Sonic Insanity

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Eggman began moodily developing another plan. This time he wasn't going to attack Sonic and his crew… he had other plans. It was the Chaos Emeralds this time! Nobody would see it coming, not even the government! He chuckled silently. Now he needed some sort of machine to take over the world… how about…

"THE EGG SHOE SALE?" he screamed.

Metal Sonic was lazily watching TV. "How about no?"

"Bah phooey!" sneered Eggman. "I know where these Chaos Emeralds are. They are all essentially unprotected, despite their capacity to destroy the world. Now, using my Rodeo Choir, I-"

Metal Sonic began to sputter incoherently, throwing the TV remote right through the screen. Since it was holographic TV, nothing happened. "THE RODEO CHOIR? This is nonsense!" he roared. "What possible purpose could a… a Rodeo Choir… fulfill?"

So, Eggman's evil plan was diverted by the two of them arguing. Eggman wanted the Egg Shoe Sale and a Rodeo Choir, whereas Metal Sonic was in favor of the Egg Calligraphy Scroll and a Friday Fish Fry Brigade. Both ideas were inherently stupid, so we now cut to everyone's favorite Master Emerald guardian, for even more stupidity.

"Hahaha! Those were the days!" sighed Knuckles, watching Sex and the City. "Carrie knew better than to date that Yugoslavian baggage handler!"

Sonic sped in, creating a large Sonic-shaped hole in the door… even though it was open. "Yo, Knux, what ya watching?"

"OH NOTHING JUST MY EXTREMELY MASCULINE FOOTBALL," screamed Knuckles, quickly hiding his latte and pulling out a beer.

"Are you watching Sex and the City?' asked Sonic, a smile playing across his features.

"Um… I watch it for the nudity, that's all," Knuckles explained.

"There is none."

"Um… they're still hot," Knuckles decided, hoping Sonic wouldn't inquire too further.

"Still," Sonic grinned, "you are watching a soap opera, you know that, right?"

"Hey, Sonic," said Tails, bursting into the room, "I got the TV guide for this week, and I highlighted everything that you should watch!"

"The O.C?" chortled Knuckles, grabbing it from Tails and flipping it open. "Well, I suppose Friends could be worse… but there are some chick flicks here. Legally Blonde… Must Love Dogs… wow. Wait a minute…" Knuckles began to clutch his sides. "WILL AND GRACE? AHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Sonic began to chase Tails around the house while Knuckles cracked up.

"Well, if I'm going to be blamed, then Shadow has to be accused as well!" grumbled Sonic, returning with Tails tied in a knot around his fist. "He was the one who went to Brokeback Mountain!"

"How about we all accept this fact," Shadow proposed. "None of us are completely masculine, but in the face of such obvious femininity as Tails, we're all highly manly. Sound good?"

"Yes," they all replied, except an outraged Tails.

"And anyway, everyone knows that Shadow's the biggest girl," Sonic snapped. "He listens to My Chemical Romance, for god's sake!" With a snap, Sonic pulled out a piece of paper. "This is some of his gothic poetry!"

"Hey, guys can write gothic poetry too!" Shadow growled, trying to seize back the paper.

"Anyway," Sonic continued, "this is Shadow's poem, the… wait a minute… THE FAKER?" His face contorted. Shadow quickly grabbed it from him and began to read aloud. (I will try to put it in italics, but since QuickEdit will undoubtedly mess it up, I'll make it even clearer.)

The Faker by Shadow the Hedgehog

Once upon a midnight boring, as in bed I slumbered snoring,

Dreaming of how games like mine should have been made before.

I dreamed these dreams while napping. Suddenly there came a tapping,

It was like someone was rapping, rapping loudly at my door.

"Just some ghetto dork," I muttered, "rapping while he's at my door,

Just a poser, nothing more."

Oh, how well I do remember. It was in the month December,

And I had an awful temper from my shopping at the store.

Eagerly I wished to borrow, presents for Christmas tomorrow,

Cause that store had caused me sorrow; Christmas shopping was a bore.

So I dreamed of Christmas coming, and no shopping at the store,

Cause I'll do that nevermore.

And my desk was such a clutter, that I simply had to mutter,

"This visitor should realize the hour is almost four,

I don't want to meet this person, I am no longer uncertain,"

And this whole time I was cursing at this rapper at my door.

"Just a rapper I'll ignore!"

I decided then to meet him, but I wouldn't brightly greet him,

I'd just talk with him and meet him, but then if he was a bore,

I'd be furious with fury, I'd take him before a jury,

Then I'd go get a McFlurrie at McDonalds just next door.

I got up and, quite annoyed, I walked out to unlock the door.

Darkness there, and nothing more.

I was very irritated. This idiot had invaded!

He had sneaked into my house some way I had not known before.

While I came out to greet him, but at my door I did not meet him!

Now I certainly would beat him when I found that stupid bore.

I grabbed a nearby weapon, which I would use to threaten,

This idiot who'd crept in while he rapped outside my door.

Oh, he'd suffer, that was sure.

"This poem is terrible!" said Sonic. "It's also a rip-off! Just summarize the rest of it, please."

"Fine," grumbled Shadow, "but I'll get it published. Anyway, so Shadow sneaks back into his bedroom to find that Sonic had snuck into his house in order to steal his food. So Shadow meets him, and all the Faker will say is, "Your mom's poor!" So eventually Shadow gets so angry from hearing this that he runs up the wall, grabs Faker off of the shelf he's sitting on, and gives him the beating of his life before throwing him out of the house."

"That's still a horrible poem," objected Sonic.

"So sue me," Shadow said smugly, sauntering slowly sideways. Yes, I realize that was alliteration (except for the word me, so shut up).

Sonic, grumbling, walked off, giving a last retort of "Limp Bizkit is still terrible" as he left. He was hit in the back of the head with a flying Limp Bizkit CD as he left, and he and Shadow promptly began to fight.

Tails, ignored as usual, walked up to his room and began to write in his journal.

Day 2,874 of my existence

Sonic and Shadow are fighting again. I wish they could just see that life is too short to waste on fighting, that you have to enjoy each other. But I wouldn't know that if I had had friends, like they did. Despite their rivalry, Sonic and Knuckles are good pals, and Shadow's their buddy too. But I just don't belong. I've never really had anyone to talk to. That's why I have you to listen to me, journal…

I like to just watch my lava lamp and think about what life would be like if they hadn't had the divorce. Before then, everything was so calm. I'd give anything for life to be how it was back then. First they started to argue. Then came the day when they asked me which one they wanted to live with… so I ran away, and Sonic took me in. But he only really likes me cause of my inventions… if I wasn't so smart, I'd have nobody.

I remember when all I had to worry about was fitting in at school, and about my Christmas presents and stuff like that. Now, every day makes me a little bit sadder inside, like I know that one more piece of my life went by and I was still alone. There's only one life, then it's all over. And people waste it…

Now I worry about being who I want myself to be. Nobody seems to understand anything about me. I wish they could just see who I want to be, and that it's just as good as what they want. You can't spend your life trying to change someone else's… that's wasting two lives, and then…

"Tails, this is blatant lies!" Sonic shouted. "Your parents never got a divorce, they loved each other and they still do! You don't even own a lava lamp! Knuckles, Shadow and I all like you more than we like each other, your inventions have given you more fun than anything else, and nobody's pressuring you to be anything! We give you tons of free space!"

"Well, what about those fanfiction authors who structure entire plots around my inventions?" asked Tails sulkily.

"Well, that's a different matter," Sonic amended.

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I was very uninspired while writing this chapter, so sorry if anything is worse than usual… review!

.. (two dots! Yay)

Knuckles suddenly appeared. "Look, don't tell anyone I'm here, OK? I left the fanfic so I could avoid my Latin lessons. Down to the depths with bloody Latin lessons!" He suddenly shook his head. "Oh, curses! Looks like I'm stuck parlaying in Pirates o' the Caribbean talk from now on! Dead men tell no tales, aye, true be that… looks like I'd better get outta Dodge now," he warned us, his voice returning to normal. "Anything but Latin lessons." He jumped away.