Sonic Insanity

I'll try to use some more fan characters, k? Review!

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Knuckles, Tails and Shadow were no longer fighting crime… they were busy watching NNC (Needless News Corporation).

"In further needless news," the newscaster, who was Clan rHrn the dingo-crocodile, said, "the right-wingers in Congress are continuing to defend the loss in Vietnam. We cut to top field reporter, Lightning Eclipse, interviewing chief right-winger Dunce Broadsided."

(AN: Sorry your part was so short, Clan rHrn, but you already had a part in an earlier chapter, so I thought it would be fair.)

The guy holding the camera ran out of the building and all the way to where the interview was taking place… with the camera on.

"Get on with it!" shouted Knuckles, throwing rotten vegetables at the TV as if it would do anything. "I don't want to watch this guy's life story!"

After fifteen minutes or so, the cameraman finally reached where Lightning Eclipse was interviewing the politician.

"So," said Lightning Eclipse, "critics have recently claimed that you should have won the Vietnam War. As a assistant junior flag waver, what could be done differently now?"

"It's not my fault!" whined Dunce Broadsided. "The dog ate my machine gun!"

"Please answer the question," said Lightning Eclipse through gritted teeth.

"We could have won but we didn't wanna!" he continued to whine.

"I'll give you three seconds to answer me," said Lightning Eclipse menacingly.

"It's the hippies' fault!" he screamed.

The scene switched to a Technical Difficulties screen, which eventually disappeared. It returned to Clan rHrn.

"Wow! They really mean business, folks. We'll return to Made-Up-Character Death Match… er, our interview after this 2-hour commercial break!"

"Shouldn't we actually be helping Sonic?" Tails objected as the commercials began.

"Nonsense, he'll be fine," Knuckles said. "I've been to jail before, it was nothing terrible."

"When was that?" asked Tails curiously.

"Oh… spring of 02 or so…"

"Knuckles, that was when you spent 45 minutes alone in your room with no TV," said Shadow in disgust. "Change the channel."

Knuckles switched channels. No matter what, all he found were commercials. Eventually, though, he saw a commercial that looked funny.

"It's a birth control ad," he chuckled.

Hyper the Robot Hedgehog appeared on the screen. "In this modern day and age, there are many ways to prevent overage, underage and middle-age pregnancy. New methods of contraception are being discovered all the time. But these ways are costly AND expensive, and with this simple message, we will now prevent 0 to 100 percent of pregnancy rates. Somewhere between those two percents."

The sappy piano music ended and there was a close up of Hyper's eyes. "If you get pregnant, we'll spread a rumor that you're just fat!"

Knuckles began to howl with laughter, falling off the couch and slamming on the floor. "Oh man… gets me every time… AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"So, is one night of passion and excitement worth the rumors that you're an obese slob? No," Hyper went on. "So, stay safe." The commercial ended, and the show began.

"What show is this?" Tails asked, while Knuckles continued to laugh.

"Um… I think it's Invention TV," Shadow responded. Tails was immediately interested.

"Today, we talk to a man with two inventions to help the impaired," said the host. "This man… is Garem the Tiger!" The tiger walked out, smiling and waving. "So, Garem, discuss your first invention."

Garem smiled. "Well, Anthony-"

"Please, call me sir," Anthony said.

"OK, sir," Garem said, flipping him the bird when the host wasn't looking. "My first invention is a pill that will cure people who are deaf and blind."

"So, they'll just suddenly be able to hear and see?" the host said.

"Yes," Garem replied.

"How much will this pill cost?" the host inquired.

"Around four dollars," the tiger replied.

"Fascinating. What if someone who is only blind or only deaf takes it?"

"It won't work," Garem replied.

"OK… wouldn't you want to help them, too?" the host asked snidely.

"That's where my second invention comes in," Garem announced. "I call it… Braille subtitles!"

"WHAT?" screamed Shadow, beating the couch in his fury.

"Um… please explain," said the host, trying to keep a straight face.

"Well," Garem said patronizingly, as if explaining a spelling mistake to an irritable four-year-old, "this TV's screen reads signals that the TV sends it. The screen's surface will change, forming Braille letters that blind people can feel!"

"Great," the host said, "but wouldn't blind people simply listen to what was being said? They wouldn't need subtitles."

Garem was at a loss for words. "Um… well, deaf people could use it, then!"

"But wouldn't deaf people just be able to read regular subtitles?" pressed the host.

"Blind and deaf people, then!"

"But there won't be any!" the host said. "You cured them all with your pill, remember?"

"Stop threatening me, Mommy!" screamed Garem, and he suddenly exploded. Knuckles, laughing, changed the channel.

"A suicide bomber was caught today in Detroit," said the host. "Fortunately he was not able to injure anyone with the bomb. He was walking through a deserted cornfield, and he may have been an Iraqi insurgent."

"Since when are there cornfields in Detroit?" asked Shadow angrily.

"Fortunately," the host said, "the bomb was not very dangerous, as it could only destroy everything six feet around it. The following video was captured by a US satellite."

The scene dissolved to a man walking through a cornfield, looking determined. There was an explosive belt around his waist. The satellite zoomed in, revealing a small stick in his path.

The man tripped over it and fell on his face. The bomb exploded.

Knuckles was now screaming with laughter. Tails, getting worried, turned off the TV and examined Knuckles. Shadow began to kick him in the ribs.

"Sorry," said Knuckles 45 minutes later, still chuckling occasionally. "I just had this mental image of a guy- not with a bomb or anything- just walking down the street, and he trips and then he just… just… explodes… oh no, not again…" Knuckles burst into laughter. Tails sighed.

Meanwhile, in prison, Sonic examined the figure in front of him.

"Who are you?" he asked.

The female hedgehog stepped out of the shadows. She paced around the cell for a moment, then spoke in a flat voice. "You know Amy Rose?"

"Not by choice," Sonic grumbled.

"I know what you mean," she said wisely. "I hate her… as if it wasn't hard enough to get Shadow…"

"WHAT?" exploded Sonic. "Amy couldn't care less about Shadow! She's always after me!"

"They're dating, aren't they?" she asked.

"Only because I carry a can of pepper spray!" Sonic snarled. "She'd much rather have me!"

"Regardless, she is going out with him," the girl mused.

"You didn't answer my question," Sonic growled.

"Oh," she said. "I'm Liza. Liza the Hedgehog. I think I can get us out of here."

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Only one character left… that's Shadow555555's character, Mark the Hedgehog. Please review!