK! I take it back!" said Tails hastily. The large cement truck dangling over his head disappeared.

"Oh, I guess he hasn't," the newscaster chuckled. "This is Blitz Wolfer, and you're watching NCN… where the news is more relevant than the commercials!" The TV turned off at the end of the program for some reason (probably to indicate that they should stop watching TV).

"Well, it's a beautiful day," said Sonic. "I say we should go outside and hang out!"

"Yeah," said Tails from underneath the cement truck (oops), throwing it off of himself. "We would… but something has happened that means we can't."

"What?" said Sonic concernedly.

"Oh, nothing," said Tails innocently. Shadow threw the cement truck back on top of him.

Suddenly, a large phone booth materialized in the room, and two teenagers came out.

"Dude, Ted… the future's got some crazy animals!" said the shorthaired one.

"I agree, Bill," said Ted (who looked like a young Keanu Reeves). "They're most intelligently using that TV there!"

"I saw this movie," said Knuckles, kneading his forehead to remember.

"OK, look," said the young Keanu Reeves, addressing the room at large, "we… we need to write a history report, and… um… we figured that one of you could help us, so… any volunteers?"

Tails rolled the cement truck off of himself. Everyone looked at him.

"What?" he wondered.

But before Tails the history nerd could be kidnapped by a young Keanu Reeves and his nobody friend, Sonic sneezed. Then they kidnapped him anyway.

"Is anyone getting déjà vu?" asked Sonic as the cement truck fell on top of Tails.

"Yeah… this was, like, a few minutes ago!" said Knuckles.

Bill and Ted showed up again, this time with Tails. The other Tails was still under the cement truck.

"Um… look… we decided we don't really like him, so… do you want him back?"

Knuckles, Shadow and Sonic looked back and forth between the Tails in the phone booth and the one under the cement truck.

"Nah, you can keep him."

Then the Tails in the phone booth fell off a cliff or something, so there were no worries.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Bye, and review.