1 week later
I may have had the talent to live my dreams, but I realized quickly that the three of us together as a band was much better than just me. We had talent together, and I know I should have been working on the play, but I was busy working on my new found dream. A band. And it was clear that it had been on Kendall and Carlos's mind since we performed together because as soon as I asked if they wanted to try it, they both instantly agreed to it. So now here we were, a Saturday night at Kendall's apartment, which Carlos was impressed that I fixed up so well, but that wasn't the point. The point was to start to do what Garage Band types do who aren't metal and more than anything are just boy band material and that was totally right to me. I had a huge crush on the Jonas Brothers when they used to be big, so it'd always been a bit of a dream to be in a boy band.
"So, um, what do we do first," Carlos asked, "I've never really done something like this before." Kendall and I started to laugh when we heard him say this because it wasn't like we had been band hopping our whole lives. This was our first time too.
"Okay, okay, let's think," Kendall said, "What are some of our favorite bands like,-," before Kendall could finish his though, Carlos immediately started shouting out band names:
"Tokyo Hotel, Hansen, oooh ooh, there's N'sync and Destiny's Child and who could possibly forget the Spice Girls and then there is the Backstreet Boys and the obvious one being the Jonas Brothers and then there's the Beatles and the Monkees and the Dixie Chicks," (I smiled at that particular one), " And, And, well, I'm sure there are like a million bazillion more out there that I haven't thought of.
"I think you might have given Carlos to many M&M's," I said giggling, "cause I swear to God he's about to take off into orbit."He shot me a mean look before turning back to Kendall.
"What else?"Carlos asked simply, giving Kendall that pout he tended to get when he felt stupid.
"There's our favorite Kendall," I responded, crawling up to Kendall's side as slinky as possible because I was feeling particularly frisky tonight, "Blondie."
"Yeah, but I don't think naming the band Brunetty would work out to well Sugar," he replied, still seriously in thought.
"If only we could get that feeling we got after we played the first time," Carlos said, pacing the floor, "Guys, I've got an idea; we should do another song and see what we come up with after that." Sometimes it truly amazed me Carlos could remember to breathe much less come up with ideas, but I won't lie, it wasn't a bad one. I was excited though because I had chosen the song we would do already.
"Here, I've got the song, just follow along Carlos and Kendall, you know the beat relatively well enough to catch it as soon as you hear it with your guitar. I'll sing lead with Verses, but Carlos, you'll sing second set and Kendall, you'll take the chorus with both of us. Do we all understand." I looked at the two confused boys and grinned a little, "or do I need to go over it again."
"I think I've said this before, but you're really hot when you're bossy," Kendall said, cupping my ass and feeling it up; this was so weird for me for a little while, but after some time of Kendall doing it frequently, I got used to it. In a weird way, I craved it, even just for the touch. I ran over to my boom-box that I had brought over and put the C.D. in and before looking at the two laughing boys behind me.
"Dude," Carlos started, "Your like the only one left in America with C.D.'s"
"I like C.D.s," I quickly retorted, "I prefer a hard copy to trusting a few files on a computer. Now if you're done criticizing how I enjoy my music, we have a song to sing." I sped up the disk to the exact song that had become my favorite since its release and grabbed a brush from Kendall's dresser as a microphone, the electro opening of the song started and then the first words came from the speakers and I got into character.
I can't help myself
I'm addicted to a life of material
It's some kind of joke
I'm obsessively opposed to the typical
All we care about is runway models
Cadillacs and liquor bottles
Give me something I wanna be
Retro glamor Hollywood, yes, we live for the
(Everyone Joined in for the Chorus, and it didn't take long for Carlos to catch up)
Fame, doin' it for the fame
'Cause we wanna live the life of the rich and famous
Fame, doin' it for the fame
'Cause we gotta taste for champagne and endless fortune
Fame, fame, baby, the fame, fame
We live for the fame, fame, baby, the fame, fame
Isn't it a shame, shame, baby? A shame, shame
In it for the fame, fame, baby, the fame, fame
(Carlos grabbed the lyric book during the chorus and was following along using that now before his big part started)
I can see myself in the movies
With my picture in the city lights
Photograph, my mind and whatever else
You'd like to shoot you decide
All we care about is pornographic girls
On film and body plastic
Give me something I wanna see
Television and hot blonds in odd positions
(Again, we all joined for the chorus and rocked it of course)
Fame, doin' it for the fame
'Cause we wanna live the life of the rich and famous
Fame, doin' it for the fame
'Cause we gotta taste for champagne and endless fortune
Fame, fame, baby, the fame, fame
We live for the fame, fame, baby, the fame, fame
Isn't it a shame, shame, baby? A shame, shame
In it for the fame, fame, baby, the fame, fame
(But this next part, this was mine, It was the part I related with most, but Kendall did the most beautiful echoing effect as I sang it. Sometimes I wonder who I ended up with the most talented boyfriend. What could he not do; Oh right cook, clean, ect. Sometimes I totally forget just how much we're like Husband and Wife)
Don't ask me how or why
But I'm gonna make it happen this time
My teenage dream tonight
Yeah, I'm gonna make it happen this time
(And to finish off the song, we all harmonized for the final lyrics)
Fame, doin' it for the fame
'Cause we wanna live the life of the rich and famous
Fame, doin' it for the fame
'Cause we wanna live the life of the rich and famous
Fame, doin' it for the fame
'Cause we gotta taste for champagne and endless fortune
Fame, doin' it for the fame
'Cause we wanna live the life of the rich and famous
Fame, doin' it for the fame
'Cause we gotta taste for champagne and endless fortune
Fame
"Oh my god, I got it," Carlos shouted as he hopped onto the bed and started jumping, "Big Time Rush."
"Where the hell did that come from," Kendall questioned back, giving Carlos a strange look.
"Remember the first things we said to each after we sang for the first time. You said it was a rush to do it and then I said big time because I was trying on a new catch phrase," I really wondered about Carlos sometimes, "because that's what it was," Carlos said, "it was a Big Time Rush for all of us, I mean as soon as Logan put out the idea, we all joined like three seconds later. That's why."
"Actually," Kendall responded, "I like it, it's really catchy and couldn't you see it in big, black bold colors on a billboard with a poster of the three of us. This could work."
"Yeah, but how are we going to get anyone to pay attention to us, it's not like we have a niche that any other Garage Band has," I said, downing the feeling that was rushing through the room.
"We're all gay," Carlos said, "That's different and we could use YouTube as a way to put ourselves out there and get a fan base going."
"Carlos, I think that's the smartest thing you've ever said," Kendall replied, "by doing that, we could get the producers to come to us."
"Thanks, I think," Carlos responded, giving me a look that said it was confused; or maybe that was just his face. Then he noticed the time, "Sorry guys, I gotta go, there's a movie that I told Camille I'd go see with her and If I break one more promise, I swear she'll find a new bestie."
"Yeah, cause there are so many out gay men competing for Camille's friendship and affection in this town." Carlos gave me a dirty look that made me laugh right before he left, slamming the door in show men ship that only he could manage. Kendall laughed a little at my snarkyness with Carlos, which for some reason he thought was so cute, and went over to turn the TV on to watch the Hockey Game that was being played tonight. I really didn't understand Sports talk, so when Carlos and Kendall would go at it about this stuff, I usually just backed up and watched how sexy Kendall was when he got passionate. For some reason that I couldn't explain, I wanted him more than ever tonight; I was craving every inch of his body, watching his every move.
"You okay Logie-Bear," Kendall said, giving me a strange look, "You're watching me really weird; are you feeling alright."
"I'm ready Kendall," I responded, crawling up the bed to the edge, "I'm ready for you. All of you."
"I still don't understand," Kendall replied, backing into the dresser, "Are you saying what I'm thinking you are."
"I think I'm making myself clear," I purred back, obviously giving him the chills.
"You know I can barely restrain myself around you Sugar, so why are you doing this now; you are always so shy about this kind of thing."
"I've come to terms with the fact that I'll never get that night back now, so I went to relive it the right way."
"You haven't drunk tonight because I don't have alcohol and I know you'd never do drugs so I'm going to ask again; what's gotten into you."
"I don't know," I confessed, "but I've craved this in a weird way for a long time now, and I'm finally ready to let myself enjoy it."
"Are you sure, because if we do it, you won't get this night back and if it's not right, it could hurt us both," Kendall said a little nervously, a new side I'd never seen of him that made me laugh a little. He was always the one with all the advances and he was scared now. I got on my knees on the edge of the bed and started to beck him slowly forward and I dug my teeth into my bottom lip to show the urgency of him, not stalling. He got it immediately and came forward, gripping me by the back and pulling me forward into a tight embrace.
"I'll be gentle," he whispered into my ear, "I never want to hurt something as precious as you."
"Don't worry about me," I replied, "Worry about yourself," I tried to stay calm, but I'll admit it, the heat of the moment was getting to me a little. I didn't stop though; I needed Kendall more than ever and so I started to plant kisses along his neck and jaw line, taking the initiative to finally prove to Kendall that this was right. When I heard him give a low, long moan I knew I had won. Now it was just a matter of time before Kendall took over. And he did. He started to lift me off of the bed and I wrapped my legs around his waist so he could do what he wanted with me. I was his tonight. And after tonight, I'd officially be his forever; it was the final stake in the claim he'd already put on me. But instead of pushing me against a wall or get us in a tight place, he lifted me back to the front of the bed before placing me on his lap and laying back. He was really going to make me do all the work and I wasn't even the dominant one, but if it was his wish, then it would surely be granted. I leaned down, arching my back and putting my arms around his neck to push our lips together in a kiss, but he pushed his tongue up into my mouth, asking entry in a wordless way and who was I to deny him that. It was deep and different and for all the kisses I had shared with James and Kendall, it never went this far. If there ever was tongue involved, the farthest it could get would be my lips so maybe I really didn't know passionate kisses that well because this feeling was intoxicating. Kendall was intoxicating; he was my everything, my addiction and it felt incredible to give him this much power over me. He broke the kiss again to look me in the eyes.
"You're new to this too aren't you Logie Bear," Kendall said with a grin.
"I always thought our kisses were passionate and deep, I didn't realize you could go this much farther" I said, turning my eyes away in embarrassment. I mean if I ever did kiss passionately, I thought it was wet, but I never thought about French kissing like this. I never really thought about what French Kissing was at all.
"You've got to kiss me back Sugar," he said, pulling himself up slightly, "it's no fun when it's just me tasting you."
"Okay, I'll try," and I really would this time, but the idea of sticking my tongue in another person's mouth was a little bizarre. I think I'd done it at the part before, because it felt like it could be a distant memory, maybe even with Kendall, but now it was just so new feeling everything. He started up again, and this time I opened my mouth a little for him to have more room to work, while I tried to lick his lips, but instead, our tongues collided. And I kind of lost control of the whole situation. I started to pull him on top of me and when I did, we didn't separate for a moment because it felt so good. Finally, after a really wet kiss, he pulled off for breath and I took my chance; immediately I started to unbutton my shirt as fast as I could, but Kendall grabbed my hand and guided it to go back around his neck as he bent down for another kiss. This one was even deeper than the second one because we were wrestling for control of my mouth. I loved it. But this couldn't be it; I needed to go all the way and I need to go all the way right now and if he wouldn't take off my shirt, I'd take off his. I moved my hands from behind his head and started to tug on the ends of his shirt, exposing his stomach and abs to me which I had become so used to and finally he gave up and let me do it, barely stopping the kiss for the moment it took to pull it off. Immediately he started back down into my lips, but this time with one hand, he finished unbuttoning the rest of my shirt and taking it off as quickly as possible. The passion in his eyes was intimidating and sexy all at the same time when he started to pull my pants down and exposing my legs to the cold air. He broke off the kiss again, but this time he sat up and started to pull down his own and throw them in the corner of the room and then pulled off the rest of mine and did the same and finally seeing his whole body scared me a little. I know I slept with him every night and he looked like this, but I never really looked at his body, I just got into his warmth. Seeing him now was amazing. His legs were just as muscular as the rest of his body and he sure must play hokey a lot cause he looked a lot more like model than I ever could. He laughed a little while I was examining him and then pouted my lips cause I realized I was a bit of a disappointment. I was kind of pail and was just a little toned, not overly muscular. I was a twink he was a little bit of a beef cake. Not over muscled, but just right.
"Logan, don't look so distressed, I've seen you like this before," he said, grinning, "and I like every bit of you just the way you are." He started to lean back into me when I realized the situation and the fear sunk in. I couldn't do this. I wasn't ready, to be honest I still wasn't sure what got into me to get this far, but Kendall was hungry. His eyes set fires in their wake he wanted this so bad and that scared me even more. It scared me that maybe unintentionally he'd hurt me like the first time; maybe that's why I had such a fear of sex, because I had a crushing fear of pain. And the most painful night in my life, was that night when I had felt my first real taste of true fear. When I saw Jo in a state that no one should ever have to endure. When I realized that I could be dangerous for my friends because they were outed due to my presence. It was worse than the night James died for me because of all that was still left unknown. Kendall immediately broke the kiss and stroked my face, getting off of me and leaning up, pulling me with him.
"What's wrong Logan," he said with concern, "I didn't hurt you did I; you're okay right." He wiped my cheek and I realized that I had been crying. I was so worried about what would happen that I was crying hard and never knew it.
"I'm fine *choke*, just over*sob*whelmed, you can keep going, don't *choke* worry about me," I tried to say back as smoothly as possible, but it just didn't happen right.
"Sugar, I can't do anything to you like this. Every tear that you cry feels like a bullet to the brain with me; it kills me to watch you like this," he got off the bed and grabbed my hand, pulling me to my feet as quickly as he could. He grabbed the shirt I wore every night to bed and slipped it over my trembling figure before walking me back to the bed and putting me in it in the spot that I had become so accustomed too. He was carefully not to break me for some reason, like I was a fragile piece of glass, walking around the whole bed to his side and turning the light off. "I love you Logie, but why don't you go to sleep, I don't want you to think about this anymore." I nodded my head shyly, not being able to respond as he pulled the sheets over us and put the comforter on top of me.
"Would you-," the only thing I could get out before he interrupted,
"Yeah, just go to sleep," and as soon as Kendall pulled me into his embrace, I fell straight to sleep onto his chest.
Author's Note: So after this chapter, the band stuff will stop popping up as much because I think it kind of camps up a story to include that. Also, I hate wasting words on copying songs, so I decided to make this Chapter a little longer than unusual to make up for the lost story telling. But one thing to know is that the band is important for the end. But, since I included the band stuff, I decided to treat all of you with a little bit of sexy, which I'm finding is really hard to right if you've never done it, but it's kind of thrilling a new way. And though I just love to be a total tease, I had good reason this time. Logan still doesn't fully trust Kendall, which we're are going to explore next chapter. Also, sorry I forgot the dedication yesterday, but I was in a rush to upload because I had to go out with friends. So I dedicate this chapter to someone who's been reading since the beginning and given me drive to continue when I wanted to quit at times. Thanks ilovepie554, it means a lot. Luv ya. XoXo