Disclaimer: Naruto is not the property of Starberry Pie or any affiliated parties.

Author's note: I know... it's been like... 3 years? And I know you're all probably mad about it, but at least I'm finishing what I started. Get ready!

Sweet wasn't a good word to describe Anko. That's not to say she couldn't be sweet occasionally, but in general, she wasn't a sweet person. When Shikamaru came dragging himself home from his mission last night, she didn't seem to care what he wanted to do with the rest of his night. She just came flying out from wherever she'd been hiding and slammed him up against the front of his apartment.

"Hi, Anko."

"Whadja bring me?"

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow and reached into his knapsack. After about a minute of rustling around, he pulled out a small cylindrical package and tossed it toward his assailant as admission. Shoving past her, he let himself into his apartment.

"Thank you," she chirped.

There wasn't much to unpack: a flask, some chicken wire, a strip of leather, and an empty matchbox fell onto his bed. He scanned the pile quizically, then darted a hand toward the topmost left pocket of his vest. He felt a hard, jagged surface, and pulled out a small, off-white statuette.

A relieved sigh escaped him.

"What's that?" Anko asked from the door, unwrapping her package. A small bottle of spirits emerged from the paper. She removed the cork and poured the contents of the bottle down her throat without a moment to spare, then busied herself with examining the unlabeled bottle. When no answer came, she looked up. Shikamaru was frowning. "And your problem is...?"

"It was a pain to find that," he replied.

"I believe you," she countered, rolling the little bottle over in her hands. "I'm sure you killed more than just one bird with this stone, though."

"Of course..." he trailed off, turning. It was true that Shikamaru had used the errand to his advantage, but that was beside the point.

"What took you so long, anyway?" she asked, unconcerned about whether or not she was imposing. "I waited a really long time for you to show up."

"Good for you," he anwered, setting his statuette on the night stand next to his bed. "I assume you're still here because you have some unappealing favor to ask me."

"Actually, it's more of a demand." Anko shrugged off her overcoat and pulled Shikamaru from the opposite side of the bed down onto it. She loomed over him as he gazed up - wherever up was - into her... breasts? Shikamaru raised an eyebrow.

"...You do the work."

Now it was two o'clock in the afternoon the next day, and Anko hadn't woken up yet. If he hadn't just returned from a mission, he might not have gotten any sleep. Anko snored like a fucking rocket. Shikamaru glanced over at the sleeping jounin and shook his head.

He didn't dislike Anko, but he never got any warning before she came over. He could be in the middle of "releasing the kraken", so to speak, and Anko would kick the bathroom door open. Of course she ordered him to shower first that time, which was even more annoying, but he drew the line at letting her help. She played too rough for him to be comfortable with her handling the crowned jewels.

Knock, Knock.

Shikamaru frowned. It was way too early for visitors, but of course somebody had to come over and bother him.

"Who's that?" Anko yawned, stretching. Shikamaru rose from the bed in his t shirt and boxers to see about the knock.

It was probably Shizune, come to ask that Shikamaru please complete some form he had ignored the night before, she wouldn't ask nicely next time. Or maybe it was Tsunade herself, tired of hearing about Shikamaru's refusal to cooperate with the paperwork. Then again, she would have broken the door. It could also be his mother...

Shikamaru opened the door. There stood a silent, although anxious-looking, Uchiha Sasuke.

"What?" Shikamaru asked.

"Hey Sasuke!" Anko yelled from the bed. Shikamaru grimaced and stepped outside, closing the door behind himself.

"Why are you here?" Shikamaru asked.

Sasuke glanced down, and then back up with a highly raised eyebrow.

Shikamaru was still in his underwear. He shrugged.

"I understand you went to Iwagakure," Sasuke said.

"I understand you have some pointless vendetta," Shikamaru replied.

Sasuke examined Shikamaru closely, and noticed a collection of minor scrapes on his face arms. He also noticed some burns, the biggest of which stretched across his neck. Shikamaru studied the movement in Sasuke's eyes, and guessed the nature of his injuries had been revealed.

"So what, now?" Shikamaru asked, rolling his eyes. "It's not like you'll find anything."

Sasuke smirked. "...It existed."

"Whatever," Shikamaru said dismissively. "If you've got time to figure out things everyone already knows, you should use it to get laid." He turned and opened his door to return to bed. Sasuke turned and started home, brow furrowed.

By now, everyone probably did know why Shikamaru, Neji, and Chouji had been dispatched to Iwagakure. The elders had to have been informed of the four-tailed beast's imprisonment and the involvement of the Akatsuki.

All Sasuke cared about was how much longer he had until they came for Naruto. When only Naruto was left, that was when Itachi would come.

That was when Itachi would die.

So that was why Sasuke stuck around.

He could never learn enough, never train enough to satisfy himself. He sucked up everything he could, every new technique that might help him kill Itachi, but he knew in the back of his mind that he'd already learned everything worth learning... that Itachi had already learned everything this country had to teach.

Sasuke was bored.

Sasuke was restless!

...

Sasuke was bored. It was just a matter of time now, but Sasuke was reconsidering whether he had the patience to wait for the spring in his mousetrap to snap...

The snap of a twig behind Sasuke set off a chain reaction: the activation of the Uchiha sharingan, a flurry of hand signals, and a large globe of fire soaring toward the noise. The flames met the trunk of a dead tree and enveloped it, crackling. With no one present before him, Sasuke spun around to meet Sai.

"Careful," Sai chirped. "You almost hit me."

Sasuke sneered and passed Sai without allowing any part of his being to touch the ANBU operative.

"I saw what you did to Sakura," Sai called without turning around.

"If you liked that," Sasuke replied as he continued forward, "you'll love what I did to your mom last night."

Sai smiled.

"Not as much as I would love to have your mom's pretty lips around my dick, but I don't suppose that will ever happen." Sasuke stopped.

If he killed Sai now, all his work would be for nothing.

"All right, I'll bite. You must have a point."

"It is because of Sakura and Naruto that you are here. I'll thank you to remember that."

"I don't care for your thanks."

"You won't care for my reminders."

They stood with their backs facing eachother.

"I can't wait to kill you," Sasuke snarled.

"You know how to reach me."

Sasuke walked forward, knowing that Sai was gone.

Maybe he was guilty as charged in the case of unnecessary roughness against Sakura, but he didn't regret it. His cruelty had served its purpose. He was a little surprised that Sakura had managed to ignore him this long... it probably had something to do with her transference of affection to Naruto.

Sasuke laughed.

He didn't know whether to be disgusted that she was a flake or respect her for accepting his disinterest. Really, he didn't care. Someday he would have to develop a relationship with some woman so that he could begin the continuation of his family, and Sakura didn't seem like a viable choice. He could do worse to her than humiliate her in the dark, and she had to know that on some level. Any attempt at a union would shrivel and die.

The truth was that everybody was dead, and he alone shouldered the burden. Sakura wanted a meaningful relationship, passionate lovemaking, and sensitivity toward her opinions. Sasuke didn't want to give her or anyone else any of that, and couldn't be sure if he even had the emotional capacity.

He understood that he was different, and didn't consider love or other "nice" feelings a waste of energy. He simply didn't consider them. That's not to say that he didn't acknowledge them or believe in them- there was just nothing constructive he could do with them. He had no use for love. He supposed that he would reach an agreement with a woman someday, but there was nothing to be gained from embittering Sakura.

Sakura arrived at the training ground to find Naruto panting before a fallen tree. The hole blasted through the trank gave it away: rasengan. The rustling grass under her feet signaled her arrival, and Naruto turned...

"Sakura-chan!" he called, waving.

As she walked over to meet him, she sighed. Could it really be this easy? Had she been looking for happiness in the wrong place this whole time? Was it really as easy as opening her mind to the idea that Naruto could be boyfriend material?

Naruto licked his lips, flicking his tongue at Sakura.

No, no, she thought, grimacing. I'm not going to let him ruin this... Just ignore it!

You can't be serious, Inner Sakura snorted. You really don't like Naruto, do you?

I like him, Sakura thought, approaching the boy in question.

"So, Sakura-chan, how about Ichiraku later?" Naruto asked while sliding a hand through his hair in an over-the-top attempt at sexiness.

You want to like him, argued Inner Sakura, but you haven't had enough time yet, so you're faking it! Hah! You're probably not over Sasuke, either! I bet if he asked you out for ramen, you'd drop Naruto in a heartbeat-

"Not even!" Sakura cried.

All you could hear was the wind rustling through the trees. Naruto's eyes widened.

...Shit!

Way to go, Loudmouth! hissed Inner Sakura

"Haha!" Sakura giggled forcefully. With as little force as she could, she pressed her palms against Naruto's chest and barely pushed him aside. She giggled again and ran, hoping with everything she had that he'd take the bait. She braved a glance over her shoulder.

Naruto squinted in confusion.

Come on... Sakura prayed, willing him to move.

"Haha!" Naruto laughed. "Playing hard to get, huh?"

Yes...!

Naruto chased after Sakura, and Sakura continued to run.

Good save, Inner Sakura said.

I don't like Sasuke! Sakura thought. I don't think I really even loved him... She ducked under a tree branch, drawing out her game with Naruto. I loved the idea of him... I loved a version of him that doesn't exist, as far as I know... a figment that I had made up.

Naruto ran into the tree branch face first.

Well, that's a waste, Inner Sakura remarked.

You're telling me, Sakura replied. But I think I could really love Naruto. He already does something that Sasuke only did in my dreams. Sakura glanced backward again, but Naruto had disappeared.

"What the-"

A soft thud stopped her. She looked up to find that she had run right into Naruto.

"I win," he smirked, and vanished with a poof.

Sakura instictively spun around to find the real Naruto behind her. He stepped forward.

Sakura stepped back, unwittingly trapping herself between Naruto and a tree. Naruto took another step forward, leaving barely an inch between them. Sakura was stunned.

Naruto place a forearm on the trunk, just above Sakura's head, and looked down at her. He lowered his face to hers and hovered there a moment before closing his eyes.

He actually likes me, Sakura thought, closing her eyes. She felt the warmth of his breath on her mouth, and opened hers...

A rustle from above cut the moment short. They both opened their eyes in just enough time to see Sasuke's back headed toward another silhouette... Kakashi-sensei.

Naruto looked back down into Sakura's face with a puzzled look. She shrugged.

"I guess we better get started training," she said.

"Yeah," Naruto said, straightening up. "Let's go."

Darn, foiled! Inner Sakura seethed.

There's plenty of time for that, thought Sakura. There's one thing I know for sure, though: I wouldn't be caught dead in a room alone with Sasuke.

"You're partners with Sasuke."

Sakura's jaw dropped.

"WHAT?" yelled Naruto. "Kakashi-sensei, what is the meaning of this?"

Kakashi unzipped a pouched attached to his pants, and pulled out a brand new novel in the Icha Icha series: Icha Icha Abuse. He cleared his throat.

"Since some of you don't understand the difference between jutsu and taijutsu," Kakashi began while looking daggers at Sasuke through his exposed eye, "We'll be sparring again today, only with different partners."

"No fair!" Naruto whined. "I wanted to be partners with Sakura-chan!"

"You can't always get what you want. Begin!"

Sasuke looked at Sakura. She looked very much like she was about to engage in a battle: anxious, uncertain, and determined. For lack of a better word, Sasuke supposed she looked "cute", considering the circumstances. Hardly a week ago, she had confessed to masturbating to thoughts of him, and now she was facing him in combat.

Maybe "pitiful" was a better word.

Maybe not.

There was something different about Sakura today, something that wouldn't allow him to pity her. Still, it wouldn't be good to treat her differently; he was still going to go easy on her. No point in wasting energy.

Sakura felt like vomitting.

It's not a big deal, She thought, trying to calm herself. It's just one sparring session, and then it will be over. Just don't think about it.

A throwing star came speeding straight at her face. She deftly plucked it out of the air and tossed it away.

If he wasn't going to take it seriously, why should she?

Another throwing star came flying, then a kunai from behind. Both were deflected and fell to the ground. Sakura was bored.

Yet another kunai came soaring.

Is this all he's going to do?

She caught it by the handle. Green eyes met black eyes, and Sakura turned and started to walk away. Suddenly, the kunai in her hand began to wriggle. Sakura looked down to find a snake writhing in her hand. She glanced over her shoulder at Sasuke, dropped it, crushed the head with her heel, and continued walking.

"Prick," she mumbled to herself.

A hand errupted from from the ground below Sakura and gripped her ankle tight. Glancing behind her, she realized that Sasuke had hidden himself underground. She slammed her other foot into the ground, breaking Sasuke's hold on her foot as well as his hiding spot beneath her.

Sasuke emerged from the ground before the shockwave could break any of his bones. After a series of hand signals, he found footing in the air. Another set of hand signs sent a storm of fireballs sailing toward Sakura. She dodged them as she ran back toward the trees.

Sakura knew she shouldn't take it personally, that it was just a sparring match, but she couldn't help feeling put upon. She didn't want to fight Sasuke, or even look at him for that matter, but Kakashi was forcing her to do both. What could she do? If she actually put effort into it, Sasuke would just embarass her. If she didn't do anything, he'd still embarass her. She wasn't sure if she could win, but losing was not an option... She supposed she'd have to hold out until the end...

Though she wound through the trees, she knew she'd entered another one of his traps. At any moment, Sasuke could come flying out with some surprise attack and knock the breath out of her. Up ahead, she saw him leaned against a tree. She stopped.

"You're not fighting back," Sasuke said.

Sakura frowned. "I don't want to."

Sasuke figured she didn't want to, but he thought she'd at least be mature enough to suck it up. He could have ended this a long time ago, but thought he'd give her a fighting chance.

"Neither do the ninja that risk their lives in battle," Sasuke said, "but that's why we train. Sometimes you fight when you don't want to." Sakura was taken aback.

"Please," she sneered. "You live to fight. Besides, you're not an enemy. You're just a guy I'm sparring-"

Sasuke had disappeared and reappeared behind her, sharingan activated. A knee to the back sent Sakura flying toward a tree. She whirled around in midair so that she could launch herself off the tree and land safely on her feet.

"It's your own fault," Sasuke shot back cooly. Sakura's eyes widened.

No he didn't...! Inner Sakura whispered. I know he didn't just take it there!

"Yeah?" Sakura smirked. "Maybe it is, but you handled it like a fucking baby, Sasuke! Finish up your attack so I can go home and whack off to a real man!"

Oh, shit, seriously?

POW!

Sasuke's foot slammed into Sakura's face. She spun before she hit the ground with a hard "thud". Sasuke loomed over her.

Maybe "pathetic" was the right word.

Sakura lifted herself up onto her feet, despite the fact that her head still felt like Sasuke was playing soccer with it. She knew he was glaring at her, but she just couldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing her affected by something he did. She walked past him without so much as a glance of acknowledgement.

Sasuke wasn't sure why, but Sakura was really getting on his nerves today. She was talking very boldly for someone who had just been begging him to screw her last week. She brought it on herself, so why was she acting like he was bothering her?

Admittedly, he'd liked the idea of getting a rise out of her, but now she was pretending he wasn't even there. This had to end, now.

Sasuke teleported in front of Sakura and threw her up against another tree, holding her by her neck. She refused to make a sound even though she started feeling dizzy from the lack of oxygen. He released his grip just before she passed out, and she fell to the ground gasping and coughing.

"You won't fight me?" Sasuke asked.

"No," Sakura choked, rising to her feet. "Now fuck off!"

Sasuke turned, and lifted the hem of his shirt. He slowly pulled it over his head and turned back around, revealing the beautifully sculpted abdomen over which Sakura had fantasized about spreading honey.

Sakura rolled her eyes.

In an instant, Sasuke's pale and shirtless form was replaced with the tan and shirtless form of Naruto. Sasuke smirked.

"Sakura-chan," he crooned, resting a forearm above her head. "Have my babies."

"You're a dick," she weezed.

"Please...?"

An unpleasant thing happened then. With as much force as would inflict pain but not destroy, Sakura threw her knee into Sasuke's no-no zone. Sasuke jumped back, assuming his original form.

Not even a cup could withstand that.

Sakura stormed away from the area, stomping past an angry Kakashi holding a blood-soaked copy of Icha Icha Abuse and a nude female Naruto.

Poof!

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto called. "Sakura-chan, wait!"

"Naruto!" yelled Kakashi, "I said taijutsu only!"

Kakashi sighed as he watched Naruto chase an obviously irate Sakura, and turned to go home.

"I guess training is done for today," Kakasi muttered.

Two minutes later, Kakashi discovered Sasuke, doubled over next to a pool of sick.

"...What the...?"