Sonic Insanity

I forgot to refer to this in my last chapter. I refuse to retract my statement about My Chemical Romance. They are girly. I imagine these "guys" who listen to it are either a) the kind of guy who just listens to any song on the radio that he can remember for more than 20 seconds, or b) encouraged to by their girlfriends. This is just my opinion, not making it solid fact, but they're very girly…I would get more into this, but I'm probably just sinking myself deeper into sexist territory, and I'd rather start the chapter.

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"Oh, no…" groaned Shadow, hanging up the phone.

"Why? What happened?" said Knuckles with alarm.

"Well, after the way I treated Amy after we went to the bar…" groaned Shadow. "I think she might break up with me."

"We all knew THAT," commented Sonic.

Flashback…

"IKEA?" screamed Shadow into the phone. "You're joking! I hate Ikea! I despise shopping! It's for losers!" He listened a bit longer. "I don't care what new stuff you need, you'll never be as hot as I would like!" He continued to listen. "Cry me a river! Go drown your sorrows in Napoleon Dynamite or something, he's the best you deserve…"

End flashback…

"Yeah, I'd say your chances might be ruined," said Sonic.

"More like yours…" smirked Shadow.

"Why?"

"Well, once we break up, she'll be looking for a new boyfriend," grinned Shadow. "Probably to make me jealous… and not only does she like you, but she knows we're rivals."

Sonic's eyes widened, but it was too late. Amy kicked down the door, looking murderous.

"You know," said Shadow, hoping to sound casual, "Take Me Out To The Ball Game is a great song to sing while you're drunk-"

He was hit in the chest by a hammer.

"YOUUUUUUU!" she shrieked. "That's for insulting me so much! Ikea is a great place! And so is Napoleon Dynamite! I don't need you! I just need to get all my shoes and furs and purses!"

"You don't live here!" croaked Shadow. "Why would you have any stuff over here?"

"Good point," she said, leaving.

"How unusual," Sonic grinned. Shadow breathed a huge sigh of relief.

Suddenly, the door burst open, and Eggman's enormous machine forced its way through.

"Why didn't you just knock the door down?" said Knuckles, not taking his eyes away from the TV… even though it wasn't turned on.

"I've been trying to lose weight," Eggman said.

"So your weight loss program consists of denying that you're fat," Tails said flatly.

"Yep, pretty much…" Eggman said listlessly, drumming his fingers.

"But if YOU'RE losing weight, why would the machine's weight matter?" wondered Sonic aloud.

"Look, it's implausible, all right?' snarled Eggman. "Now, prepare to meet your maker!"

"Hah! We won't be dying any time soon!" Sonic declared, jumping out of his chair and landing flat on his face.

"Oh, no… death's too harsh a fate for you," grinned Eggman. "I have something MUCH, MUCH worse…"

"If death is too harsh, then why are you doing something worse?" Sonic demanded, peeling himself off the floor.

"SILENCE! I won't be spoken to like that!" Eggman bellowed. "As I was saying before Little Miss Blue Quills interrupted, it's time you met your makers!"

"But if we're not going to die, how can you arrange such a thing?" inquired Sonic.

"Well," grinned Eggman, "Shadow's maker is right here… my grandfather!"

"I was under the impression he was dead," objected Shadow.

"Well, so was your mother," Eggman declared, causing Shadow to emit small shrieks of outrage. "Come on out, Gramps!"

A very elderly man stepped out of the walker. "My eyes aren't what they used to be… but that looks like my old creation Shadow! How ya doing?"

"Um… good, I guess," mumbled Shadow, distinctly aware of how awkward this was.

"Can I go back to sleep now?" asked Gerald irritably.

"Fine," said Eggman dismissively. "Now, the rest of you… prepare for the worst sight in the world… the man who created you!"

It was Yuji Naka.

"SO?" screamed Sonic at the top of his lungs. "We already know that!"

"Ah, but the story of your creation is terrible…er… more terrible… whatever," said Eggman.

"I remember it like it wasn't yesterday," old Yuji recalled almost fondly. A flashback came out…

"So, you think you could beat me in one-on-one, huh, small fry?" asked a burly boy, bouncing a basketball up and down.

Yuji, a small, bespectacled boy wearing a Hawaii shirt, scoffed. "Dude, I would SCHOOL you in basketball! I'd just be like, WHAAAAAAT Germaine's house WHAAAAAAAAT (while saying this he covered his mouth with a hand and waved his other hand in all directions) and I'd have 50,000 points!"

"Um… OK…" said the older boy. "But, I could still beat you…"

"Uh, that's a no-go," said Yuji, grinning widely and speaking in a mock-geeky voice. "This is not an amusing ordeal, so if you'll excuse me…"

The flashback ended. Everyone was glaring at Yuji.

"Oops, guess that's my memories of the high school prom," Yuji giggled sheepishly. "Let's see…"

The new flashback showed Yuji at a table with several other Chinese/Japanese people.

"What are you drawing, Shigeru?" asked Yuji curiously, pointing at Shigeru's drawing.

"SHUT UP! It has to have two screens! IT MUST! I will settle for nothing less! I'll just have to bide my time…" cackled Shigeru Miyamoto, scribbling frantically at some kind of machine with two screens.

"Hah! Your idea is terrible!" boasted Hideo Kojima. "It's all about the STEALTH, baby! Getting soldiers to drop their dog tags is the new game of the millennium! Just gotta work in a plot somewheres…"

"Meanwhile," said Yuji out loud, as if he was narrating, "I felt overshadowed by my more hard-working, albeit mentally challenged friends. With his talk about dual screen technology and a fat plumber in overalls, Shigeru was definitely the leader of the group. Hideo had all these great ideas about characters with terrible mullets and dog tag dropping skills… I didn't know where I would fit in," he mused sadly. His friends, outraged at his descriptions of them, beat him up and left.

"So," Yuji said, still as if he was narrating his life, "I looked for inspiration in the world around me. That's when I saw a hedgehog running at top speed… a healthy 30 feet per hour. I suddenly saw the potential… the possibilities…"

"What are you talking about?" said Sonic angrily, the flashback temporarily stopping. "You hadn't seen the hedgehog at that point! How could you talk about it as if it had already happened?"

The flashback resumed.

"Shut up, Sonic," said Yuji, even though he was now in the flashback and Sonic was nowhere in sight… in fact, he had no way of knowing Sonic had said anything in the future. Yuji frantically began to sketch.

"Whatcha drawing there?" asked his little brother.

"I saw a hedgehog running at top speed," said Yuji, "and now I'm trying to make a game out of that. Imagine how awesome it would be if you could control a hedgehog that ran at super speeds! Who knows… imagine a hedgehog dashing at 10 miles per hour!"

"Well, you have to make something special about this hedgehog, or no one will want the game," said his brother wisely, who obviously grew up to work in marketing.

"Well… let's make him blue," Yuji suggested. "And he'll have other animal friends, too! And they'll all have names! And they'll all talk! No animal can do that! Bwahaha!" Yuji chuckled insanely while his brother backed away.

"Well, all these animals need to have things that make them different," said his brother, almost gone by now. "And not just their color, or what type of animal they are."

"All right," Yuji snarled as his brother left for good. "Sonic the blue hedgehog… he can be a daredevil! Because he's fast! Get it? Hahahahaha! And the fox… can have two tails! But, since he's orange like a regular fox, he needs something else… I know! He can be openly feminine! Then we can have a red porcupine… no, an echidna! He can be good at fighting! And he can guard a big shiny rock, and enjoy rap music! What a genius I am!" Yuji suddenly frowned. "But wait… they can't all do the same thing, or no one will like them! Let's see… fox boy here can have flying levels or something… Knuckles can fight or find jewels… now they just need an enemy…"

"Hi, son! How was school?" asked an enormously fat man with sun glasses, a huge mustache, and long thin legs.

"Man," thought Yuji, "he really does look like an egg…" He put his drawing away. "Hi, Dad!"

"Hi, dear!" said his mother. "What did you invent today?"

"Well, I've started making all sorts of giant robots for the army," the man said. "You know, soldier robots! And then there are things like robotic hawks and robotic golems and robotic-"

The flashback ended. Eggman looked furious, as did everyone else.

"You based me off of a hedgehog you saw running around?" shrieked Sonic.

"I am not feminine!" squealed Tails.

"You based me off of your loserly father?" Eggman bellowed.

"The Master Emerald is not a big shiny rock!" Knuckles roared.

"WE'RE ALL TALKING IN DIFFERENT STYLES OF TEXT!" Shadow shrieked.

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