Sonic Insanity

Look, if my update schedule continues as planned, the next update will be on Wednesday, and I don't know if I'll be able to update then. There are a lot of undetermined factors, but no matter how it works out, it'll be busy. I'm getting my next belt in karate, I might have to make a video after school, and I might take the whole day off for a job-shadow. So I might update one day late. Just a warning.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Everyone was acting a bit suspicious that day in Sonic Manor (more like Sonic Poor Excuse For A Shack if you asked Shadow). Tails was rinsing off knives, and there was a large amount of red fluid in the sink. Knuckles was casually incinerating objects with the word EVIDENCE printed on them. Sonic was making secret calls to people, and he kept glancing around and putting his hand over the receiver. Of course, it was later discovered that these calls were all to Shady Jim's Cheeseburger Joint and Law Firm, but for now that will be conveniently ignored for the sake of suspense. Finally, Shadow was sitting in a chair, jumping at any noise, clutching a shotgun in both hands, and randomly jumping out of his chair in an attempt to barricade the door with furniture. Knuckles would always stop him, though, and they would both return to their suspicious behavior.

On the twentieth attempt, Shadow managed to evade Knuckles' clutches and began to frenziedly stack chairs, tables, couches, boxes and Tupperware against the door. Suddenly the door flew off its hinges, the furniture cleared through with a sweep. A horde of policemen entered the room, led by a grim-looking detective.

"Gentlemen… lady," he said, referring to Tails last. "I'm afraid something terrible has happened on the premises."

Each of our heroes had a different response. Knuckles immediately began to cry fake tears while edging steadily toward the window. Sonic gave a large and unconvincing jump of surprise. Shadow began to run in circles while swinging his fists and was tackled by six policemen. Tails began to protest the fact that he had been referred to as a woman.

"Dead? Who's dead?" asked Sonic.

"I never said anyone had died," said the detective. "I said something terrible had happened."

"Well… did someone die or not?" asked Sonic.

"Yes," said the detective, giving him a highly suspicious look. "It was Mr. Old Guy That Everyone Had A Motive For Killing. Unfortunately, the murder must have cut the phone lines."

"No he didn't," said Sonic. "See look, the phone works perfect-"

"I SAID HE MUST HAVE CUT THE PHONE LINES!" screamed the detective. "So, since we have no means of communicating with the outside world, we'll have to wait until I can turn on my laptop before we can call for assistance."

"Why do we need assistance? You and the police can find the murderer quickly, can't you?" Tails inquired.

"Yes, but supplies will soon run out," the detective informed them gravely. "You see, we are trapped from going outside, thanks to all that Tupperware and crap in front of the door…"

"But you just cleared that away," objected Knuckles.

Suddenly, a large amount of Chinese food caved in through the ceiling and landed in front of the door.

"Oh no! The murderer strikes again!" said Sonic, coming down the stairs and wiping Chinese food off his hands.

"How could the murderer be responsible for this?" wondered Knuckles, also coming from upstairs and smelling strongly of Chinese food.

"Because there's a note pinned to the Chinese food!" screamed Shadow before being sedated with ten grams of tranquilizers. Sure enough, there was a large note on top of the Chinese food, pinned to the pile with a large knife that looked exactly like the ones Tails had had.

"Let's see what this note says," said the detective, grabbing the note. It read:

TO ANYONE TRYING TO SOLVE THE CASE: LEAVE NOW OR YOU'LL GO THE SAME WAY THE OLD MAN DID… AS SURE AS MY NAME IS SHADOW! YOU'LL NEVER FIND OUT WHO I AM… OH, WAIT. CURSE THIS MARKER!

"You can't possibly think it was ME!" protested Shadow, dropping a large bundle of markers.

"Who else? They said they were Shadow!" insisted Sonic.

"That doesn't mean they were! Someone could be setting me up!" Shadow wailed, firing his shotgun in all directions.

"How does the killer expect us to leave, anyway?" wondered Knuckles with disgust, writing something down and glancing around suspiciously. "There's no way to escape!"

"Well, there's only one thing to do in a situation like this," Sonic declared. "We must split up and walk down dark hallways unarmed."

"That's the Friday the 13th movies, not the mystery thriller," Tails pointed out.

"You're not old enough to watch the Friday the 13th movies," Sonic growled. "But true enough. The better situation is to make friends and hug each other."

"That's Barney, not the mystery thriller," Tails pointed out.

"You're not old enough to watch Barney," Sonic growled, causing Tails to sputter with rage. "But true enough. We must form no plans. Got it?"

"Um… sure," they all said. Suddenly Sonic fell to his knees, with a hatchet embedded in his quills.

"AAAAAAAAGH!" he screamed. "It's touching the QUILLS! Get it off of me!" He finally pulled it out. Tied to the handle was a little note. It read:

SONIC, YOU'LL BE NEXT IF YOU DON'T LEAVE… TRUST ME! P.S. THIS IS KNUCKLES.

"I had nothing to do with it!" protested Knuckles.

"Then who else did it?" snarled Sonic, hiding his box of hatchets.

"It could have been Tails," said Knuckles doubtfully. Indeed, everyone's favorite fox midget was not in the room.

"No…" said the detective in a deep voice for some reason. "I know who did it…"

"Who?' wondered Shadow.

"It was ME!" yelled the detective. He ripped off his facemask to reveal Morgan Freeman, who then ripped off his facemask to reveal…

"Rouge?" Sonic said quizzically.

"Drat!" came the voice. "That must be from my session with… er, never mind!" Rouge ripped off her facemask to reveal Eggman. "The author forgot to put me in earlier this chapter, so here I am!" he yelled. "The Egg Penguin is fully operational! Prepare to meet your doom…s! Dooms!"

"Wait… so you were the one sending the mysterious notes and throwing hatchets around?" asked Tails.

"What? What gave you that foolish idea?" asked Eggman. "That was clearly the shadowy assassin lurking outside the window!" He reached out with a long arm and dragged the shadowy assassin inside. "And that would be… CHARMY!"

"WHAT?" screamed Shadow.

"Think about it!" protested Eggman. "He had the resources, the motive and the alibi!"

"He has none of those things," growled Tails.

"Yes I do!" screamed the bee in a deafeningly high-pitched voice. The glass in the window shattered. "Despite my humble beginnings as a member of the poorest crime-fighting agency in town, I had grand pre-beginnings as a member of a Mafia family!"

Sonic's head disappeared in a cloud of steam shooting from his ears. "You did not grow up in a Mafia family!" he bellowed. "I have a baby book showing you living in an abandoned Coke can lined with Styrofoam packing pellets for the first three years of your life, and-"

"SHUT IT!" screamed Charmy. "I have plenty of reasons to kill you all! After Sonic Heroes, my role as Most Annoying Voice in the Sonic Series was secure. But then Shadow the Hedgehog came along, and you all threatened to take me off that place! Shadow sounded like he was a stoned telemarketer, Tails squealed like that girl in the second Indiana Jones movie, Knuckles sounded like Bob Hoskins, and Sonic was downright unbearable! I'd never be able to compete in such a market!"

"But we're much less annoying in Sonic Riders!" objected Tails.

"You only know that based on an online trailer that stalled five hundred times and skipped half the frames!" Charmy screeched. "I can't take it any more!"

"Well, so you have the resources and the motive," Knuckles reasoned. "So what's your alibi?"

"No one would ever expect me!" Charmy shrieked. "I'm too cute and adorable and kickable! I could just hide in a box of crayons if anyone suspected me!"

The Egg Penguin opened fire on the bee, sending him flying far away.

"I couldn't tolerate that loser either!" said Eggman furiously. "But now, I'm afraid, it's time for you to DIE!"

The Egg Penguin began to load its guns.

"This is no good," Sonic said angrily. "We have no weapons at all!"

"Sure we do," argued Knuckles. "We have some serious firepower!"

"WHERE?"

"My guns," grinned Knuckles, flexing his muscles.

Sonic seethed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Please review!