Sonic Insanity

I'm back, everyone. In response to the questions of how I know so much about Queer Eye: One of my female friends was telling me about it, so I decided to watch an episode. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, and the characters were funny (except when they were painfully gay). So, I decided to incorporate them in the story. They didn't really get any good lines, which is a shame.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hah! This should be an easy fight!" crowed Sonic, flexing his muscles. "Those Queer Eye guys are in for the loss of their life… and we're in for the victory of ours!"

"Fighting five effeminate gay guys… how could we ever prevail over such odds?" inquired Shadow sardonically.

"…Shut up."

"This might not be that easy, guys," Tails said.

"Why not? We'll take them out, easy as cake," grinned Sonic.

"Don't you mean pie?"

"Yeah, easy as pie. Like I was saying," Sonic continued, "it'll be a piece of pie."

"Don't you mean a piece of cake?" Shadow asked him.

"You know what I mean!"

"Well," Tails told them, "they are armed with guns… and we aren't."

"Pah! I can dodge a thousand bullets whenever I choose!" bragged Shadow, thrusting out his unremarkable chest.

Sonic pulled out a gun and shot him in the chest.

"AGH! You FOOL! What was that for?" cried Shadow, rolling around in pain.

"See, you couldn't dodge even one puny bullet," Sonic chuckled. "How could you even hope to avoid one thousand?"

"Why else would they shoot one thousand bullets at me unless they didn't hit me the first 999 times?" Shadow groaned, clutching his wound.

Sonic scowled.

"SONIC!" howled Knuckles angrily. "It was already five against four! Now, with Shadow as severely injured as he is, it'll be five against three! And they have guns! We're doomed!"

"There is an easy solution to this," Sonic told them. "When all seems hopeless, there is one way out that can guide us down any path…"

"Oh yeah? What?"

"You just have to believe in the little children's hearts," Sonic told them happily.

Shadow's eyes gleamed with fury.

Seconds later…

"Well, that was the beating of a millennium," groused Sonic, dusting himself off and getting up from fragments of walls and furniture. "At least it didn't keep me from fighting."

That was when his back gave out.

"OWCH!" he hollered as his back let out seven loud cracks and he collapsed to the floor. "Agh! It's hopeless! We'll never manage to fight them!"

"Sonic," said Shadow in a friendly manner, draping an arm around the blue one's shoulders, "you gotta hold your head up high when life rains abuse on you! No matter what, you just gotta keep your chin up and don't dwell on the past!"

"All right, thanks!" grinned Sonic, standing tall and proud as-

THWACK!

"AGH! What was that for?" shrieked Sonic.

Shadow, who had just smacked Sonic upside the head, grinned. "Don't dwell on the past, Sonic! Walk with your head held high! Don't let the abuse of life get to you!"

So Sonic sat there, boiling mad, while Shadow smacked him around. Finally, when he put his hands in front of his face, Shadow kicked him in the groin.

"ARGH!" said Sonic, falling on his back. He paused. "Hey- my back got right again! Ah ha! We're back in business!"

SMACK!

"That's the spirit!" grinned Shadow as Sonic clutched his face in agony. "Now, let's show those guys a thing or two… about the power of being straight!"

"They still have guns," Knuckles pointed out.

"We'll dodge 'em," Shadow said dismissively. Knuckles hit him in the face.

"The fight's starting now," a manager guy told them.

"All right, just have the announcer tell us when to come in," said Sonic.

"We're doomed," moaned Tails. "Goodbye house…"

"Oh shut up, we'll be fine," Shadow growled.

They could vaguely hear a somehow familiar voice doing the announcing.

"In the pink corner we have the Fab Five… the Queer Eye crew!" the announcer hollered, to wild applause from gay guys and women. "These men are outnumbered significantly today, so our best fighter will be joining their ranks this evening."

"THEY outnumber US?" roared Sonic. "Of all the scams! This announcer is clearly biased!"

"He must work for the show or something," Knuckles growled.

"And in the blue corner, we have the Meddlesome Four… the Sonic losers!" said the announcer. "These four, deservedly the underdogs, shall have the misfortune of losing this evening." A laugh track played for some reason, as if this statement was at all humorous.

Sonic angrily charged through the door into a vast arena. They stood on a wrestling ring. The Queer Eye guys stood in the opposite corner, guns in hand. The "best fighter" was not in sight yet.

Sonic's eyes scanned the crowd. There was Amy, blowing kisses and cheering in a nauseating voice. There were all his fans, cheering him on, and a bunch of Queer Eye fans. But it was the figure sitting in the announcer's stand that really made Sonic angry.

Eggman.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

THE REVOLUTION IS HERE

Go to my profile page if you want to know more. The Sonic the Hedgehog section will never be the same. But it's for the better. I want to see some reviews about this.