Well, due to me getting over ten reviews, I decided to finish this chapter and post it.

Disclaimer: I only own Wolfe and the camera mentioned within.

I regret nothing.

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Chapter 4: Something Stupid This Way Comes

Harry was flying on his broom. When he did this, he felt alive. Free. So very-

"HARRY WATCH OUT FOR THAT-"

CRUNCH!

"Wall……" Draco finished. Harry's limp body fell off the wall, dropped about 500 feet and fell on a cobblestone walkway.

"OMG!" Said a random Hufflepuff. "He's dead!"

"Nah, he's fine," responded Draco, landing. "He's the main character of a best-selling book series."

"Oh, then he should be up in a few minutes!" the ditzy girl said, turning her gaze back to Harry.

+++Three Hours Later+++

"…Draco?"

"Yeah?"

"I think he's dead…"

"Yeah…….wanna make out on his body?"

"Oh hell ye-"

An intercom came on nearby.

"THIS IS YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH COMMITTEE REMINDING YOU THAT BUTT SEX IS THE BEST SEX! THAT WILL BE ALL."

Draco raised his left eyebrow, "Well that was weird. Now where were we…"

And so Draco and some unnamed girl desecrated Harry's body by having hawt sex on it. But at least Harry could say he was in a threesome.

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Meanwhile, in Wolfe's dorm…

"I don't want to."

"Cmon, Blaise. Don't be such a pansy bitch."

"Yeah," Ron said, "It's not like you're saying 'you, me, and a cup.'"

In case you're wondering, Wolfe and Ron are trying to convince Blaise to ask Cho if she'll be his wife.

"What if she says no?"

Wolfe pretended to think, then said this: "Well, you could always have rebound sex with Hannah."

Ron scoffed, "Please, Wolfe. Everyone has rebound sex with her. Hell, even I did."

"I thought you drugged and date-raped her."

Silence…

Then Ron jumped out a window. He died on impact.

Blaise decided to ask Cho. She said yes. They had hawt butt-sex on Dumbledore's desk while he and the rest of the headmasters watched.

Wolfe smoked some pot. It tasted like strawberries. The funny thing about this is that the papers weren't flavored. The pot itself tasted of strawberries.

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Hermione was in the library when she heard whispering behind the bookshelves.

"Would you just put it in already?"

Oh my goodness, Hermione thought quietly to herself, is someone doing something dirty in the library…without a video camera to capture every minute of it.

Grinning evilly, Hermione took the camera from chapter one out of her bag and positioned it so that it would record whatever was going on in the restricted section. Eventually, the persons left. She didn't see their faces, but she had the camera.

"Let's see who you really are," she whispered when the tape was completely rewound.

Now, here it must be said that the two behind the bookshelves had used a silencing charm so nobody could hear them. Needless to say, this doesn't work on video cameras.

"Play." Hermione said in a singsong voice before doing just that.

Silence, then…

"DAMN, DRACO! YOU ARE SOOO TIGHT!!!" was the sound that was heard all over the library, accompanied by Draco's moans and gasps as he was reamed up the ass by…

Seamus Finnagan.

Everyone in the library fainted. Except Hermione.

…

…

…

…she pulled off her panties while watching the two men get it on.

…

…

…

…thud! thud! thud! thud! thud! thud!

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!_ /-\ `l` # 1`\ (which is advanced 1337 for Later)

Malfoy, having fulfilled his sexual needs, skipped merrily though the distinguished halls of Hogwarts. Nothing could go wrong in his world. Nothing at all.

Then he tripped over Harry's body. It smelled like sex and old cheese.

"Harry?" Draco said uncertainly. He poked Harry in the mouth with his "wand". "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! HARRY! YOU CAN'T DIE!" He cradled Harry's head like one would their lover, "WHO'S GONNA GIVE ME A FREE BLOWIE WHEN I NEED IT?"

"Um Draco?"

"GASP! The author! You can fix this right? You can bring my Harry-hime back, right?"

I scratched my head, "Well, I can bring him back next chapter."

"Oh thank go-WAIT A MINUTE!!! You never update! YOU LAZY PRI-"

BANG!

Draco's brain matter soaked the distinguished halls of Hogwarts. He joined his gay lover on the floor. Until next chapter that is.

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Fin.

Just to clear things up, I have nothing against gays. I just find the whole DracoxHarry pairing funny.

You may review, my people. Till next time,

Soren